When I Look to the Sky

by Barbara S. Stewart

  Andy watched from the other side of the room, a gift he put his heart into, he thought, and he liked Matthew more and more…

  Two days later, Carlee, Matthew and Andy made the trip to Jacksonville. Working together with Matthew on the book, Geni Davis and Andy had developed a friendship, and the two of them had a few surprises in store once they were all together.

  When they arrived, they shared an evening with all Matthew’s family, getting to know each other over cocktails and dinner. Andy liked them all. Tom and Geni Davis had raised three nice men.

  ~ ~ ~

  Andy had done some homework. There was family money, but they were unpretentious and unassuming, and he liked that. He’d been very protective of Carlee over the years. He was aware that people knew her situation, but he made sure she wasn’t spoiled. It seemed these people lived that way, as well.

  Tom was older, early eighties Andy guessed from what he gathered and heard as Tom spoke. He knew he’d retired but continued to work with his son to bring performers in for the local theatre, as well as concert venues. Andy liked that; it was something he knew he could help with.

  Geni was a social butterfly, involved in area museums, the local symphony, and helped raise money for every charity under the sun. Andy liked that too. He enjoyed their conversations as they worked together helping Matthew with his project. Matthew got his good looks from her. She was a tall, dark-haired beauty, stunning and charming. He figured from comments she’d made that she be in her mid-sixties.

  ~ ~ ~

  The night before Christmas Eve, one of Geni’s groups was hosting the Symphony of Jacksonville at the local college auditorium. It was a fancy, formal, fund-raiser for the symphony and the Schumacher Center for the Homeless. Matthew’s brothers and their families all gathered at the Davis home for cocktails before they went. The men were all in suits and the women in formal attire. Carlee looked at Andy and Matthew; my two favorite men… handsome men… she thought, and smiled.

  Thomas’ girls, Percy and Megs, loved on Carlee as she fussed over them and how beautiful their dresses were. Geni and Thomas’ wife, Angela, both wore floor length dresses. Brian’s wife, Melia, wore a suit. Carlee thought they all looked beautiful.

  Standing with her son, Geni followed Matthew’s gaze as he watched Carlee with the little girls. Her dress was simple, black and elegant. The perfect little black dress Geni thought. She was wearing a single strand of pearls and had pinned a broach that resembled a snowflake, into that wild mass of curls. She had a sparkly black shawl to drape around her shoulders. Perfect, Geni thought again and smiled.

  When they arrived and got to their seats, the two little girls scrambled for a seat beside Carlee. Matthew talked Percy into sitting beside him, and told the girls they would switch seats later. With that commotion under control Carlee looked around, and noticed that Andy was absent. She noticed too that there was no seat for him. Before she put two and two together, the conductor was on stage, at last, introducing a ‘surprise special guest.’ Andy walked out on stage and Carlee was thrilled. Matthew held her hand while the symphony played and Andy sang holiday songs.

  Christmas morning, Andy and Carlee shared coffee and pastries with Tom, Geni and Matthew. They spent the morning building a friendship. Matthew’s brothers would join them later in the day for gifts and dinner.

  When they were all together, Andy handed Carlee an envelope to open; inside was a beautiful card that contained a press release from the local newspaper. It stated that the symphony and Andy’s concert was recorded and would be released for holiday sales the next year. Proceeds would be going to the Schumacher Center for the Homeless.

  “What a wonderful gift!” Carlee said, proudly. “Thank you, Papa!”

  Geni noted her excitement over something that wasn’t really a gift for her, but a gift for others, and she was even more taken with Carlee.

  As the time passed, they were all making a fuss over the little girls’ masses of gifts, and Carlee noticed that Matthew seemed nervous. She knew their relationship was too young for anything serious, so she couldn’t imagine what he was up to, why he was so antsy.

  At last, it was time. Everyone finished opening gifts and Matthew had yet to give her anything. She noticed one package remained under the tree. She looked around and noticed that Andy and Geni shared smiles, and she wondered

  Matthew handed her the box. She ripped into the paper as everyone watched. Everyone knows what’s in here but me, she thought as she glanced around. She pulled a book from the box. The dust jacket was white with beautiful pencil drawing of the Butterfly Camp logo watermarked behind the words; ‘The Young Faces of Cancer’, under that she read ‘Matthew Davis.’

  She didn’t know what to say, so she opened the cover. Down the left side of the inner flap was a picture of Matthew and a short bio. On the next page, in Matthew’s handwriting she read:

  The very first printed copy! Love Matthew

  The lump in her throat was far too big to speak, so she flipped another page instead, without looking up at anyone.

  The page contained the text:

  Dedicated to the memory of Bethy Stevens

  There was Kimmy’s favorite picture of her and Beth right before she got sick. They were sitting in a garden, surrounded by daisies, laughing. Suddenly, Carlee remembered why they seemed so significant to her. Her tears flowed freely. She couldn’t look away from the book, so she flipped another page that read:

  Butterfly Camp, August 15-22, 2016

  She could feel them all looking at her, but she flipped another page.

  Dedication ~

  The idea for this project came from my first trip to camp in the summer of 2016, at the age of twenty-three. I’d like to thank Carlee Oliver-Stevens for sharing that experience with me. She opened my eyes to new experiences, and helped someone else’s dream become my reality. Special thanks to Professor Dan Patrick for his guidance; to my mom and dad, Genevieve and Tom Davis, and Andy Stevens for believing in my dream and helping bring it to life. To all those children who have lost a loved one and those going through their own battles… These are the faces of great-spirit and determination.

  Carlee flipped through the photographs that she’d seen more than a dozen times, reading the captions and the names. She flipped to the back and there was a picture of Beth, Andy’s favorite of her lying on the sandy beach in Chicago, with the history of the camp. Finally she was able to choke out one word… “Matthew…”

  He sat down beside her and wrapped his arms around her.

  “And all I got you was a digital picture frame thingy, and the boxed set of all of Papa and Traveler’s music,” she laughed between her tears.

  “And a vintage, authentic, Traveler tour shirt,” he added and hugged a little tighter.

  “Each child’s family received a copy yesterday, in time for Christmas. January 1st they go out to bookstores and Internet distributors. “My first publication!” he said excitedly, and shared the whole, rapid process, from dream to reality, and Carlee couldn’t believe it was real. “Mom drew the cover art,” he added, proudly.

  “That makes it even more special,” Carlee said, still wiping her eyes.

  “And there’s one more thing,” he said. “Fifty percent of the profit goes to the Butterfly Camp in your name.”

  “It’s truly the greatest gift I could ever imagine. It’s special, it’s beautiful and ‘Thank You’ just doesn’t seem adequate.”

  Geni poured champagne for a toast. “My son, the photographer,” Tom said.

  “To new friends in our life,” Brian added and nodded to Carlee and Andy.

  “Hear, hear,” Andy said in reply.

  They all shared a wonderful day, dinner, and conversation before Matthew’s brothers headed home.

  Later that evening, Matthew and Carlee went for a walk along the river. It was breezy and brisk. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. They walked a while, and finally, Carlee stopped and turned to him. She looked up and he pulled her
into his arms for a kiss.

  “Wow,” she said when he let her go.

  “Wow? Good wow, or bad wow?” he asked, smiling down at her, loving the feel of her in his arms.

  “Not sure,” she said. “You might need to do it again so I can be certain,” she laughed, and he obliged.

  “Good wow,” she laughed, and then added; “I think…”

  “Better make sure,” he said, and kissed her again.

  “Good…”

  He framed her face with his hands and kissed her once more. “Definitely good,” she said.

  “I’m already dreading the next semester,” he told her as they started to walk again. “I hate being so far away from you.”

  “Absence,” she began, but he interrupted her.

  “Can’t happen,” he said.

  She looked at him, “What can’t happen?”

  “I couldn’t be any fonder Carlee. I’m already crazy about you.”

  “Crazy… hmm…? I think I like that.”

  “You better,” he laughed; “‘cuz it’s bad. I’m not taking the spring break time off. I’m going to work and cram in an on-line class and a photography lab I need to speed this along. I want to graduate in December. Can you come over for your spring break?”

  “Yes,” she said with no thought. “Yes, yes, yes…”

  “Bring Andy, I don’t care, just come,” he said.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN ~ Together

  In March, Carlee was going to London to spend a week with Matthew, alone. Andy approved, because he knew Carlee, because he knew Matthew. And Matthew knew he wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize Andy’s trust in him, so he worked hard to make sure his head was in the right place.

  She took the red-eye and arrived at Heathrow at two in the afternoon local time. Matthew was in the terminal, waiting for her with a handful of daisies. She dropped her bag as he grabbed her and wrapped her in his arms. When he kissed her, she tasted peppermint.

  “You’re so sweet,” she said with a happy smile, kissing him again, allowing her tongue to slip between his lips.

  “Carlee…” he said catching his breath; the tongue surprised him. “I’m just so happy to see you,” he told her as he handed her the flowers. It had been almost three months. They talked every day, he saw her on the video chats they shared, but the vision of her as she came through the gate was heaven.

  “No, I mean the peppermint!” she giggled.

  “Aren’t you the funny one?” he laughed, kissing her again. “Let’s go,” he said grabbing her bag, and her hand.

  Matthew loaded her things in the car and they headed to his flat. He carried her bags in, and she looked around. It was tiny, it was neat, and it was homey, not at all what she expected of a ‘bachelor pad.’ There were lots of photographs that she was sure he had taken of his family, his nieces, and one of her. She picked it up; “This is me!”

  He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, so happy she was there with him. “There are more, but that one is my favorite,” he said. It was a candid shot of her at Butterfly Camp that summer.

  Carlee sent a text to Andy, and one to Kimmy, to let them know she arrived safely, and then she settled in. While Matthew went to shower, she curled up on the sofa and fell asleep. He let her sleep about an hour, and finally sat on the sofa beside where she lay. She stirred, scooted closer and put her head on his lap and dozed a little longer, as he softly stroked her back.

  Later in the afternoon, they went out for a walk. Carlee had a list of things she wanted, and Matthew had things to pick up, as well. They went to the market and grabbed groceries, and then stopped at a wine shop on the way back. She loved wandering the streets of London with him. It was cool, but sunny as they walked back to the flat, juggling bags, and holding hands.

  When they returned, Matthew put on some of the Traveler music that she had given him. She’d heard the songs a million times, but she never tired of them. Together, they cooked spaghetti for dinner.

  When it was time for them to go to bed, Matthew was excited, anxious, and nervous, all at once. He couldn’t wait to feel her beside him. Carlee stepped into the bathroom and dressed for bed, stepping back out wearing a Traveler t-shirt.

  “Sexy,” Matthew laughed, but he was glad it wasn’t.

  She crawled into bed, and Matthew crawled in beside her and wrapped her in his arms. He loved the feel of her, and already dreaded that she would leave him in a few days.

  She scooted close to him, her face just inches from his. He kissed her, and she peered into his eyes, blue-grey, like slate… she thought. He pulled her closer. Her fingers lightly, softly caressed his back. Pulling her closer still, he kissed her again. She responded by wrapping her arms around him, pressing her body against his.

  Matthew’s hands found their way under the t-shirt, the feel of her bare skin was exciting. She pushed back a bit to look at him, and smiled. Her fingers still brushing his back, she moved as close to him as she could get. Finally, he rolled to his side and rose up, his arm bent, his head resting on his hand, he was looking at her, loving that she was there. His free hand explored, grazing her stomach, finally finding its way to her breasts. “I’ve been thinking about this since that damn yellow-polka dotted bikini,” he told her, and she smiled.

  She’d been touched before but it didn’t feel like this. Zane’s ‘touch’ was a ‘grope and grab.’ This was soft and gentle and left her breathless.

  After a while he told her, “I think I should go to the sofa. I don’t know how strong I am.”

  “No, don’t go; we’ll behave,” she said.

  “Carlee, I have to tell you something.” He pulled her closer and paused, taking her face in his hands, his thumbs lightly caressed her cheeks, and he kissed her.

  She waited, liking his nervousness. “Yes?”

  “I love you,” he said as his fingers pulled through her curls, his voice almost a whisper.

  She smiled but said nothing for a moment. Then finally, looking deep into his eyes she said, “Matthew, I know. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t already know that.”

  Her fingers caressed his back again as he pulled closer. “I love you too,” she said and pushed back so that she wasn’t so close. He pulled her back and she turned, facing away from him, as he wrapped her in his arms, and they slept.

  Early, in the morning Matthew slipped out of bed. He looked at her lying there, so peaceful, curled on her side, that mess of curls spilled across the pillow. He wanted to crawl back in, but went to the kitchen instead and made coffee. He dressed and was ready to go when Carlee rose. She had a cup of coffee and a croissant with him before he left. He was working the early shift and would return around two that afternoon.

  She lounged a while, catching up from the time difference. Finally, she went thru the groceries they’d gotten. Knowing he loved Cottage Pie she got busy. She had searched the Internet before she got there for a recipe that she thought she could manage, and picked up the ingredients when they went to the market. It was ready to put in the oven for dinner when Matthew returned.

  He loved seeing her there as he opened the door. She had music playing from her phone and something smelled wonderful. “Wow, something smells really good!”

  “I made dinner,” she said proudly, showing him the casserole that would be baked later.

  “A guy could get used to this,” he said hugging her.

  “A girl could too,” she laughed.

  He brought lunch home for them and then he went to take an on-line test he needed to do after they ate. Later, they went out for a stroll, spring flowers were blooming, everything beautiful and full of color. Matthew brought his camera along and took lots of pictures. When they returned, they finished preparing the meal together. It felt like a comfortable routine, and they both enjoyed it.

  After their meal, Carlee called Andy with the video application on her phone. “Hey there, Papa!” she said when he answered.

  “Well, hello,” Andy said and as Matthew
stepped in view added. “Hey, Matt.”

  “I wanna show you somethin’,” Carlee said as she walked to the kitchen. She turned the phone to show him the remains of the Cottage Pie. “Check it out!”

  “Matthew cooked dinner for you,” he laughed.

  “I cooked for him!” she responded.

  “Wait… what? Someone call the press! Carlee Elizabeth cooked!” He laughed out loud, and then said, “Matthew, step back into view, I want to make sure you’re alright!”

  “Nice, Papa.” Matthew did, and he and Andy both laughed. Carlee attempted a look of disgust, but laughed instead.

  “It was good,” Matthew said.

  “How come whenever you’re ‘starving’ I have to take you out to eat?” Andy asked and laughed.

  “Matthew is the guinea pig, you may want to wait ‘til I have it all figured out!” she replied.

  Carlee walked around the flat with her phone, showing Andy around. “I love you. I’ll call sometime tomorrow!” she said.

  “Call him early. Tomorrow evening we have plans,” Matthew told her when they hung up. His mom called him several weeks ago to tell him about a concert by the London Community Orchestra in the park while Carlee would be there. The conductor of the Symphony of Jacksonville knew the conductor and sent word that Matthew should go see him. Matthew called and met with him after his shift that morning. He thought the concert in the park would be a perfect date, but there was more to it.

  The next morning he slipped out of bed quietly, and let her sleep, wrote a note, and left for work.

  Good morning beautiful, I hope you slept well. I love you being here, having you by my side… I’ll be back around one. We’ll need to leave around four. I’ll call when I’m on my way.