Imaginary Grace

by Anne Holster

  “Beth, do you think I could borrow your boots again tonight? I love the way they go with these jeans.” I crossed my fingers as I waited for her reply.

  “Of course,” she said. “I never wear them anyway.”

  “Great, thanks,” I said as I grabbed them from underneath the bed and pulled them on. Yes, they went perfectly.

  I wanted to wear my jean jacket but we were walking to Kim’s and it was way too cold out. According to Beth, Kim’s apartment was always stifling, so I had the nearly impossible task of striking a balance between the practical and the fashionable. In the end I settled for a cool little black zip-up hoodie that Ryder had lent me along with my white down vest.

  Beth finally emerged from the bathroom just as Adam texted her that he was waiting out front. We met him downstairs, and the three of us walked the fifteen minutes to Kim’s place. Along the way, Adam filled us in on all the frat gossip – who was hooking up with who and that sort of thing; Beth and I hung on every word and offered commentary on each story he told.

  When we got to Kim’s place I was surprised to see that it was almost the exact same set-up as Tanner’s, but on a much bigger scale. It had three bedrooms, whereas Tanner’s place had only two. There were also a lot more people there than I’d expected; a “few friends” had turned into party central.

  Beth spotted Kim, a pretty but harried-looking blond, as soon as we walked in and waved her over. Beth introduced Adam and me, then said, “If this is your idea of a low-key night I’d like to go to one of your real parties.”

  “It’s gotten a bit out of hand,” Kim said, laughing, “Clearly my friends didn’t get the message when I said they could bring a friend or two…well, except for you.” She smiled at me and Adam. “Now it’s like any other Saturday night frat party.”

  Kim didn’t seem to mind, though. In fact she seemed to really be enjoying herself.

  “You guys can throw your coats in the back bedroom,” she said, pointing towards the far end of the room.

  “Okay,” we said as we shrugged our coats off and began weaving through the crowd. When we got into the bedroom, Adam went to toss his jacket on top of the pile of coats.

  “Adam, what are you doing?” Beth asked. “If you just toss your jacket like that you’ll never find it later.”

  “Yeah, Adam,” I said. “Beth and I have a system, and we always find our jackets at the end of the night.”

  “A jacket system?” Adam had that look on his face that all guys get when they think girls are crazy. “Why am I not surprised?”

  “Just give me your jacket,” Beth said as she wiggled her finger at him.

  “Here you go, professor.” Adam smirked and tossed her his jacket.

  “Now watch and learn.” She then took both of our jackets and wrapped them neatly inside Adam’s so it looked like one. Then she neatly placed the bundle in between the bed and the nightstand. “It’s called a jacket wrap.”

  “You even have a name for it!” he exclaimed.

  “No, I just totally made that up,” she said, laughing. “Now, if any one of us leaves before the others, make sure the jackets get put back in the same spot.”

  “Are you done?” he asked, shaking his head, but I could tell he liked the “system”.

  “Yeah, now get us a beer,” she said as we headed back out to the party. The living room was packed, with people overflowing onto the front porch. Adam grabbed the beers and we carved out a small spot in the kitchen to wait for the other girls. While we were standing there, Adam spied a half-empty bottle of tequila on the far end of the counter. He quickly grabbed it and returned to our huddle.

  “Shots?” he asked.

  “Sure,” I said; I’d managed to get through high school and my first semester of college without drinking tequila, but now I was game to try. Adam didn’t see any cups so he grabbed three teacups from the cupboard, lined them up, and poured some tequila into each before returning the bottle to end of the counter.

  “What should we drink to, ladies?” Adam asked as he handed each of us a cup, but before he could pick up his own, Beth had downed the shot. I just stood there for a minute, first staring at the liquid, then smelling it. I’d seen a lot of people with their heads in the toilet after drinking this stuff.

  “Come on, Grace, down it,” she said as Adam threw back his head and emptied his cup. I squeezed my eyes shut, threw it back, and immediately felt it burn the back of my throat. I shook my head and quickly drank down at least half of my beer. Yikes! What a way to start the night.

  I surveyed the room, which was slowly becoming fuzzy, and noticed a big black leather sectional sofa in the middle. A black, weathered wooden coffee table sat in front of it, and a group of people were sitting on it and the couch, playing some sort of dice game that I couldn’t quite figure out. Instead of the usual dots there were what looked to be little pictures, and apparently you had to drink if a certain picture was rolled. Too confusing!

  I noticed Beth cozying up to Adam, so I figured that from here on out I was on my own. I finished my beer and told the happy couple I was going for a refill, then meandered through the crowd and out onto the porch where the keg was. It was so cold I was shivering as I filled my cup; still, I wandered to the other end of the porch, looking for the other girls we were supposed to meet, but they were nowhere to be found.

  When I got back inside I headed straight for the kitchen. Beth was still there, but they had been joined by Gary and a girl I didn’t know.

  “Hey, Gary,” I said.

  “Oh, hi, Grace,” he said, sounding surprised, “I didn’t know you’d be here tonight.”

  He seemed uneasy and hesitated a moment before he introduced me to his date. “Grace, this is Samantha. Sam, meet Grace.”

  I said hello to her and she nodded at me. She seemed nice enough. She was on the short side with shoulder-length blonde hair that she had pulled back from her face.

  Thankfully, Kate and Jill, the two girls we were meeting, finally arrived, so at least I was no longer the third (or should I say fifth?) wheel. Beth, Adam, Gary and Sam hung out in the kitchen most of the night while Kate, Jill and I moved around. Kate was one of those girls who seemed to know everybody. Wherever we went someone was tugging on her arm or waving to her across the room, but every so often we’d end up back in the kitchen. At one of our kitchen stops, I noticed Gary’s date wasn’t there and he and Adam were doing shots of tequila.

  “Hey girls, join us,” Gary said.

  Kate and Jill eagerly accepted, but I shook my head. I had the perfect buzz going and I didn’t want to overdo it, but he handed me one anyway. “Come on, Grace, just one shot,” he coaxed.

  “No thanks,” I said, shaking my head again. Adam and the girls had already drained their cups.

  Gary slowly leaned over and whispered in my ear, “What’s the matter? Tanner doesn’t want you drinking when he’s not around?”

  What the hell was that supposed to mean? Tanner’s never tried to stop me from doing anything. “No,” I said, annoyed as I grabbed the tequila from him and tossed it back, feeling the now familiar burn at the back of my throat. Gary smiled, satisfied that he’d won, then he turned his smile on Samantha, who’d just returned.

  “So, Grace, where’s Tanner tonight? Is the band playing again?” I didn’t know what his tone was implying, but I didn’t like it.

  “Yes,” I said curtly, now annoyed at myself for falling for his trick. I missed Tanner and wished he were here tonight. I was also beginning to wonder if Tanner had been right about Gary all along. When Kate and Jill were ready to mingle again, I was relieved to get away from him. As soon as we walked into the living room, Kate was stopped by two guys involved in the dice game.

  I watched them play, feeling all out of sorts. Not only was I miffed by how Gary had acted, I was also really feeling that second shot. So when Jill handed me another b
eer, I started drinking it without even thinking. I couldn’t shake the feeling that Gary was watching me, but I didn’t dare look his way.

  Kate and Jill must have played the game before because they jumped right in; I on the other hand, wasn’t able to follow it at all. Maybe it was because I was buzzed, but it seemed pretty damn confusing. All I knew was that every so often the group would yell out, “Blackwell!”, then everyone would drink. It may have been fun to play but it was really boring to watch.

  After a few minutes I asked Jill, who had bowed out of the game early, if she wanted to go say hi to some people I knew from one of my classes. They were on the other side of the room, and it was the perfect way to get out of Gary’s line of sight. She agreed, and after a few minutes I was able to relax a bit. It turned out that Jill knew a lot of the same people I did, and we wound up hanging out with them for a good part of the night.

  Still, I kept thinking about Tanner. I was dying to see him, especially since Gary’s snide comment, and now the alcohol was beginning to put ideas into my head – very bad ideas. I was definitely beyond buzzed. I knew I should stop drinking, but somehow my cup kept getting filled, and I kept draining it again.

  I wondered if I should just show up at Tanner’s – would that be crazy? I could call him or text him, tell him I’d meet him at his place after the show or…maybe I’d just surprise him. Yeah, that’s what I’d do, surprise him. I glanced at my cell phone-- just after midnight. I waited until twelve-thirty and then started planning my exit strategy.

  Kate and Jill were leaving together, so that was no problem, but I had to make sure Beth was leaving with Adam so she wouldn’t have to walk all the way home by herself. After telling Kate and Jill I was leaving, I reluctantly made my way to the kitchen, where Beth, Adam, and Gary (sans date) were still hanging out.

  I pulled Beth aside and whispered to her that I was going to Tanner’s.

  “Why don’t you wait a bit and Adam and I can walk you over?” she said, but I told her there was no need since it was only a few blocks over. She looked at me for a minute as if to gauge my condition, then she said, “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.” As I went to turn away she grabbed my arm and whispered loudly in my ear, “…and I want details!”

  I laughed as I pulled my arm away. “If there are any!” I left the kitchen and slowly moved through the crowd towards the bedroom that housed the jackets. Once there, I removed the “jacket wrap” from beside the nightstand and unrolled it, removing my jacket and sweatshirt, then rolled it back up and placed it back where it was.

  As I was putting my sweatshirt on, I heard the door close and instantly spun around in the now-darkened room. Someone was there, but I couldn’t make out who it was. Then I heard Gary’s voice. “Grace,” he said quietly, “I wanted to talk to you before you left.”

  “What is it, Gary?” I said, allowing the annoyance to creep into my voice. I put my down vest on and started to zip it up. He was killing my buzz.

  He flipped on the small lamp that was sitting on the dresser and said, “Listen, I’m sorry about before, about the shot and the comment I made, but Grace – Tanner? Really?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I said, offended.

  “Grace, Tanner’s not who you think he is. He’s got you thinking he’s this whole other person, and you’re falling for it.” As he spoke he reached over and grabbed my arm.

  I turned my head, staring at the hand that was touching my arm. “First of all, get your hand off me…and second of all, you’re right. Tanner’s not at all who I thought he was. As it turns out he’s one of the sweetest, nicest, most caring guys that I’ve ever known and--”

  Gary started laughing out loud, startling me. “You’ve got to be kidding me! He’s got you so snowed, girl! Listen, I don’t know what his game is with you, but all joking aside, I don’t want to see you get hurt. Grace, you know how I feel about you, and I hate seeing you with him.”

  “Listen Gary,” I began, “I appreciate your concern, but really, I’m fine – Tanner and I are fine – and I don’t need you looking out for my wellbeing. I know you guys have some sort of beef between you, but you’ve got Tanner all wrong. Now, really, I gotta go.”

  He reluctantly stepped aside, but as I walked out the door I heard him say, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  My argument with Gary had made me all the more determined to see Tanner tonight. When I left Kim’s house, the party was still going strong, even spilling out into the street.

  Two blocks and five minutes later I was approaching Tanner’s house. The cold air had sobered me up a bit, and I suddenly wondered whether I was doing the right thing. He probably wasn’t home yet, so how was I going to get inside? I thought about turning around, going back to Kim’s and waiting for Beth to leave, but I somehow I found myself on the path to his front steps. I climbed the three steps, slowly reached for the door knob, and turned it. It was locked, of course.

  I sat down on the front stoop with my elbows resting on my knees and my chin on my knuckles. I could just sit here and wait for him, that is if I could bear the cold that long. After a few minutes I stood and paced the length of the front porch, my hands in my jacket pockets, watching my breath in the night air. Suddenly it dawned on me – the bedroom window. When we climbed out the other night to go for the pizza, Tanner had mentioned that the lock was broken.

  I scampered back down the stairs and around to the back of the house, where the broken window was. It took only a minute to find it, despite the darkness and my lingering intoxication. I looked at it for a moment and knew I could easily hoist myself up. I reached up and effortlessly pushed it open, then placed my hands on the frozen sill and pulled myself up. Nice work, Grace, I thought, but when I went to throw my leg over the sill I lost my balance, tumbling through the open window and down onto the floor of Tanner’s room. The heels of Beth’s boots crashed loudly against the hardwood floors, and as I lay there, flat on my back, I stared up at the ceiling and started to giggle.

  I can’t believe I just did that! I slid myself up so that I was resting on my elbows and glanced around the dark room. Slowly I got to my feet and straightened my jacket. After closing the window against the frigid air, I crossed the room and turned on the little lamp on the nightstand.

  The light hurt my eyes at first, causing me to squint as I scanned the room. Then I sat down on the edge of the bed and bounced a couple times. This was so crazy! I’d never done anything like it before!

  Now what? I guessed I would just wait here for him to get home. I shook off my jacket and sweatshirt and then I pulled my boots off and lay down on his bed, resting my head on his pillow.

  As I did, I heard my phone chirp with a text from Tanner. Shows over. On way home. Wat ru doing?

  I laughed to myself as I texted him back. im in bed. Call me when u get home. I put my phone down on the nightstand and lay back again, pulling the comforter over my legs. He should be home within the half hour.

  As I reached over and turned the lamp off, I silently thanked the second shot of tequila –and Gary—for giving me the nerve to take on this little escapade.

  Before too long, I heard what I assumed was Scott’s truck pull into the gravel driveway. My heart leapt in my chest; I was so excited to see Tanner, specifically, the look on his face when he saw me in his bed. The next thing I heard was the truck doors slamming shut, then muffled voices that slowly faded as they moved around to the front of the house. Then came faint footsteps on the front porch, followed by keys in the lock and, finally, the front door opened.

  I heard Tanner’s voice and then Scott’s, but I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. I listened intently as they moved around the living room, engaging in, from what little I could make out, conversation about the show. Any minute now he’d be waltzing through that bedroom door and…

  Chapter 42

  Tanner

  I
left Scott standing in the living room and went into the kitchen to grab myself a beer. The show had been totally out of control tonight, with a rowdier-than-usual crowd that demanded several encores. Flattering, for sure, but by the time we finally wrapped the bar was closing and I was dying for a drink.

  At first I’d thought it odd that Scott was going home alone, but on the drive back he told me that he’d “taken care of business”, as he put it, in the parking lot with none other than Danielle, the waitress from Reggie and Pete’s.

  “I’m turning in. I’m beat,” he said as he walked back to his room. “See you tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, okay,” I said, as I turned the TV on, kicked off my Nikes and settled on the couch. As soon as I heard his door close I lowered the TV and pulled out my phone to call Grace.

  I put the bottle to my lips and let the cool amber liquid pour down my throat as I waited for her to pick up.

  “Hi,” she said.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Nothing,” she answered in a kind of sing-songy voice, which meant she’d probably had a few too many.

  “Oh, you sound like you had a good time tonight.”

  “Yeah, it was okay,” she said, then proceeded to tell me all about it. Finally she asked, “Are you in bed?”

  “No, not yet,” I said as I stretched out on the couch, took another long sip of beer, and absently looked at the TV.

  “Um…why don’t you go in your room?” she said.

  “Nah, I want to lie here on the couch and hear more about your night,” I told her.

  “Oh, I have a good story, but you have to be in bed for me to tell you,” she insisted.

  “Okay, hold on a minute,” I told her and then waited a minute. “Okay, I’m in bed,” I lied.

  “No you’re not.”

  “Yeah, I am,” I lied again.

  “Um, no, you’re not,” she said with a giggle.

  “And how would you know that?” I said, and then I paused with my beer midway to my mouth. No way. I stood up and padded across the room and down the short hallway to my bedroom. I slowly opened the door a crack and slid though, closing it quickly behind me as I whispered, “No…fucking…way!”