Damaged Love

by Riann C. Miller

  “Anytime, Jet. You have my number and my address, and you’re welcome to stop by whenever you want,” she says with a beautiful smirk that I’ve grown to love.

  JET

  THE ENTIRE WEEK FLEW BY in a flash, and I didn’t get the chance to see Rachel. Most of my week was filled with endless hours working at Kenner. I’m nervous to tell my dad that working there and going to school is more than I think I can handle. I’m concerned he’ll make me step down from Kenner and focus on school, but if I’m being honest, I’ve learned more with Kenner Technology in the last three months than I have in four years of high school and the endless college courses I’ve taken over the years.

  My other fear stems from the fact that he’ll likely notice I had the time to focus on both work and school before I started seeing Rachel, and giving her up isn’t an option I’m willing to consider. So, for now, I’m going to suck it up and try to juggle all three the best I can.

  Fridays I have one afternoon class, then I go to Kenner, which leaves my mornings open. Like normal, I got up and went to the gym to work out. When I got home, I saw my dad’s car in the driveway, which is uncommon this time of day, excluding the weekends. After looking around and not finding him, I decide to take a quick shower. Almost an hour later, I spot my dad sitting on the sofa with his head between his hands. Instantly, I know something is terribly wrong.

  “Dad?” he pops his head up, and the look of devastation on his face guts me. “What’s going on?” I ask as every horrible thought passes through my mind.

  Dad starts shaking his head, mumbling something about everything being wrong. “What are you talking about? What’s the matter?”

  Dad jumps to his feet and starts pacing the room like a caged animal. “I can’t believe this happened. I never knew. I swear I had no idea, but even if I did...Goddamn it!” he shouts as I catch a whiff of alcohol on his breath.

  In nineteen years, I’ve never seen my dad drink, not even at the few company parties he’s held at the house, let alone the fact that it’s still extremely early in the morning for anyone to be drinking.

  “Dad, talk to me. What’s going on?”

  He tilts his head to the side as his haunted eyes lock with mine. “She was pregnant, too,” he says just above a whisper.

  “Who was pregnant?” Dad turns his face toward the window, and when he finally looks my direction again, his eyes are glassy.

  “Jane. I loved her, but I couldn’t keep her and keep you, so I chose you.” My whole body coils with tension.

  “I chose you and not a day has passed that I’ve regretted that choice, but now—fuck, now I have some serious explaining to do.”

  That’s no shit because I have no fucking clue what he’s talking about. “Dad, why don’t you try explaining what the hell is going on?” I did my best to keep my growing frustration from taking over.

  “Your mom and I were getting a divorce. We were split up for a few months when she told me she was pregnant. She gave me one condition: we stay married and raise you together, or she was going to terminate the pregnancy.”

  My world suddenly feels like it’s stopped. Everything he said is news to me. I had no idea that my parents had a time when they weren’t happy. I guess this shouldn’t be too shocking after I learned that my mother was unstable enough that she killed herself, but at the same time, I’ve never pictured my parents as anything other than a happy couple.

  Dad clears his throat, gaining my attention. “Except, I didn’t know...I met a woman. I fell in love with the most amazing woman. Seeing life through her eyes was like a breath of fresh air. Jane wasn’t in my life long, but I loved her. I still do.” My dad looks completely defeated. He’s talking about loving someone, but I want to get back to the part where he explains who else was pregnant.

  “Dad, what didn’t you know?” I gently question, causing him to groan.

  “I didn’t know about your sister.” I gasp. I’ve always, and I mean always, wanted a sibling. Every year my dad would ask me what I wanted for my birthday, and every year I would say a brother or a sister.

  And now he’s telling me I have one?

  “My sister?” I repeat in shock.

  “Jane, she was pregnant. The day I told her I was returning to your mother was the last time I saw her. She never came to tell me she was expecting my baby, just...nothing.” His sad voice trails off.

  Wait a second. “How do you know she had your child if she never told you?”

  “Kansas called and told me.” His eyes flutter closed while I’m trying to make sense of his comment.

  “Who called you?”

  “The State people!” he hollers.

  “Jane did a crappy job of taking care of our daughter. She wrapped herself around a tree and left our daughter all alone.”

  Fuck me, it’s official. He’s not making any sense. I guess if my dad is a shitty drunk then it’s a good thing he doesn’t drink often. “She wrapped herself around a tree?”

  He groans in frustration. “No, she wrapped her car around a tree. She was a drunk who didn’t take care of our daughter. Jesus, Jet, what am I going to do? She’s so damn beautiful and innocent, and I’m not sure she’s going to be able to forgive me.” The pain he’s feeling is clear as day. However, I’m still extremely confused. I’m certain he’s not completely crazy, drunk maybe, but not crazy.

  “She looks exactly like her mother. At first, I thought it was some kind of sick joke that Jane set up. A way to get back at me for leaving her because there’s no way I could have a daughter that I didn’t know about. It just wasn’t possible, but the test confirmed it. She’s mine. And when she discovers the life we’ve lived compared to the crappy one she’s had...she won’t forgive me.”

  My body physically tightens as I listen to him. My dad is a successful businessman, but he’s always been a father first. He’s never missed a moment in my life, not to mention he was always the one home, personally taking care of me when it would have been easy to hire someone to help him.

  “How old is she?” I finally ask when I can’t take the silence any longer.

  “She’s a few months younger than you,” he responds under his breath. I have a sister who’s practically the same age as me.

  “Dad, where is she living now?”

  He looks up at me and whispers, “Here.”

  “Here? What do you mean here?”

  “She’s living in the dorms at UCLA. She has a job at a coffee shop right off campus.”

  I have a sister who lives only minutes away from me?

  A wave of emotions crashes into me. “What’s her name?”

  “Nikole McKenzie.” My whole body goes solid when I hear her first name paired with our last name. Suddenly, everything feels real.

  “Why is she living in the dorms and not here with us?”

  His eyes widen in panic when he hears my question. “What? No. Wait. I haven’t even...” He stops and loudly swallows.

  “She doesn’t know who I am.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I hiss as my blood starts pumping even faster.

  “I’ve tried but I can’t...I couldn’t. Jet—she won’t understand.” I take a deep breath. He’s upset, and he’s been drinking. Clearly, I need to tread lightly, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to sit back and pretend I don’t have a fucking sister.

  “I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you go lie down and rest a while? I promise when you get up, everything will be better.” Dad nods his head, thankfully agreeing with my request. I help him to his room where he lands on the bed then rolls over to his side. His eyes are open while he stares at the wall, completely lost in his own thoughts. I start to walk out of his room when I see a file lying open on his dresser.

  There, staring straight back at me, is a picture of a beautiful blonde who I think might be my sister—and my dad wasn’t joking before—she’s stunning but in a sweet, almost innocent way. Behind the picture is a piece of paper with her dorm number and the add
ress to the coffee shop she works at.

  My dad has been in a strange mood for weeks now. The more I think about it, it began before the summer started, which leads me to believe his mood is directly connected to learning about my sister.

  Like it or not, I’m about to open a door that can’t be closed because today, Nikole McKenzie is going to learn she has a brother.

  * * * *

  My stomach twisted in knots the entire drive to the coffee shop. The idea of telling someone something this important has my nerves on fire.

  My dad was clueless that Nikole existed, but I have no idea what she does or doesn’t know about him, and I’m praying her head hasn’t been filled with lies.

  I casually walk in, ignoring the fact that my heart feels like it could beat out of my chest, and look around. Instead of spotting the girl from the picture, a cute brunette comes to the counter to take my order.

  “Can I help you?” The brunette bats her eyelashes at me while giving me what I’m sure she thinks is a sexy smile.

  “Yes, I’m looking for Nikole.” I attempted to sound confident, like I know for a fact she’s here when I actually have no idea if she’s working at the moment.

  I glance at the picture I stole from my dad’s file before scanning the café.

  “I’m here to take care of you,” she purrs. “So tell me, what can I do for you?” If I were actually here for coffee, I’d play along until I received my order, but I don’t have time for this chick’s games.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be rude. I’m not here for coffee or to flirt with you. I just want you to go get Nikole for me, please.”

  She finally gets the hint, rolls her eyes, then storms off, knocking herself straight into the girl I think is my sister. Nikole, or at least the girl I think is Nikole, looks up and her eyes lock on mine. She slowly takes me in from top to bottom with an unclear expression masking her face.

  “Welcome to Cup of Joe, can I help you?” she says in a rehearsed voice.

  “Yes, I believe you can.” I pause, trying to force the words out of my mouth, but stumble over my words. “Can we talk? I mean, can we...do you have a break or something coming up?”

  Nikole’s expression morphs from annoyed to shocked that I would boldly ask her to spend personal time with me. “Look, I’m not single. I actually have a...” She pauses like she wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence when suddenly an understanding comes over me. She thinks I’m asking her out.

  “Oh, no. No. I’m not trying to hit on you, I swear. Believe me, you’re the last person I would ever hit on,” I whisper, and by the look on her face, I guess I insulted her.

  “Look, just say whatever it is you want because I don’t really have time for this.” Her harsh tone causes me to panic.

  “What time do you get off work?” I ask.

  Telling her I’m her brother at a coffee counter doesn’t seem right.

  “Um, yeah. I’m not telling a complete stranger what time they can find me leaving work. Seriously...get lost.” I’m equal parts proud that she’s willing to stand up for herself and her safety, and I’m also terrified of what will happen if she walks away without listening to me.

  “I need to speak to you, Nikole McKenzie, please. It’s important. Extremely important,” I plead.

  Slowly, her eyes come back up to mine, searching for something as she finally nods her head yes.

  “I get off in two hours. If you want to talk, we’ll do it here with an audience.” With that, she turns and walks away.

  * * * *

  Rather than leave and risk missing my chance to speak to Nikole, I sat in my car in the parking lot. As excited as I am about really meeting my sister, my heart is missing Rachel. Knowing I have time to kill, I decide to phone her. Hopefully hearing her voice will be enough to calm the war that’s waging in my head.

  “Hello?” I almost hung up when she answers out of breath.

  “Hey, what’s going on? You sound winded.” My eyes narrow waiting for her reply.

  “That’s because I am. I’m at my parents’ house. I was downstairs watching my mom while Russ is out on a date.” I almost laugh because it’s very early in the day to be on a date. I’m guessing Russ is skipping the dinner and movie portion and going straight for dessert.

  “Why does that translate to you being out of breath?” I question.

  “My mom is in a mood, and there’s no telling what you’d hear if I stayed in the same room as her. Hence me running up to my old room,” she quietly replies in a somber tone.

  My heart aches for Rachel and Russ and everything they endure due to their family. “I’m sorry.”

  “Hey, none of that. I moved out and left this for Russ to deal with every day. It’s only fair that I come back and help him out and allow him the chance to have fun, too.” I hold back my sigh. Rachel nor Russ should have to deal with their mother’s wacky behavior. This is their father’s problem, and if he needs help, then he should pay someone and not expect his children to come running home to take care of her.

  “I have a sister,” I blurt out, looking to change the subject.

  “What?” Rachel asks in a confused tone.

  “Long story short, my dad found out he has another child—a girl. She’s only a few months younger than me, probably close to your age. I found out where she works and I’m waiting for her to get off so I can tell her that she’s my baby sister.”

  Rachel laughs at my comment. “Does that mean I’m a baby if we’re the same age?”

  Her question causes me to groan in frustration. “Okay, no comparing you to my sister—that’s just not okay on any level.” Again, she laughs, and for a few moments, my world feels right. I’m talking to the girl that’s quite possibly captured my heart while I’m waiting for my sister—someone I’ve dreamed of for years—to get off work. Shit, my heart feels fuller than I can ever remember.

  “I better let you go. Who knows what trouble my mom has caused while I’ve been talking to you.” This time I heard her sigh, and I would give anything to take her problems away.

  “Okay, I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Good luck with your sister, and you better give me the long version later.” A smile forms on my face at hearing someone other than myself say I have a sister.

  “I will. I’ll call you soon.” I disconnect the call, and I wait out my time until I can properly meet Nikole.

  * * * *

  RACHEL

  I snap my phone shut and turn toward the door when I hear it quietly close. Instantly, the blood in my veins runs cold when I see Calvin, my oldest brother, standing there, watching my every move.

  “I heard you came home,” he says with a smirk on his face.

  “I didn’t. I’m not home. I’m only here to take care of Mom. I’m leaving when Russ gets back,” I nervously ramble as his eyes continue to take me in.

  “You look good,” he casually adds, causing me to panic.

  I’m in my old room...a room that holds horrible memories...memories that include him.

  Sweat starts to form on my skin as I desperately try to think of a way I can avoid being alone with him for a second longer. I clear my throat. “Umm. I need to check on Mom.”

  Calvin grins. “You know—” Mom cuts him off as she drunkenly storms into the room, almost hitting him with the door.

  “There’s my baby,” Mom coos at me like I’m a toddler. “Put on your suit. We’re going swimming.” Her eyes light up in delight. I can’t handle Mom in the pool by myself, but right now, this is my only escape.

  * * * *

  JET

  I wait for what seems like forever. My nerves are on edge, my stomach is turning, and for the first time in years, I’m stressed about something other than work or school. I glance at my watch when suddenly I hear someone clear their throat.

  “Okay, I’m here. What now?”

  I glance up at Nikole, who doesn’t look the least bit happy to be standing next to me. I smile and dig up some mu
ch-needed courage. “We’re related. My last name is McKenzie, too.”

  Her annoyed expression disappears as a look of confusion replaces it. “What?” She barely breathes out her question before she starts shaking her head no like she doesn’t believe me.

  “You’re my sister.”

  She loudly gasps and places her hand over her chest. “No...No...I don’t—”

  “You are,” I interrupt. “My name is Jet McKenzie, and I have the most amazing dad in the world. He’s been there for me every step of my life, but lately, something hasn’t been right. Today he came home, and I found him in a drunken mess, rambling on about how he didn’t know he had another child...you.”

  I’m not exactly sure what I was expecting, but it was somewhere along the lines of excitement maybe laced with happiness. However, Nikole doesn’t look anywhere close to pleased.

  “Why are you telling me this?” she snaps, causing my eyes to narrow as I attempt to process her question.

  She has a father, my father, and instead of being happy with this information, she looks heartbroken. “You have a father and a brother who love you without even knowing you. Why wouldn’t I tell you about us?”

  Tears form in her eyes and seconds later one falls. “Your father, he has money? Does he dress like you? Drive a fancy car? Have an amazing job?” She pauses to give me the chance to answer her questions, but suddenly I don’t want to.

  “You probably live in a huge house with a maid.” Again, I don’t say anything when I remember my dad’s words.

  She was a drunk who didn’t take care of our daughter.

  Shit. I heard my dad, but I didn’t process what that meant for Nikole, and moments before I told her what a great father we have—the one I had while growing up.

  “Nikole, your mother never told him she was pregnant. He had no idea, I swear. He’s a hot mess and anyone who’s ever met Nick McKenzie would tell you that doesn’t happen. He’s the most down to earth, easy-going man you’ll ever meet, but right now he’s at home in bed, sick with worry about how you’ll react to him.”