Almost Romance

by Kylie Gilmore

  Both of his brows shot up. “Oh, yeah? Maybe I’ll join you.”

  She froze. “I thought you had to work tomorrow.”

  “I do. Stop by the hospital at five. I get an hour break for dinner. We’ll go someplace nearby.”

  She scrambled to come up with a good reason why he couldn’t meet Ian. This meeting of men who’d slept with her could only be awkward at best, territorial male posturing at worst. “Why do you want to meet him?”

  He took her hand. “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine.”

  Nerves raced through her. “I fail to see—”

  “Just tell him I’ll be there too.”

  She couldn’t see any possible scenario where this would go well. But before she could figure out what to say, Christopher started gently kissing her neck. This foreplay always signaled a trip to the bedroom.

  Chapter Four

  “Will you do that for me?” Christopher whispered in her ear. The proximity of his voice to her ear didn’t have the same hot tingle effect as when Ian had made a similar move earlier and that gave her pause. More than a pause. Alarm bells were going off in her head.

  “I doubt he’ll want to go,” she said.

  “Let me know either way.” Then he licked her ear, which was weird because she couldn’t hear for a moment.

  She backed away. “I need to go home and call my sister.”

  He gave her a small smile that indicated amusement, though nothing was funny. In fact, she was on the verge of full-out panic. “Why don’t you just call her from here?”

  “I need privacy.” She turned, grabbed her coat and purse, and headed to the door. “I’ll let you know about tomorrow.”

  “Gimme a call when you’re done talking to your sister. I’ll come over.”

  “Maybe,” she said as she shoved her arms into the sleeves of her wool coat. The charm bracelet jabbed the underside of her arm as the sleeve caught on it. She bolted out the door and headed down the elevator to her car. She was severely disturbed by the night’s events: 1) Christopher’s kiss wasn’t nearly as lusty as Ian’s, 2) Christopher thought she was Bohemian when she was the furthest thing from that, and 3) the thoughtless gift he’d given her. She couldn’t even wait to get home to call Amber. She called her from her parked station wagon.

  “I have a problem,” she blurted as soon as Amber answered.

  “Kate?”

  “Yes.”

  A beat passed in silence.

  “Aren’t you going to ask what my problem is?” Kate asked with some irritation.

  “I heard Ian’s in Chicago. Is he the problem? Hold on.” Then she spoke in a sweet voice that she saved for little Violet. “Go with Daddy for tubby time. I’ll be up for mermaids.” Then in her normal voice, “Okay. It’s Violet’s bath time.”

  She heard Barry singing yo-ho-ho and Violet giggling. A pang of longing went through her. How much nicer it would be to have a friendly, happy home like Barry and Amber had instead of sitting in a cold station wagon fretting over a terrible predicament.

  She almost envied Violet. Amber and Barry were raising her great, teaching her lots of stuff while also giving her plenty of playtime. Kate had never had playtime as a kid, though for a while she’d really tried to get it. Like that Emma doll she’d desperately wanted and already knew she’d get Violet when she was four. Maybe some dress-up princess clothes too. All the things Kate had wanted as a girl, but her parents had deemed a frivolous gender-constricting waste of time. Kate had been alone a lot as a kid. Amber had been a teenager when she moved in with them (after Amber’s mom took off for Paris) and didn’t want to hang out with her little sister Kate much back then. Kate had hoped the Emma doll would be her companion in her quiet, formal household, and she’d planned to take good care of her too with a regular feeding and diaper-changing schedule. She’d asked for Emma for every birthday and every Christmas from five years old (when she’d first seen the commercial) until the embarrassingly old age of twelve. Instead she’d gotten a lecture in feminism from her mother and a series of scientific instruments—telescope, Gauss meter, and oscilloscope to name a few. By thirteen she gave up on the doll and dedicated herself to her studies. Amber had moved on to college by then and started taking an interest in Kate, being nicer and hanging out with her more, so Kate had at least felt less lonely.

  Kate heaved a sigh. “Did you know Ian would be in Chicago?”

  “Just found out an hour ago when he called Bare.”

  “He wants to begin a long-distance relationship with me, but I have a boyfriend.” She got sweaty just thinking about it. She’d thought what she had with Christopher was ideal, but tonight, fresh from being with Ian, she realized that things with Christopher weren’t as perfect as she’d thought.

  “How come you didn’t tell me about your boyfriend?” Amber asked. “I just found out about that too.”

  “I don’t know.” She felt queasy saying that because she knew perfectly well why she hadn’t mentioned him. She hadn’t wanted Ian to find out and feel hurt after their most recent hookup. It was easier to be friends with Ian if they didn’t bring up other sexual partners. She’d never felt comfortable around Ian’s girlfriends. “I’ve only seen Christopher a handful of times because of our schedules.”

  “So-oo-oo, tell me the problem,” Amber said.

  “Christopher was doing the kissing-the-neck thing.” She touched her neck. “You know, foreplay. And I suddenly felt like I couldn’t ride the wild thing. I bolted out of there like he was Satan. But he’s not! He’s a doctor and good husband material.” Ever since Violet was born, Kate had been thinking more and more about finding a husband and having kids of her own.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “It’s not logical to turn him down given that Christopher lives here and Ian lives not here. Something’s wrong with me.”

  Amber murmured noncommittally.

  “I like to be logical,” Kate went on. “Anything else is chaos. The universe naturally unfolds into chaos, I know that, but I just don’t want my life to be like that. I want it to make sense.” She began a frantic one-handed cleaning of her car, which was littered with half-empty bottled waters, crumpled tissues, and Post-its covered in equations she’d scribbled down at traffic lights.

  “Ian changed after he was with you,” Amber said. “I think…”

  Her hand involuntarily flexed, crumpling the Post-its together. “What?”

  “I think you had a big influence on him. He stopped being a player after that. Got a little more serious.”

  She tossed the crumpled paper in the backseat to be dealt with later. “That makes no sense. The deflowering changed me, not him.” She’d never told her sister about her recent graduation hookup with Ian. She was too embarrassed to admit her terrible lack of control around him. She snatched a bottled water off the floor and pressed it to her forehead, trying to cool off from thoughts of Ian.

  “Kate,” Amber said gently, “he’s in love with you.”

  Kate gasped and dropped the bottled water right on her foot. “Ah!”

  “Are you okay?”

  She snatched the water and tossed that in the backseat too. “He’s not in love with me!” He’d never said he loved her. Not once.

  “He is, sweetie. Has been for years.”

  Kate did a quick rewind through her conversation earlier with Ian. He’d clearly said he liked her. “He never said he loved me.”

  “How do you feel about him?”

  She fidgeted, suddenly uncomfortable as she delved into the murky waters of emotion. “He’s…I don’t know. He’s a good friend. He’s always been good to me.” Her throat got tight. “I don’t know,” she finished lamely.

  “Uh-huh. And how do you feel about Christopher?”

  “He’s got husband material written all over him. Smart, successful, good genes.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Which one?”

  “Either.”

  Her gut churned. “I don’t know. How
do you know?”

  “Trust me, you’ll know. Sweetie, I know our family is not big on love. And I don’t know Christopher, but I do know Ian. And he’s turned out great. He’s also smart, successful, with good genes. And he really does love you. Just give him a chance. I think if you open your heart just a little, you might be pleasantly surprised.”

  “I don’t like surprises.” This was making her head hurt, and her stomach do another slow, painful churn. Nothing was clear in this area at all. Except one thing. Men were a major distraction. “Amber, do you know why I graduated high school in three years?”

  “Because you studied a lot?”

  “Because of Billy Hall. I had a huge crush on him my entire second year, and I lost all focus. I should’ve graduated in two years.” That really burned. She would’ve been much further ahead in her research if she hadn’t fallen a year behind back then. Her mom had drilled it into her after that spectacular failure that academics came first. And if Kate wanted a partner down the road, her mom told her a work partner was best, life partner second. That’s the kind of marriage her parents had—both physicists at the same university.

  “Wow, two years,” Amber said.

  Kate hurled a few more half-empty bottled waters in the backseat. “Same thing happened at MIT. My first year I lost focus because I was on the prowl for men.”

  Amber giggled.

  “It’s not funny. There really is a short circuit between my brain and my libido.”

  “But you’re done with school. You can have a career and a boyfriend. Not everything is either-or, black or white. There’s a lot of gray area.”

  She leaned down to the passenger-side floor and snagged some crumpled tissues, a napkin, and a half-eaten granola bar. “I don’t like gray areas.” She stuffed all the trash in the cup holder. “I like absolutes.”

  “Take my mom, for example. Do you think I want her to visit? No. But she wants a relationship with Violet. Am I going to deny my daughter the chance to get to know her grandmother? No. Gray area.”

  Kate rested her forehead on the steering wheel. “I still don’t know what to do,” she whispered.

  “You can have both. A guy and a career. It’s a gray area I’m encouraging you to explore. And, honestly, the fact that this wasn’t a big issue for you with your current boyfriend and just thinking about it with Ian has got you worked up tells me that there’s something worth exploring with Ian.”

  Kate’s mind leaped to a major roadblock. “If things didn’t work out with Ian, I’d lose him as a friend. And family get-togethers would be so awkward.” Everything with Christopher seemed so much simpler. And, really, the simplest answer was often the most elegant. In physics, anyway. Why couldn’t life be as clear-cut as science? Her thoughts ping-ponged all over the place so she couldn’t even think clearly. She took a deep breath when she realized she’d been holding her breath. Amber interrupted her silent meltdown.

  “Bare and I discussed it already—”

  She shot straight up in her seat. “You did?”

  “Well, yes, we knew how Ian felt about you. And we’re on board. Bare will smooth things over if need be. You know how good he is at that.” It was true. Barry got along with everyone, even Kate’s mother, and always made sure everyone felt welcome and comfortable at his and Amber’s house, where they all gathered for holidays.

  Kate pulled her hair band out and redid her bun. “Ian’s very distracting. When I first moved here…” She stopped herself. Ian had sent her some very suggestive texts when she’d first moved to Chicago (after their most recent hookup that her sister still didn’t know about).

  “What did he do?” Amber asked eagerly.

  She blew out a breath. Who else was she going to tell? “He sexted me.”

  “Augh, don’t tell me.”

  “Like, I found Schrödinger’s cat.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “He means my kitty! He’s a dirty, raunchy talker. How am I supposed to focus when I’m getting texts like that? Oh, here’s another classic Ian text, optimum logarithm.”

  “Explain,” Amber said.

  “It’s a play on words. He means my rhythm, his log. Optimum, the best, together. You see the problem?”

  Amber didn’t reply at first. “Hold on,” she gasped out.

  “Amber, are you okay?”

  “Woo! Yeah, sorry. Just thought about something funny Violet said today. So maybe you could set some boundaries with him. No texts or phone calls during work hours except in case of emergency. I’m sure Ian supports your career. We’re all so proud of you. Maxine told us you’re doing groundbreaking research.”

  That was her mom. Always bragging on Kate’s scholarly accomplishments. She took full credit for pushing Kate to excel. “It’s very exciting. Dr. Weintraub wants to apply for funding to keep me on an extra year so I can continue it.”

  “I thought you didn’t want to stay postdoc too long. You wanted a tenure position.”

  “It’s hard to turn down an opportunity like that if it came through. The facilities here are incredible.” She could hear Barry hollering for Amber in the background.

  “I gotta go, sweetie. The mermaids await. Love you! Call me if you need to talk some more.”

  Kate hung up and decided to call Ian, figuring she should get the whole meeting Christopher thing out of the way. She pulled down the visor and inspected her hair. What was she doing? It wasn’t like Ian could see her through the phone. She slammed the visor back in place and dialed. “Christopher wants to join us for dinner tomorrow.” Her breath came out in a cold puff. She should probably drive home soon, but there was just so much she had to clear up before she could leave the parking garage.

  “Hi, Kate. Alright.”

  “Hi.” She paused. “You actually want to go?”

  “I’d love to meet him.”

  “Why?”

  “I want to see who you get serious about.”

  “He gave me a bracelet with a diamond Christmas wreath.”

  “You don’t wear jewelry.”

  She was simultaneously relieved that Ian knew her that well and dismayed that Christopher had never noticed her lack of jewelry. Of course she’d only known Christopher a couple of months. On the other hand, it had taken Ian less than two months to know her intimately. But Christopher had done nothing wrong, really. Most women would be thrilled with a gold charm bracelet. Just not her.

  “It’s the thought that counts,” she said as much for his benefit as her own.

  “I guess. What’d you get him?”

  “Are you in love with me, Ian?”

  Dead silence. Had she lost the connection? She pulled the phone away and looked at it. Nope. Still connected. “Ian?”

  He cleared his throat. “Why would you say that?”

  “Amber told me you were. Is it true?”

  “We should have this conversation in person.”

  She really didn’t want to wait. She needed clear-cut answers if she was going to make clear-cut decisions. “Why?”

  “Because it’s a personal conversation. Where are you? This is a strange conversation to have when you’re with your boyfriend.”

  “I left during foreplay.”

  Ian made a weird choking sound. “Can I ask why?”

  “I had to call my sister. I’d better go. I’m sitting in a parking garage and it’s pretty cold in the car. I should head home.”

  “You want me to come over so we can have that personal conversation?”

  “That would be good. It would help me clear up a few things. Or not.” She pressed her fingers to her forehead. “I’m not sure. This must be the gray area Amber told me about.”

  “I love gray areas.”

  “Figures. This would point to a basic incompatibility between us.”

  “I think we’re compatible enough. Give me the address.”

  She rattled off the address and hung up. Then she yanked up the sleeve of her coat and took off that irritating bracelet. She
shoved it into the crumpled tissues in the cup holder and headed home for that personal conversation.

  ~ ~ ~

  Ian drove over to Kate’s apartment, wondering exactly what he was going to say. It must mean something that she’d left her boyfriend in the middle of foreplay—he’d about swallowed his tongue when she told him that—and was now willing to spend time with him. But did that mean she was dumping her boyfriend for him? If Ian finally told her he loved her, would she return that love or give him the cold shoulder? Things could go either way with Kate.

  No wonder she was surprised by his visit. When they’d last seen each other seven months ago, he’d been angry at the way she rushed off after sleeping with him. Again. He’d thought it had meant something to her too. He’d called her cold, and she really came off that way. But in the months since then, he thought of Kate with her parents, who he’d met on several occasions. Her parents were very formal and spoke stiffly. They didn’t even hug Kate at her graduation dinner, didn’t smile, didn’t say any loving words. Merely formally congratulated her. He’d started to think maybe Kate didn’t know how to show her love, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel something. Because how could she let go with him the way she did in bed, when she was normally so in her head, if she felt nothing for him? He had no illusions that he was the world’s best lover. It was only with Kate that the sex was that good. It was their natural chemistry together and, he liked to think, an intensity of feeling that went both ways. He really hoped so.

  He rang the buzzer to a three-story brick building, and Kate answered the door a few minutes later. She stared at him for a long moment like she was seeing him in a whole new way and slowly blinked. Probably wondering about that whole in-love-with-you thing Amber had blabbed. He couldn’t even fake a smile, merely returned her gaze as if to say yes, it’s all true.

  “Hi,” she said before whirling away and leading the way up the stairs to her apartment. She looked exactly the same as when he’d seen her earlier—blond hair still in a messy bun, same baggy sweater and jeans, no makeup. Clearly she hadn’t changed or made herself up for her date with the doctor. He and Kate had never had an actual date, so he didn’t know if that was a good sign or not.