Love after Marriage

by Chandra, Bhagya

  They felt uncomfortable around each other but managed without much conversation. It was decided that they would take the helicopter that left at 9 a.m. the next day. This meant they had to get ready early.

  Roshni lay on the bed, thinking. She wanted to take this opportunity to talk to Deepak about their future; she had made some decisions and wanted to communicate this to Deepak. On the other hand, Deepak persuaded himself that going away to the US would give him ample time to think and make some decisions. He struggled with his thoughts. Roshni had made very clear to him that he was unreliable and not worthy of respect. What did this mean for their relationship? This was a greater challenge for Deepak. Both of them dozed off with several thoughts and questions in their minds.

  ~ ~ ~

  The next day they got ready to go to the temple. The slow, biting cold of winter crept in, and they were cautioned to the fact that the temple area was colder. Deepak wore a kurta pyjama and a jacket; Roshni wore a red sari with zari embroidery and sequins. She left her hair loose, and it draped over her back. She was gorgeously attired, and Deepak could not resist; he stared at her, and Roshni became aware of Deepak watching her. She became uncomfortable, with color blooming on her cheeks. Trying to hide these emotions was not easy. Roshni could not help admiring Deepak: he was tall, well built and handsome. Their eyes locked in a gaze, and they stared at each other for a couple of minutes before Roshni came to her senses and diverted her attention, and Deepak did the same soon after.

  The helicopter was waiting for them. Deepak boarded and held out his hand to help Roshni, and she fumbled. Her thoughts oscillated when Deepak gestured to her, and without fussing, Roshni held his hand and boarded the helicopter. They sat very close to each other and felt the warmth of each other’s breaths. They again got locked in their gaze until the pilot initiated a conversation and distracted them. Roshni remained silent. Deepak conversed with the pilot, but he glanced towards Roshni occasionally and made sure she was comfortable.

  The helicopter flight was very short, and they landed a couple of kilometers from the shrine at a place called Sanjichhat. They found out the details regarding the darshan formalities and decided to walk the two kilometers to the shrine. Deepak walked with Roshni, and Roshni kept up her pace with him. They watched several devotees walk – some in front of them, some behind and some beside them; families, couples and children – all of them heading to the same destination to pay their obeisance to the Goddess.

  The pilgrimage to the Holy Shrine of Shri Mata Vaishno Devi is considered to be one of the holiest pilgrimages, popularly known as the Mother who fulfills Her children’s wishes. The temple resides in a Holy Cave located in the folds of the three-peaked mountain named Trikuta (pronounced as Trikoot). The devotees have to undertake a trek of two to twelve kilometers depending upon their conveyance mode from the base camp at Katra. At the culmination of their pilgrimage, the devotees are blessed with the darshans of the Mother Goddess inside the Sanctum Sanctorum, the Holy Cave. These darshans are in the shape of three natural rock formations called the Pindies.

  Deepak and Roshni arrived at the temple complex, and Roshni bought a pooja thali for the darshan. Unless absolutely necessary, nobody made any attempt to talk to one another. Immediately, she put her pallu over her head in reverence, and both were led to the sanctorum. There was a line of devotees who had come from far and wide, and they waited in line for their turn. Finally, after patiently waiting for a few hours, they were escorted inside the sanctorum for darshan.

  Roshni closed her eyes in reverence and had a mental talk with Devi Maiya. Devi Maiya, why did you have to get me married? Why do I have to go through this? Please give me strength and wisdom and guide me; I do not know where we go from here.

  Deepak closed his eyes and asked for Devi Maiya’s guidance to do the right thing, and bowed in reverence. Both bowed together in reverence. Sashank bhaiya had arranged for a pooja, and the priest took the necessary paperwork and pooja thali from Roshni. He performed the rituals and returned the prasad to Roshni. Deepak and Roshni bent forward and touched the priest’s feet. After the blessings, they spent a few minutes in prayer.

  They decided to relax in the temple outside the sanctorum for a few minutes and shared the prasad with each other. They were complete strangers to each other!

  It was past lunchtime, and they had to trek back a couple of kilometers before they boarded the helicopter. They decided to have chai and snacks first. Roshni took the pallu from over her head and removed the shawl when an errant breeze lifted her hair and blew it across her face. She very gently pushed away the hair and held her pallu from flying away. Watching her, a thought occurred to Deepak, This red color really looks good on her! She is so simple and yet so beautiful.

  After chai and snacks, they trekked back to board the helicopter. Deepak helped Roshni again, and they returned safely to Jammu and their hotel. Roshni mumbled, “Finally Devi darshan is over.”

  Deepak overheard this and agreed.

  Roshni and Deepak changed into comfortable clothes: him into kurta and pants and Roshni into a salwar kameez. They had not had their lunch, and they were tired, so they decided to have an early dinner at the restaurant. At the restaurant, they were escorted to a table, and Roshni very quickly decided to have dal and roti while Deepak settled on North Indian thali. While they waited for the food, Deepak tried to engage Roshni in some light conversation, but only received ‘yes’ or ’no’ responses from her.

  The food arrived, and they started to eat. Deepak was very considerate of her and checked with her a few times if she needed anything more. At the end of the meal, something distracted Roshni, and she looked towards the other end of the room and recognized a couple sitting at a table.

  She exclaimed loudly, “Sanjay and Neelima!”

  Deepak followed the direction of her gaze and asked her who they were. At this time, Neelima also spotted Roshni, and both Sanjay and Neelima came to greet Roshni.

  “Roshni, oh my God, after so long,” Neelima said, and both of them hugged Roshni.

  “How are you both? What a surprise, of all the places here in Jammu!” enquired Roshni.

  “Yes. Oh God, you look so beautiful, Roshni, as always!” Sanjay complimented, looking at her.

  “Deepak, this is Sanjay and Neelima. We went to college together.” Roshni introduced Sanjay and Neelima to Deepak.

  Sanjay and Deepak shook hands, and Neelima acknowledged his presence.

  Sanjay looked towards Roshni. “Your husband?… I heard from Ravi; he sent me an e-mail.”

  Roshni turned towards her friends. “And when did you get married! Did everything go well with the wedding?”

  “Yes, Roshni, finally both our families agreed to our wedding. It was a wait but worth it!” Sanjay pulled Neelima closer to him and hugged her. Neelima reciprocated and smiled.

  “I am so happy for you both.” She turned to Deepak. “Deepak, Neelima and Sanjay were interested in each other since college days, but Neelima’s parents had not approved of it until recently, I guess…” She looked towards both her friends.

  Sanjay and Neelima nodded their heads. “Until recently. We got married last week and are here for Vaishno Devi’s darshan. Neelima’s mother wanted us to come here so…” said Sanjay.

  Deepak asked if they wanted to join him and Roshni at the table. Sanjay and Neelima agreed.

  Sanjay initiated the conversation. “So, Deepak, what do you do?”

  “I am a design engineer and work for a company in California.”

  Sanjay looked at Roshni. “When did you get married, and why are you here in Jammu?”

  “Last week as well, we are here to take Vaishno Devi’s darshan. This is a tradition in his family,” Roshni replied, pointing to Deepak. She continued, “Did you both take Devi’s darshan?”

  “No, we arrived today and plan to go there tomorrow. How about you?” asked Neelima.

  “We had our darshan this morning. It’s a beautiful place, a beautiful mandi
r as well,” Deepak replied.

  Deepak and Roshni finished their dinner, and Deepak asked Sanjay and Neelima if they wanted to join them for dessert. The waiter came along and picked up the plates and cleaned the table. Roshni was glad Deepak initiated this, and she smiled at Deepak and thanked him with a gesture.

  Except for Roshni, who only wanted chai, they ordered ras malai. Deepak was concerned because Roshni had not eaten well. Sanjay and Neelima were puzzled why Roshni did not want any dessert.

  “Roshni, c’mon yaar, how come you are not interested in ras malai?” asked Sanjay.

  Roshni smiled and insisted that she was good with just chai.

  Deepak looked at Roshni and turned to Sanjay and Neelima. “Yeah, she ordered a plain meal, only rotis and dal.”

  “Roshni, are you all right?” Neelima asked, being a little concerned.

  Roshni nodded her head, indicating she was fine. She hadn’t seen Sanjay and Neelima for a long time so she had several questions for them. “So, Sanjay and Neelima, where do you live now? Which company are you working for? Do your parents still live in Mumbai?” She sighed. “It has been so long; we were so bad not to keep in touch. I am equally responsible.”

  The waiter brought the dessert and chai, and as they ate, Sanjay and Neelima gave the details to Roshni and Deepak. Sanjay lived in Delhi but wanted to move to Mumbai to live closer to his parents. He had applied for a few jobs but wanted to explore other places after he went back. Deepak suggested to Roshni that she could explore any opportunities for Sanjay at her firm, and she nodded. She gave her work e-mail address to Sanjay, and Deepak did not delay a bit to note down this address.

  They talked for some time, and Neelima and Sanjay decided to leave. Neelima wanted to use the restroom, and Roshni accompanied her.

  Sanjay watched Roshni leave, then took a deep breath and turned to Deepak. “Deepak, I met you only a few minutes ago, but I would like to say something.”

  Deepak nodded his head, asking him to continue.

  “You are a very lucky man to have married Roshni. She is a wonderful person and has a great heart, very kind and compassionate.” He stopped and looked at Deepak. “You know, Deepak, there were so many boys who flirted with her, but she was one girl who always had her head on her shoulders, well dressed and composed. Everybody respected her, both boys and girls. Her company was something everybody looked forward to.” He sighed. “And please take care of her.”

  Deepak raised his head and smiled. He was pleased to hear this praise of Roshni. Of course, he knew very little about her, so he made no comments but acknowledged Sanjay’s remarks. Their relationship was strained; Roshni was uncomfortable around him. He had noticed that she never introduced him as her husband to Sanjay and Neelima. She certainly had some reservations.

  Roshni reminded Sanjay to send her his résumé, and both couples took their leave, promising to keep in touch with each other.

  Chapter 6

  Roshni’s Decision to end relationship with Deepak

  Roshni and Deepak were back in the room, tired from all the day’s events. Both changed into their night dress and relaxed. Deepak flipped through some channels on TV and started to watch a movie.

  Roshni stood near the door. “Deepak, I would like to talk to you.”

  Deepak turned off the TV and faced her. “Sure, what is it?”

  Roshni moved closer to him and sat in a chair across from Deepak. He noticed this and suspected that this was serious, and he made himself fully available to her.

  “Have you thought about our future, I mean our relationship?” she asked him.

  Deepak knew he had to address this question sooner or later but had no answer for Roshni. “I have been thinking, but…why do you ask this question?”

  “Since our conversation on the wedding night, I have thought about it and made some decisions. I wanted to discuss them with you.”

  Deepak became nervous. He had an intuition that this conversation may not be pleasant, but he was astonished. She made decisions! He was amazed at her composure; she was so calm. “Did you want to talk about it now?”

  Roshni nodded her head. “Yes, I may not find this opportunity again to talk to you alone, so…”

  Deepak asked her to proceed.

  Roshni sighed. “Regarding our relationship…marriage, both of us are grown-ups, mature, and educated to make wise decisions.”

  There was some hesitation, but she continued, “Deepak, you are not comfortable with the idea of arranged marriage because you believe there is no compatibility between husband and wife, and…you are not ready to accept me, a stranger, as your wife! You also mentioned that you liked a girl in America. So…respecting your views, you should pursue what you think is right, and I believe we should separate.”

  Deepak felt struck by lightning! He was startled and certainly never expected this from Roshni at this time. “What?” he exclaimed.

  “If we continued this relationship with your ideas regarding marriage, you would always feel pressured and forced into making decisions like you were with our marriage, and…and our relationship will never succeed, we will never be happy. So in the best interest – of our relationship, I mean – I don’t think we should continue as husband and wife.”

  Deepak was very agitated. How could she make a decision like this? He was restless. “What, what do you mean?” This decision troubled him. He certainly did not want this relationship to end like this, but… He was lost for words. How should he respond to Roshni?

  “I don’t understand why you have come to that decision, Roshni?” Deepak asked.

  Roshni was a woman of principles. She was agonized and felt belittled when Deepak expressed his ideas on their wedding night. She had already made a decision not to pursue this relationship; however, her promise to Babuji haunted her, and she had to do something about it. She was a private person and never openly discussed her pain or sorrow with anybody. But this time, she needed some support to fulfill this promise, and she decided to discuss this with Deepak.

  Since Roshni had not responded, Deepak repeated, “Roshni, I still don’t understand–” He was interrupted.

  “Deepak, look at us now. Are we comfortable with each other? We are here to satisfy Sashank bhaiya. We went to Vaishno Devi temple because it is a family tradition, and do you see us continuing in this relationship with different ideologies. Especially for me…I don’t want you to feel obligated to accept me as your wife. I certainly will not be happy in such a relationship.”

  Silence followed.

  Roshni waited for Deepak to respond, but Deepak was in deep thought and unable to respond to Roshni. He sat on the sofa, his hands to his mouth, and occasionally ran them through his hair or rubbed his forehead, completely shaken! What should he do? What Roshni mentioned a few minutes ago – not being obligated – made sense to him, but he believed in rituals. He believed there was a reason he was married to Roshni. He was not ready to make such a bold decision before giving it some thought.

  Roshni looked at Deepak. “I have a request.”

  “What is it?”

  She gathered some courage to share Babuji’s promise with him. “Before our marriage, Babuji wanted me to make a promise…”

  “A promise! What is it?”

  “Yes! Babuji knew how much you all suffered because of your sister-in-law’s behavior and the ill-feelings you all developed towards women…in different ways. He believes Sashank bhaiya and Akash bhaiya are depressed, and they are very sad.”

  Deepak raised his brows. “So?”

  “Babuji wanted me to promise him that after my marriage, my behavior towards everybody in the family should be exemplary and that with love and affection I should help Sashank bhaiya and Akash bhaiya in their healing process, and hopefully one day they will change their attitudes and develop healthy feelings towards women…and maybe become ready to accept women in their lives.”

  She sighed; a daunting task lay ahead of her. “He wanted me to keep them happy.�
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  Deepak just stared at her. Unbelievable! Is this possible? he wondered.

  Roshni continued, “I promised Babuji that I will do everything in my capacity to influence both brothers and you, and bring some positive changes in the family.”

  She wiped her tears. “And of course, I had no idea my life itself would have such a disastrous end!” She paused. “But, Deepak, I have a favor to ask of you.”

  “What is it? You think changing both bhaiyas is a possibility? I can understand Akash bhaiya looking forward to getting married, but Sashank bhaiya, will he change at his age?” Deepak asked.

  “I don’t know! All I’m saying is I will try. I promised Babuji, but whether this will be feasible is beyond me at this time.”

  They stared at each other, completely lost in thought. He was flabbergasted. In spite of all that had happened, she was ready to take this risk because she promised her father. Hats off to her! An admiration rose in him for this beautiful woman.

  “My request to you is not to come back to India until next December.”

  “What? I mean, why?”

  Roshni looked at him. “Because this will give me one year to work towards this promise I made. If you are not here, it will be easier for me to focus. I gave myself December 14th next year as my target date. If I am successful by this date, very well, but that would be my deadline to walk out of this house and your life completely.”

  Deepak was nervous, tense and worried. “Roshni, why are you making such decisions? I know our conversation on the wedding night was not pleasant. I know it pained you, and…I feel miserable for putting you through this. I had requested that you please give me some time to sort out all this mess that I created for you, but here you are making all kinds of decisions. What am I to say?” He pleaded with her, “Please don’t make such rash decisions, my sincere request.”