Crushed

by Brigid McMahon

  She smirks. "Wanna trade?"

  I know she's joking, because Kim does not share. Ever. There is an unspoken rule in our group that once Kim's, always Kim's. That's why no one goes after Jason, because Kim would never allow it. She might not want a guy anymore, but she's not about to let any of her friends have her sloppy left overs.

  "I don't know, I'm seriously thinking of breaking up with Patrick," I tell her.

  Kim grabs her lap top and stares at me. "To go with who? Jesus, Taryn, there's no one available right now."

  I shrug. "So? Maybe I'll just have a break from boyfriends for a while."

  "Oh, my gawd!" She slams her locker shut. "Prom is in like, two months! You have to keep Patrick around at least that long."

  We head for my locker, passing some of the basketball players who ogle us on their way by. "I'm sure I can get a date for Prom," I tell Kim.

  "Like who?" Kim demands. "Seriously, just keep Pat for now. I'm sure he's not that bad."

  "No, he's worse!" I open my locker and an avalanche of shit falls at my feet. At the same time Patrick and Jason leap from behind a garbage can where they've apparently been hiding, filming the whole thing on Patrick's cell phone.

  "What the hell!" I glare at them as they crack up and high five each other. "Seriously? Oh my God, Patrick! What are you, twelve?"

  "Totally lame, morons!" Kim tells them. She helps me pick up the mess and stuff it back into my locker.

  "Oh, come on!" Jason grabs me from behind and lifts me off the floor. "That was funny!"

  "Put me down, asshole!" I get out of his grasp and hit him hard on the shoulder. "And why are you filming this? Turn that thing off!"

  Patrick is still laughing, his cell pointed right at me. "Babe, it's a joke, you know? This is for our YouTube channel!"

  "Stop filming me or I'll flush your stupid phone down the toilet!" I make a menacing move towards Patrick and he puts his phone away.

  "What YouTube channel?" Kim asks.

  Jason drapes an arm over her shoulders. "Pat and me got our own channel now. 'JayPat'! We do pranks and shit. It's so cool!"

  "Oh my God." Kim snorts with laughter and nudges me.

  "I don't want to be on your stupid channel!" I glare at Patrick but he grabs me and plants his lips on mine.

  "Mmmm, bubble gum, yum!" He goes in for another kiss but I dodge him. I'm so damn sick of being mauled every morning.

  "I have to get to class!"

  "We're not walking?" Kim slides her arm around Jason's waist and I wonder where Ryan is?

  "Nope, not today." Before any of them can stop me, I rush off to Mr. Hayes' room. I'd rather spend my morning with him over Jay Pat!

  ◆◆◆

  "Emily Dickinson." Mr. Hayes walks around the classroom – no he doesn't walk, he glides. I can't take my eyes off of him, his entire body has got this sensual vibe that oozes from every pore. I swear I can smell it. I'm having trouble sitting still, he makes me squirmy but in a good way.

  "This woman was a mystery." He continues speaking, holding the textbook in his hand but looking around the room at each of us. "She was a notorious reclusive, she rarely left her house. Yet she may, and probably did, have many love affairs that were kept private." His blue eyes fall on me and I suddenly can't breathe.

  He gives me a half smile then walks past my desk while my eyes fall to his awesome tight ass. "So, what else did you learn about Miss Dickinson in your reading?"

  No one says anything, and Mr. Hayes looks slightly disappointed.

  "Come on guys." He winces and cocks his head at us. "Don't tell me you didn't actually do the reading last night."

  I'm trembling but I raise my hand. My teacher's eyes fall on me once again and he nods.

  "Yes...Taryn, right?"

  My face breaks into a smile. He finally got my name right!

  "Yes, um, Emily only had ten of her poems published in her lifetime." I clear my throat and continue. "She had a passion for Botany and her father was a United States Senator. Oh, and um, she didn't get along well with her parents. Her mother was cold and her father didn't have a lot of respect for female scholars."

  Mr. Hayes walks back to me. "Very good, Taryn." He taps his fingers on my desk and then turns to the rest of the class. "See, at least one of my students does what I ask!" He smiles and the bell rings.

  "Alright, read pages 210 to 215 for your homework and be prepared to discuss tomorrow please. Don't let Taryn be my only favorite." He gives me a wink and goes back to his desk.

  Holy crap! He called me his favorite!

  I gather my books as Pam rolls her eyes at me.

  "Brown noser!" she hisses but then smiles on her way out.

  I pay Pam no attention, stopping by Mr. Hayes's desk while everyone else files out.

  "Um, Mr. Hayes?"

  He sits down and looks up at me. "What's up?"

  "Are we still meeting after school about the school paper?"

  His brow furrows for a moment. "Oh, that was you?" He looks surprised but then grins. "Oh my God, I was trying to remember who you were! Jeez, I called you Karen didn't I? I'm so sorry!"

  I shrug but I'm melting under his smile. "It's okay. So, um, after school, in the library?"

  "Sure thing!" He leans forward, his forearms on his desk. "Thank you for actually doing the reading homework by the way. I do appreciate it."

  I shrug again. "Well, it is what we were assigned, right?"

  He laughs. "That doesn't seem to matter to some people. You're a good student, Taryn. Teachers like that. I like that."

  And I like you. I realize I'm staring and feel the flush creep up my cheeks.

  "I should get going. I have algebra."

  "Right. Okay, see you in a few hours, Taryn."

  I float from the room; I don't think my feet even touch the floor.

  ◆◆◆

  "I think I'm in love." I lay on my bed, staring up at my ceiling, while Kim digs through my closet. She wants to borrow a top she insists I bought last week but hell if I know which one it is.

  Kim snorts and looks at me over her shoulder. "With Patrick?"

  Now it's my turn to snort. "Oh my God, no! Do you know he stacked my locker again, this afternoon? He's so damn immature!"

  She laughs and finally finds the shirt she's looking for. It's an off the shoulder tight blue thing with sequins. Jesus, I don't remember it at all!

  "So, who's the lucky boy?" She flops on my bed and I sit up.

  "Mr. Hayes." I giggle.

  Kim rolls her eyes. "So basically, you're like all the other girls in the entire school?"

  "Yeah." I can't stop picturing his handsome face and how he gave me his full attention at our meeting after school. "He kept touching my hand while we talked about the school paper."

  "Oh, my Gawd! Your hand???" Kim puts both hands to her face. "However did you not climax??"

  "Shut up!" I snap at her sarcasm. "He's so cool. I wish I wasn't his student."

  Kim gives me the side eye. "Taryn, if you weren't his student, he wouldn't give you the time of day. He's only flirting with you because it doesn't mean anything. Get real already."

  I bite my lip. Why does she always have to be such a bitch??

  "Whatever." I decide to change the subject. "So, what about you and Ryan? Is he coming to Kyle's party Saturday?"

  "Yeah, probably. Ugh, I'm so bored though. I might break up with him before that."

  "That's kind of mean!"

  Kim smirks. "Why? I don't want to be bored all night. I'd rather go with Jason. Besides, you say the same shit about Patrick."

  I shake my head. "My situation is completely different. And Jason's your ex!"

  "So?" Kim jumps up, my shirt in her hand. "Jason is hot and Jason likes to fuck. I know that for a fact. If I don't get some serious sex soon, I'm going to lose my mind. Ryan's like a little kid. I mean, he's cute and all, but oh my God, do you know he still watches cartoons?"

  Shit, I watch cartoons too. "Wow." My mind is turning.
Ryan might soon be available. Hmmmm.....

  "I gotta go. Jason's supposed to text me later. Maybe we can do some sexting." She gives me an impish grin and waves on her way out.

  I lay back on my bed and let my mind wander back and forth between Ryan and Mr. Hayes, my own impish grin on my lips.

  ◆◆◆

  Parties. They used to be kind of fun, back in Freshman year when we all started going to them. Someone would sneak in some beer in or we'd raid their parents liquor cabinet and we'd all smoke cigarettes without inhaling, pretending to be so cool and hot. But now, to me at least, they feel more like a chore. Like I have to go to them because of the crowd I hang with. Kim insists on it.

  What one wears to a party is almost as important as the party itself. Kim looks the best of course, with a silk peek a boo blouse that shows off her ample tanned cleavage and denim shorts that barely cover her ass. I'm just wearing a burgundy crocheted cami and a pair of stonewashed jeans with sneakers. I might not be showing much but I think I'm more comfortable than most of my female friends who are all showing off various amounts of boobs and skin.

  Tonight's party is at Kyle Drayton's house. Kyle is on the football team and pretty cute with his blond hair and green eyes. He's going with Pam and is an okay guy I guess. The party is in his basement and overflowing out onto the patio and into the pool. There are two kegs and we grab our red Solo cups and then Patrick runs off to find Jason. Kim and Ryan are arguing and not wanting to watch the latest train wreck, I find myself a quiet corner to nurse my beer.

  The music is loud and not to my style, I'm more of a Katy Perry/Taylor Swift girl and this stuff is all club music and techno crap. I watch Kim and Ryan fight and then she storms off and he wanders over to me, looking glum.

  Ryan flops down on the loveseat beside me and runs both hands through his wavy hair.

  "You guys keep fighting." I sip my beer and watch him. He's totally pissed.

  "I know." Ryan's voice is tight and he cracks his knuckles one by one and starts snapping his fingers. I think the guy has ADHD or something. He can't ever seem to sit still.

  "Do you really like Kim?" The beer is making me brave.

  Ryan turns to look at me, his blue eyes serious. "I do. I love her. But she can't stay away from Jason. I don't understand why!"

  "Maybe you should just find someone else, Ryan." I give him what I hope is a flirty smile but he just scowls at me.

  "I don't want anyone else, I want Kim!" He jumps up and storms off.

  Patrick reappears suddenly with his stupid phone out, filming me.

  "Babe, Babe." He sticks the thing in my face. "Get up and dance and I'll film you. You know, like a sexy thing."

  I drain my beer and flip him and his camera off. "Go away with that thing!" I get up and go outside for some fresh air.

  A bunch of people are in the pool, others are making out on the lawn furniture. I look for a place to just get away and see a familiar face across the lawn. Manny is sitting on a bench, holding a beer.

  "Hey," I go over to him and sit down. "I didn't know you'd be here."

  He looks at me with hard eyes. "Why? Because you didn't think I'd be invited?"

  I ignore the snark in his tone. "I didn't know you and Kyle hung out."

  "I'm on the football team. And the wrestling team." He says. "You apparently didn't know that?"

  "No." But then I remember seeing Manny on the sidelines during football season and smile. "Oh yeah, you're like the backup quarter back, right? Mostly on the bench."

  He glares at me and takes a long drink. "Yeah, not someone you and your friends would even notice, right?"

  I get how snotty that sounded and wince. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that."

  "What did you mean it to sound like then?"

  Open mouth, insert foot. "Just, I don't know. Just talking I guess."

  Manny stands up, crushing his empty beer can against his thigh. "Well don't. Not to me anyway. I wouldn't want you to lower yourself to speak to a peasant like me!"

  "Manny!"

  He storms away and I just sit there. Jeez, is this why he's always so pissy to me? He thinks I act better than him?

  "AARGGGGGGHHHHH!"

  I nearly jump out of my skin as someone screams and grabs me in the dark.

  Patrick has me in his arms and is laughing his ass off while Jason comes from behind a nearby tree with that fucking cell phone again.

  "Oh my God, that was awesome!" Jason falls to his knees cracking up and a bunch of people come running to see who's been murdered.

  "What the fuck is wrong with you two?!" I jerk myself from Patrick's arms and start slapping him but he easily dodges me, still laughing.

  "Come on babe, lighten up!" Patrick tries to touch me but I slap him again.

  "This is gonna go viral, man!" Jason keeps filming me and I push my way through the laughing crowd and run around the house to the street. I'll walk home if I have to. I am so fucking done with this.

  "Taryn!" Ryan pulls his Beamer up beside me and looks at me with concern. "You okay? I'm heading home if you want a ride."

  Without answering I jump in the passenger seat and he peels off down the street. Kim will be mad as hell but I don't care.

  "What happened?"

  I can feel Ryan's eyes on me in the dark but I stare out the window. "Patrick and Jason filmed me looking stupid. It's going to be all over the internet. I fucking hate them!" I wipe a stray tear from my eye.

  "Jeez, that sucks." Ryan lays a hand on mine and squeezes. "Maybe your parents can stop it?"

  "I can't bring them into this, it will be even more embarrassing!"

  Ryan removes his hand and stares at the road. "I think Kim's going to dump me."

  "I'm sorry, Ryan." I glance at him in the dark. I can see the angular profile of his face. I pull my eyes away because I really want to kiss him right now, and I hate that I can't have him. That I can't even try to get him. Or can I?

  I take a deep breath. "Ryan..."

  "Hmmm?" He puts the radio on low and some wordless music comes on. I don't know what it is but it has a nice tune, soft and relaxing, kind of mystic like.

  "Kim is going to break up with you." Fuck. I said it. But doesn't he deserve the truth?

  For a long time he doesn't respond and when he does his voice cracks. "What, did she say that?"

  "Yeah." I tell him softly. We've come to our neighborhood and Ryan pulls over to the side of the road before we get to my house.

  "Did she say why?" His voice is strained and I hope to God he doesn't start crying.

  "Um, she said you don't want to have sex."

  Ryan laughs, but it's the kind of laugh that isn't funny. It's a pissed off laugh.

  "Seriously?" He taps his fingers on the steering wheel in agitation. "That's her actual reason? That I won't go all the way with her?"

  I turn in my seat to face him. "If it makes you feel any better, I won't have sex either, till I find the right person. Patrick gets mad at me all the time for it."

  "Oh, I'm like you, then?" Ryan is seriously pissed now. "So, I'm a girl!"

  "No, Ryan, it's not like that." I put my hand on his forearm. "I'm just telling you I understand how you feel about it. We have more respect for ourselves than that, that's all."

  Ryan doesn't shake my hand off so I lower it to his thigh and he just sits there, staring out into the darkness. I gently rub his knee hoping he gets my intention. If I get a kiss from Ryan it will make up for the entire shitty night.

  When he remains silent, I boldly reach up and stroke the side of his face. He's got a few zits but even they can't take away from his beauty.

  "Tell me what you're thinking," I whisper. Holy crap, with the sensual music and the dark and his broodiness the moment is full of sexual tension. At least on my part.

  Suddenly he grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly, turning to face me. "I'll do it then," he says.

  "What?"

  "Sex. With Kim. If that's the only I can hang o
nto her then that's what I have to do. I can't lose her." He releases my hand and gives me a big smile. "Thanks, Taryn. You really helped me tonight."

  Fuck.

  I sit back in my seat as he throws the car into gear and drives on to my house. He drops me there and takes off, not to his own house a few doors away, but back down the street. Back to the party and Kim.

  And I go inside, alone.

  Chapter Three

  Patrick wakes me up the next morning, calling on my cell. I don't want to answer it, but I know the boy well enough to realize he'll just keep calling and texting until I talk to him.

  "What?" I snap.

  "Babe." He sounds contrite, but I don't care. Oh, I just want to be done with him.

  "I'm still pissed at you." I sit up in bed and rub my tired eyes. I didn't get much sleep, but at least it's Sunday, which means I can lay out by the pool and work on my tan while I nap.

  "I'm sorry." Patrick is using his little boy voice, which pricks at my very irritated nerves. He sounds so stupid. "I wuv you."

  But I don't wuv you, Patrick.

  "Forgive me?"

  I purse my lips. Kim sent me a bunch of texts before I went to bed, ordering me to make up with Patrick, reminding me about Prom and other parties and how Patrick is the only thing available right now.

  "Yes, I forgive you. Now I gotta go, I have to pee."

  "Love me?"

  "Yes, I love you. Bye, Patrick." I hang up and rush to the bathroom.

  ◆◆◆

  Mom and Ethan are both home today, at least for now. They're sitting together in the breakfast nook having coffee when I come down in my suit with a towel over my arm.

  "There she is, Miss America!" Ethan grins at me, and Mom laughs.

  "Good morning," I pour myself some orange juice. "I'm gonna lay out all day and do nothing."

  "Sounds like a plan," says Ethan. "Your mom and I are going sailing later."

  Mom smiles up at me. "Why don't you come, Taryn? I feel like we never see you!"

  "Well, maybe if you guys stayed at home once in a while..."

  Mom's smile falters at my snide tone. "You know you're always welcome to come with us."

  I roll my eyes. I'm in no mood to be nice today. "No, thanks. I don't like being the third wheel."