Damaged Love

by Riann C. Miller

  I suddenly feel like a tiger ready to pounce on my prey, only my prey seems to be all too willing.

  Rachel closes the distance between us, causing my nose to breathe in a smell that’s uniquely Rachel. Clean and sweet, almost like berries and cream. This smell is something my senses have grown to like and almost need over the last week.

  She slowly reaches out and starts to rub my dick from the outside of my underwear. A deep groan catches in my throat. Rachel must take that as a green light because she slips her hand inside and wraps her fingers around my shaft. I drift forward, almost towering over her, but in this moment, she’s the one who holds all the power.

  Her hand starts to move up and down in perfect movements while a war battles in my head. I close my eyes to briefly hide the sight in front of me, only to have Rachel tug down my briefs before she places me in her mouth.

  “Holy...shit.”

  I’m attempting to think about anything other than Rachel sucking my dick in hopes of dialing down my excitement. Months...it’s been months since I’ve had any action other than my own hand, but her mouth is warm and tight. She runs her tongue up and down my shaft before she sucks me deep into the back of her throat. If I don’t stop her then our fun will be over all too soon. I regretfully pull back and out of her mouth. After a deep breath, I look down into the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen, and my legs almost give out.

  “That was amazing, but I couldn’t take any more unless your goal was to finish me off that way,” I state with a smirk. Rachel stands up and moves into my arms. I reach around her and pick her up bridal style and walk the two of us back to her bedroom.

  I place her down on the bed and quickly pull her panties off then toss them on the floor. I slowly move up between her legs, spreading her open with my hand then sinking a finger inside of her.

  Rachel lets out a heavy groan, which has me adding another finger. She’s wet...very wet, and I badly want to replace my fingers with my dick when a thought comes crashing down on me. I don’t have a condom.

  When I meet up with my two regulars, I usually call them hours before I want to meet them. Therefore, I’m always prepared. I purposely don’t keep condoms in my wallet to avoid the urge to have casual sex.

  I groan in frustration and pain as I pull my fingers away. Her eyes dart open. “What’s the matter?”

  I exhale a long, disappointed breath. “I wasn’t expecting this—at least not this soon—and I don’t have a condom with me.” I do nothing to keep the defeat out of my voice.

  “That’s okay. I have us covered.” Rachel’s quick answer causes me to freeze. I like Rachel. I even trust her, at least as much as I’m willing to trust a female, but she’s flipping crazy if she thinks I’m going to have sex with her without using protection.

  “I don’t think so.” I tear my gaze away from hers. “I haven’t had sex with a lot of women, but until I’m happily married, I don’t have intentions of having sex without a condom.” The tension in the room is heavy, and when I look back at Rachel, I’m taken aback by the anger in her expression.

  Rachel moves away from me before climbing off the bed and leaving the room. Slowly, I get up and follow her out to the living room where I find her slipping back into her clothes. Knowing our night is over, I follow her lead and pull my underwear back on, waiting for her to say something.

  Moments later, Rachel clears her throat and looks at me, frowning. “I keep condoms in my bathroom. I wasn’t asking nor would I want you to not use one,” she faintly states.

  A sinking feeling takes over. I thought it was a universal code when a woman says she has it covered that she means she’s on the pill, which is something I wouldn’t want to risk, at least not at my age, and definitely not with someone I haven’t known for very long.

  “I’m sorry I made assumptions. That’s not cool of me.”

  “No, it’s fine. I get it.” My eyes light up as I start to walk toward her when her words cause me to stop. “I’m not good at holding grudges, but the mood is kind of shot now.” An awkward silence falls between us. As much as I would like to have sex with Rachel, I don’t want our first time to be tainted by my foolishness.

  “I agree. Maybe if I’m lucky, you’ll let me kiss you goodnight then allow me to see you again tomorrow.”

  Rachel raises an eyebrow and grins at me. “Yes you can come over tomorrow, and just FYI, if the mood hits us, I keep a box of condoms under the sink in the bathroom.” I grind my teeth, thinking about why Rachel needs to keep condoms handy. Of course this would have been nice to know before I opened my mouth and inserted my foot, but I can’t stomach the reason she has them in the first place.

  “Then I’ll see you tomorrow,” I reply as I give her a soft kiss on the lips before I head to the door. When I look back over at Rachel, my eyes scan over her features. Every inch of this woman appears to be amazing. Now I just need to make sure I don’t fuck up what might be a perfect relationship.

  JET

  I KNOCK ON RACHEL’S DOOR the next day only to be greeted by Russ. “Hey, man, come on in. Rach is in the shower,” Russ says before he shoves a spoonful of food into his mouth.

  I obviously don’t care, but it seems fairly early for her brother to be visiting. “You’re out and about rather early today,” I casually state.

  “I could say the same about you, but, nah. I crashed here last night,” he replies with a smirk. “I met up with a girl last night, and I was hoping to crash at her place since Cal was home, but she kicked my ass out as soon as we were done, so I came here.”

  Russ shrugs as if his comment makes all the sense in the world, which it doesn’t, at least not to me. Before I have the chance to ask him about his brother, the bathroom door opens and out walks Rachel. She’s dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, wet hair, and no makeup, and she looks a thousand times better than any other woman I’ve met.

  “I thought you said you’d call?” she sweetly questions when she spots me.

  “I was going to. I planned to, anyway, but I had to run into Kenner. I wasn’t sure how long that would take, and I guess I forgot.”

  My rambling causes Rachel to laugh. “No problem, it’s not like I had plans to leave.”

  Russ clears his throat. “I hate to break it to you, but mom’s been asking for you pretty hardcore the last few days but...Cal’s home.” Listening to the way Russ said his brother’s name, I think it’s safe to say he doesn’t like him any more than Rachel. When I look over at Rachel, her body is locked tight with tension, tension that wasn’t there moments before, leaving me to believe that Cal is a bigger issue than she’s led on.

  “Mom is just going to have to wait him out. She knows I don’t like going home when he’s there,” Rachel mumbles.

  Russ leans over and squeezes Rachel’s hand, offering comfort that I’m not able to give her...yet. “I know, and I told her that, but she’s in one of her darker spells and doesn’t remember half the shit I told her lately.”

  My stomach turns as I listen to them. I think their mom is much worse than Rachel made her sound. Russ looks over at me, and he must see the questions in my eyes.

  “Our mom is an addict with serious depression problems. You can even toss in a side of bipolar, and that would perfectly sum her up. She feels good, she stops taking the damn medicines she believes are poisoning her, then she drops low and takes everything under the damn sun except her fucking pills to feel better, and in the meantime, she’s like a tornado inside a hurricane as we’re left waiting out the storm.”

  Rachel hasn’t said a word, but she looks sad. Really sad. The need to touch her, to offer her some type of comfort takes over. She turns away from Russ and wraps her arms around my waist as I hold her against my chest.

  “I better get home.”

  Rachel sighs and turns toward her brother. “Sorry I’m bailing on you again. Let me know when Cal leaves, and I’ll come by and see her. In the meantime, tell her I’m working, but I’ll come out and take her picture if sh
e takes her meds.”

  My heart fucking breaks for these two. They’re kids, but they’re very much acting like the parents. “I’ll do my best, sis, but I gotta go. Who knows what I’ll walk in on if I stay gone any longer than I have.”

  “Nice to see you again, man.” I shake his hand, hoping to express my appreciation for how well he’s looking out for Rachel.

  “You too. Take care of her for me,” Russ says as he pulls the door closed, finally leaving me alone with Rachel.

  “I’m sorry about your mom.” Rachel waves off my comment. “Let’s not talk about her.” I frown. “Really, her behavior is old news. Let’s go out and do something fun.” Rachel forces a smile, and I’m more than ready to get out of this apartment where I can put a real smile on her face.

  “I have an idea. Grab your stuff and let’s go.” Rachel picks up her purse and camera and is ready to leave as is. No makeup, no need to fuss over her hair, she’s just ready, and that pleases me in a way I wasn’t expecting.

  * * * *

  “Oh my God, this place is amazing. I’m so happy I grabbed my camera,” Rachel says in awe. I brought her to Solstice Canyon. This is a special place for me. My dad started bringing me out here when I was just a little kid. The walking trails, waterfalls, the old buildings...nothing here gets old. To me, Solstice Canyon feels like a harmonious piece of history tucked away in a crazy overpopulated area.

  For the last thirty minutes, I haven’t been able to see Rachel’s beautiful eyes because her camera has been in front of her face nonstop. She’s making new memories, memories that I’m a part of seeing as I watched her snap a few of me. Only time will tell if I’m sticking like glue or only passing through. A huge part of me is wishing for the first.

  “I could spend hours here taking pictures.” Rachel finally gives her camera a break. “Thank you for bringing me out here.”

  I walk over and wrap my arm around her shoulder. “You’re welcome. How long did you say you’ve lived here?” Rachel talked about living in Florida, but I can’t remember the details.

  “I was born in California. We moved to Florida when I was five, and we moved back out here when I was around fifteen. And, no, in the last three years no one has brought me anywhere near Solstice Canyon.” Rachel leans her head on my shoulder while we look out over my favorite peak. From here, you can see the ocean, but you also have a clear view of the grassy hillsides.

  Rachel picks up her camera and turns it around to face us. She looks over at me, causing me to turn and look at her. Slowly, I lean down, brushing my lips against hers at the same time I hear the camera click. A smile forms on my face thinking about the picture she captured.

  “Nice.” I laugh.

  “I hope I actually got us and not our chest.” Rachel grins.

  “Why did your family move back and forth?” I ask.

  She turns her beautiful face away from me to answer. “My mom left her family behind and moved to California when she was my age. She had big plans to become an actress, but instead, she hit it big modeling, mainly swimsuit modeling. Then she met my dad, got pregnant, and never modeled again. Photo editing didn’t exist back then, at least nothing like what we have today. Mom had stretch marks and no one wanted a model that wasn’t picture perfect.” Rachel’s body goes tense. Clearly, this is a sore subject in her family.

  “My mom went off the deep end and my dad only looks out for himself, so when he was offered a job in Miami, we packed up and moved. Honestly, I don’t want to give my dad any credit, but I think he hoped she might snap out of it being away from all her Hollywood friends, but she didn’t. She got worse.” Rachel’s tone was flat and disconnected, something I don’t care for.

  “Why don’t you take a few more pictures then we can go grab some lunch?” Rachel leans in and gives me a quick kiss before she grabs her camera and firmly places it in front of her face. I glance at the ocean one last time when I hear Rachel’s soft voice. “Thank you for sharing this place with me. If I were to come back here even when I’m old and gray, I’ll still remember today...being here with you.”

  This is my favorite place in the whole world, and good or bad...I’ll always remember today—the day I shared a part of my heart with Rachel Ashmore.

  * * * *

  I brought Rachel to a beachfront restaurant that borders on relaxed, which is exactly how we’re dressed. From the second we sat down, Rachel seemed agitated. She’s either chewing on her lip or twisting in her seat.

  “Are you okay?”

  “What? Yes. Sorry, what were you talking about?” Rachel’s nose scrunches with a confused look.

  “I wasn’t. I asked you if you were okay,” I reply as my eyes thin. Rachel messes with her napkin, clearly trying to avoid my question.

  “Rachel?”

  “Oh, no. I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Her voice is higher than normal, and her answer seems fake...way too fabricated for my liking. She’s not trying to please me. She’s trying to avoid telling me what’s bothering her.

  I stay quiet for a beat before I give up and try again. “Rachel, seriously, what’s up? You seemed fine just a few minutes ago.”

  She clears her throat but shakes her head. “Nothing, I promise.” She’s lying, I just can’t figure out why, but for now...I’ll let it go.

  “Between work and school, I’m not sure I’ll get to see you this upcoming week.”

  Rachel’s face relaxes when she realizes I’ve changed the subject. “Oh. That sucks, but I understand. I actually have a lot of homework I need to do, and I’m sure I’ll spend hours playing with the pictures I took today.”

  “You enjoy that. Editing your own pictures, I mean?”

  Rachel’s eyes sparkle. “Absolutely. I love messing around with pictures almost as much as I love actually taking them. My degree, when I earn it, will be in business, but I wish it were photography. But that doesn’t seem very practical.”

  You can hear and see the passion Rachel feels when she talks about photography and it’s inspiring.

  “What’s your dream? To make money taking pictures or would you rather be famous and have them displayed somewhere for the world to view?” I can already see the wheels spinning in her mind as her excitement boils over.

  “Mahatma Gandhi said ‘Glory lies in the attempt to reach one’s goal and not in reaching it.’ One day, if a picture I take is considered famous or is displayed somewhere, then great. For now, I want to enjoy the journey that takes me there.”

  Minutes pass, and neither of us says a word. I know I have to be staring at her in awe because this woman is miles beyond any other female her age, at least any I’ve met. Maybe it’s from years of taking care of her mother, but my heart is telling me it’s just how she is made, and the need to know more...the need to make her mine is at an all-consuming high.

  Rachel gives me a breathtaking smile, finally breaking the silence. “What?” she says with a laugh.

  “Not many people our age would be worried about their journey, just their ending. Your attitude amazes me.”

  “I know all about looking at your ending when you still have a long journey to travel. That about sums up my childhood, but now...now I want to slow down and enjoy the path I’m on.”

  Rachel’s eyes travel across the restaurant and land on an older man. He’s dressed head to toe in money, but something about him screams creepy. What really bothers me is how his eyes won’t leave Rachel.

  “Excuse me. I’m going to use the restroom.” Rachel stands up and walks off as our waiter appears with our meals.

  “Can you tell me who the man sitting directly across from me in the dark blue shirt is?”

  Our waiter casually looks around then turns back to me. “That’s Dennis Scott. I believe he owns a small media company or something like that.” I could pick up on the sneer in his tone.

  “He looks like a creep,” I add, hoping to jar some more information out of him.

  “I don’t know about that, but I heard he’s a crapp
y investor. Although, every time he comes in here, he’s always acting like he has money.” Crappy investors are usually the first to act like they have more money than the people around them.

  “Thanks,” I reply as our waiter walks away. I’ve never heard the name Dennis Scott before, but I definitely don’t like the way he was watching Rachel.

  I’m brought out of my thoughts as Rachel sits down across from me. “Are you okay?” Her bright blue eyes shine as she looks at me.

  “Yep, I’m fine.”

  She looks at her food with a smile before she starts eating. “Thank you again for today. Maybe sometime when my mom is having a good day I’ll take her out there. Sometimes when the mood is right, my mom can still appreciate the small things in life.”

  My heart tightens at the idea that she wants to share the same place that is beyond special for my dad and me with her own mother.

  “You should. You should take her there sometime. Maybe Russ could help you or...” I pause. I want to make a place for myself in her life, but I don’t want to take away from a special moment she could have with her mom. “Or I could go with you if Russ isn’t available.”

  Rachel’s face goes soft as she reaches across the table and places her hand in mine. “Thank you. Maybe you and Russ can go with us.”

  “Sounds perfect.” Rachel moves her hand back to her side of the table as I turn my head toward the creeper, but I notice he’s gone. And just like that, my nerves settle.

  “When we leave here, I’m afraid I’m going to have to take you home. I really need to get down to Kenner before Henry, my boss, sends out smoke signals for me to return.”

  “Oh, okay. I hope I didn’t keep you longer than you planned.”

  I was planning on stopping by Rachel’s for a few minutes to chat and make sure the tension from last night was gone, and somehow we managed to make a day out of it. I’m not complaining in the least, but I’m not about to tell Rachel this and make her worry because, truthfully, I wouldn’t change today for anything.

  “You didn’t keep me from anything. I’m only hoping this week isn’t too crazy. I want to see you again and soon.”