by Willow Dean
I bite down on my knuckle, trying desperately to stop myself from breaking into peals of laughter. Micah on the other hand, doesn’t have that restraint. Going bright red in the face, he sputters before guffawing loudly. Thankfully, everyone else has a little more control.
“Getting worked up with me will not achieve anything. You wanted to talk, let’s talk. I will come to your office today at sixteen hundred hours. Make sure that Kaye is there as well as I will not be repeating this meeting for a while. I have other responsibilities that are, quite frankly, far more important that having a family catch up with parents who abandoned me and only chose to care for me once I was left alone in this world.”
Her words silence the room. Each one of us watches her with pride and an underlying tone of sadness at her predicament.
Mila always appears so innocent and can sometimes come across as quite naïve. Yet, when something deserves her full attention, she becomes this strong, determined and unstoppable force of nature.
Mila won’t let anything stand in the way of what she wants to achieve. She owns the stage and everything around it, playing situations to her advantage with striking efficiency.
“I already informed you of the time that I can meet with you. If that is not sufficient then we shall reschedule, but that shall not be today. So. What shall it be?” Silence reigns in anticipation of his reply. “I shall see you at sixteen hundred hours then.”
Without another word, she hangs up the phone and hands it back to me.
A clap starts slowly in the corner of the room and everyone turns towards the noise. Micah has his mouth closed, cheeks puffed up and is beet red. Again.
He continues to clap louder and louder until he literally explodes, releasing a whole torrent of laughter. Wiping away at his tears, he tries to speak between gasping for air and slapping his leg animatedly.
“That wa- That was absolutely bloody brilliant, you shut him down so hard!” Micah beams, his grin bordering on maniacal. “Did we ever tell you how much we love you, Sayuri? We’re keeping her forever, right?!”
His head flits from one person to the next, his erratic movements and quick speech making it seem as though he’s being played in fast forward.
“She’s pure comedy gold. We should have someone film it next time- Oh! I know! Maybe...maybe we should prank him?! Oh, hell yeah, we co-”
Linc claps him around the back of the head, putting a halt to his verbal tirade.
“Ouch, man! Seriously?!”
“You talk too much,” Linc replies with little emotion, leaving us all chuckling. It’s obvious Linc’s trying to repress a smile. It’s small, but it’s there.
Mila is the first to break the laughter with a heavy sigh. “Before any of you even consider it, I will be going on my own. I don’t think they’ll speak candidly if there’s a room full of people and I want to know everything that has happened for this to turn out the way it has. I know you all reinstated your,” she finger quotes, “protection detail on me, but I will be fine with them. One of you can collect me after though,” she adds in cheekily.
The smirk that lights her face quickly falls as no one jumps forward in offer to collect her.
“Assholes,” she mutters under her breath. Setting us all off again.
“You’ve gotten a bit lazy, Sayuri,” Micah teases.
“We all know that you just can’t be bothered driving yourself around and like to use us as your very own personal chauffeur's,” Aus chimes in.
“It will do you good to practice your driving skills just in case you should require them during a mission.” Trust Jax to be the logical thinker.
I watch on as they all descend into a lighthearted squabble about Mila and her adversity to driving. A smile tugs at my lips.
This is my family. Relaxed, happy and not a care in the world.
This is what I strive for. What we all strive for. What we have all longed for, for a long time now.
Finally, it feels like we are beginning to see the light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
I know this feeling won’t last long though. Unfortunately, there’s still a lot of information we don’t know about the situation with Mila. More specifically who is after her, and why.
Sure, we have our suspicions. We just don’t have anything concrete. I’m just hoping that we can unearth some useful information soon, or else I’m afraid we won’t be prepared enough to protect her from what is to come.
“Oh, and Micah?” His head snaps round as I call his name. “I watched back the video footage of the simulation.” His face pales. “Do we need a talk about how to treat a lady?”
In the corner of my eye, I watch Mila put a hand over her mouth in attempts to stop her giggles from escaping. The smile beneath her hand is evident as her cheeks bunch and her eyes twinkle at the sight of Micah gulping.
“No, sir. It won’t happen again, sir. I’ll take any punishment you dole out, sir.”
Keeping my eyes on Micah, I deliver the harshest punishment I can think of. “Mila, you have free reign for a month.”
Her excited whoops and hollers are in complete contrast to the fearful expression on Micah’s face. Still, he takes it like a champ and nods.
Looking for Mila, he jerks back in surprise as she launches herself across the room, coming to a halt only inches from his chest.
“Game on, Sonic.”
“Shit.”
38 Mila
Taking a deep breath, I quickly raise my hand and knock on the door.
If I had waited any longer, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have had the courage to face what's on the other side of this door.
Until now, I’ve been desperate to know everything about my past in the hopes of finally piecing together the mystery behind my family’s deaths and the reason as to why they kept secrets from me for all those years.
Yet now, I hesitate.
Do I really want to know? Would the answers actually change anything? Would they alter the way I perceived my family? Would they taint my memories?
Until just recently, I felt completely lost and alone. Sure I had the guys, but they couldn’t do anything to erase the pain and uncertainty that came with knowing that my family had been lying to me my whole life.
Knowing that they were wiped from this earth before they could tell me themselves, doesn’t ease those feelings either. It only exacerbates the agony of their parting and heightens the ever increasing need to find the answers to the million and one questions running rampant through my head.
Did they ever love me? Was their love true? Why did they lie to me? What else were they lying about? Was anything I ever had real? Were they doing it to protect me? If so, why? From whom?
Why did my biological parents give me up? Did they discard me like a used toy that’s no longer required to play their games, or did they let me go out of love?
I silently curse myself for my weakness.
I am stronger than this!
I survived and promised Dad I would live for them. I don’t need anyone to tell me that they loved me with everything that they were. If they didn’t, then why spend my entire childhood preparing me for this day, only to cart me off to strangers.
Deep breaths, Pumpkin. Visualize your emotions. Feel them. Own them. Discard them. Concentrate, and you’ll do just fine.
Compartmentalizing, I come to realize that deep down, I never had any doubt. I simply had to pull my head far enough out of my ass to see clearly.
Oh! That reminds me...I still need to look through my parents, now my, safe. Feeling like I’ve just about gotten back on my feet after the whole ordeal, I haven’t had the courage to open it yet for fear of tipping the boat.
On top of that, Lachlan went ahead and gifted us each something last night. No one has spoken about it, but I think I speak for everyone when I say that none of us like the idea of surprises, or what feelings may accompany said surprises.
Lachlan couldn’t even manage to stay in the room after he gave them to us
for christ sake, his emotions were riding him that hard.
What’s in the box? What memories will it stir? What feelings will it conjure?
More and more questions.
Argh! None of that is pertinent right now, Mila. Focus.
Releasing a heavy sigh, I decide to leave opening the safe and Lachlan’s box until after we complete our mission. This however, I’ve been putting off for a while and it needs to be done, whether I feel ready or not.
Swallowing the lump lodged in my throat, I straighten my spine and lift my chin up high as I wait for an answer. My heart flutters around in my chest as I hear frantic shuffling on the other side of the door. Less than a couple of seconds later, it swings open. A complete reflection of myself greeting me.
A beautiful and fierce woman stands on the other side of the threshold, her gaze softening as she inspects me with her round cocoa eyes. Her dark brown tresses fall in sharp straight lines to just below her ears and trace elegantly along the contour of her squared face.
“Baby girl,” she breathes, moving to embrace me.
Taking a quick step back, I hold a hand up to ward her off. She may be the spitting image of me, minus her eyes, but I’ve never met this woman before in my life.
I feel a pang of guilt for causing the crestfallen look that descends across her face, but I’m just not ready for that familiarity yet. Mother or not, the need to protect myself is intense.
Trick moves up behind her and places a hand on her shoulder, offering her comfort. Encouraging her to step away from the door, he gestures for me to come in. Taking him up on his offer, I step around them and situate myself in the center of the room.
It’s an oddly shaped room that’s completed with ornate rugs, dark mahogany bookshelves and furniture that doesn’t fit with the modern nature of the rest of the base.
Resembling an old Victorian drawing room, it’s ostentatious, yet cozy and warm. Not at all what I expected from my pompous father.
Maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge his character, but from every interaction I’ve had with him thus far, it’s been like trying to hold a civil adult conversation with a three-year-old.
Seeing him support and console his wife however, displaying a more caring and attentive demeanour, he’s showing a completely different side to himself.
It may be as a result of his current position that he feels the need to put on an air of authority. However, ones status should not dictate as to whether they are pleasant or not. There really is no excuse for simple manners.
“Nice to see you again, Mila. Thank you for meeting with us,” Trick says quietly.
Closing the door with a soft nick, he guides Kaye over to one of the armchairs in the far corner of the room and waves me over. I follow dutifully, moving one of the free armchairs slightly further away so I can see both of them and still have some breathing space.
The chairs are situated opposite a beautiful ornate, white marble fireplace where the fire licks at the gratings fiercely. Almost as though it’s frantically searching for an escape.
I can relate.
Constantly on my toes and tirelessly searching for answers, I often feel as though I’m in a gilded cage. Being manipulated like a puppet on strings without even realizing it.
Trick clears his throat and extracts me from my thoughts, bringing my attention to the expectant looks on their faces. I really do try my best to relax and engage with them openly, but my still turbulent emotions are making that a very difficult task for me.
“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” I wince at my bluntness.
See what I mean?! And that was me sincerely trying.
It’s not my intention to be so frank, and I am most certainly not a naturally rude or confrontational person. Yet, this whole situation has thrown my norm, well and truly out of whack!
Because of one thing or another, I’ve not had the time to properly process what’s happened in my life recently, which has resulted in a buildup of emotional tension.
Clearly, my brain has had enough and has decided to completely short-circuit itself. Reducing my ability to function like a normal, respectable human being, to near non-existent.
“Me and your M-” My raised eyebrows don’t go unnoticed as he clears his throat before continuing. “-Kaye, would like to get the chance to know you.”
“Well, that is nice and all, but how about we start from the beginning. I am rather keen to know as to why I was abandoned in the first place.”
Really, Mila?! Foot. Meet. Mouth.
“Mila, we never abandoned you,” the genuine tremor in Kaye’s quiet voice catches my attention immediately.
Trick may come across as an unfeeling asshole, but Kaye certainly isn’t. At least, of what I have seen from her so far. Inspecting her body language as she speaks, everything screams sincerity.
“I’m so sorry we never got in contact with you and that we didn’t tell you sooner. You must know though, that it was never our intention to give you away or keep you in the dark. Just know that everything that happened in your life, every decision we made about your care, was done in order to keep you safe. We were always watching you from afar, but we had to be very cautious.”
Moving forward in her seat, she holds Trick’s hand in a death grip in her lap as if I’m suddenly going to disappear again. Her shoulders hunched and tense. Pain and regret swims in droves in those chocolate brown eyes of hers that are now wide and glassy. The carotid artery in her neck visibly pulses, quickening as her complexion pales.
Truth.
“I’m so sorry we didn’t contact you sooner, but time was never on our side. We considered telling you about your true heritage just before you started being followed. Grant and Talia did their best to hide you from them, but once they caught wind of you, there was no stopping them. We knew we had to come clean and tell you soon.” She pauses for a minute, trying to collect her thoughts.
Speaking again with such anguish, her voice is almost inaudible. “We were too late. I am so, so sorry, Mila. Grant and Tali were wonderful people,” her voice hitches and she closes her glossy eyes.
Seeing her reaction, the old Mila probably would have grieved alongside her. The new Mila does nothing of the sort. Anger and frustration are the only emotions I feel right now. Misplaced maybe, but they are there nonetheless.
This could have all been avoided if everyone stopped trying to keep me in the dark. We could’ve worked something out. Increased protection. Something. Anything!
“Yes. Yes, they were.” I take a second to breathe as their faces flash before me.
Their images remind me that I’ve already lost control of my emotions and that I should be looking upon this with an open mind, not letting my emotions weigh me down.
Sighing, I take a moment to clear my head, choosing my words carefully.
“What’s done is done. No one can change the past, but we sure as hell can change the future. I did not come to see you to revisit what has happened. I came here to get some answers about who I am and why the truth was hidden from me. What makes me so special?”
Kaye pales, her eyes widening almost comically. Even Trick tenses at my questioning before I blink and they both appear back to their normal selves.
They may be good, but they aren’t that good.
Although most probably would dismiss it, I don’t. I know for certain what I saw. They simply schooled their reactions so quickly that they even had me second-guessing.
They nearly got one over on me. Nearly, but not quite.
I don’t miss the exchange when they try to make subtle eye contact with each other either. It’s clear they intend to keep secrets, regardless of how this meeting turns out. No matter how open or willing I am to comply with their requests, they aren’t going to tell me shit.
Trick picks up the conversation again as it appears that the cat has got Kaye’s tongue. “Perhaps we should start from the beginning,” he suggests beseechingly.
I wave him on, allowing th
em this one transgression.
“Obviously, you are aware that we are the joint heads of this organization.” I nod. “Shortly after we were appointed, we discovered that Kaye was carrying you. We have always wanted a family and had tried for years, but were never successful. It just so happened that we got lucky, just as we managed to ascertain the positions that we had trained so hard for. We made many enemies getting to the position we are in, and as a result of that, we needed,” he pauses considering his words, “as little distraction as possible.”
Charming, just charming. You keep going on Daddio and you won’t have a child left to try and make amends with.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have phrased it in that way. Let me explain-”
Woops. Clearly, my brain to mouth filter malfunctioned again. Oh well, I’ve never been good at holding my tongue anyway. At least he looked somewhat regretful at his poor choice of words.
“We had so many responsibilities that the position on its own required far more from us than we’d ever imagined. We barely had the time to even see each other, let alone look after a child and give them all the care and attention that they deserved.”
That’s a little better...
“Not only that, but many of our enemies would use anything against us to not only gain our cooperation, but to destroy us. Anyone close to us was at risk of being harmed and could easily be used to manipulate us. That was the last thing we wanted for you. Our only child. Our precious joy,” his voice breaks slightly on the last word.
Tears prick at the back of my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. Instead, relief fills me as I realize they never abandoned me. Not truly. I wasn’t unwanted after all. They really did love me.
On top of that, they chose to give up their happiness to ensure that I was safe and lived a life free of harm. Or so they thought.
That doesn’t mean it’s going to be any easier for them to make amends with me going forward. There are still so many unanswered questions and they’ve already proven that I can’t afford to trust them. Not wholly anyway.
Even after their sincere and heartfelt words, they still refuse to open up to me and continue to withhold information.