Imaginary Grace

by Anne Holster

  By the time we got to the cafeteria, my stomach was in knots. Tanner got himself a coffee – he took it black – and I got an iced tea. “You don’t drink coffee?” he asked.

  “No,” was all I said as we walked out of the cafeteria, my hand gripping the bottle of iced tea like a vise. Once we got outside, I quickly said goodbye before I could say anything stupid.

  As I walked, I quietly pondered the fact that the earth must have just shifted on its axis, because suddenly I was living in an alternate universe inhabited by hot guys who treated me to iced teas.

  When I got to the gym, Beth was already waiting for me by the treadmills. The gym was relatively empty, and as we walked I recounted the events of the past few hours, regarding the whole iced-tea-buying, note-copying extravaganza. By the time we finished our workout, even Beth couldn’t deny that something might be up.

  “Okay, Grace,” she sighed, “it still may be just an innocent coincidence, but if it happens once more, even I’ll have to admit that he might be interested.” For some reason, her saying that made it more real. It wasn’t just my wishful thinking anymore. Now someone else was on board – well, almost.

  The next week dragged by so slowly it almost seemed as if time was going backwards. If it hadn’t been for the gym and Gary distracting me with his humorous observations about my form—or lack thereof-- I would have gone out of my mind.

  Finally, Friday arrived. That morning, I took extra care getting ready; adding extra conditioner to my hair in the shower, then slipping into my favorite jeans, hoodie and gray Converse high-tops. I even wore my silver hoop earrings instead of the usual plain studs. One last look in the mirror, and I decided I was ready to go. Even Beth gave me the thumbs-up as I grabbed my bag and walked out the door.

  Early as usual, I settled into a seat and took out something to pretend to read as I waited. Finally, he walked in, just as class was about to start. He breezed past me wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a black, snug-fitting Van Halen t-shirt and took the seat directly behind me. I heard the creaking of the chair as he settled in and the rustling of papers, then I felt his warm breath on the back of my neck. “Hi, Grace.”

  My eyes opened wide as I replied with a barely audible, “Hi.” I sat stone-still for the entire length of the class, unable to relax with him behind me. When class was over I began nonchalantly gathering my things and putting them in my bag.

  Just then he spoke. “Are you going to the frat party tomorrow night?”

  I hadn’t even known there was another party tomorrow night, but I played it off as if I did. “Umm…yeah, probably.”

  “Cool,” he said with a smile as we both stood up. “Maybe I’ll see you there.” With that, he turned and headed out the door and I was left standing there wondering, did he just sort of but not really but kind of possibly say without really saying that he maybe wanted to hang out with me tomorrow night?

  I made it to the gym in record time, bursting to tell Beth what had happened. When she wasn’t by the treadmills, I quickly went to the locker room to change, then went looking for her. She was in the free-weight room, and when she saw the look on my face she placed her dumbbell on the floor and look at me expectantly.

  “You are never going to believe what happened today!” I said, gripping her shoulders. I told her how Tanner had whispered hello in my ear, then asked if I was going to the party.

  For a moment, Beth just stared at me, then a wide grin spread across her face. “Grace,” she said, “something is definitely happening here.” Just then Gary came in. “Hey, what are you two giggling about?” Over the past few weeks he had started hanging out with us after his shift ended.

  “Nothing,” Beth said, “we were just talking about the party at the frat house tomorrow night.”

  “Oh, cool,” he said, “me and my buddies will be there. Are you going too, Grace?”

  “Yes,” I replied. “We’ll be there around ten-thirty-ish, right Beth?”

  After finishing our workout, we headed straight back to the dorm for a major planning session. A party with Tanner meant precise outfit planning and expert hair management. Should I attempt to blow my hair out straight and then flat iron it? It sounded good in theory, but if it was the slightest bit humid out, I ran the risk of looking like a Q-tip. I could leave it loose and wavy, but humidity would not be kind to that look either. Winter, with its dry air, couldn’t come fast enough!

  Beth may have been supportive about my hair, but when she saw me eyeing my sweatshirts, she put her foot down. “There is no freaking way I am letting you out that door in a damn sweatshirt! You’re meeting up with the guy you’ve been drooling over for weeks, not going out for a run.”

  By the time Saturday night arrived, our dorm room was a flurry of excitement. Outfits were being tried on, hair was being wrestled with. Even Beth was in a bit of a frenzy.

  I had decided to play it safe with the hair situation. I couldn’t run the risk of frizz, so I put some gel in it and pulled it back into a long wavy ponytail, tied with a fancy silver clip that I borrowed from Beth. I pulled some wispy tendrils out at the sides to give it a bit of a tousled look and, after adding my silver hoop earrings, I was good to go.

  Well, almost good. I didn’t feel at all comfortable in the pair of low-rise jeans and beaded tank top. Beth caught me staring at my sweatshirts and waved a finger at me.

  “I can’t go dressed like this; I’ll end up hiding in a corner all night.”

  “Okay, compromise,” she said as she handed me a cute little black zip-up hoodie with silver strings on the sides and a cool silver emblem on the back. I slipped it on, and I actually kind of liked it, although it wasn’t long enough to cover me.

  Beth smiled at me. “You look good. Now, let’s get moving.”

  When we arrived at the party we headed for the keg in the kitchen, then walked outside. Gary and his friends, some of whom I recognized from the gym, were already there. We joined them and started talking, and although we were having a good time, Tanner was never far from my thoughts.

  By 11:00 he still hadn’t arrived. Now completely distracted, I couldn’t concentrate on what anyone was saying. I kept glancing at my watch, then around the yard to see if I spotted him. Then suddenly, there he was, and he had been worth the wait. He had on those faded jeans that I loved, the ones with the tear in the knee, and a simple gray t-shirt that looked anything but simple on him. He didn’t see me so I was able to observe him unnoticed.

  As usual, he was with Scott. I observed Scott say something to Tanner, making him laugh as his eyes lit up.

  “Grace,” I heard Beth whisper, “Isn’t that lover-boy over there? Why don’t you go over and say hi?”

  “Shhh,” I hissed as I turned to her, “in a minute.”

  “Well, don’t look now,” Beth said with a smirk, “but here he comes.”

  I stared straight ahead, eyes wide as my heart thudded in my chest. I felt him approaching from behind and then suddenly felt his hand touch the sleeve of my sweatshirt, giving it a slight tug. “Hey, Grace, what’s up?”

  “Oh, hi, Tanner.”

  Just then Beth turned and, barely containing her amusement, said “Oh, Grace, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”

  I must have blushed to my hairline. “Oh, yeah, sure, Beth this is Tanner; Tanner, this is my roommate, Beth.” They exchanged nice-to-meet-yous, then she smiled at me and turned back to Gary and his friends.

  Just then, Gary turned around and gave Tanner a curt nod. “Hey, Tanner.”

  Tanner replied with a simple, “What up, Gary.” Maybe it was my imagination, but I detected a slight animosity between the two. They held a stare for a few seconds, then Gary turned back to the group.

  Scott, who had been standing behind Tanner, stepped forward. “Hi Grace,” he said as if he’d known me forever. “Tanner mentioned he was meeting you here.”
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  Hmm . . . he mentioned me?

  “Come on,” Tanner said. “Come with us to get some beers.”

  “Um…okay, sure,” I said, even though my cup was still half full. I started to follow them inside, but not before I caught Beth’s eye and raised my eyebrows at her. She winked and I laughed, quickly covering my mouth before following them inside.

  We snaked our way through the crowd and into the kitchen. While they filled up their cups, I had a brief flashback of the last time I ran into them at the keg and inwardly cringed.

  We went out to the front porch, where Scott monopolized the conversation for a while before a tall blonde caught his eye and he excused himself.

  “I got here later than I wanted to,” Tanner said. “I got held up at work and then fell asleep for a couple of hours; I didn’t wake up till almost ten.”

  “Oh, where do you work?” I asked.

  “At the gas station over on Essex Street. I do oil changes, sometimes pump gas. I only work there on Saturdays and they let me work on my car when it’s real slow.”

  “Oh.” Then, not knowing what else to say, I just kind of nodded and smiled.

  “So, Grace, where do you hail from, or are you a local?”

  “No, I’m not a local. I’m from New Jersey.”

  “Aah, a ‘Jersey Girl,’” he said, curling his fingers into air quotes, “and do you hang at the Jersey Shore?”

  “Well, I’m from North Jersey. It’s right on the border of New York State, so I only go down the Shore for vacations.” We continued making small talk for a while, but then Scott came back and once again took over. I didn’t know if I was annoyed by this or relieved that some of the pressure was off.

  It didn’t matter, though, because before I knew it Beth came looking for me, ready to go. I reluctantly said goodbye to Tanner, wondering whether I had imagined the look in his eye. Was he disappointed that I was leaving?

  Chapter 6

  Tanner

  Once I was sure they were out of earshot, I turned to Scott. “Where the fuck did you go? I told you I didn’t want to be stuck with her alone!”

  “Oh, relax,” he said, “you were fine, and oh, that hot piece of ass I followed into the house is coming to J.D.’s with us.”

  “Shit,” I said ignoring his comment about the hottie, “this is going to be a lot harder than I thought. And what the fuck was she doing here with Gary? Damn, he better not fuck this up for me; I fucking hate that guy.”

  Just then Scott’s blonde came over and announced that she was ready to go. Scott shot me a don’t-fuck-up-my-night look, so I adopted the role of friendly wingman and the three of us headed off to the bar.

  Inwardly, though, I was still stewing about how I was going to pull this off. I’d never encountered a girl like this; getting her to say anything was like a major effort. I’d have to kick it up a notch, especially if Gary was on the scene. That was all I needed, for him to start trash-talking me to Grace. That tool had enough dirt on me to sink my whole plan.

  Once we arrived, I took a seat at the bar and ordered a beer while Scott cozied up to his blond. I glanced over at the small raised area in the corner that served as Hudson-Nash’s stage and reminisced about the last time I’d played with them—the energy in the room, syncing up with guys who loved the music as much as I did… I’m not into the drug scene, but, man, if there was a drug that made you higher than playing in front of a live crowd – well, that’s a drug I wouldn’t mind getting my hands on. And that didn’t even include the girls that came with being a musician.

  I didn’t know whether it was my longing to play with the band or the endless mind-numbing chatter with Grace, but I was suddenly exhausted. I was ready to go home, but not alone. I raised my beer bottle to my lips and my eyes to the mirror behind the bar, scanning the reflection for an easy score. Amber was on the other side of the room, playing a game of pool. Can’t get any easier than that. With a renewed sense of purpose, I hopped off the stool, sauntered over to the pool table, and casually leaned against the wall where the cues were lined up. There I stood, nursing my beer as I waited for her to look up from her game.

  She came over as soon as she saw me, a sly smile spreading across her face. I was mildly surprised—not even a hint of hard to get, even after I’d kicked her out of my place. “Well, well, look who’s here.” She put her hand on her hip. “Where’ve you been all night?”

  “Looking for you,” I answered teasingly as I reached over, sliding my fingers into the belt loop of her jeans and pulling her over. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since the last time we hung out.”

  “You’re full of shit,” she said, but she was still smiling and I could tell she was falling for it hook, line and sinker.

  “Come on, now,” I said, adopting a pleading expression. “You’re not gonna deny the awesome time we had, are you?” I leaned over and whispered in her ear. “What do you say we get out of here?”

  She hesitated. “Buy me a drink and I’ll think about it.”

  “You drive a hard bargain,” I said, pulling my hand back. “I’ll be right back.” I got her a beer at the bar, brought it back to the pool table, and handed it to her. She smiled with that look girls get when they think they’re making you work for it. Her pool game forgotten, she grabbed my hand and pulled me over to a table in the back.

  “So…” she began, “you really had a good time the last time we hung out? ’Cause when I didn’t hear from you, I didn’t know what to think.”

  “Come on, baby,” I whispered across the table as I ran my hand slowly up her arm, “you know I had a good time… and it only gets better from there.” I could tell I was wearing her down—not that she took much convincing. “So…what do you say…you want to blow this place or what?”

  She pretended to debate it for a moment, then said, “Okay, but how about we go to my place this time? Nobody’s home tonight.” There was no need to answer; I just smiled as I stood up and put my hand out to her.

  It was a short drive from the bar to where she lived, but apparently long enough for Amber to shed whatever self-respect she had left. She was all over me in the car, pausing just enough to mumble directions. When she pointed out her building, I parallel parked, grabbed a condom out of the glove box and slipped it into my pocket. Then the two of us stumbled up the stairs to her apartment.

  As we reached her front door, she pulled her keys out of her jacket and jingled them, giggling. I realized she was pretty drunk. Then she pounced, sticking her tongue down my throat and tearing at my shirt. Finally, I took the keys from her and turned to the door. The second the lock clicked, I pushed her backwards through the open door, slamming it shut with my foot.

  We didn’t make it to the bedroom, instead tumbling on to the living room couch. I grabbed the bottom of her tank top and in one swift motion slipped it up and over her head, leaving her in just a black lace bra, which I quickly discarded and tossed to the floor. I got to my knees and pulled my t-shirt off, then she reached up and undid the button of my jeans, slowly unzipping them and reaching inside as she smiled wickedly.

  She was making this real easy. I slowly peeled off her jeans until she was down to just a black lace thong. Still smiling, she slowly slid it down on one side until I pulled it the rest of the way off. Suddenly realizing I still had my work boots on, I kicked them off, closely followed by my jeans but not before remembering to grab the condom out of the pocket.

  She took the packet from me and tore it open with her teeth, then reached up toward me. She maneuvered like a pro –quick and efficient—and I didn’t know whether to be impressed or put off. She hesitated just long enough to look me up and down appreciatively; then, she took a long, deep breath and pulled me down on top of her. As she snaked her arms around my neck, I decided I was definitely impressed and then…well, I think you get the drift.

  After we were done,
she turned over onto her stomach and stretched out, and that’s when I noticed for the first time that she was inked with an intricate-looking tramp stamp. I shook my head and smiled – typical - before fishing around for my discarded clothes.

  I dressed quickly, then sat back down on the couch and pulled on my unlaced work boots. As soon as I had them back on, I stood up and gave her some lame-ass excuse about having to get up early the next day. When she didn’t question my abrupt departure, I made a mental note that she was definitely worth another repeat performance.

  “I’ll give you a call,” I said, flashing her one of my killer smiles. She looked up at me with an expression that said she knew the deal. I would not call her, but I would go home with her the next time we bumped into each other at J.D.’s. I gave her a minute to slip her tank top back on, then gave her a light peck on the forehead and headed out the door without a second glance. I got into my car and sat for a minute before starting it up. It had been a long night, and on the drive home I wondered absently if random sex without commitment would ever get old. I smiled wryly to myself – I doubt it.

  I should have slept like a baby that night, but I didn’t. Finally, at 6 a.m. I got out of bed and hit the gym. I wasn’t there five minutes before Gary cornered me. “What’s the deal with you and Grace?” he asked.

  I gave him my most intimidating stare, then folded my arms across my chest. “Well, Gary, not that it’s any of your business, but Grace and I are just hanging out – for now. You gotta problem with that?”

  “Watch yourself, Tanner,” he challenged.

  “Watch myself?” I replied with a humorless laugh. “Gary, you’re hardly in a position to swoop in and save Grace from me, so don’t even try.” I moved in closer to him. “Maybe Grace would be interested in hearing about your little incident last spring,” I said quietly, “and from what I hear it wasn’t the first time. What do you think she’d say about that juicy little nugget?”

  “You can’t prove anything.”

  I knew he had a point. “Gary, let me make myself crystal clear by saying that you’d be wise to stay the fuck outta my business.”