Damaged Love

by Riann C. Miller

  My breath catches in my throat. I wasn’t lying when I said I would grow old loving Jet, but my life has changed in ways he’s not aware of.

  “Tell me. I’ve already forgiven you, but still I want to know. Tell me what your father held over your head that made you lie to me,” he asks in a sweet voice, a voice that won’t allow me to deny his request.

  “He used my mother’s illness against her, like he always did, but he knew what he needed to do to push me over the edge. He involved Russ,” I add, fading away...returning to the day my father confirmed he was actually evil and not just a bastard.

  * * * *

  I knock loudly on my father’s office door. Typically, he leaves me alone, but on the rare occasion he beckons me, I’m supposed to come running.

  “Come in,” he yells.

  I walk in and spot my father with his eyes on whatever is in front of him, not even glancing in my direction as I step inside his office.

  “You wanted to see me?”

  “Yes. Sit down,” he barks. I gave up trying to please my father a long time ago, but I also know picking a battle with him will get me nowhere. Therefore, I walk over to the empty chair across from his desk and sit down.

  He leaves me waiting while he finishes whatever it is he’s working on, then he finally looks up and gives me an evil grin.

  “I have something I need you to do for me.”

  “No,” I blurt while hopping up to my feet, ready to leave.

  “Sit your ass back down, now.” Nervously, I sit down, at least willing to hear him out before I repeat the same answer as before.

  “Like I said, I need you to do something for me.” He smirks. My father knows I hate him. For the most part, my life is nonexistent from his, until he needs something, and whenever Dennis Scott needs something, it’s never a favorable request.

  “There’s a company that plans to sell their specs on a satellite transponder to NASA in less than a year’s time. I want you to find those specs and get them to me before the sale goes through.”

  I take a deep breath and pretend to think about this awful offer for about two seconds before I pipe back with my answer. “Like I said before, no.”

  Dennis shrugs his shoulders without a care in the world while he pushes an envelope across his desk toward me.

  “What is this?” I ask with a great deal of animosity in my voice.

  “Insurance. You’ll do what I ask of you, or there will be consequences,” he growls in anger.

  “Getting this information won’t be easy. I’m giving you six months or I’ll make good on my insurance policy.”

  I open the envelope and instantly fight the urge to be ill. I have two weaknesses in life: my mother and Russ. Where they’re concerned, there’s nothing I won’t do to protect them.

  “What exactly do you want from me?” I ask with as much hatred as possible.

  “The owner of the company with the specs I want has a son who’s working on the project. Get to know him. Date him, fuck him...hell, I don’t give a damn, but get him to trust you enough that you have a way into his life. Once you earn his trust, I’ll tell you exactly what I’m looking for.”

  My resentment for this man has never been stronger. I absolutely hate him, but I hate what he’s holding over my head more.

  “Fine. I’ll do whatever,” I amend while I try to tamp down my anger.

  “I knew you’d see things my way.” Dennis pushes another folder toward me. “Everything you’ll need to know about this boy is in there.” I pick up the envelope and make my way to the office door.

  “Rachel?” Slowly I turn back to the man who helped create me, and I wonder, not for the first time, how in the hell I’m related to him.

  “If you can actually pull this off, it will show Calvin and myself how strong you truly are...but if you don’t.” He chuckles a cynical laugh that has me on alert. “If you don’t, then that picture will be released. This is bigger than you or me. Don’t allow your animosity toward me to get the better of you.”

  Once I leave his office, a panic I’ve never felt before starts to consume me.

  I’m not a bad person, but that doesn’t keep the dread from seeping in and taking over.

  * * * *

  JET

  “What was in the envelope?” I knew that asshole held something over her. The more I learned about Dennis Scott, the more reassured I was that he forced his daughter to deceive me.

  “A picture of my mom and Russ.” A picture? No, there has to be more to it than that. “What kind of picture?” I press.

  “You have to remember my mom was sick. Normal things that everyone else doesn’t think twice about weren’t normal for her,” she adds, already trying to ease the blow to what she’s about to say.

  “A little more than a year before I met you, Russ and I went to a party. He was hoping to meet the girl he really liked at the time, but when we arrived, everyone told us she was in a bedroom with one of Russ’s friends. He was pissed and started drinking a lot. Another one of Russ’s friends helped me get him home. By the time his head hit his pillow, he was already passed out.” She pauses then takes a deep breath.

  “Mom was awake and upset that Russ was sick, as she put it. I was tired and not thinking about leaving her in the room with him. She was his mother.” Rachel’s eyes slowly close, and when they reopen, she looks miserable.

  “Mom was in her bathrobe when I left her, but she shed her robe and climbed into bed with Russ. Knowing Mom, she probably thought he needed her. Either way, she curled into his body and fell asleep.”

  “Why was that a problem?” I challenge, knowing there has to be more.

  “Mom was naked,” she whispers. “Russ and I often had to demand she put on clothing. As Russ got older, it became awkward for him to deal with her when she’d insist that it was okay to be nude. Russ was always worried she’d do something like that, and it was my job to watch her that night, not his. Instead, I went to bed. I went to bed, and my asshole of a father took a picture of the two of them and told me he’d sell it to the highest bidder if I didn’t do what he asked.”

  Tears start falling down her face. “In the end, it didn’t matter. I lied to you, ruined our relationship, and Russ and Mom died because of it.”

  “Wait, what? I thought they died in a car accident?”

  She sniffles. “They did. The same night my father showed them the picture. Russ called me on my cell as he was chasing after her. She knew...God, she knew when she looked at that picture...she saw what everyone else did, that a mother shouldn’t snuggle with her child naked. She flipped out, and Russ jumped in the car, trying to stop her from doing something stupid, and they both died.”

  “God, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that happened to you, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you while you went through this.”

  She forces a sad smile. “You have nothing to be sorry about, that’s on me. Originally, I was going to do exactly what my father asked me to, but then I met you, and everything changed. My goal from then on was to be seen with you a few times, so my dad thought I was doing his dirty work while I was secretly trying to destroy that picture. Somewhere along the way, my heart got involved.” I can hear the heartbreak in her voice.

  “This is exactly what I’m talking about,” I clarify. “You’re being hard on yourself when in reality you did what anyone would have done. I’m the one who should be sorry. I discovered you lied to me, and at the time, I wouldn’t allow myself to see past that. Rachel, if I were put in your situation, I would have done the exact same thing.” And I would have. I would go to the ends of the earth to protect Kole and Connor from something like this and faulting Rachel for protecting her family isn’t something I’m capable of doing.

  Rachel reaches out and takes a drink of her water before nervously looking at me. God, even when she’s sad, she is so fucking beautiful.

  She started to open her mouth to say something else when her cell buzzes, distracting her. She looks down at her ph
one and sighs. “Damn. I have to go.”

  Panic set in as words bounce around in my head. “Wait, why? Stay. We can stop talking about the past, and we can move on to happier topics,” I ramble, trying to think of anything that might keep her here.

  She looks directly into my eyes before her words render me speechless. “My daughter isn’t feeling well. I’m sorry, but I need to go and check on her.” She grabs her purse and starts walking toward the door. Daughter. Rachel has a child. She’s a mother?

  “You have a daughter? Wow...that’s...amazing,” I finally say once I find my voice, but Rachel’s face turns down into a frown when she hears me.

  “Yes, I have a beautiful and very hyperactive four-year-old.” She stops walking and pivots back toward me. “She’s fun but also exhausting. She’s sweet until she’s not. She’s a handful, but always worth the effort. And her father is very much a part of her life, and I’ll be honest, that usually doesn’t work out well when I attempt to see someone.” She appears nervous and I’m not sure why.

  Up until this point, I thought we would talk about what happened between us, I would tell her how I forgive her, how in my heart I always have, we’d kiss, make up, and move forward. From the second Wes told me she wasn’t married, I ruled out any other element that could stand in our way, but she has a daughter with a man that’s a part of their lives.

  “I’d love to meet her,” I say, hoping to ease her fear that I would run away the second she told me.

  “She’s four. I don’t usually introduce her to someone I’m casually seeing.”

  Ouch. I thought I was more than casual to her. “I’m not trying to be insensitive, but she doesn’t forget a thing, and when her dad broke up with his girlfriend, she asked about her for months. I’m only trying to avoid confusing her,” Rachel adds, trying to lessen the sting.

  “I’m not a parent, but I’ve been a big part of Connor, my nephew’s, life, so I know you can introduce people into a child’s life without making them stick to a certain label.”

  Kole dated my best friend Eric for a few years. Before they were officially a couple, they were friends who were exploring the idea of more, and Connor wasn’t confused, or at least he didn’t act like he was. If anything, it helped him accept Eric’s role as a father figure in his life. However, the look on Rachel’s face says I might have stepped over the line.

  “I could be your friend and not a guy you’re thinking about dating,” I add before she can blow up at me.

  “I’ll think about it. Right now, Zanie’s text said she feels warm and is complaining about not feeling good, which is more than Zanie is capable of handling, so I need to go.” She turns back toward the door, ready to leave.

  “Can I see you again?” I blurt when my fear of her walking out of my door will somehow translate to her walking out of my life.

  “Maybe. I’ll...I’ll call you later,” she mutters as she opens the door and pushes the button for the elevator. My feet finally catch up with my mind, and I follow her out the door.

  “Rachel, would you give whatever this is between us a chance? I’m not scared of kids. If I had met the right person, I would have a few by now myself.”

  The only part of Rachel having a child that upsets me is that part of her life didn’t include me. Someone else planted his child inside of her, someone else stood by her side as she became a mother, someone else gets to share all the ups and downs that parenthood has brought her, but that someone didn’t put a ring on her finger. That someone isn’t currently dating her, which means he left me an opening.

  Rachel looks up at me then down at her feet. My body goes stiff waiting for her rejection, but it never comes.

  “Let me go and check on her. Chances are she’s messing with Zanie. Alana, my daughter, noticed I didn’t take my camera with me when I left. Zanie text me before I got here telling me Alana was already asking her where I went.”

  That definitely sounds like a smart four-year-old; then again, I bet Rachel takes her camera everywhere.

  “Go. Check on your daughter, then let me know how things go,” I add as the elevator arrives.

  “Thanks for having me over,” Rachel counters instead of agreeing to call me later. Her beautiful blue eyes lock with mine as the elevator doors slowly close.

  Rachel has a daughter. Those words continue to bounce around my head. Like me, her life moved forward, but unlike me, she made a positive addition to her life. I’ve always had a desire to have my own children, but I allowed my role as Connor’s uncle to fill the real void I have by not having my own children. I’m thirty-three, and Rachel is the only person I’ve ever allowed myself to want more with. At nineteen, I wasn’t planning our wedding or naming our future children, but I wasn’t questioning if she were someone I would want those things with because I already knew that answer. Then she disappeared from my life, and I’ve yet to feel that way about anyone else.

  I have no idea what Rachel’s thoughts are regarding me, but I’m going to make sure she doesn’t somehow disappear from my life again.

  RACHEL

  “SORRY I HAD TO INTERRUPT your hot date,” Zanie says when I walk into my apartment.

  “We weren’t on a date, and I told you to call or text me if she started complaining.”

  I leave Zanie in my living room and walk to Alana’s room where I find her quietly coloring at her table. “Hey, baby girl. I heard you weren’t feeling good.”

  Alana stops coloring and turns toward me. “Mommy, you’re home!” she excitedly squeals as she runs into my arms. I bring my hand up to feel her forehead, but she doesn’t feel warm to me. Zanie said she was running a fever so she must have given her some medicine.

  “I heard you weren’t feeling very well,” I say again, trying to get something out of her.

  Alana looks up at me. “I’m teething,” she states, causing me to burst out laughing.

  Alana is four. Not only is she definitely past the teething stage, she’s too young to name teething as her symptom. Lindsey, the girl that picks Alana up after pre-school, is watching a one-year-old and I heard her say that he’s been extra cranky due to some teeth coming in. Undoubtedly, this is where she came up with this crazy story.

  “Oh no. I better call the doctor and see if she has any shots that will make you feel better,” I loudly say, earning the reaction I was expecting.

  “No. I’m better already, see?” Alana opens her mouth wide, showing me all of her teeth. “They popped in.”

  I let out a heavy sigh and give Alana a look I know she doesn’t like. “Alana, if you want me to come home, you can’t make up stories about being sick because someday I might not believe you when you really aren’t feeling good.” Her little smile starts to dim.

  “You didn’t take your camera,” she says as though that makes perfect sense, and to her it does. Typically, when it’s my turn with Alana, I rarely leave her unless I’m working, which means my camera is always with me. And like most preschoolers, she’s caught on to my routine.

  “I went to see an old friend, that’s all,” I say with a smile.

  “Can I meet your friend?”

  My heart drops. Do I want to cross my past with my present? Jet seems to want to, and after his initial shock of finding out I have a daughter, he didn’t seem ready to back off. However, dating with Alana and Max has proven to be difficult.

  I met Max Sullivan immediately after I moved to New York. We were casually dating—for only about six weeks—when I discovered I was pregnant. Like the stand-up man Max is, he offered to marry me, but only days before I found out I was pregnant I had told him our relationship wasn’t working for me. Max is nothing like my evil father, but the whole situation felt like my parents’, and marrying a man I wasn’t in love with was the last thing I wanted to do. Instead, we came up with a strange friendship where we co-parent together. The two of us haven’t had sex since before I found out I was pregnant, but our relationship seems to lay heavy on any new ones I’ve attempted. And that�
��s partly my fault. Max rents the apartment next to mine. We both agreed that it was best for Alana to see both of her parents as much as she wants, and this felt like the perfect arrangement. However, when a man comes over—especially one that Max doesn’t like—the two of them are in my house chatting up whoever I have over, ultimately running off my date. There have been a few times I’m positive that Max and Alana were working together.

  Where Jet is concerned, I’m not worried that Max will run him off, but I am worried that Max will feel threatened by Jet, and then I’ll risk the arrangement we have because the second Max learns that Jet McKenzie is back in my life, I’m positive all hell will break loose.

  * * * *

  JET

  I gave Rachel two days before I decide to show up at her door. Not my brightest idea, and now that I’ve knocked, I’m starting to regret my decision, but moments later Rachel opens her door, sealing my fate.

  “Jet?” She looks at me like she was expecting someone else...hell, anyone other than me to be standing here and she probably was.

  “I had a meeting that ended and I was in the area...” I trail off.

  “Mommy, who’s at the door?” A gorgeous little girl with long black hair and blue eyes, exactly like her mother’s, comes dancing up to the doorway.

  “I know you,” she says to me with a huge smile.

  “Alana, why don’t you go put up your books? Dinner is almost ready.”

  Her smile turns to a frown after hearing her mother. “But your friend is finally here. I want to stay and talk to him,” she replies as though this makes perfect sense.

  “You can in a minute. Clean up your books like I asked, please,” Rachel says in a firm tone that has her daughter sprinting off.

  “I can’t believe you just showed up here,” Rachel angrily whispers.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, I know that, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.” Rachel continues to give me a look of disbelief before she pulls her door the rest of the way open and finally motions for me to come in.