Only Love Can Heal

by Rosie Harris

  Restored to her favourite role, Mabel Sharp was once again in her element. She had secretly begun to wonder if there would ever be a baby entrusted to her care. Now her days, and nights, were fully occupied. Robert was full of praise for the way she looked after his son, and even went as far as to tell her so before he went back to his unit.

  With such a competent nanny, Kate found she had plenty of time on her hands. When she had first come home from Cyprus, in the weeks before Russell was born, Robert had written almost every day. His letters had been full of tender messages, and sweet reminders of the things they had done together. She had kept them all and now, from time to time, when the separation became almost unbearable, she read and re-read them, trying to recapture the wonderful sense of unity with Robert that she had known in Cyprus.

  Now, the letters they exchanged were mostly about Russell. Much as she adored her baby, Kate longed for the old closeness between herself and Robert. She frequently felt as if there was an immense gulf dividing them, the same as there had been during her mother’s illness when Robert had been in Germany and she had been at home in England. When she woke in the early hours of the morning to feed Russell, vague doubts cluttered Kate’s mind. Afterwards, when she had changed him and laid him down to sleep again, replete and rosy, she would find herself remembering Maria and wondering where Robert was and what he was doing.

  And yet, she knew such doubts were unfounded and that she had only to read her daily paper to know that the crisis brewing in the Middle East was the reason for Robert’s preoccupation. Ever since August, there had been problems with Egypt’s President Nasser over the Suez Canal and Robert had been involved in a full-scale military alert with no possible hope of any leave.

  When Russell was four months old, Kate decided that perhaps it was time she returned to Cyprus. The thought of a bungalow on the beach at Akrotiri was certainly tempting since, in England, it was already proving to be a cold, wet winter. She even suggested to Mabel Sharp that she might like to go with her.

  ‘You would love it out there, Nanny. Plenty of sunshine! Do you good, you’ve worked so hard looking after Russell.’

  ‘All that heat and flies and foreigners everywhere won’t do a young baby any good at all,’ Mabel Sharp protested. ‘Much better for him to be brought up here. Why don’t you go and leave him here with me.’

  ‘Leave my baby behind!’ Kate was aghast at the thought.

  When she mentioned to her father that she was planning to join Robert, he looked just as doubtful as Mabel Sharp had done. The arthritis in his hips had become progressively worse so that now he found it difficult to walk any distance and the baby had become an important part of his life. Kate could see that the idea of being separated from Russell did not meet with approval.

  ‘You could come as well,’ she suggested.

  ‘I am too old to travel that far in my state of health,’ he said firmly.

  ‘The warm sunshine would ease those aching joints,’ Kate persisted. ‘You could more or less shut this place up. Someone could come up from Home Farm a couple of times a week to check everything was all right …’

  ‘No!’ The old note of authority was back in his voice as he straightened up, towering over her, his brows knitted angrily. ‘This is my home and I’ll see my days out here.’

  ‘I’m not asking you to leave here permanently,’ Kate snapped, ‘only to take an extended holiday. As I see it, it would make sense if we all went out to Cyprus for the rest of the winter instead of sitting here shivering. It would give Robert a chance to see something of Russell now that he is beginning to sit up and notice people. Do you realise, Robert has only seen Russell once since he was born!’

  But Sir Henry stubbornly refused and so too did Mabel Sharp. Kate felt torn between pleasing them by staying where she was at Walford Grange or taking Russell to Cyprus and joining Robert.

  When she finally made up her mind and told her father that she intended joining Robert, immediately after Christmas, he was aghast.

  ‘You can’t be serious, not with things the way they are out there,’ he told her sternly. ‘Haven’t you read your paper or listened to the radio?’

  ‘Of course I have, but it will soon calm down again.’

  ‘You can’t possibly travel out to Cyprus now,’ Sir Henry said firmly.

  Kate’s mind was made up and she fully intended to go. When she made her application, however, it was turned down. EOKA, the underground Greek terrorist movement, had stepped up their campaign of violence on the island in an attempt to force the British into giving them independence. And, in addition, there was war between the Israelis and Arabs along Egypt’s Sinai peninsula.

  Kate said nothing to her father but read the newspapers assiduously in the hope that things would sort themselves out and her application would be reconsidered. She wrote frantically to Robert for news but he was not very reassuring.

  As Christmas drew nearer, Kate became more and more restless.

  ‘I’ve decided to stay in England until the New Year,’ she told her father, ‘but then I intend to join Robert.’

  ‘Impossible! There’s a war going on out there.’ His arthritis was decidedly worse and his nerves were frayed and his temper extremely short.

  ‘If you mean the Suez Crisis well that is all settled now,’ Kate argued.

  ‘Settled! Anything but settled, I can assure you.’

  And, of course, he was right. The strategy behind Anthony Eden’s thinking had been considered wrong right from the start, and in December, following a cease-fire, the British troops pulled out, the Suez Canal was closed, and the Russians took over. There was now no question of her joining Robert in Cyprus and she could only hope that it wouldn’t be too long before he was home on leave again.

  Not only did she feel that her place was out there with him but she was missing him acutely. The months she had been in Cyprus before Russell was born had been filled with fun and laughter and nights of loving and now, although she had the most wonderful baby in the world, it wasn’t enough. She needed Robert as well. Without him life was incomplete.

  By the time Robert returned from Cyprus, Russell was almost two years old. A sturdy miniature replica of his father, with a shock of burnished gold hair and brilliant green eyes. Already, he sat his pony confidently and chattered volubly, and was in danger of becoming the kingpin around which the entire family and staff at Walford Grange revolved.

  Russell idolised his father from the moment they were re-united. And for his part, Robert seemed to want to spend every minute of his time with him. Just watching them together, so very much alike, even to the way they walked, brought a lump to Kate’s throat and tears to her eyes. She had been rather afraid that after so many years of leading almost a bachelor existence, Robert would resent the intrusion of a child, but in that she had been quite wrong. He was so inordinately proud of his son, and so eager to comply with the child’s slightest whim, that she was sometimes worried in case Russell became spoiled.

  Kate’s fears proved unfounded and as Russell got older, the closer he and Robert became. When Robert was away, Russell missed him sorely. Too brave to cry, because he was a ‘soldier’s son’, Russell would be silent and withdrawn, shunning Kate as if he blamed her for his father’s absence.

  ‘It’s a pity you didn’t have a daughter,’ Eleanor consoled. ‘I know I find Melany far more amenable than Geoffrey. Already we share so many of the same interests that I am quite looking forward to her being in her teens. A girl would have been more company for you. It is still not too late’, she added speculatively.

  For a long time, Kate hoped much the same thing but it seemed it was not to be. She talked to Doctor Elwell about it but his only advice to her was to let nature take its course. So there was nothing she could do but sit back and watch as Robert tried to mould Russell more and more into his own image and the magic slowly went out of their own relationship. All his energies and love seemed to be concentrated on Russell.

 
Sir Henry also idolised Russell but, because of his ever increasing arthritic disability, he was frequently crabbed and tetchy. When he was in pain he preferred to keep to his own room. Russell had surprising patience with his grandfather and was often to be found with him playing chess, backgammon or dominoes.

  As Sir Henry became more and more crippled, Robert talked incessantly about leaving the army and helping with the running of Home Farm but Sir Henry continued to resist the idea violently. Kate, caught in the middle, watched with growing dismay as the old feud was rekindled.

  Robert flung himself into local activities on every possible occasion. He became an enthusiastic patron of a variety of events and she noticed that these days he seemed to be able to take leave almost to order.

  He began to show a keen interest in equestrian events, whether it was riding to hounds, or organising a gymkhana. He encouraged Russell to join the local pony club and take part in competitions. He insisted that they should be the ones to provide Cups that could be awarded annually not only at the various equestrian shows but also at the annual Flower Show.

  ‘As one of the largest landowners around here it is our duty to give people as much encouragement as we can,’ he maintained. And because Sir Henry was now too incapacitated to attend such events, it fell to Robert to present these trophies, a task he undertook enthusiastically, almost as if he was the ‘lord of the manor’, Kate thought angrily.

  When such thoughts came into her mind she tried hard to dismiss them, reminding herself that since Robert was at home more frequently it was only natural that he should want to involve himself in local affairs. In her heart she knew the real reason behind his interest and found it increasingly difficult to watch in silence as he went out of his way to cultivate the friendship of anyone he thought might be useful in promoting his image locally.

  Even though he had now been promoted to Lieutenant-Colonel, Robert still talked of resigning. In his new post, his time was divided between Chelsea Barracks or Wellington Barracks, in London, or at the Guards’ HQ at Pirbright. This meant he was at home most weekends and often for the odd day, or evening, during the week as well. And to make his travelling easier, Robert had bought himself a stylish black and grey high-powered Riley motor car.

  Although Robert was leading a much more flexible life, Kate found herself more and more confined to Walford Grange. Her father suffered a series of strokes which left him frail and partially paralysed. She felt so worn out with nursing him that she barely noticed the cooling off between Robert and herself. A brief kiss and he would be snoring peacefully while she lay there half-awake, listening in case her father needed her.

  Chapter 17

  General Sir Henry Russell died in his sleep in April 1966. He was eighty-one and for the last five years of his life had been confined to a wheelchair.

  In spite of his physical disabilities, he had held on to the reins of Walford Grange right up until a few days before his death. Greg Paxton, his Farm Manager, called each morning to discuss what needed attention. At five-thirty each evening he came back again to report progress and Sir Henry’s mind was so astute that nothing was ever overlooked.

  As Kate sat in the morning room, filled with bright spring sunshine, reading her father’s obituary, tears blurred her eyes. It was the sort of day he had loved, the garden bright with daffodils and tulips, against a background of magnificent pink and white blossom trees.

  His funeral had been a very impressive occasion, with full military honours. The village church had been packed to capacity. General Sir Henry Russell’s coffin, draped with a Union flag, his cap lying on top of it, had been carried by six high-ranking Guards officers, led by Lieutenant-Colonel Robert Campbell. Guardsmen had lined the path from the church to the cemetery and a trumpeter had played the ‘Last Post’ as the coffin was being lowered into the family vault.

  That was more than a week ago but Kate still missed him sorely. Although he had been demanding and irascible during his declining years, the great house seemed empty without him and she wondered what the future held in store.

  She sighed as she looked out over the flower-filled garden to the rolling fields beyond. Robert had been so obviously disappointed by her father’s Will. She had known for years that Robert dreamed of the time when he would be in sole charge at Walford Grange. In recent years he had put a great deal of effort into preparing for his forthcoming role. Whenever he was home on leave, he had taken an active interest in local events, building up a rapport with neighbouring landowners, determined to become an integral part of the local community.

  At times his behaviour irked her, since when they had first been married, Robert had shunned not only her close friends, but most of her own set and had openly mocked what he termed their narrow conservative ways. Now, it seemed, he couldn’t get enough of their company and for the most part they seemed to reciprocate readily enough. Kate wondered if their attitude towards Robert would change when they learned that Walford Grange had been left solely to her in trust for Russell.

  As if to offset this, a few months after the General’s death Robert plunged into a round of entertaining that left her both exhausted and bewildered.

  ‘If you find it too much for you then we must get in some more staff,’ he told her when she complained that it left her more tired than nursing her father had done.

  ‘But do we need to offer hospitality on such a scale?’ she asked bemused.

  ‘Of course we do. You’ve had hardly any social life since we’ve been married! I want to make up to you for all the years when you’ve been shut away down here with so little happening. All those years of looking after your mother and then, almost immediately afterwards, having to nurse your father, have been very trying for you.’

  ‘It’s not been much fun for you either,’ she smiled apologetically as she reached up and stroked the side of his face.

  He pulled her close with a fierce savagery that startled her. The emerald glint in his eyes stirred her senses. As their lips met, they were both transported back to those early days when their passion for each other had been so great that it had surmounted all obstacles.

  They made love with such intensity that she was filled with a momentary dizziness. Robert was as exciting a lover as ever and she felt as light-spirited as a young girl.

  Kate wished she could hold on to this precious moment forever. All too soon it passed and Robert was back on his hobby-horse, planning events that could be staged at Walford Grange and would bring them into the limelight.

  His striving for local recognition was coupled with his intention to leave the army. The more she thought about his retirement the more apprehensive she became. It would mean that he would be at home all the time and with his boundless energy and organising ability she was concerned what changes this might make to her own lifestyle.

  She didn’t agree with Robert that she led a dull, uninteresting life. She was able to fill her days with as much social activity as she needed. Eleanor had persuaded her to become involved with various local charities and so she now sat on several committees.

  Robert’s appointment to Colonel, far from reviving his interest in the army, seemed only to make him all the more determined to retire.

  ‘This place needs me here all the time,’ he told Kate. ‘It is not practical to leave the running of the entire Estate to a manager.’

  ‘Greg Paxton does a wonderful job,’ she argued.

  ‘Gregory Paxton is way behind the times. The whole place needs to be reorganised. Most of the machinery ought to be updated and the methods we employ need to be streamlined.’

  ‘Sounds rather a tall order. I am not sure that it will meet with Greg’s approval.’

  ‘Since he is only an employee he can either do as he is told or leave,’ Robert said firmly.

  ‘But Robert, he has been at Home Farm all his life. His father was Bailiff here. Greg was actually born at Home Farm,’ Kate argued.

  ‘Then it probably is high time there was some ne
w blood around the place,’ Robert answered sharply.

  ‘You are not suggesting that Greg should be dismissed, are you?’ Kate asked in astonishment.

  ‘He has the choice. Either he does things the way he is told or he must go,’ Robert told her decisively.

  ‘My father would turn in his grave if he thought Greg was no longer in charge of the Estate,’ she said shocked.

  ‘Perhaps if Sir Henry had run things more efficiently than they are today the place would not need an urgent programme of revitalisation.’

  ‘How can you say that?’ Kate blanched. ‘My father devoted himself to improving the land and the herd. It was his pride and joy …’

  ‘His methods of farming were archaic, very little different from ones your grandfather used. He still believed in old-fashioned principles. He discouraged the use of insecticides and refused to try out any of the more recent innovations.’

  ‘When he made me trustee I am sure he didn’t intend that I should make such radical changes,’ Kate argued.

  ‘It’s the only way to preserve Russell’s heritage,’ Robert told her sternly. ‘Look,’ he went on persuasively, ‘why don’t you take care of the domestic side and leave me to run the Estate? And talking of the domestic side,’ he added firmly, ‘the way I shall be running things here in future will mean that there will be money to spare for improvements to the house. The entire place needs refurbishing and smartening up. It’s time we spent some money on it.’

  ‘You are probably right about the house,’ Kate smiled. ‘Things do grow shabby over the years but when you are living in the midst of them you don’t really notice it happening.’

  ‘And much the same happens to us. We could probably both do with smartening up,’ Robert laughed heartily. ‘It is time we started spending some money and having a good time, neither of us is getting any younger.’

  ‘You talk as if we were both in our sixties,’ Kate remonstrated.

  ‘You are turned forty, my dear, and I am almost fifty,’ Robert reminded her.