The Telling

by Beverly Lewis

  Then, looking the other way, Lettie spotted the familiar front porch and the wooden swing hanging there. The appeal of their home nearly took her breath away. “Oh, Judah...”

  “You all right?” He looked at her tenderly.

  In a minute or two she would see, once again, her handsome sons and sweet daughters. Yet her neck tightened at the thought of living again under the same roof with her parents.

  Will things truly be different between us?

  A refrain of birdsong met Grace’s ears as she finished shaking the throw rugs outdoors before the noon meal. She glanced at the bird feeders, filled just so for Mamma’s return.

  The sky was nearly cloudless and as blue as she imagined the ocean might be on such a pretty day. A quiver of a breeze rustled her Kapp enough to send the long strings floating up momentarily, then down.

  When she heard Dat’s buggy pull into the driveway, she hurried inside and dropped the rugs in a heap on the kitchen floor. “Quick, Mandy... Mamma’s here!” she called up the stairs.

  Mandy came running down, past Grace and straight through the kitchen, bursting out the screen door. Going to stand by the door, Grace covered her mouth as Mandy rushed right into the buggy and hugged Mamma. Grace could hear her sister’s endearing welcome mixed with joyful tears.

  Show mercy, indeed...

  Soon Adam and Joe came running from the barn to the buggy. Adam went to stand directly at the side of the carriage, waiting to assist their mother down. But when Mamma needed no such help, Adam grinned all the same, seeming to enjoy his attempt at chivalry.

  Just as quick as Mamma had climbed down from the buggy, she opened her arms to Mandy and Adam and Joe, all of them jabbering in Deitsch.

  Dat stood on the perimeter of the huddle and tried to be discreet about mopping his brow. He glanced back at the house – at Grace – and their eyes met.

  “Mamma’s finally home,” she whispered, looking at her father, his lined brow ever so soft now. What he’s been through... bless his dear heart.

  Grace pushed open the kitchen door and walked across the yard to join them, letting Mandy keep her place nestled against Mamma. “Willkumm home, Mamma,” she said as Adam stepped back, then slipped his long arm around their mother’s rounded shoulders. “Mandy and I’ll cook whatever you’d like for dinner, won’t we?” Grace said, smiling at her sister.

  “What’ll it be?” Mandy asked Mamma.

  Their mother reached into her sleeve and pulled out a hankie. When she’d regained her composure, she said, “What if the three of us cook together?”

  “Wonderful- gut !” Mandy exclaimed.

  “Jah, I’d like that.” Mamma exchanged loving glances

  with Dat.

  Then, here came Dawdi and Mammi, smiling as they strolled outside together. Mamma burst into a smile at the sight of them. “We’re glad you’re home, Lettie,” Dawdi Jakob said, his deep voice ringing out strong as he leaned on his cane.

  Mammi Adah’s chin quivered, and the three of them opened their arms to each other. Witnessing this loving embrace, Grace felt her heart might break anew. It was all she could do not to weep right along with them.

  What joy it was, having Mamma working in the kitchen again! Grace kept looking over at their mother’s gentle face as they set to creating a memorable feast.

  Mammi Adah had already brought over freshly made bread and apple butter, and the ingredients for two side dishes – crushed corn fritters and sour cream cabbage – she’d planned for her and Dawdi. Grace was delighted her grandparents were still taking the noon meal with them. She certainly did not want to go back to the estrangement between daughter and parents that had existed prior to Mamma’s leaving.

  When it was time to call the men, instead of ringing the dinner bell, Grace hurried to the sheep barn. She could hardly wait for all of them to sit down as a family. Together at last!

  Once she’d announced dinner was on the table, Adam and Joe ran ahead of her toward the house. It was Yonnie who fell into step with her while Dat made himself scarce, saying he needed to check on one more lamb. It seemed obvious to Grace that he wanted Yonnie to have a chance to talk with her alone.

  “I won’t be stayin’ for the noon meal today,” Yonnie said unexpectedly. “It’s a special time for your family... a reunion, really.”

  “That’s up to you.” Her voice was a thin thread. She wanted him to know he was still welcome.

  “Also, Daed wants me to start workin’ with him – as his business partner at the buggy shop. I’m starting first thing tomorrow. I just told your father.”

  Her hands fell limp at her side. This felt so sudden. “I’m sure Dat will miss your help,” she eked out.

  He gave her a brief smile, then looked more serious again. “It must be mighty gut havin’ your mother home.”

  She nodded, unable to speak.

  “Well, I’d better get goin’.”

  Her heart pounded as Yonnie headed toward the road, on foot as was his usual way. Hoping he might turn and give her at least an enthusiastic wave, as he sometimes did, she watched... and waited.

  Yonnie kept going, never once looking back. And Grace was startled at how quickly her happiness had waned.

  Lettie could hardly keep her smile in check, moving about the kitchen as she served her family on this, her first day home. More than ever before she delighted in sitting near Judah, having sorely missed her place at this table. And while Grace and Mandy were clearly accustomed now to getting the meals and redding up the kitchen, she was sure they would gladly surrender the primary responsibility, given time. It’s my duty, after all.

  During the silent blessing, she thanked the Lord for traveling mercies... and for such a compassionate and forgiving family. When she raised her eyes at the amen, she caught her mother’s warm gaze.

  Suddenly, Judah covered her hand with his, just as Hallie’s husband had done at their table. Lettie caught her breath – such open affection between them was entirely new.

  “I want to say something before the food is passed.” Judah looked her way, then around the table at each one present. “My wife has returned.” His voice did not waver. “God has forgiven her and we, as a family, offer her our forgiveness, too.”

  Tears threatened her vision as Judah squeezed her hand.

  “Let’s rejoice together,” he said before reaching for the meat platter.

  Lettie dared not look across at her parents, lest she weep openly. She was certain they, too, were moved by Judah’s words. Oh, such love welled up for her husband. Never had she heard him express himself so freely. Never!

  Once the leftover food was put away and the dishes and pots and pans were washed and dried, Lettie hurried across the house to find her mother. She fairly bumped into Mamm in the hallway. “Ach, sorry... are you all right?” She steadied her.

  Mamm broke into a small smile. “I was just comin’ to find you , Lettie.”

  Lettie bit her cheek, worried what she might have on her mind: She knew that look on her mother’s face all too well. Somewhat reluctant now, she followed Mamm into the front room.

  When they were seated, Mamm fiddled with her apron. Lettie looked into her deeply lined yet sincere face. “I’m awful concerned ’bout something.”

  “What is it, Mamm?”

  “When you make your confession before the membership... must you reveal everything? I mean all the personal details?”

  “I want to do the ministers’ bidding... to come clean.”

  “’Tis a thorny issue, the confession.”

  Lettie replied softly, “It’s up to the bishop what questions are asked of me.”

  Mamm’s lips drew into a stiff line, and her cheeks flushed. She sighed and reached into her pocket. “I’ve had this letter since Minnie Keim passed it on to me years ago – information about the doctor and the lawyer who placed your baby.” She stared at it for a moment. “The letter was meant for both of us, but I was worried you might change your mind after the baby’s birth,
so I hid it away.” She gave Lettie the envelope. “I did you wrong, Lettie. The information there might’ve kept you from leavin’ your family as you did.”

  Lettie held the letter, unsure of herself. “Well, my search was only part of the reason I left.” She drew a breath. “I wanted Samuel to know about our child, too, hopin’ to soothe his sadness over his wife’s death.”

  Mamm’s eyes widened, and Lettie continued. “So Samuel would know he wasn’t childless at all.”

  Frowning now, her mother looked befuddled.

  “I realize I should’ve told him long ago, since the baby was also his.” Lettie shook her head. “And I never should’ve traveled alone to see him without Judah’s permission. It was wrong of me.”

  “But what’ll you do if your daughter wants to find you ?” Mamma asked. “What then?”

  “I think that’s unlikely now.” She paused. “And since visiting Cousin Hallie, I’ve been prayin’ differently ’bout this.”

  Mamm let out a little gasp. “You mean Hallie Troyer knows?”

  “I told you, Mamm. I’m weary of this secret.” Lettie’s throat tightened. “I’ve spoken with the ministers in confidence already.” By the look of trepidation on her mother’s face, she wasn’t sure she should say more.

  “Oh, Lettie... Lettie, dear.”

  She explained what she’d decided to do. “The brethren ruled that I won’t be shunned if I fully reveal my sins to the congregation.”

  Mamm grimaced, shaking her head. And the silence that fell between them was thick as custard. Yet Lettie would not allow herself to be persuaded otherwise, because in her heart she knew this was the right thing to do.

  “And Judah... what does he say?” asked Mamm.

  “We must trust the Lord.” With all of our hearts...

  Mamm reached out and placed a hand on Lettie’s arm. “I wish you’d give it more thought, dear. Consider the consequences that such a disclosure might cause.”

  “For me?” Lettie whispered. “Or for you?”

  Mamm’s eyes were grave. “Not just for your father and me. Think how it could affect Adam’s pending marriage... and Grace’s and Mandy’s potential mates. Young Joe, too.”

  Lettie had witnessed firsthand the humiliation and embarrassment previous church confessions involved, so she understood something of her mother’s reluctance. Yet, no matter how painful her declaration of guilt might be, she felt certain God was calling her to do this. No anguish could be worse than her – and her family’s – bearing the ramifications of her sins in utter silence.

  “I want to follow the Lord in this,” Lettie said, hoping her determined stand would not create another wedge between them.

  twenty-four

  When Martin Puckett pulled into the driveway that same afternoon, Grace went out to meet him. “My wife received your voicemail. She’s thrilled you want to help,” he said. “When would you like to come?”

  Glancing back toward the house, she said, “I’d best talk with my mother right quick. She’s just returned home!”

  Martin’s eyes lit up. “Well, what good news! I’m happy to hear it.”

  “There’s a lot of happiness to go round.” She turned toward the house. “Do ya mind waiting? I’ll run in and check.”

  But her mother was not to be found on their side of the house, so she slipped across the center hall. There, in the sitting room, she found Mamma and Mammi Adah talking in low voices. Both looked glum, as if they’d just had the most dreadful news.

  Her mother turned. “What is it, dear?”

  “Don’t mean to interrupt.” Grace swiftly explained Janet Puckett’s interest in creating an herb garden. “Martin’s here now.... If it’s all right with you, I’ll tell him I can help his wife this Saturday.”

  Mamma tilted her head slightly. “Gracie, you managed the entire household without my say-so,” she said with a demure smile.

  Grace had to laugh a little. “You’re right. Thanks, Mamma.” With that she returned to tell Martin, who said he’d pick her up after breakfast Saturday. Grace watched him drive away, pleased at the prospect of spending a morning working in such a pleasant way. Life seemed so good now that Mamma was home. She couldn’t begin to understand why her mother and grandmother had looked so depressed just moments ago.

  On the way to the Wellness Lodge later that afternoon, Grace stopped by the Riehls’, eager to see Becky, whom she hadn’t had a chance to visit with privately since returning from Ohio.

  Her friend rushed out of the house, her long purple skirt swaying. “Gracie... it’s been much too long!”

  “I’ve missed you, too.”

  They fell into step and strolled toward the pond behind the barn. “I hear your Mamma’s back,” Becky said.

  “Dat brought her home from Preacher Josiah’s just this morning.”

  Becky was quiet all of a sudden, and Grace realized she must not have known Mamma had been staying at Smuckers’. Since she was hesitant to delve into that, Grace changed the subject quickly. “I thought you might want to know Heather’s having quite a time of it.”

  “Awful sorry to hear that,” Becky said. “I’ll try and visit her.” She smiled as they neared the pond out back. “I’m glad she’s found a friend in you, Gracie.”

  “’Tween you and me, Heather seems sad... even depressed.”

  “Well, I’d be sad, too.” Becky stopped near the edge of the wide pond, near a tall willow tree. “Sally Smucker mentioned to Mamm that Heather has some form of cancer. Did ya know?”

  Grace said she did. “I hope Dr. Marshall can help her... like she did Sally.”

  “Jah, I wish the best for Heather.” Becky lifted her skirt slightly and dipped her toe into the pond. She motioned for Grace to do the same. “C’mon, it’ll cool you off.”

  “Ain’t that hot.” She hung back, watching her friend. She looked over at Dat’s sheep pasture. Soon it would be June and lambing season would be over. Mamma came home at exactly the right time.

  “I’ll tell you a secret if you promise not to repeat it.” Becky grinned at her.

  “Frankly, I’m full up with secrets.”

  “Aw... Gracie?”

  Grace waved her hand vaguely. “If you must.”

  “Well, after the Singing last Sunday night, Henry and I snuck around the back of the barn and went wading.”

  “Here?”

  “In this very pond.”

  “Becky, you didn’t!”

  “Clear up to our knees.”

  “Whatever for?”

  Becky waded in a little farther. “It wasn’t my idea, but Henry’s.”

  “So... he talks to you, then?” Grace bit her tongue too late.

  Becky’s laugh was infectious. “Not much, no.”

  “Goodness, he must’ve suggested it somehow. Maybe sign language?”

  “No, he just rolled up his pant legs and walked right on into the water.”

  “So... sounds like you might be a couple.”

  Becky’s wide smile gave her away. “Ain’t s’posed to ask such things, Gracie.”

  “Well, you don’t have to say.” Grace hesitated, then added, “Henry might be just right for you.”

  Becky made no response; by now her friend was up to midcalf in the pond.

  “If you’re goin’ in much farther, maybe you should wait till dark,” Grace suggested.

  “Are ya saying to make this visit quick, Gracie?” Becky turned, her Kapp strings dangling down her front.

  “Thought you might want to be alone to remember last Sunday, out here with Henry and all.” Grace covered her mouth, stifling her laughter.

  “Aw... you’re a tease.” Becky started to head back to the grassy slope. “What ’bout you and Yonnie... doin’ all right?”

  Since she asked it like that, Grace guessed Becky was completely over him. “We’ve become friends,” Grace said.

  “ Just friends?” There was a playful look in Becky’s eyes again.

  “Right.”


  Becky kept the hem of her skirt up a bit to let the sun dry her bare legs and feet. “Say, I hear Mamm’s putting up jam with Sally Smucker and your Mammi Adah a week from this Friday.”

  “Must be strawberry.”

  “That, and some strawberry rhubarb, Mamm’s favorite,” Becky said, walking with Grace toward the house.

  “If I’m not scheduled to work at Eli’s, I could help. Mamma prob’ly will, too – we could put up enough for several families, and a bunch to sell at the roadside stand, too. A jam-making frolic, jah?”

  “’Fraid you’ll have to have fun without me. I promised Mamma I’ll be home with my sisters,” Becky said.

  They hugged quickly and said good-bye, then Grace headed to the lodge, smiling to herself at the image of her friend standing there with the hem of her dress all sopping wet.

  After supper, Lettie found it heartening that Judah had a longer time of family worship than usual. And when he finished, he told Adam and Joe they were to be in charge of checking on the lambs tonight. “Take turns wakin’ each other up,” he stressed, glancing at Lettie.

  Mandy and the boys had been especially attentive to the worship this evening. Grace, on the other hand, had looked distracted, and Lettie feared she’d taken on too much of the burden for the family in her absence .

  Was that the reason Grace seemed so interested in helping Martin Puckett’s wife? Did she feel compelled somehow?

  When Lettie climbed the stairs with Judah and they were finally alone, she mentioned Grace’s eagerness to work for Janet Puckett. “If only for a day or two,” she said.

  “Janet must know of our Gracie’s love for gardening,” he said. “Certainly seems like a good fit.”

  It was remarkable how quickly Judah now offered his opinion. But Lettie didn’t point it out, not wanting to embarrass him... simply enjoyed his willingness to share like this.

  Looking around the bedroom, she stared at the headboard, which sat to the north, just as all the beds in their house were positioned. Her gaze fell over the pretty, handmade hope chest – Judah’s handiwork – at the foot of the bed, filled with her blankets and quilts. She’d tucked the midwife’s letter away there, as well as the poetry books from Samuel Graber, on the off chance their child might be reunited with her someday. Other than that, she did not care to read either the letter or the books ever again.