Damaged Love

by Riann C. Miller

  We quickly make the drive back to her house in what feels like a blink of an eye. I want to come up and stay the night, but my dad told me he convinced Kole to spend the night at our house, and I don’t want to skip out on her first night at home.

  “Are you coming in?” she asks with excitement, and maybe even lust laced in her voice. Shit. I told myself that I would never treat Rachel like she was a convenient arrangement, the kind I had before I met her, and if I go up to her room, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing, which is why I regretfully shake my head no.

  “Oh,” she whispers as her face falls.

  “I want to. God, do I want to, but I need to get home, and I don’t want to cheapen what we have by going up there, getting off then going home,” I blurt.

  Rachel pins me with a harsh stare. “The only people who can cheapen what we share is us, but you’re right. If you aren’t going to stay, then I would rather you not come up.”

  That was my plan from the beginning, but now it seems wrong that I’m going to head home and leave her. I break down and tell her what’s going through my head, hoping she’ll understand why this is important to me. “I haven’t slept with a lot of women, but the ones I have...they were friends with benefits. I promised myself that I’d never treat you like that, and that’s what it would feel like if I went up and then left afterward.”

  Rachel’s eyes roam over my face before she finally locks them with mine. “I’ve had guys make me feel cheap before. I’ve had guys use me because it was convenient. Treating me like I’m only here to serve a purpose, walking away the second he’s done, so I appreciate that I’m different to you.”

  I frown, scanning her face for any sign that she might be joking, but I don’t find one. Her words...gut me. They completely slay my good mood from earlier.

  “You have me now. You’ll never have to worry about being treated like shit again,” I promise with every ounce of my soul.

  Rachel leans in and caresses the side of my face. “Thank you. And one day...if you don’t feel the same way...I won’t blame you,” she whispers.

  Her comment is more than I want to deal with right now. With everything going on in my life, I want to push anything negative out, which is exactly why I don’t respond. Instead, I lean forward, catching her lips with mine and delivering her one hell of a goodnight kiss.

  * * * *

  By the time I arrived home Saturday night, Kole was already in bed. I did see her the next day, and the three of us ate a light breakfast together. She seems to be slowly snapping out of the funk that her douchebag ex left her in, but she’s still way too skinny, and she hardly ate anything at breakfast. However, she’s starting to open up to our dad, and as long as she’s talking to someone, I’m not going to interfere.

  Three days have passed since I last saw Rachel. It’s now Tuesday afternoon, and my body and mind are starting to go through another round of withdrawals.

  Kenner’s launch date is officially set, and everything seems to be happening fast—faster than even Henry was expecting—and the amount of hours I’ve spent in the West Star building has begun to eat at my nerves.

  Today, I stopped in to get some coffee before heading back to Kenner when I spot Rachel sitting a few booths back from where I first saw her here. Instead of ordering, I make my way over to her.

  “Fancy running into you here,” I greet her as I lean in and kiss her cheek.

  Rachel blinks a few times as she appears to be clearing her head of her previous thoughts. Uneasiness takes over as I sit down across from her.

  “Are you okay?” I ask with care.

  “Huh?” she blinks several times.

  I wait until she looks at me. “I asked you if you’re okay, which clearly isn’t the case. What’s going on?”

  Rachel shrugs her shoulders and picks at the napkin in front of her while I wait for her to answer. “Rachel?” A wave of emotions hits me. I can tell something is bothering her, and I’m more than ready to be the person she leans on.

  “I went home to check on my mom. Russ told me she’s been more agitated than normal. I thought maybe her meds were off, but when I showed up, I found my dad there.” She shrugs. “My parents don’t share some magical love story. Honestly, I’m not sure if either one of them has ever loved the other one.” Rachel tears her gaze away from me and back toward the table, still picking at her napkin.

  “My dad has another place he stays most of the time. He only goes home when he’s trying to make a point.” Her eyes look sad, almost lost.

  “What point is he trying to make?”

  She puffs out a frustrated breath. “My dad is always in control. He always has the final say. That’s his point.” Tears form in her eyes. “Can you do me a favor?” her voice cracks.

  “Absolutely. I’d do anything for you.” Our eyes lock, and I see the agony she’s feeling.

  “Spend the day with me. Let’s go to the beach, put our feet in the water, and spend the rest of the afternoon under the sun making memories.”

  Shit. I do not have the time to blow off Kenner. I’ve already missed more time than I should have lately, but my heart won’t allow me to turn her down, especially after I told her I would do anything she asked.

  “Okay. Let’s go make memories.”

  JET

  I TRIED TO IGNORE THE anxiety that was rolling off Rachel and give her a day she won’t soon forget. We stopped at a store and bought everything we needed to spend the rest of the day on the beach: swimsuits, towels, even a large umbrella to sit under. When we were finally settled, the uneasiness I felt earlier melted away as Rachel started acting like her normal, carefree self. Naturally, Rachel had her camera on her, and she hasn’t stopped taking pictures since we arrived.

  “If you had one wish, what would it be?” she asks unexpectedly.

  I chuckle. “I don’t know. Why do I only get one wish?”

  My question earns me a beautiful smile. “When you get only one wish, it forces you to pick the most important.” Rachel rests her head on my shoulder as she stares out at the ocean.

  “Okay, oh wise one. What is your one wish?”

  Her eyes sparkle when she looks up at me. “I never want to forget the memories I’ve made. I want to keep them stored right here.” She pats her chest over her heart. “And keep them safe forever. Sometimes people get angry and try to retract the emotions that go with the memory. My wish is to keep the ones I’ve made, the ones I’m making safe, just the way they are.”

  I stare at her, completely lost as to how someone with such a kind heart managed to get stuck with such a crappy family. After everything she’s been through, her only wish is to remember the good parts.

  I’m brought out of my thoughts when I hear her camera snap while she has it pointed at me. “Another memory captured,” she adds, looking amused with herself. I brush my hand through her hair, focusing on how wonderful it feels having her in my arms.

  “Will you promise me something?” she asks.

  “Sure,” I reply, knowing there’s not much I wouldn’t do for her.

  Rachel swallows and looks up at me with a huge smile on her face. “When you think of me, remember today. Forget all the hustle and bustle that life delivers and remember this. The sun, the sand, the wind in our face, and just remember how today we slowed down and enjoyed something as simple as sitting on the beach and soaking up the day.”

  Her words feel important, and I can tell to her they are. My gut tells me there’s more to what she just said, but I also know being around her family, other than Russ, upsets her. And right now, I’m hoping to God that’s all she’s referring to.

  “I promise,” I finally answer, bringing her hand up to my lips and softly kissing her. “Hopefully we’ll have many more days like this one that we can look back on.” I want to make it clear that I didn’t like where she was going earlier with her comment.

  After we stare at each other for a few minutes, I decide to change the subject. “Do you want to rent su
rfboards and go surfing?”

  A look of horror crosses her face. “No. I would fall and hit my head and end up drowning. I’m on borrowed time as it is. I don’t need to rush things any faster.”

  I laugh at her very dramatic answer. “Okay, no surfing, and unless you failed to tell me you’re dying, then no one is on borrowed time,” I add as she snaps another picture of me. I shake my head, pretending to be annoyed, but honestly, I’m starting to get used to her constant need to take pictures.

  She finally sets her camera down, and we lay back and stare up at the clouds, joking around about what we both think the clouds look like when I hear Rachel’s stomach growl from hunger.

  “Okay, our day of memory making at the beach is over, at least for now. You need food,” I add while I jump to my feet and start packing everything we bought.

  We make it to my car when Rachel stops in front of me. “Thank you for today. I know you’re busy, but it means a lot to me that you gave me this.” Her voice is back to sounding mournful.

  I wrap her up tight in my arms. “Stop thanking me for being with you because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. Now let’s go get dinner. We can go back to your place afterward, but I can’t stay all night.” I’m trying my hardest to let go of the idea that it’s all or nothing.

  “Dinner then my place for as long as you can stay,” she quickly replies.

  We get in my car and leave our sun-filled day at the beach behind us while I’m hoping to make our night just as memorable.

  * * * *

  “How are you doing?” I ask Kole, who’s sitting on the sofa in our living room.

  “I’m good,” she weakly answers. I know she’s lying. I would never say this out loud, but she looks like shit. Her face is sunken in, and she looks like she’s lost more than fifteen pounds since I first met her.

  “Tell me his name. I know I’ll feel better once I give him a nice dose of his own medicine.” I clench my fist together. I don’t know who she was married to, and dad won’t tell me, but I would love to track this guy down and release some of the anger I feel every time I look at my sister, and I’m not a fighter. I’ve horsed around with my friends, but I’ve never been in an actual fight, but that won’t hold me back if I find out the prick’s name.

  “I love how much you want to protect me, Jet, but you can’t, at least not when it comes to this situation. The damage is done, and I’ll get over it sooner or later.” She frowns. “If I’m being honest, I think I’ve come down with something. I feel like crap, and that’s not helping.”

  Now that she mentions it, I agree with her. She doesn’t just look skinny, she looks sick. “Get your ass to the doctor then so you don’t end up in the hospital again,” I bark.

  I never anticipated I would have a sister, and now that I do, I want to do everything an older brother would, including taking care of her even when she’s not asking for my help.

  Thankfully, Kole nods her head, agreeing with me, but other than that, she doesn’t say another word about her ex. “Nick said you’re dating a girl?” she smoothly adds, looking to change the subject.

  “Yeah. It’s new, but I really like her.” I take a deep breath, not wanting to rub my relationship in her face.

  “Good,” she says, resting her head on her hand.

  We start talking about less important things when dad walks in, taking in the two of us sitting here chatting. His expression is a mix of happiness and misery while he stares at us. We both lost out on a lot not knowing about Kole, but I know it’s affecting dad a lot harder than me.

  “We were talking, and I was telling Kole she needs to eat.” My tone earns me a scolding look from my dad.

  “I’m eating, I promise,” Kole nonchalantly replies without looking at me.

  “Jet, Kole is fine. She’ll tell us if and when she needs our help.” Dad gives me a look that’s screaming for me to shut up.

  My feet bounce on the floor while I force myself to stay quiet. I know dad is equally worried about her. However, he’s also afraid we’ll run her off by being too pushy.

  “If it’s okay with you guys, I’m going to head back to my dorm and take a nap.”

  I groan. “Nap here. We have several extra beds.”

  “Jet,” Dad warns.

  “I’ll be fine, and I promise I’ll come back soon.” Even as weak as she appears, she’s still trying to make me happy. This is how Russ and Rachel treat each other. No matter what the other one is feeling, they protect each other at all costs.

  “I’ll see you guys later.” Kole gets up and leaves me alone with my dad, who if I had to guess by the expression on his face, is not too happy with me at the moment.

  “Look, I know what you’re going to say, but that doesn’t mean I agree with you. She might need time to bounce back from this prick, but that does not mean I’m okay watching her completely fall apart, and that’s exactly what’s happening. We’re her family, and I believe she’s starting to think of us as family, but I won’t watch her slowly kill herself.”

  Dad’s eyes close in pain. His pain stems from not only just learning she exists but because he’s not able to magically fix her problems.

  “I agree, but we can’t force her to snap out of anything, Jet. She married this man. That means she undoubtedly loved him. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love, and you don’t just snap your fingers and get over it. Everyone deals with loss in their own personal way. I’m worried about her too, but for now, back off and don’t give her a reason to reject us.”

  I groan loudly. I don’t for a second think Kole is going to reject us, but evidently, my dad doesn’t agree. “Okay, but that doesn’t mean I won’t kick this punk’s ass the second I get a chance.”

  We stare at each other for a long moment before my dad smirks and shakes his head. “I talked to Henry again. Everything looks on track. He said he was thinking of pushing up the launch date again.” I can hear the pride in my dad’s voice.

  Yesterday, I avoided Henry as much as possible because I was expecting him to be pissed that I blew off work the day before, but when he stopped me, he said the launch looks like it will be pushed up again—making it only about six weeks away. I’ve finally started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

  Henry is worried that someone else will attempt to provide a similar product at the last minute, possibly with a lower bid, but that’s not going to happen.

  “That’s awesome. Henry’s transponder is going to change the internet, that’s for sure. I hope he gets the credit he deserves.”

  “Stay focused. This is one hell of a project to put on your résumé ,” he adds.

  My dad has enough money that I’d never have to work a day in my life, but that’s not how he raised me. I’ll always have a job, but his money only ensures I’ll have more opportunities than most would.

  “Absolutely. Don’t worry about me, just...take care of Kole.” Dad gives me a genuine smile then nods his head before walking out of the room.

  * * * *

  I called Rachel on my way home from work, but she didn’t answer her phone. My need to see her outweighed the thought that I shouldn’t show up unannounced.

  I knock on her door several times, and right as I’m about to give up, she cracks open the door. She looks up, her lips pinched together, but once she spots me, she smiles.

  “Jet!” she greets, pulling the door the rest of the way open.

  “I called, but you didn’t answer,” I reply as my way of apologizing for showing up unannounced.

  “Yeah, sorry about that. My dad has been calling me, so I switched my phone off.”

  I can’t believe her relationship with her father is to the point that she has to shut her phone off just to ignore him. I step inside, attempting to keep my anger in check. “Tell him to fuck off and to stop calling you. Shit, it’s not like you live at home anymore,” I growl harsher than I meant to, causing her to tense. I hate the idea of anyone upsetting Rachel to the point that she goes ou
t of her way to avoid them, but I didn’t mean to act like a dick to her in the process.

  “Sorry, just hearing you talk about your dad upsetting you gets me worked up.”

  Rachel’s shoulders relax as she gives me a smile. “No, it’s okay. I get it,” she mumbles.

  I pull her tight against my chest, breathing her in. All the stress I’m under seems to melt away the second I have her in my arms.

  “I already ate dinner, but if you’re hungry, I have food I can warm up for you.” Rachel pulls out of my arms and heads toward the kitchen. Tonight, like most nights, she’s wearing a comfortable outfit. Tight yoga pants and a tank top that does nothing to hide her fantastic rack. Her dark hair is up in a messy bun on the top of her head and her blue eyes, like normal, are shining brightly. I’m hungry, but suddenly it’s not food I want.

  “I ate earlier at work,” I say with a smirk on my face, causing Rachel to laugh.

  “O...kay. What’s the look for?” she asks as I walk over and once again pull her body tight against mine where I know she can feel my erection against her belly. “Oh,” she says in understanding. Rachel reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck and brings my lips down to hers.

  I unequivocally love kissing Rachel Ashmore. Outside of us having sex, kissing her is my favorite thing to do.

  Her mouth is hot and already delivering promises of what’s to come. “My bedroom—now,” she says the second our mouths break apart. Since the first time we’ve had sex, I’ve started keeping condoms in my wallet. Protection is something I feel I should provide, but I’m on board with Rachel keeping extras in her apartment for the times when we have a few more rounds than I was expecting.

  We make it to her room while we’re both frantically undressing. Rachel pulls her tank up and off, and I momentarily pause from pushing my jeans down my legs when I see she wasn’t wearing a bra. Fuck, I love looking at her bare chest. Best damn view in the world.

  “What’s the matter?” Rachel asks in a tone that states she clearly knows why I paused.