Noah

by Justine Elvira

  What did I just do? What did I just agree to?

  I'm lost. I'm Alice Through the Looking Glass. Everything is backwards. Nothing is what it seems. I'm more confused than ever.

  My heart starts to race, my palms become sweaty, and my vision blurs as I take in long deep breaths, praying I don't pass out right now. In a fit of panic I raise the collar of the shirt I'm wearing to my nose and inhale deeply, breathing in Noah's musky scent. The smell instantly calms me and I continue to breathe him in. My heart rate slows to almost a normal pattern, my breathing evens out, and my vision clears.

  Even in his absence Noah is able to calm me. This realization doesn't sit well with me, so I rip the shirt up and off my body and walk into the back bedroom to meet Caleb. Hopefully an afternoon with my new fiancé will help me forget about the man residing across the hall because I'm already regretting choosing Caleb.

  Skye

  Age 21

  One of the scariest things about living in a new city like New York, besides the fear of being raped or mugged, is that it's hard to make new friends. New York City has over eight million people in it, but unless you meet people at work, most people on the street ignore you. It's a hustle and bustle type of city, which is so different from my town in Michigan. When I would walk down the street there everyone would stop me to talk.

  In New York, if someone is stopping me on the street I probably pissed them off or dropped something.

  So I was so happy when I met Kendall after my first month in the city. She comforted me in the park on a day I was considering going back home because I was miserable here. She ended up inviting me to a fitness class with her near Caleb's law school. It was a class for a new craze that took over the city–Zumba. It sounded like fun but when I signed up for the class I didn't account for my two left feet. Kendall tried helping me understand the moves during that first class but I was hopeless. We laughed at my awkwardness the rest of class and by the end of the hour we had solidified our friendship.

  We're inseparable now.

  Kendall and I are complete opposites. I have order in my life, dreams and goals on where I see myself in ten years. I may have given up a few of my other dreams to get here, but I'm happy and have a great boyfriend. Our life together and future plans are what's most important.

  Kendall is the completely opposite. She makes no plans and has no expectations for her life. She's a free spirit and goes wherever the wind takes her. She reminds me of Noah in that way. Both of them are having fun just living life.

  We're also physically different. Kendall's tall with long black hair and curves to envy. I'm petite with short blond hair that I've recently liked adding strands of bright color to. I have just enough curves to not be mistaken for a boy.

  Despite all of our differences we can sit and laugh about practically anything. She's the closest thing I have to a best friend. Noah used to have that title, but we've grown apart. Our friendship slowly started to fizzle once I started dating Caleb.

  Sure, I still talk to Noah, but it's only when Caleb is around. He doesn't call me, we don’t plan to get together for lunch, and he doesn’t finish my ice cream anymore. He does, however, still text me once a day to remind me of how special the day is because it's my unbirthday, and still manages to get me a Hershey's Kiss every day.

  He kept his promise.

  Kendall has filled the void Noah left, and somewhere in filling that void she became an essential part of my life. I can't imagine not ever knowing her.

  "Should I get the apple pie or a slice of the chocolate layer cake? Both sound really good right now." We've just finished our first attempt at Hot Yoga and decided to reward ourselves with a bunch of calories.

  "Why don't you get the pie and I'll get the cake and we can share?" I suggest as I look over at the display of mouthwatering baked goods. Everything looks and smells so delicious in here.

  Kendall steps up to the counter and orders both desserts. I push some cash her way but she hands it back to me and pays with her card. "You can pay next time."

  She always does this. I can't remember the last time I paid for an after workout treat. She doesn't make a lot more money than I do so she should share the financial burden with me. I can pay for our meals, too.

  We're sitting down and savoring each bite of our desserts when Noah walks in the front door of the bakery. I lift my hand to give him a friendly wave but quickly change my mind and lower my hand back to the table. My reflexes are too slow, though, because he catches my motion and starts to walk over to our table.

  "Hey," he greets me, tilting his chin up in my direction.

  "What are you doing out this way?" I ask. Noah inherited his grandfather's business and he usually spends every waking moment there, still learning the business and making any necessary changes for it to run smoothly.

  "I came to get a coffee. This coffee is the best around."

  "You should join us," Kendall chimes in. With her elbow on the table she rests her chin on the palm of her hand and looks up at Noah adoringly. "We have plenty of room."

  "I should really take my coffee to go. I have a lot of work to do."

  "Oh, come on. A few minutes away won't hurt anyone." Kendall bats her eyelashes at him and he reluctantly agrees. He walks up to the counter to place his order and I turn to Kendall, grinding my teeth together so I don't lose it on her. "What did you do that for?"

  "What? He's cute. Who is he?"

  "That's Noah." I've talked to her a lot about Noah but she's never met him. Every time she hangs out with Caleb and me, we avoid Bar Forbidden. Kendall doesn't know the full extent of my feeling for him, but she knows that I had a crush on him for the longest time.

  "That's..." She points her finger in his direction and moves it up and down the length of his body. "Noah?"

  "Yep."

  "Hot damn, girl. Why are you with Caleb?"

  "Because I love him."

  "Yeah...but...damn. That man over there is hot enough to melt all the snow in New York City."

  Noah comes over and drags a chair with him from the table next to ours. He sits down and sips his coffee, while I avoid looking at him and Kendall stares at him like he's a mythical creature.

  "So, Noah, why have we never met before?"

  He fidgets in his seat, clearly uncomfortable, before answering her. "I don’t get out much. Busy with work."

  I roll my eyes and laugh under my breath. I can feel Noah's stare seeping through my skin.

  "I should go," Noah says, standing up from his chair.

  "Why?" Kendall pouts.

  "I don't think I'm wanted here,” Noah replies, and then adds in a loud whisper he intends for me to hear, "I don't think she likes me."

  Kendall laughs. "I don't think she likes you either, which means I like you even more. So what do you do for work?"

  I'm taking a bite of the chocolate cake and choke as it goes down my throat. I'd love to hear how he answers this.

  "I'm an entrepreneur. I recently inherited my grandfather's company and I'm enjoying learning the business and changing things around a bit. I should get going though. My secretary quit this morning and I'm in a little over my head."

  "Are you hiring?" Kendall asks, her body straightening up and her light eyes growing big with excitement. "I just lost my job and I need a new one. I’d love to work for you."

  Gasping in shock I ask my friend concerned, "When did you lose your job?"

  "Yesterday."

  "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you insist on paying today when you have no income?"

  “Because, Skye, I'm not worried about it. I knew something would come along and I was right, it did." Turning back to address Noah she adds, "So what do you say?"

  She licks her lips as she bats her eyelashes at him and my stomach grows queasy with jealousy. I don't know why I'm jealous. Maybe it's because she'll get to be by his side every day, or that by working with him she'll be closer to him than I am. I miss the closeness and friendship we used to share. I
want it back.

  All of those seem like reasonable reasons my stomach is angry with me, but deep down I know the issue is deeper than just missing my friend. I'm jealous because Kendall clearly wants Noah, and when she wants something she doesn't give up until she gets it. She'll sleep with him and then I'll be forced to hear how it was.

  I can't listen to that. Knowing Noah sleeps around is one thing–hearing about the details would be something completely different. For the sake of our friendship I can't know anything about the two of them in bed. Kendall will have to keep all the steamy details to herself.

  "Do you have any experience?" he asks.

  "I have experience in a lot of things and I'm a quick learner. I'm very hands on," she flirts.

  They flirt back and forth and after he contemplates it for a second he's exchanging numbers with her and telling her she can start tomorrow. After an awkward goodbye he leaves the bakery and I watch his ass as he walks away.

  "You're right. Clearly being in love with Caleb has made you oblivious to his gorgeousness," she says sarcastically as she follows my eyes to Noah's ass.

  I turn my sights on her and glare. "You can't work for him."

  "Why not? I need the job, he needs a secretary, and he's fucking gorgeous. I just want to spread the rest of this piece of apple pie all over his body and lick it off him. What's the problem?"

  "The problem is I've done my best to get rid of all my old feelings for him. I've successfully purged Noah from my life with the exception of his friendship with Caleb. If you work for him I'll be forced to hear about him and I'm afraid that might make my old feelings for him stir back up again."

  "Skye–"

  "And you can't sleep with him," I demand, interrupting whatever it is she wants to say. "I wouldn't be able to handle it, Kendall. I mean it. You can have any other man in the world, but not Noah. I know it's selfish of me, I know I'm with Caleb, and I love Caleb, but you can't have Noah."

  She's quiet for a moment, looking at me with pity. "Skye, you clearly still have feelings for him that you're trying to deny and cover up. I think you should address these feelings and explore the possibilities, because if you do, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. He was in here for only a few minutes but the way he discreetly watched you...he wants you too, Skye.

  "But if I know you as well as I think I do, you'll continue to ignore the way you feel and hope your true feelings don't blow up in your face. I won't sleep with Noah, but I am taking the job."

  I start to interrupt but she stops me. "No, you can't tell me not to. I need this job and he seems like he’s fun to work with. I promise to keep conversation about my job at a minimum around you, but please don't ask me to give up this opportunity. I need the money, and sure I could always find something else, but I want this job."

  I'm being selfish. I know I am. The fact that I was going to deny Kendall an opportunity all because I was jealous is sad. I'm a bad friend.

  "Okay, you should work for him, but I'm warning you this isn't a typical job."

  "What do you mean?"

  "The man runs Forbidden Desires, Inc. Get ready to field questions and phone calls about strippers, escorts, webcam series, and phone sex."

  Her smirk turns into the biggest smile. "This is going to be the best job ever!"

  Chapter Nine

  Once Caleb falls asleep after our day together at home celebrating our engagement, I slip out of bed and throw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. I don't bother fixing my hair or applying a light coat of make-up. I don't even look in the mirror. It will be better for Noah to see me at my worst.

  It's time for me to face what I've been dreading all day and evening. I have to talk to Noah and tell him I'm back with Caleb. He won't understand.

  Even though I never stood a chance at a relationship with him because he's not the relationship type, he's not going to be able to comprehend why I got back with Caleb. He probably won't even believe that Caleb didn't cheat on me, but he wasn't there. He didn't see the sincerity in Caleb's eyes, or hear Paula's voice as she denied the entire thing. He's never believed that Caleb was the right guy for me. He's always suspected that Caleb was unfaithful, and me running over to him last night confirmed his suspicions.

  I wonder where he thinks I spent the day today? He never called to make sure I had a place to stay, or if I needed help getting my things out of the apartment. He never asked what my plans were next, or if I was going to stay in the city or move back home. Actually, he doesn't seem concerned about me at all. He didn't even send me a text.

  I was dreading this conversation all day but as I walk over to the apartment and use Caleb's key to Noah’s apartment to walk in, I realize I shouldn't have been worried at all. I should have been upset instead. I could be anywhere right now and he doesn't seem to be concerned.

  His apartment is dark with a slight glow casting through the windows from the streetlights outside. Noah is sitting in the center of his loveseat in a pair of jeans and an unbuttoned dress shirt. A beer bottle is in his hand and empty beer bottles scatter the floor in front of him.

  "So I guess you went back to him?" His low, calm voice startles me. I didn't realize he knew I had walked in.

  When I don't answer he lifts his chin up to look at me. His brown eyes are cold and void of emotion but somehow I know it's a mask. They're displaying the exact opposite of how he's feeling. He's mad and trying his best not to take it out on me so he's drinking his anger away instead.

  Well, screw him because I'm angry, too. He could have called me. He could have texted me. He could have woken up next to me instead of me waking up in that cold bed alone. I'm not some bar fly he picked up the night before. He could have at least stuck around in the morning.

  There are so many things he could have and should have done differently this morning if he didn’t want me going back to Caleb, but he chose to leave. If he's upset now because he thinks Caleb is a cheater that's his problem.

  As the anger boils inside of me, ready to spill over, Noah mumbles, "Why not me? Wasn't last night good enough?"

  His words startle me and I find myself taking a step back. The way he's looking at me right now reminds me of the way Kaya looks at me when I'm watching her for a few days. Noah looks lost and lonely, and like he wants to find his way back home again.

  What does he mean...why not me? Where's his home? Am I his home like he's Kaya's home?

  I've never been this confused before. Does he want me? Did he want more from me? Did last night mean something to him? Was I not just a conquest? If he wanted me to choose him why did he leave me alone?

  The endless amount of questions flashing in my mind has my head pounding and in need of pain reliever.

  If I'd known he felt something for me I would have picked him. I would have never left his apartment today if he would have just told me this. There would have never been a choice to make because if I'm being honest with myself, Noah is the only choice, but he was gone, leaving me filled with insecurity and doubt. I don't do well alone with only my doubt to comfort me. I jump to conclusions, convincing myself I'm not worth it.

  "Where were you this morning?"

  He takes the final sip of his beer and tosses the empty bottle on the ground with the others. "I got called into work. I had to bail Levi out of jail. He's one of my bouncers and there was a situation at the bar last night. It got out of hand."

  "Why didn't you just tell me all of that in the note you left me?"

  "Why should I have?"

  "Because..." I trail off, not knowing what to say. If I tell him it would have changed the events that happened with me today, that's putting little meaning in my relationship with Caleb. I don't want to lessen what I have with Caleb, but I want Noah to know I would have stayed. If he would have left me more than the crappy note he did, I would have stayed.

  I drag a hand through my messy, short blond hair. My fingers get tangled in the knots, pulling my hair from the root and causing my scalp to ache. It's a small amou
nt of pain compared to the pain in my heart right now.

  "I didn't know where you were. Your note was so short and to the point. I didn't know what to make of it."

  "Leading me back to the same question I had before, Skye. Am I not good enough?"

  "Of course you are," I cry out as tears form in my eyes. I take a few steps towards him until I'm standing in front of him as he sits on the couch. I fall down to my knees and lean over his legs, burying my head in his jeans and sobbing quietly. I feel him hesitate before he rests a hand on the top of my head and caresses my hair.

  "You look like shit and reek of sex," he growls as he continues to pet my hair.

  I ignore his insult because I deserve it. Once I've got my crying outburst under control I try and explain. "Yes, you are enough, but I didn't think last night meant anything to you. You've never expressed any real interest in me before and when I woke up and you were gone I let the doubt seep into my heart and mind. I truly believed I didn't mean anything to you. A part of me still thinks that. If you wanted more, why didn’t you do something? Write a note that explained why you had to leave me, wake me up before you left and asked me to stay until you got home. Anything would have been better than what you did."

  Wiping away the few tears still on my skin, I look up into his soft brown eyes I love so much. They're the eyes I've loved ever since I was a little girl. "How could you expect me to think any differently?"

  "Because I told you I love you."

  "That doesn't mean anything during sex. You're unreliable, Noah."

  "I'm unreliable?” he repeats, stunned by my words. He stands up, forcing me to fall back on my ass. He starts to stride back and forth across the room, and then he's walking over to the open window. He looks out into the night sky and then turns to face me as I sit uncomfortably on the ground. "You think I'm unreliable? That's bullshit, Skye, and you know it. I am always fucking here! There is no one more reliable in your life than I am. If me being unreliable is the excuse you had to tell yourself to make going back to Caleb seem okay, then fine. Keep feeding yourself piles of bullshit for every meal, but I'm the most reliable person in your fucked-up miserable existence.