Almost Romance

by Kylie Gilmore

  “How ya doing?” he asked.

  She glanced over her shoulder. “Fine.”

  She opened the door and let him into an apartment that reminded him of an old dorm. Definitely university housing. Brown sofa, coffee table, small TV. Tile floors. The walls were plain white with no homey touches. Not even a single Christmas decoration.

  “Why didn’t you get an apartment off-campus?” he asked.

  She lifted one shoulder. “They let postdocs stay in graduate housing, and it came furnished. Can’t beat it for convenience and affordability. Drink?”

  “Sure.”

  She went to a small galley kitchen separated from the living room by a half wall. The counter was littered with half-full bottled waters like she’d forgotten about one before picking up another. Post-its with scribbled equations were stuck on the wall over the sink. She started opening and closing cabinets, looking for who knew what, opening the refrigerator, then the freezer, back to the refrigerator before finally turning to face him. “I have water or milk.”

  She rarely remembered real-life stuff like groceries because she was preoccupied with figuring out the universe. He understood, he worked with computer science people thoroughly immersed in coding. He could be the same way at times, though he could turn it off and go back to real life a little easier than some of his colleagues. Probably his mom’s influence, she was an affectionate woman who loved art and theater. He and his brothers took after their dad, a brilliant mechanical engineer, in their analytical bent, but tempered by their mom’s insistence on pulling away from technology to experience the real world.

  At least Kate, unlike his coworkers who often forgot to shower, was always fresh and clean because hot showers helped her have breakthroughs in thought. He wouldn’t mind having a breakthrough shower moment with her. He adjusted himself discreetly. “Water,” he croaked.

  She cocked her head. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes.” He let out a breath and sat on the sofa. He was the one in her apartment, not Christopher, so that could only be a good sign.

  “Ice?” she asked.

  “Sure.”

  She poured two glasses of water from the faucet, apparently out of bottled water, grabbed an ice-cube tray and dropped some cubes into one glass. “Would you like a straw too?”

  It wasn’t like Kate to fuss over him. Though it was kinda nice. “Sure.”

  She put the ice-cube tray away and started opening and closing cabinets again, presumably looking for a straw.

  “Never mind!” he called.

  She nodded once, grabbed both glasses, and joined him on the sofa. “Should we have our personal conversation now?” She set both glasses on the coffee table and looked at him expectantly.

  That was the thing about Kate. She never danced around a topic. Everything she said was honest, direct, and to the point. Something he usually appreciated, though this particular topic required easing into. He picked up his glass with ice, took a long drink, and set the glass on the coffee table next to her untouched glass. “Did you break up with Christopher?”

  “No.”

  He shifted toward her. “Why did you leave in the middle of foreplay to call Amber?”

  She bit her lip, and he waited, knowing she’d blurt out the truth if he was patient.

  She folded her hands in her lap before saying quietly, “I’m uncomfortable confiding that to you.”

  He leaned closer. “Was it about me?”

  She swallowed visibly. “Yes.”

  A surge of triumph went through him. “What did you say about me?”

  She looked thoughtful and finally said, “I told her you were a distraction.”

  “Does Christopher distract you?”

  “No.”

  Given enough questions, he thought he could get the whole conversation out of her, but what he really wanted to do was kiss her again. He leaned in, giving her plenty of time to protest, but she didn’t. She met him halfway. He slid his hand into her hair and claimed her mouth. Things got hot and heavy fast. Their tongues tangled, her hands slid over his chest, and then he had her under him. It felt so good to press his full body against hers while he kissed her. She made these sexy little noises in the back of her throat that drove him insane with lust. He kissed and tasted her neck as he slid his hand under her sweater and pushed the cup of her bra out of the way so he could caress her beautiful breast.

  “We shouldn’t be doing this,” she said weakly, arching into his hand. “I have a boyfriend.”

  “Ditch him.” He kissed her again long and deep, the heat between them igniting again. Without breaking the kiss, he raised his body just enough to slip his hand down and unbutton her jeans. She shoved at his chest, and he lifted his head, breaking the kiss.

  “Ian,” she said in a breathy voice, “we should talk.” Her blue eyes through the tortoiseshell glasses were dark and dilated. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips bright pink from his kisses. He didn’t want to talk. He rocked his pelvis into her, and she closed her eyes, threw her head back, and moaned. It would be so damn easy. She wanted him. He wanted her. But something told him he shouldn’t push her on this. He didn’t want her having any doubts about them. Didn’t want her thinking that what they did was wrong. He’d wait for her to dump Christopher.

  He eased himself off her, and she scrambled to sit up.

  He sat next to her, leaned his elbows on his knees, and let out a long, fortifying breath. “I’m in love with you, Kate.”

  He glanced back at her. She’d slapped a hand over her mouth. He wasn’t sure why she seemed so surprised. She said Amber told her earlier, but maybe she needed more explanation. “Have been since the first time we hooked up. But you weren’t ready for anything that serious back then. But this last time we hooked up, I wanted us to keep going, even if it’s long distance for a while. I never forgot you, Kate.” He swallowed hard. “Never really got over you. How do you feel about me?”

  She was quiet.

  He stared straight ahead. “Please say something.”

  “But you were with Morgan all those years. You loved her.”

  He nodded. “I did. But nothing has ever run as deep as what I feel for you. I think Morgan knew that on some level. She never liked you and I being friends. It’s probably why she gave me an ultimatum, commit or move on. I had to move on because—” he swallowed over the lump in his throat “—you still had a hold of my heart.”

  She sucked in an audible breath. He glanced back; her blue eyes were wide. He pressed his lips tightly together and faced front again. It seemed everyone knew how he felt about Kate, except Kate. But now the truth was out, and it felt like his heart was just hanging out there in the wind, raw and exposed.

  “Ian, this…I’m just hearing about this for the first time, and I’m trying to wrap my head around it. I had no idea you lo—” She coughed. “I like you. I’ve always liked you. A lot. Amber says you just know when you love someone, but I still don’t know exactly how you know. I’m not so good with emotions. Amber usually helps me straighten things out, but I’m still…confused.”

  He turned to face her. Her blue eyes were shiny with unshed tears, her expression pained. He stroked her soft blond hair. “Hey, I know it’s hard for you, and I normally wouldn’t push you to do something you’re not comfortable with, but this is different.” He leaned closer, meeting her eyes. “I need you to do some soul-searching and really try to figure out how you feel about me.” He leaned back. “And how you feel about that other guy.”

  “Christopher,” she supplied oh so helpfully.

  He stood, his chest aching. “So we’ll all go out tomorrow. Then you decide. Me or him.” He headed for the door because he couldn’t take one more minute of being with her, yet not having her, not knowing she was his. Only his.

  She leaped off the sofa. “Where are you going? Are you mad?”

  He wasn’t really. He just needed to know where he stood, and it was clear he wasn’t going to get any answers tonight. She need
ed time to process his admission, time to think about who she wanted a future with. He stopped at the door and just looked at her. She wrung her hands together, her brow creased in a worried expression.

  “I’m not mad.” He shoved his unruly hair out of his eyes. “I, uh, well, we’ll see tomorrow. And, after that…I guess we’ll both know where we stand.”

  She wrung her hands together some more. “My brain only works quickly with science. Once emotion is involved, it comes to a screeching halt. Please give me time to think this through. I don’t—” Her voice choked. “I don’t want to mess this up,” she finished in a small voice.

  He crossed back to her, pulled her wringing hands apart, and hugged her. She sank against him. He always felt like she craved being hugged, though she never initiated one. He’d only ever seen her hug her sister.

  She squeezed him tightly, burying her head in his chest. “I don’t want to lose you, Ian. You’re so important to me.”

  His throat got tight. Now what was he supposed to say to that? They had a history. They were friends, they were lovers, they were connected through their siblings, they shared a niece. So many connections. But he needed more.

  He untangled her arms from around his waist. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” she said softly.

  It took everything he had to walk out that door.

  Chapter Five

  Kate lay in bed that night, staring at the ceiling as she replayed her time with Christopher. Their dates had been nice. Dinners at upscale restaurants, action adventure movies they both enjoyed. He never pushed her to be anything other than what she was. Seemed to accept her hard-core focus on physics, the long hours she put in at the lab. He also put in long hours at the hospital, and she thought that was a plus in the compatibility department. He was an ideal boyfriend on paper, and she could find no real fault with him. He was attractive by any measure. She was sure a lot of women would want him.

  She rolled to her side and thought of Ian. That was where things got murky and hard to figure out. She couldn’t think of him objectively at all. He’d permanently imprinted himself on her body and soul by being her first when she was twenty-one. And then they’d stayed friends, kinda, well, not really friends. Friendly. His girlfriend, Morgan, didn’t want them spending any time together as friends. She saw him with Morgan at numerous family get-togethers. And then Ian and Morgan broke up. Some part of her had hoped when she saw him last Christmas, a few weeks after his breakup, that maybe they could hang out again and recreate that closeness she’d felt the summer they first met. But he’d brought a girlfriend. Some tramp from Build-a-Bear. She’d felt foolish and retreated back to work the day after Christmas.

  But then there he was again at her PhD graduation only five months later with no girlfriend in sight. Still, she hadn’t expected to hook up with him that night. Not only was she leaving for her postdoc appointment in Chicago the next day (the research project was fully funded and the professor in charge wanted her there yesterday), but, in her experience after the three men she’d hooked up with her first semester of graduate school, a repeat hookup would be a waste of both of their time. If a guy didn’t bring their best work in the bedroom the first time, it just wasn’t going to happen. Having already been with Ian when she was twenty-one, she didn’t see how sex at twenty-five would be any different. But he had a way of drawing her in, as easily at twenty-five as he had at twenty-one, making her libido trounce her brain. She wasn’t proud of that. She considered it a terrible character flaw and a hazard to her career. As a woman, she had to work twice as hard to prove herself in the male-dominated field of physics.

  So there she was, standing in her cap and gown, chatting with her parents before the ceremony about the particle accelerator she’d soon be working with during her postdoc and her planned experiments. Then she saw Barry and Amber arrive with Ian holding baby Violet and all coherent thought left her. She couldn’t even respond to whatever her mother had just asked her. She hadn’t known Ian would be there. He’d surprised her. She was terrible with surprises.

  “What’re you doing here, Ian?” she’d exclaimed.

  He grinned. “I wanted to see you graduate. Congratulations! I heard you won an Algon medal. You must be so happy. Everything just like you wanted.”

  She knew exactly what he meant. She’d explained to him at Barry and Amber’s wedding, shortly after grad school began, that she must dedicate herself to her studies. This was in response to him wanting to see her again. She’d sworn off men after her first two months at MIT had yielded five hookups (three guys) and a dangerous drop in grades from A to B-. She was a serious physicist and had to achieve while her mind was young and agile. And she’d done exactly that.

  “I am happy.” She kissed Violet’s soft baby cheek. “Hello, Violet.”

  Violet smiled, revealing a full set of one-year-old baby teeth. “Tate,” she said.

  “Kate,” she and Ian enunciated at the same time.

  “Tate!” Violet hollered.

  Kate and Ian grinned at each other. Violet was so cute.

  Later, after the ceremony and a celebratory dinner with family, Ian asked her if she wanted to get a beer at a local bar to continue the celebration.

  “Ian, you know beer makes me horny.”

  He grinned and shoved his wavy brown hair out of his eyes. “And I’m okay with that.”

  She giggled. He was so funny. “Okay.”

  One beer and she was in his lap. It was an easy move from there back to his apartment. He lived in Boston not far from where she went to school, but they’d both been so busy working that she hadn’t seen him. Plus the girlfriend barrier kept them apart, except at a few family events.

  Ian took her straight to the bedroom, and they slammed together like no time had passed at all since their last kiss four years ago. The stress and tension of those four years of hard work at graduate school melted away as Ian took her out of herself. His mouth, hard and demanding on hers, made her knees weak, made her mind shut down. She melted against him as her long-dormant libido flared to life again. He pulled back, his brown eyes hot and burning into hers as he started unbuttoning her shirt. The pause in the action gave her enough time to think.

  She pushed her glasses in place. “You know, I’m not sure a repeat performance is worth our time.”

  He pulled the band out of her hair and took off her glasses, setting them both on the nightstand. The world went blurry. Then he wrapped his arms around her, settled his hands on her ass, and pressed her against his hardness. “I’m sure it’s worth our time.”

  “The first time we were together wasn’t a full-tilt boogie. Remember?”

  He groaned and ground against her, which made her temporarily lose her train of thought. Then he was kissing her neck and unbuttoning the rest of her shirt, which brought her mind back on track. The first time she’d urged him to hurry up and take her virginity. And he had. No orgasm. Then he’d coaxed her into spending the night, saying a second time was necessary to make sure her virginity was completely gone. Still no orgasm. Except for the mouth thing.

  The memories of their first time faded as right now Ian was stroking her all over her skirt—front, sides, and back. Probably looking for the zipper and revving her up at the same time. She turned. “Zipper’s in the back.”

  He unzipped her and worked the skirt down over her hips. Should she explain the reason for her hesitation? Perhaps he’d have a reasonable argument to sway her one way or the other. The merits of such a discussion—

  She realized with a start that she was completely naked, and Ian was staring at her hungrily. She took the opportunity to explain exactly why she thought this repeat performance could be a waste of time.

  “Ian,” she said just to get his attention. He seemed to be fixated on her breasts. “I never had an orgasm with you.”

  “Yes, you did. You came right against my mouth.” His shirt went flying. “I felt every shudder.”

  She throbbed a
t the memory, but still felt she had to explain her point. “That doesn’t count. There was no penis involved.”

  “It doesn’t count?” He enunciated each word clearly before he dropped his jeans and boxers. His erection sprang free, which temporarily distracted her. And then he rolled on a condom, which she didn’t even know he’d had. Of course, her vision was—

  He pulled her flush against his body. The heat and hardness of him made her soften and rub herself shamelessly against him.

  He cradled her face with one large hand. “This time it will be full-tilt boogie with penis. I promise.”

  She wasn’t so sure, but then he kissed her again and his hands were all over her, and her brain short-circuited in favor of her libido. She went up on tiptoe so they’d fit better, and gasped as his hand cupped her between the legs. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to have him inside her despite all her earlier reasoning. It was raw and primal, and she couldn’t fight it. She moaned loudly, beyond speech as he stroked her and slid his fingers inside.

  “Kate,” he groaned. He pulled her with him onto the bed, and they immediately slammed together like powerful magnets, arms and legs tangled as they kissed and kissed and kissed. Then Ian rolled her onto her stomach, wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her up on all fours.

  “I don’t like this way,” she said over her shoulder. “This is what guys do when they want to forget who they’re screwing.”

  He spread her legs wider. “I could never forget you. You talk the whole time.”

  “I do not.”

  He pressed at her entrance. “Let me show you how it could work for you.”

  She sighed. “Fine—oh!” He’d thrust inside her. “If you insist. Now see, this isn’t much—” His hand reached around and stroked her rapidly. “Ah! I-oh, oh, oh.”

  “This counts, Kate,” he growled in her ear as he rocked into her with deep, hard thrusts. “This totally counts. Penis involved.”

  “Oh-oh-oh,” she chanted. The pressure was unbearable. He was rocking her world. Literally. Rocking her hard, stroking her quick like strumming a guitar. “Ohgodohgodohgod,” she chanted. His heat at her back, the feeling of being surrounded by him, made the intensity ratchet up. She lost the power of speech as the pleasure escalated, higher and higher, until her insides clenched on the edge of release.