When I Look to the Sky

by Barbara S. Stewart

  I love you, Matt

  She picked it up to read it, smiled, read it again, folded the note, and stuck it in her bag. She studied for a paper she needed to do, and had lunch ready when Matthew got in. She wore a long flowing, yellow gauzy skirt, and a pale yellow ruffled shirt.

  Girlie Matthew thought, and smiled.

  After they ate, Matthew showered, He packed a picnic dinner, grabbed his camera, a blanket, a bottle of Riesling that he’d chilled along with two plastic cups. Carlee grabbed a sweater, and they walked to the park where the concert would be. Once they found their spot, Carlee spread the blanket on the ground and Matthew put their things down.

  “Prime real estate,” she laughed as she looked around at the spot he’d chosen.

  He grabbed his camera and started taking pictures. He took several shots of Carlee and then sat down on the blanket beside her.

  “I have a surprise,” he whispered in her ear, and kissed her neck.

  “I love surprises, tell me,” she said.

  “When the concert starts,” he said, and got busy checking the lens on his camera. The Orchestra was setting up on the stage in front of them. People came and began filling in the spaces around them, and soon there was a large crowd. Matthew’s phone rang and he took the call.

  “I’ll be right back,” he told her and moved toward the stage, camera in hand. He stopped, turned around, and took several shots of the crowd that had gathered. Carlee watched him talk with a gentleman on the stage. Matthew jumped up on the stage and took a few more pictures looking out at the crowd and some of the orchestra as they assembled.

  He returned to their blanket and sat beside Carlee. “I think I know what your surprise is,” she said excitedly.

  Matthew stretched out on the blanket and leaned on his elbow to watch her, his finger lightly traced her jaw, and then he leaned to kiss the tip of her nose. “You do?”

  “I think so. I think you’re the photographer for the evening!”

  “Oh man, you figured it out!” he teased.

  “That’s not it?”

  “You’ll have to wait and see.” He leaned in for another kiss.

  It was a beautiful evening of good music. Matthew left occasionally, busy taking pictures. Carlee loved being there with him. After a while he returned and joined her on the blanket. The Orchestra began playing another tune. It was familiar to her. Suddenly, she realized what it was. They were playing the music to “Won’t You”.

  “That’s my surprise,” she whispered in his ear, as she softly sang along. “It’s my favorite song ever,” she kissed him.

  “Mom’s friend is the conductor for the Jax Symphony and he knows the conductor here. I called him and asked if they knew the music; they didn’t, so Andy sent it to them. It helps to know people,” he grinned. “But, I’m officially employed by the Community Orchestra now. They asked me to take photos and I’ll be designing a flyer for them!”

  That night, as they lay in bed, Matthew held her close; his fingers lightly touching, caressing, exploring in a loving manner. “Carlee,” he whispered, “I want to make love to you.”

  Make love, not ‘have sex’, she thought, remembering Zane. She turned into him and started to speak, but he covered her lips with a kiss.

  “Soon,” he said. “I know now isn’t right, so, just know that I want to.”

  “Matthew,” she whispered back, “I can hardly wait.”

  Her week there was both trial and pleasure. They enjoyed their time, loved being together, but they danced around the desire they felt. And as hard as they tried, they both dreaded that she had to leave.

  ~ ~ ~

  Andy met her at the airport when she returned. Driving to St. Augustine he noticed something different; she’d grown up even more.

  Busy with classes, she also worked on the opening and closing for Butterfly Camp that summer. This would be her first time leading them. She was nervous, and excited, putting it all together. She had some surprises in store.

  Matthew’s book was a success and began to open doors for new projects. It was an exciting time. Not only was he donating proceeds to the Camp, he was getting income, and notoriety. The media project for the Orchestra was a success, as well. When he came home for summer break one of the local TV news programs in Jacksonville had an interview scheduled with him to talk about the book, giving it even more exposure. The newsperson who contacted him for the interview was a breast cancer survivor. Promoting the book was something that meant a great deal to her.

  Her term complete, Andy went to St. Augustine to help pack Carlee up to come home. She and Marissa had already made plans to be roommates the next school year, and knew they would chat over the break.

  Matthew was flying to Jacksonville and Geni invited Carlee to come there. She drove straight to the airport to meet him, and was waiting in the terminal when he came through. She didn’t ever want to let him go when he grabbed her.

  They got to the house and settled in. His mom was happy to have him home, and loved Carlee being there. They spent the evening talking. The interview for TV was scheduled for the next morning.

  Carlee joined Matthew at the TV station. They highlighted the book, and talked about the Cancer Foundation, as well as Butterfly Camp. She stood off camera to watch his ‘fifteen minutes of fame,’ proud to share it with him. LaDonna Martin introduced herself to Carlee when the interview was over, and told her what a treasure the book was.

  That evening, Geni prepared a special meal, all of Matthew’s favorites; fried chicken, biscuits and potato salad. They talked, and Carlee shared some of her camp ideas with them. Matthew told them about the Orchestra media materials.

  Later, Matthew asked Carlee to take a walk with him along the river. It was almost a full moon, and the moonlight on the water was beautiful. It looks like diamonds spilled onto black velvet, she thought. She told him about her program for camp, her words filled with excitement. Matthew stopped walking as she rattled on about it. He was watching her, and she stopped talking.

  “What?” she asked laughing. “Am I talking too much?”

  “Nope, not at all. I just love looking at you,” he said. “I love listening to you. I love your passion and excitement. I love being part of it, and I can’t wait to go there with you again.”

  He took her hand in his, loving the feel of it. “Carlee,” he started, and then paused.

  “Matthew,” she sighed in reply, and laughed.

  He pulled her to him and whispered in her ear, “Have I told you that I’m crazy about you?”

  “You have. Have I told you I feel the same way?” she whispered back kissing him.

  “You take my breath away.”

  “I do that?” she asked, teasingly, and then pushed back to look at him.

  “You do,” he replied, pulling her back. “And I have to tell you, I like the way it feels.”

  “Me too,” she said.

  “I think about more than ‘now’ when I look at you.” He waited a minute before continuing. “I can’t wait for every tomorrow with you. What I feel for you is so real. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.”

  She had tears in her eyes. Matthew wiped them away, pulling her closer. “Are you crying because you’re happy, or…”

  “Happy tears,” she said, kissing him.

  “When I read about your mama and Andy,” he continued, “the way they danced around commitment, that rollercoaster you referred to, I knew I couldn’t do that to you. I knew that forever was in our future when I left you at the airport to return home in March. I couldn’t imagine missing anyone more as you walked away.” He paused a moment, looking deep into her eyes. “I know it’s soon,” he began.

  “It’s been the best year I could imagine.”

  “Will you think about forever with me, Carlee?” he asked her.

  She waited to answer, holding her breath, unsure where Matthew was going, and then finally said, “Forever began for me a while ago.”

  He reached in his pock
et, Carlee held her breath, as the tears flowed.

  “We won’t rush; we both need to finish school, but I’d like you to wear this, it’s my commitment to you.” He slipped the ring on her finger, and asked; “Will you spend forever with me?”

  “Yes,” she said. “Yes, I will. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me!”

  “I can’t imagine a happier place in the world,” he told her.

  Carlee looked at the ring on her finger, it was an old, beautiful ring; an antique, she could tell, and she couldn’t believe what had just happened.

  “I got it in London, just after you left. I looked all over the place and I went into this little shop in the neighborhood. They were having an estate sale. When I saw this one, I knew. It was different, like you.” He smiled at her and held her hand out to admire it, as well. The band was yellow gold. The setting was white gold, with dainty filigree. The diamond was set in the center, and there were sapphires on each side.

  “I’ve never met anyone like you before, Carlee. I read in the book that your mama was ‘unique.’ I think you got that from her. I talked to Mom and Dad,” he continued, “they love you, and they approve, but don’t want us to rush. I talked to Andy and he gave his blessing, so here we are. I just couldn’t imagine another day without you knowing exactly how I felt. I love you, I’m in love with you, and I want to make sure you know.”

  “Oh Matthew, I love you so much,” she said tears spilling from her eyes. They walked back to the house hand in hand and knew that they would spend the rest of their lives just that way.

  When they reached, the house Geni was waiting, anxiously. As they made their way up the porch steps, Carlee could see her near the door. She opened the door slightly, and stuck only her hand through the opening, wiggling her fingers and laughed. Geni pulled the door open and hugged her.

  And then, she saw him sitting there. “Papa!”

  “Geni wouldn’t let me miss this moment. I’m so glad you said yes I sure would’ve hated to drive all the way here for nothing,” he said, and Carlee heard the smile in his voice.

  They opened a bottle of champagne and made a toast. “To the future,” Geni said.

  “To the future,” they all replied.

  Carlee watched Andy. She knew where his thoughts were. She went to him and he wrapped her in his embrace.

  Andy knew she was young, Carle would be twenty on her next birthday but he thought about the words Kimmy had used previously to describe her; “She’s an old soul,” and he knew that she had experienced more in life than most people in their thirties and forties.

  He thought about Matthew and how their relationship started and progressed. It wasn’t like most young people’s kinships. Theirs grew even with a great distance between them. They learned to love each other through their conversations. He talked to Geni and Tom, as well as Kimmy, and Nanny and Pops, and they all agreed that they shouldn’t be in a hurry, but that Carlee was mature enough to handle waiting. And then, he thought about Beth, “his Bethy”, and all the years that all she needed was a commitment – and he knew that he would never deny Carlee that.

  The next morning, as they were all sitting at the kitchen table, Matthew received a call. He left the room to take it.

  “I’m sorry,” he said when he returned. “I just wanted to make sure I heard what they were saying correctly!”

  “What is it?” Tom asked, noting Matthew’s excitement.

  Matthew looked around the table, glad that Andy was there too. He had something special to share. “Carlee’s Butterfly Camp book, my photography,” he rambled. “They just called to tell me the book was submitted for consideration to the National Institute of Photography for an award for ‘Deep Perspective Photography.’ I can’t believe it!” he said.

  “How exciting!” Carlee yelled.

  “When do they announce the winner?” Andy asked.

  “In two weeks!”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN ~ Mel

  Camp was quickly approaching. Andy was going again, taking his keyboard and he’d made arrangements with a local music store to have guitars sent for some lessons. He also had a surprise in store during the week. He told Carlee he needed another bed available, and she couldn’t imagine who would be joining them.

  Matthew came to Andy’s two days before they left for camp to sneak in some time with Carlee. Andy was up and out early the first morning for an appointment at the studio. Matthew and Carlee swam and lay by the pool early in the day.

  Later, they went to The Bistro, picked up lunch and ran by the studio to show Matthew around and introduce him to Marco. Carlee opened the door and knew immediately that she should have called first. As soon as Andy looked up, she saw Zane in the sound booth. Andy saw the ‘oh crap’ look on Carlee’s face. Marco did too.

  “There’s my girl!” Marco said in his big, deep voice. He got up and wrapped Carlee in a hug. “Look how beautiful you are, and this must be the lucky guy I’ve been hearing about.” Marco extended his hand and shook Matthew’s.

  Zane caught Carlee’s eye. “Matthew, this is Zane Rogers,” she said. She hadn’t seen him since she called it off with him. Andy told her that he asked about her every time they met. It wasn’t a bad breakup, they didn’t date that long, but she wished he wasn’t there, not with Matthew there.

  “Nice to meet you both,” Matthew said.

  “Papa, we brought lunch, I should have called first, but I thought we’d surprise you!” Surprise is on me, she thought.

  “I was just leaving,” Zane said. “Carlee, you look great.”

  “You too. Nice to see you. Papa, we’ll take lunch to your office.”

  As she unpacked and put lunch on the table, she turned to Matthew to speak. He saw her hesitate and waited. She didn’t want to keep anything from him. “I dated Zane for about six weeks.”

  “I know,” Matthew said nonchalantly.

  “You do?”

  “Yeah, some girl in my business law class, who wants me, told me about you and him. She was trying to make me jealous,” he said, and they both busted out laughing. “I don’t care so much about all that stuff. That was before. All I care about is now, Carlee.” He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

  Matthew looked around the office as they waited for Andy and Marco to join them. There were pictures all over the walls, the Traveler guys, the band with other celebrities, and pictures of Carlee everywhere he looked. There were numerous gold and platinum records hanging on the walls, and he saw the Oscar and GRAMMY awards in a glass case in the corner. The pictures on Andy’s desk were of Beth, and various stages of Carlee’s life. The pride and love he felt for her was evident. He picked one up and was looking at it when Andy joined them.

  “Adoption Day,” Andy said draping an arm around Matthew’s shoulder as he was looking at the picture of him and Carlee. She looked up and smiled.

  “The second best day on my life,” he picked up the wedding picture of him and Beth. “This was the first best day.”

  He sat it back down as Marco entered and shouted, “Let’s eat, I’m starving!”

  “Nice Marco,” Carlee said, knowing he was making fun of her, and they all laughed.

  “Matthew, I look at her and I can never figure it out, but you need to know that she is always ‘starving’! I mean look at her, where does she put it?” Andy laughed.

  “Figured that out quickly,” Matthew laughed, and slipped his arm around her for a squeeze.

  That evening, Carlee and Matthew joined Jenna and Maxx for cosmic bowling and pizza at the bowling alley. The four of them had great fun together. Maxx and Jenna liked the opportunity to get to know Matthew.

  The next day was hectic getting everything ready and packed for camp. Andy and Matthew grilled steaks for dinner. Later, the three of them shared the evening watching old Saturday Night Live episodes on a comedy channel on TV. SNL was one of Andy’s guilty pleasures. He and the Traveler guys hosted the show twice over the years. Carlee popped popcorn for them, and snuggled on
the sofa with Matthew. He loved seeing that side of Andy as he laughed out loud over the comedy.

  And Andy loved seeing the two of them build a relationship.

  Friday after the embarking party, Carlee rode to camp on one of the busses with the kids. She couldn’t imagine not taking that ride on the bus with them. She loved that time. She was excited about the opening ceremonies, and nervous. She’d gone through it over and over with Matthew and Andy. Finally, it was time.

  “Greetings Caterpillars!” Carlee yelled from the stage once they were assembled and the chaos under control. She was wearing jean shorts and a bright lime green t-shirt with deep red letters that read; ‘DO YOU KNOW MEL?’ She looked out at the crowd, proudly.

  There were seventy kids this year. Over the last year they were able to build another cabin, so ten more kids were able to attend. She was so happy to see more of them there to experience this week of camaraderie.

  “This is the beginning! During this week we will transition, and at the end of our time together we will emerge as butterflies!”

  “Are you ready to get this party started?” she yelled to them as the classic music from the Black Eyed Peas song, “Let’s Get it Started,” began to play. When the song finished, volunteers brought three large boxes to the stage and Carlee tore into them with their help. They all started pulling more of the lime green DO YOU KNOW MEL shirts from one of the boxes and threw them to the crowd. On the back of the shirt was the butterfly logo for the camp.

  She paused a moment and then asked, “Do any of you know Mel?” None of the kids raised their hand. They looked around to see if ‘Mel’ was someone in the crowd. “Mel isn’t here,” she said. “At least I hope not, but I know Mel.” She paused a moment to take a deep breath to go on. “This year I decided to tell you about Mel.”