Damaged Love

by Riann C. Miller

  Her apartment is small but just as neat and tidy as her apartment back in California. Her furniture is mismatched with a few blankets tossed on the back of the chairs. She has a bookshelf that takes up the space of one wall that’s filled with children’s books, and a lot of what looks like romance novels, and her TV is extremely small.

  This apartment feels like a home, and my heart instantly feels at peace being here. “Your place is great,” I say with pride.

  “Thanks. It’s not that big, but it’s in a good neighborhood,” she states, watching me take in her home.

  “Lookie!” Alana shouts as she runs into the room. I glance down and almost lose my footing because this beautiful little creature is holding a framed picture of...me. The picture was taken the night we went to that party together. I vaguely remember her snapping a picture of me after she spoke with her brother, but I forgot all about that until now.

  “Alana,” Rachel scolds, “You aren’t supposed to walk around with pictures, remember?” I look up at Rachel, who’s waiting for my reaction. This must be why her daughter acted like she knew who I was from the second she saw me.

  “Sorry,” the sweet little girl says in a dejected tone.

  Rachel quickly looks at me to justify her comment. “She dropped a picture and broke the glass and then stepped in it and cut her foot.”

  Alana is nodding her head. “Yep, it hurt. Bad,” she adds, forcing me to hold back my laughter.

  “Oh,” is all I manage to say as I hand Rachel back her picture. “Mommy, can he stay for dinner?” Alana asks in a pleading tone.

  My eyes light up at the offer. I want to stay. I want to get a glimpse into their daily life. “Baby, I think Jet probably has to get home.”

  “Nope, I have nowhere I have to be,” I firmly state, shooting down Rachel’s attempt to ditch me. If she really doesn’t want me here, then she’s going to have to come up with a better excuse to make me leave. If I go home now, I’ll spend the evening in an empty penthouse, wishing I were here.

  “Mommy’s fixing ghetti and meatballs,” Alana adds as she takes my hand and walks me to their dining room table. I hear a tiny intake of breath, and when I turn toward Rachel, I see a look of happiness cross her face.

  Alana, however, brings my attention back to her. “I go to school now, and I have a boyfriend, but my daddy says I can’t, but I do.” Alana giggles.

  Alana is breathtaking, and I can tell after only being around her for a few minutes that she has the same amazing heart of gold that her mother has.

  “...then I said ouch. Don’t pull my hair. Mommy says sometimes boys act like they don’t like you when they really do, so instead of being mad at him, I made him my boyfriend.” I’m almost certain I only caught about half of her story, but I heard enough to be able to answer.

  “When a boy sees a girl as pretty as you, it makes it hard for them to think clearly.”

  Her entire face lights up. “You think I’m pretty?” she innocently questions.

  “Most definitely. You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met.” I can’t stop the grin that forms.

  “Okay, climb up in your chair. It’s time to eat,” Rachel says as Alana hops up into a chair that has a booster seat attached to it. Without waiting on us, Alana starts shoving food quickly into her mouth, causing me to laugh. I remember this stage with Connor, but I forgot how entertaining this age really is.

  “Sorry, she’ll talk your ear off if you let her,” Rachel quietly says to me when she thinks Alana won’t hear her.

  “No, I love it. She’s a great kid.” Rachel smiles at my comment.

  By the time Rachel and I sit down to eat, Alana claims she’s already done. Therefore, she talks the entire time we eat, and almost an hour later, I understand where Rachel’s earlier apology came from. When we finish eating, an awkward silence falls over us, and I am back to feeling like I shouldn’t have stopped by unannounced.

  “I’m sorry I dropped by like this,” I say as Rachel stares at me.

  “Are you really?” she asks me in return. The real answer is no. No, I’m not sorry. I’m trying to make a place for me in her life, and I guess now in her daughter’s life, but at the same time, I don’t want to ruin my chance with her because I couldn’t control my impulse to leave her alone until she’s ready to welcome me in.

  In normal situations, I’m always relaxed, laid back, and most people would describe me as easy-going, but Rachel brings out a different side of me. For years, I’ve thought it was closure I wanted with Rachel. Now, if she would utter that word, I would freak right the hell out because it’s a beginning—a real beginning—that I’m looking for.

  “No,” I finally answer her question. “I don’t want you to push me away, and I’m sorry for being overly assertive, but I’m not sorry that I spent the evening with you and your daughter.”

  Rachel remains quiet for a few minutes before she finally replies, “Her dad is a huge part of her life, which means he’s a part of mine, too.” My eyebrows go up in question.

  “Not like that. We haven’t been together like that since before Alana was born, but we have a system that works for us. Some guys—most guys don’t care for it,” she adds, waiting for me to react.

  “You two don’t have sex?” I question.

  “No,” Rachel practically shouts. “Somehow we’ve managed to remain friends, good friends that share an amazing little girl. That’s caused us both problems in our dating life, and we always said we’d reevaluate the situation if one of us becomes serious with someone, but that hasn’t happened.”

  Rachel takes a deep breath then looks at me like she’s waiting for me to challenge their arrangement.

  “I saw firsthand what life was like for Connor growing up without a dad. I would never do anything to mess up the gig you guys have. I’m only asking that you squeeze me in there somewhere.”

  Rachel’s shoulders relax after my comment. “Good. I can work with squeezing you in. I just can’t promise to make you my whole world,” she adds with a sad smile.

  “Rachel, I don’t have to be your whole world.” I pause, letting my comment sink in before I really shock her. “But one day very soon, you better expect that you and Alana will be my whole world.”

  Rachel’s mouth drops open, and her eyes soften while she shakes her head with a smile on her face. “Listen to you. Mr. Jet McKenzie. Charming women right out of their panties.” I know what she’s trying to do. She wants to lighten the mood, and that’s fine. She might not believe me now, but she will, and if I have my say, she’ll know just how serious I am very soon.

  RACHEL

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE GOING to his apartment again,” Zanie screeches through the phone.

  “Zanie, calm down. I agreed to spend time with him and until I know where he fits into my life. I want to spend some of that time when Alana isn’t around. The last thing I need is for her to become attached only to have him disappear from her life.” This is a huge fear of mine regarding Jet or any guy I attempt to date.

  Last year, Max dated a woman for close to six months, and before their relationship went south, she was at Max’s apartment all the time. Personally, I thought Sage was slightly immature, but that only made her get along better with Alana. Over time, it wore on Max, and when he broke up with her, it left Alana utterly disappointed. Since then, neither one of us has introduced Alana to the person we’re dating until Jet. Although I’m not actually dating Jet, I’m more worried about having him be a part of our lives than I would be if it were anyone else.

  “I understand, but this is Jet you’re talking about. The one who got away,” she adds, which sets my nerves on edge.

  “He’s not the one who got away. I lied and ruined our relationship. I’m still shocked that he’s even speaking to me.”

  “That’s crap, and you know it. Don’t think I won’t kick your ass if I need to,” Zanie says without an ounce of humor. “You were young, and your dad was a douchebag. Cut yourself some slack.
Geez, it sounds like even Jet is over what happened.”

  I hate people who lie and cheat, and I think that’s my biggest hang-up. When I see Jet, I instantly go back to what I did. How I lied to him, deceived him into wanting to date me. I hate what I did to him, and I’m not sure if I can forgive myself, so I can’t understand how Jet is able to let it go.

  “I’m here. I’ll talk to you later,” I announce as I pull into Jet’s extra parking stall. “Be good and go get yourself some.” Zanie disconnects the call on a chuckle as I walk toward the elevator banks.

  Jet gave me the code to enter his apartment from the underground parking garage; it also means I’m able to enter his apartment unannounced. After I exit the elevator, I knock lightly on his door. I can hear people talking, which has me looking around for a doorbell, but I don’t see one. I knock again, louder this time, but still, no one answers the door. I slowly turn the handle to find the door unlocked. I gradually open the door and peek my head around to see Jet and a woman talking. My first reaction is to step back out, but then I see a man and boy walk up behind them.

  Whoever the woman is looks up and locks eyes with me then breaks out into a huge grin. “Jet, you have a guest,” she says as Jet’s eyes shoot over to the door as he also greets me with a huge smile.

  “Rachel, come in.” Jet walks over and takes my hand and leads me into the living area of his penthouse. “This is my sister, Kole,” he says as he points to a beautiful blonde. “Her husband, Adam,” he states in a dull tone. “And this little guy here is my nephew, Connor.” Jet’s eyes light up when he says his nephew’s name, the complete opposite of how he spoke about his brother-in-law.

  “Guys, this is my friend, Rachel.” Kole is watching her brother and me with a secret grin on her face, like she knows something that everyone else doesn’t.

  “Rachel, nice to meet you.” Kole extends her hand, offering to shake mine.

  “Likewise,” I mumble. I’m not good at being introduced to the family. When I’m asked about my family, I freeze because I have no idea what I should or shouldn’t say.

  Jet gives my hand a big squeeze. “I forgot my sister was stopping by. They’re heading back to Boston tonight.”

  “Oh, we should all go to dinner before we leave,” Kole adds, smiling at Jet, who looks at me, waiting for my answer. How can I say no to a simple request to share a meal with the people who mean the most to him? Even a friend would do that, right?

  “Yeah, sure. Sounds great.”

  “Good, then it’s settled. I’ll call Connor’s favorite place and make a reservation,” Kole says as she walks out of the room.

  Kole’s husband has a smirk on his face while he shakes his head. “Nice to meet you,” he says, looking right at me.

  “You too.”

  “This should be fun,” he adds while grinning at Jet, who’s staring back at him like he’d rather spit on him than actually talk to him.

  Jet pulls on my hand. “Thanks for coming. Is Alana with her dad?”

  “Yeah, they have a whole day planned.” Jet closely watches me with a strange look on his face. I’m not sure if he’s just as nervous to take me to dinner as I am to go with his family or if it’s something more.

  “Okay. We have reservations in less than an hour. I hope that’s okay, but we have to get back tonight,” Kole sweetly says as she walks up to her husband.

  “Then let’s go eat,” Jet adds before we all start walking toward the door while my stomach tightens even more because I have a feeling that sharing a meal with Jet’s family is a big deal—at least it is to me.

  * * * *

  JET

  “I’m sorry,” I say the second I have Rachel back at my place, alone.

  “Why?” she questions as she walks over and sits down on my couch in a comfortable way. The need to be closer consumes me until I walk over and take a seat next to her. Without thinking, my hand reaches out and brushes her hair away from her face. Her eyebrows come together, clearly questioning my motives.

  “I find it hard not to touch you,” I say as my way of explaining my sudden need to put my hands on her.

  Her cheeks flood with color. “Why are you sorry?” she asks again.

  “Because I asked you to spend time with me then you ended up meeting my family.” Rachel’s face softens hearing my words.

  “They were great.”

  “I love them...well, not my douchebag brother-in-law, but I love the other two.”

  “Why don’t you like Adam? He seemed really nice.”

  I groan and rub my hands over my face. “Because he broke my sister’s heart and left her without knowing the real story.”

  Rachel’s face instantly freezes. “I didn’t break your heart, but I did practically the same thing,” she states.

  “No, this isn’t the same thing at all. For starters, those two jackasses got married. He broke her fucking heart, and she ended up alone and pregnant.” She’s staring at me, probably wondering how the Adam she met tonight could be the same man who ruined my sister.

  “Look, there’s more to it than that. My sister, being the saint that she is, forgave him far too quickly than any normal woman should have. Where Adam is concerned, I keep my mouth shut. He’s treating my sister good, and until the day comes that he doesn’t, I’ll put up with the moron for her and Connor’s sake, but that doesn’t mean I rolled over and decided to like him.”

  Rachel’s eyes widen. “They were just kids. How are you able to forgive me for lying to you but you can’t forgive Adam for hurting Kole?”

  “Because we’re not comparing the same thing here. Adam destroyed my sister then went back to living his life. What happened between us is completely different, and another huge difference happens to be the fact that I tried to check on you, but you were already gone. Adam never once checked on my sister.”

  “Okay,” she sadly adds before turning her head to look out at my dad’s magnificent view of New York. This view is the whole reason my dad bought this apartment, but right now, I want to bring Rachel’s focus back to me.

  “I get what you’re trying to say. They were young when they made their mistakes, and we were young when we made ours.” Rachel’s eyes return to mine, searching for something until her face goes soft. I reach out and grab her hand. “Enough about Adam. Let’s discuss us,” I gently add.

  “Us? What about us?”

  “That’s just it. I want there to be an us, and I’m not sure where your head is at.”

  Rachel sighs before answering me. “Life is different now than it was before. I have a daughter to think about, and I don’t want my picture splashed all over the internet and—”

  “Let’s do this one at a time, shall we. I agree we’re not the same. I’m fourteen years older, and I can truthfully say in that amount of time no one has piqued my interest the way you have. Next, you have a daughter. Luckily for me, I love kids, and you happen to have a pretty great one. Next, I don’t want my picture splashed on the internet either, but sometimes it happens.”

  Rachel drops her eyes down to her lap then back up toward me. “I don’t want my father, and especially not my brother, to know where I live. I don’t want either of them to know anything about me, and I don’t want them around my daughter.” Rachel starts chewing on her lip then she hops up to her feet and starts pacing. “I don’t use my name. Not legally, anyway. I’ve done everything in my power to make sure I’ve stayed off their radar. If I date you...”

  Shit. After everything we’ve been through, she’s worried about me affecting her life with the Scotts.

  “I’m only photographed if I’m at special events. We’ll skip those, and we’ll be fine.” My words were an attempt to reassure her, but guessing by the look on her face, I’ve failed miserably. “I’ll keep you and Alana out of the spotlight. I’m not sure why you’re this concerned about your father or your brother, but I promise you...I’m here to protect you. You are not alone.” I overstate that last sentence. Since Rachel lost her f
amily, she’s made her own, but I don’t think she’s ever felt protected, at least not the way I plan to protect her.

  “Okay,” she says as relief crosses her face. “Whatever we’re doing—it needs to happen slow—especially where Alana is concerned,” Rachel amends.

  I’m looking at the woman I quite frankly think I could spend the rest of my life with. That thought alone speeds up my heart rate, but it doesn’t make me want to run in the opposite direction, the way it has in the past on the rare occasion when I’ve questioned my future with someone. If Rachel’s demand is that we take our relationship slow, then I’m willing to move at the speed of a damn turtle.

  JET

  “I LIKE HER. SHE SEEMS nice,” my sister says, referring to Rachel.

  “She is nice.”

  “Really, Jet, that’s all you’re going to say?” she blurts.

  “What else is there to say?” I laugh.

  “I can think of a hundred things to say. Don’t be an ass, Jet,” Kole replies with a laugh of her own.

  “I met Rachel a long time ago. I actually knew her before I met you, but things didn’t work out between us. Do you remember that magazine article that comes out at the first of the year?” I question.

  “Of course.”

  “Rachel was scheduled to be the photographer. Until then, I didn’t even know she lived here in New York. But...” I pause because I know this is going to be a huge statement in Kole’s mind. “She’s always been on my mind. I went fourteen years without seeing her, and I’ve always wondered. You know the what if crap.” God, that sounds lame even to me.

  I was expecting Kole to let out some girly scream, but instead, she remains calm. “Maybe that’s why you haven’t settled down. I know you thought—and still do—that I was crazy for forgiving Adam, especially as quickly as I did, but that’s what I felt in my heart. The whole time we were apart, my mind went back to him and I wondered what if this, what if that, but push comes to shove, I couldn’t force myself to completely let him go.”