A Step to Nowhere

by Natasha A. Salnikova

  “I hope you enjoy it and won’t consider it a waste of your time,” I said, but the sounds were muffled by blood pulsing in my temples. I snatched the fabric on my pants and tried to breathe evenly and slowly, in spite of my heart beating somewhere in my throat. Confrontation time.

  The door opened.

  “Hi … Samantha,” the dear voice almost whispered my name.

  CHAPTER 22

  I didn’t want to face him. No matter what he’d done, no matter who he was, his voice alone subdued every cell of my body. He didn’t have the right to hold such power over me. Didn’t have the right. How could I get rid of this delusion?

  “Your father …” Ray cleared his throat. “Your father ordered that we send her to onis right away.”

  “Change of plans. I couldn’t resist the temptation of meeting my double.” My copy—Samantha said in a dry voice. He called her Samantha, me—Sam. I liked people calling me Sam. He’d studied his subject—me, very well.

  I raised my eyes at him; he was looking at me. His face was pale; his hands were inside his uniform pockets.

  His wife stood up and walked to him.

  “You haven’t had a chance to tell me about your last day on Planet Two. Haven’t shared the details of the operation.”

  Ray blinked and moved his gaze away from me and to his wife.

  “I …” He rubbed his temples.

  “Are you all right, Cream?” Samantha asked. Cream. Blah.

  “No… I…” He glanced at me one more time. “I just remembered that I have to make a call. I’ll be back in a second.” He turned to the door.

  “Who?” My copy stopped Ray and when he turned to her, she touched his chin with two fingers. It was impossible to imagine somebody doing that to my Ray. He was so authoritative, no one would even think about such action. Here … it was a strange scene. It was also strange that after everything that had happened to me today I still could find something strange. It was he and I in front of me.

  “Corporation, of course. We are sending hunters tomorrow to Planet Two, to chase the runners. Again. People go wild there. I need to specify some things.”

  “Sure. Hunters.” My gross copy rose on her tiptoes and kissed Ray on the lips. My stomach turned. I felt the same reaction every time somebody was flirting with my Ray. Yes, it was a different person in front of me, but my brain thought and my heart felt. My body refused to stay cold, no matter what I’d ordered it to do.

  Ray moved his wife away, gently.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked.

  He nodded in my direction.

  “So, what?” My copy looked at me.

  “I feel uncomfortable when the woman with your face is watching us.”

  “Why?”

  “Samantha,” he said with reproach.

  “She’s dead already. You can’t …”

  “Samantha,” Ray interrupted and closed his eyes for a second. “We have to send her to onis, don’t you think? Now. Should I call Dan?”

  My copy took a step back, keeping an eye on her husband.

  “How did she escape from the corporation?” she asked.

  “I’ve told you.”

  “I want to listen to it again. Unbelievable story. We’ve never had anything like that happen before.”

  “Samantha, what’s going on? Do you want to discuss it in front of her?”

  “You said one of the workers was from Hlifian and he helped her to escape. He’s in onis, right?”

  “Keeky,” Ray said and I laughed, but they didn’t pay attention to me. Good. My laugh sounded sick. “What’s going on?”

  “You tell me. Did you communicate with her there? On Planet Two?

  Ray looked at me, licked his lips then turned to his wife again.

  “It was short. I ran into her on the street, right before transferring. I didn’t want to upset you with such insignificant details. Sorry, Keeky.”

  “Is that it?”

  “I don’t know what she’s told you, but it’s the truth. I would never do anything to undermine your trust or your love. You know that.”

  The tenderness in his voice was too obvious and I bit my lip to keep away tears of offense. He talked like this to me and I trusted him. His wife, my copy, was just as naïve as I. Maybe she pretended. Maybe he did tell her the truth. He was just a man and it was just sex that didn’t mean anything to him. Why not use the situation to find out how it was to sleep with two different women who looked identical?

  “She told me that you … hmmm … slept with her.”

  Ray cackled and landed a haughty gaze on me. I was a bomb ready to explode, but I didn’t start to cry, didn’t blame, didn’t slap him in the face. I held his gaze and even kept my breathing smooth. I could ask him counter questions, be acrimonious, throw a sarcastic joke, but I didn’t do any of that. My voice would tremble and betray me. It would be good – for her. She would trust me, she would get hurt. Maybe. Only I didn’t want to look weak and wounded in his eyes. He didn’t deserve it.

  “I can imagine what she’s told you,” he said in a cold voice. If he was nervous in the beginning after entering the room, now he took his emotions under control completely. He was a better pretender than I.

  My copy also was looking at me, as if trying to guess who was lying. After a second I understood that her decision moved to the more advantageous side—mine.

  “I can’t believe that I almost let her convince me.” Samantha went to the table and picked up the phone.

  “I’ve seen enough of her,” she said. “It’s time to say bye-bye. Did I say it right?”

  “As always.” Ray turned away from me. Something flashed in his eyes, but I couldn’t decode it. I didn’t try. My heart was tearing apart from grief. I tried to calm myself down and it didn’t make any sense. Soon I was going to stop suffering. Soon, nothing was going to bother me. He didn’t risk anything.

  “What do you want to do?” he asked indifferently. Why did he try to save me? Was it some kind of a game? Why did he risk his own safety?

  “Dan will take her to onis and tomorrow she’ll be executed. I want to get a good night sleep to get ready for the show.”

  Breathe deeply, I commanded myself. Act as if nothing is happening.

  “I can take her,” Ray said.

  “You?” Samantha put the phone to her ear. “Why?”

  “So, we won’t have any surprises.” Ray spread his arms. “If I had observed her execution the first time, everything would be over.”

  “This time she won’t get out, trust me.” My copy patted Ray’s cheek. My stomach convulsed. It was an unpleasant sight. “I want to spend the night with you. It doesn’t happen so often when you’re home. She will go with Dan. You don’t doubt him?”

  “Dan’s the best.” Ray nodded, glancing at me again. “I hope she’ll get to onis alive.”

  “I have a job for you,” Samantha said into the phone and dropped it on the table. She then approached Ray again, clung to him, turning her face in my direction. She was torturing me. I already had a knife in my heart, but she wanted to make sure it was planted to the very grip. Why did I have to tell her that I loved Ray? My Ray? I suggested to her the best method of torturing me.

  “I had to assure my father that you had nothing to do with her escape. He wanted to talk to you personally. Demanded a report.”

  “He’s called me.”

  “Really?” My copy lifted her gaze to her husband. “Poor you. I hope he didn’t threaten you.”

  “Not as much as before the wedding.”

  Samantha laughed and I wanted to close my ears, that’s how repulsive her laugh was, so I closed them.

  “What happened?” My copy twisted her lips, noticing a movement from my direction. Before this second, I was sitting as a stone statue.

  “Your laugh is nasty,” I said as I put my hands down.

  “No worse than yours.” She raised her chin. “Ray, do I really look like … her?” Contempt in her voice splashed out wit
h the word her like foul water.

  “Just at first glance,” my copy’s husband answered. Sincerely.

  After a second somebody knocked at the door and my copy let in two tall men with the faces of pit bulls. They both were wearing black uniforms with white stripes on the sleeves. One had hair smoothed back, the other one had his head shaved. The bald one stood a head taller than his partner and his facial expression suggested that he was ready to tear into pieces everything in his way. I shrank inside. I had to go with these two monsters. Suddenly Ray’s phrase about me getting to onis alive made sense.

  “She must be in onis tonight,” Samantha said as she pointed to me. Then she picked up the handcuffs from the table with one finger and gave them to baldy. “Block D.”

  The bruisers nodded. The bald one stomped to me, grabbed my arms, twisted them behind my back, and pulled me up. I felt like my wrist cracked when he put the handcuffs on and I gasped. No one had done anything like this to me, ever, but everything in life one day was for the first time, right?

  “Don’t break her arms,” Ray said. I looked at him and saw a flash of fear. It was gone before Samantha presented him with her look.

  “Who cares? She’s not going to suffer for long.”

  Ray chuckled.

  “You’re just so similar. For a second I imagined them doing it to you.”

  “Just don’t imagine her in my place during different situations. You’re dismissed.”

  The man pushed me so hard I almost fell, and I didn’t look at Ray for the last time. I would probably see him tomorrow, when they injected death into my veins. If I didn’t die before that.

  CHAPTER 23

  Samantha looked out of the window at the three receding figures. Dan and his ally, she couldn’t remember his name. Dan was her right hand. Always by her side, always ready to execute any task she gave him, even the most dangerous. He distinguished himself as ruthless, cold, and devoted. She looked as he dragged her double to the car, as he pushed her onto the backseat, and how he waved to his boss after slamming the door shut.

  She turned to her husband who was sitting in the chair with his eyes closed. The same chair that her double was occupying a minute ago. Samantha loved him and would forgive him anything. Anything, but betrayal. Could he lie to her? Could that nit be telling the truth?

  “Ray?”

  He shuddered, opened his eyes, and rubbed them with his fists.

  “Sorry, I fell asleep, I think. It was a long day. I’m exhausted.”

  “I can understand that. That bitch has worn out all of us.”

  “You use more and more of their words. Bitch. What’s that?”

  “I can’t believe they didn’t figure you out. Bitch is scorfah. You have to remember.”

  “I have to remember all bad words. I’m a bad student. I think you’re ready for transferring. I bet they’re searching for her.”

  “I know.” Samantha waved her hand. “If she hadn’t escaped, I could be there today. What about tomorrow afternoon? I’m ready.”

  “Just tell me. I’ll set it up.” Ray yawned. “Nervous?”

  “No, I can’t wait! It will be difficult in the beginning, the difference is too great. But I adapt fast. I’ve been trained for months. I can finally show off my shoes!”

  “Not right away.”

  “Funny. We need to transfer your double soon, too. Do you know when?”

  “I studied all the details of his work, but I’m not ready. How about a month?”

  “A month? Why?”

  “I don’t want to risk anything, plus I have some unfinished business here. I can’t go back for some time, you know that.”

  “Okay. You’re going to go there for business, so I’ll see you anyway.”

  “Yes.” Ray bent to the food that was prepared for the double, picked up a toast with caviar, and stuck it in his mouth.

  “She touched everything there with her hands.” Samantha winced with squeamishness.

  “What? Where?” Ray turned around.

  “Food. I fed her.”

  “You’re my humanitarian.” Ray smiled. His eyes were red, settled deep in the dark circles.

  “You look tired. Do you want to have dinner here or in the bedroom?”

  “Let’s go to the bedroom. I’d love to get in bed.”

  “I’ll order dinner.” Samantha grabbed the phone. “What do you want?”

  “I don’t care.” He smiled. No stress on his face, like nothing had happened today. There was no irnaner from another world, no copy of his wife, and no conversation with her father. She had to reassure herself that Ray was telling the truth. He didn’t have a motive for a lie. He just didn’t have a motive. That was it. Why would he help a person to escape, whom they had planned to transfer to this planet and kill, so his wife could take her place? Why would he send her here and then help her? It didn’t make sense. Just like her father, she started to suspect everyone. Paranoia. Her father, Ray and Dan were those rare people she still trusted. They had been her family.

  “I’ll order something light.” Samantha pressed the button.

  “Sure.” Ray kept smiling. The faithful man who loved her, who was ready to do anything for her. That scorfah had lied. He couldn’t stoop so low as to … Samantha didn’t want to think about it. That woman was nothing. Half human, a low creature from another world. She said it to hurt Samantha. Such a low revenge. It was all right, because tomorrow she would be the one hurt. She would be in such pain that she was going to beg for death.

  “I’ll take a shower while they’re making dinner,” Ray said as he stood up. He stretched, yawned, covering his mouth with his hand. “I feel like I haven’t showered for a year. And haven’t slept.”

  He couldn’t lie to her. Because he was hers. Her husband.

  “Kiss me,” she said, putting the phone down. The food order could wait.

  It looked like Ray was surprised, but he approached her and kissed her lips fervently. She clung to him with her whole body and didn’t want to let go. Her father was wrong when he forbade her to marry Ray. She was afraid he was going to order killing her lover. Father gave his permission for marriage only after he’d learned that Ray owned the corporation. He benefited from this union. Combined work of the corporation and the lottery made Nicolas Bristow the most powerful man in the country, and she loved to be the daughter of the man who had that much power. It had a lot of advantages. The most important advantage was that her husband had always belonged to her. He loved her, yes, she didn’t doubt that, but he would never go against Bristow. It was enough for her to just hint to her father that she was unhappy and Ray would become just a wet spot on the asphalt and his corporation would go to her father. Though it really was her father’s anyway.

  “I love you,” she said as she looked at her handsome husband.

  “I love you more,” he answered. He planted a kiss on her forehead and left the room.

  Samantha picked up the phone again and ordered two sheky to be brought to her bedroom. She was in the mood for her favorite childhood dish. It was also a good idea to have something light before bed. Soon, maybe even tomorrow, she was going to shop on Planet Two by herself and choose whatever she wanted. She just needed to start.

  She checked the report about her double’s escape one more time before going to the bedroom. There was no motive; her father didn’t have to worry. She still loved Ray and wanted him to be alive.

  She walked to the bedroom and, listening to the running water in the shower, changed into her new, ruby-colored, silk pajamas that Ray brought her from Planet Two a week ago. Now she was going to pick out things for herself; try them on. It would be so much fun. She was sick of being here. She had money, but couldn’t buy anything. Her dad was right though. Everyone was equal, no jealousy. The only peeve was that she had to pretend and communicate with the family of that nit. It was not going to be for very long. Little by little they were going to make Planet Two their own.

  Samantha remembered again
her double’s words about sleeping with Ray and her stomach turned. People could be so nasty. They would go to the lowest lie to hurt intensely in order to make themselves feel better. Samantha wanted to tell Ray about it and see how he would laugh, screwing his brown eyes. He was going to say that he would get sick just accidentally touching this cheap copy of his wife. He loved and wanted only her.

  When he left the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist, with specks of water on his skin stretched over his tight muscles, smelling of freshness, nothing mattered anymore. She didn’t want to spoil such a pleasant evening with such unpleasant conversation. The bad was over. That scorfah would disappear tomorrow and her new life was going to start.

  “I ordered champagne,” she smiled. “We need to celebrate the end of the operation.”

  He pulled her to himself and scuttled her fears completely.

  CHAPTER 24

  I was again on the backseat of the car. My wrists, once again, were snapped into the handcuffs, and once again I thought how stupid and naïve I was and how much I didn’t want to die. It was time to get serious about it and prepare myself mentally. Two silent gorillas were taking me to a local jail and tomorrow I was going to be executed. Such a high price for the realization of a dream. Imitation that pretended to be a dream. Would I have noticed that it wasn’t my Ray if not for those five years? If not for this crazy idea to pass desirable for reality? Tomorrow he was going to watch me die and change nothing. If he wanted to he could take action, but he hadn’t. Everything was over for him.

  What was the point of helping me in the corporation? Did he feel guilty and decide he wanted to change something? That was possible. It would be too risky to do it again. Did I try to defend him?

  I should stop thinking about all of it. Maybe I should start praying. What was the business with God on this planet? Was God the same here as on my planet? Did they believe in God at all?