It was as if, for a moment, I forgot reality.
Lynn was her normal comforting self once we were in arms reach of one another. She hugged me, seeing the worry in my eyes. “Are you okay?”
I ensured her, “I’m fine.”
“I’m sure the guard will make sure that he gets medical attention.”
“This is getting so out of hand. I wonder what they are fighting over.”
“Maybe you can try to talk to Tony again.”
I shook my head in frustration. “He’s not going to talk to me about it. It’s obvious that its gang related, otherwise it wouldn’t be this serious.” My anxiety rose through the roof as memories of Delilah’s funeral danced in my head.
As I leaned against a locker to catch my breath, Lynn held my hand. “Come on. You can’t react like this in front of the students. Let’s go get you cleaned up. There’s blood all over your shirt.”
I hadn’t even realized that there were students still lingering and looking on. I discreetly took deep breaths to fight the anxiety attack threatening to surface.
I took the rest of the day off.
I couldn’t focus, and when Vince called asking for a ride home from the hospital because he was being released, I was all too happy to leave work.
Since our argument in the hospital last Wednesday, Vince and I spent a considerable amount of time together. I would visit the hospital every day after work and we spent a lot of time talking during the day. Therefore, I wasn’t surprised that he wanted me to pick him up.
Vince was acting like the break up didn’t even happen. Honestly, I liked it. It helped mend my bruised ego, and, though we weren’t officially back together, I was content with his company.
Truthfully, I was also too high to care either way. The more Vince and I got back to how we used to be, the more I got high. I got high to be the person that was opposite of what he didn’t like about me. I got high in order to be happy and free around him; to be a woman with no guards up, no blatant insecurities, and no reservations.
Once Vince and I got to his place, he invited me to stay for awhile, which was fine since I had nothing else to do with my suddenly free day, until later when it was time to pick DeSire up from daycare.
Upon entering Vince’s home, I immediately combed the place for evidence of a woman. I desperately wanted details of how deep this quickie relationship with his ex got, though I feared that I wasn’t going to be able to stomach the possibility.
However, as I helped Vince wobble into his living room, his home looked and felt just as it had the last time that I was there.
When Vince sat on the couch, he playfully pulled me down on top of him. I giggled uncontrollably as I straddled him and he lay small kisses on my neck.
“Uh oh,” I said, teasing him. “Somebody is definitely happy to be home.”
Vince moaned into my neck as he whispered, “I want you so bad.”
“Oh really?”
“I missed you.”
“I can tell.”
And that I could. I could feel Vince’s dick getting harder and harder through the basketball shorts that he wore home from the hospital.
“No,” Vince insisted as he looked into my eyes. “I really missed you.”
I simply smiled into his eyes and hoped for the best. Though this was the Vince that I was used to, and not the mean one that was so rude and cruel to me a few weeks ago, I was timid about falling so easily back to love with him, in fear that he would flip on me again at any moment.
“Your smile is different,” he told me as he continued to gaze into my eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s genuine. I can tell that you’re happy.” Then he looked at me with an inquisitive smile. “Did you go and get a new boyfriend?”
I laughed to myself as visions of me riding Derrick last night danced through my head. I shook of the chills and simply continued to smile at Vince as if I had no clue what he was referring to. However, I knew exactly what the difference was that he saw in me, and it scared me how cocaine had so effectively changed me for, seemingly, the better.
“Will you take me back?”
Vince’s question caught me off guard. Thus, leaving me speechless as I stared into his eyes, wondering what in the hell to do.
Though I could never ignore the ever-present want for a man in my life, I also couldn’t ignore how I was totally happy without Vince. I wanted him, but no longer needed him, and I never experienced that freedom before.
I enjoyed it.
“I know that I hurt you, Vic, and I’m sorry…”
“But how do I know that you won’t do it again? How do I know that you won’t get frustrated with me and leave me again? I can’t change who I am. I am thirty years old. I can try to do better, but this is pretty much who I am going to be. And as someone who claims to love me, you should love me unconditionally- including my flaws.”
Vince sighed slightly with a smile; as if he had many arguments, but no longer wanted to fight.
Then, he told me, “I promise to do better. Just promise me that you’ll do the same.”
Though it was obvious that Vince had yet to learn how to love me unconditionally, as I looked into his eyes, I saw a man that sincerely wanted to. I saw a man that also sincerely wanted me to be the best person that I could be and was willing to help me get there. Vince was willing to assist in my healing, and I couldn’t deny the rarity in that characteristic of him.
“I promise.”
TRICEY
Lyric let out a deafening shriek that shocked other patrons in the restaurant and even a few waitresses.
I laughed at her pure shock and awe as I stuffed my face with sausage pizza.
We were at Beggar’s Pizza, having a quick lunch before running home to tend to my daughter and her man.
Finally, Lyric stopped looking at me with her mouth dropped to the table and broke her silence. “You did what?!”
Calmly, I replied, “I had sex with Amiel.”
“How in the hell did that happen?!”
“Friday night, I went out with Iyana and had a lot of drinks. During the ride home, Amiel called me. He was fussing because I hadn’t been answering my phone. He wanted to talk to me about making some arrangements for him to see Ariana on a regular basis.”
Lyric’s eyes bucked. “Have you told Blood that you are back in contact with Amiel?”
“No, not yet,” I answered with a sigh. “But anyway, when I got to Amiel’s place, one thing just led to another.”
“How does one thing just lead to another with someone that, before a few weeks ago, you hadn’t even spoke to in years?”
“I was horny,” I answered honestly. “And Amiel looked at me one too many times with his fine ass. He kissed me and I let him.”
“And…”
“Then he started taking my clothes off, and I let him.”
Lyric simply sighed and shook her head.
“What?”
“You’re getting yourself in a world of mess,” she answered.
“How?”
“You had sex with Amiel!”
“So! I don’t want to be with him!
Lyric looked at me like I was so full of shit.
I replied confidently, “I don’t! I just wanted the penis. I got it, and now I’m good.”
“So, how was it?”
A pleasant smile spread across my face as I recalled the sex that Amiel and I had. I floated out of reality and into heaven as memories of our passion came to mind.
Amiel and I made love; real good love. He made me feel like I hadn’t felt in years. I was reminded why I so easily fell victim to him back then. The chemistry between us was irrefutable and breathtaking.
When Amiel penetrated me, I was reminded of exactly what was missing between me and Blood. I leaked all over Amiel at the point of entry. I melted all over his sheets like an old lady that hadn’t been touched in years.
I gave my body to him so unselfishly, and he too
k it unapologetically. I was such a willing slave to him.
I was suddenly a songstress in that bedroom, singing to him all kinds of praises and acknowledgements of how good the dick was.
I fucked him like I missed him, but it was the pleasure, the pure unadulterated and undeniable satisfaction, that I missed.
“I fucked the hell out of that man,” I told Lyric. “Took the dick from him with no mercy. Fucked him so good that he probably thinks that I am in love with him.”
Just as Lyric and I began to giggle devilishly, my cell phone rang.
It was Blood, so I quieted my inequities and answered quickly. “Hey, baby.”
Lyric muttered, “Phony ass.”
“Got some good news, babe,” Blood told me. He sounded overly happy and giddy, so I listened closely.
I asked eagerly, “What’s up?”
“Just talked to Star’s lawyer. They won the appeal! Her case goes back to court next month.”
Instantly, my eyes filled with tears. I was so full of joy and speechless that I could only smile.
“Hello?”
“I’m here,” I told Blood as I began to cry.
“I told you that I was gone get her out of there, baby.”
As Blood spoke to me, I cried even more. The way that that man took care of me and mine was unreal.
Lyric soon stood and sat next to me with concern. When I told her that Star’s case was going back to court, she hugged me and silently squealed in happiness.
“William said that he is going to Michigan to meet with Star on Wednesday,” Blood explained. “Maybe with this news, she’ll be up to calling you and your mother.”
Still, I was speechless. I could do nothing but thank God as tears flowed from my face. Then, I had to thank Blood too. “Thank you so much, baby.”
“Why are you thanking me?”
“This couldn’t have happened without you.”
It couldn’t have. The money, the lawyer, and the knowhow were all so unreachable for me. However, without me even asking, Blood used all of his resources to attempt to free my sister like she was his own. His unconditional love for me and my family was so immeasurable and astounding.
“Baby, you don’t have to thank me. This is what I am supposed to do.”
Again, I was feeling bad for not loving Blood in the same way that he loved me, for not being there unconditionally for him as he was for me and my family. I literally wanted to be able to flip a switch and instantly give him back the same love in return. Yet, even though I sat there with tears of joy knowing that this man had done so many wonderful things for me, I could not deny that I did not and could not love him back.
The type of feelings that I had for Blood was calm, simple, and easy to come by. However, the passion that I felt between me and Amiel was wild, emotional, strong, and once in a lifetime. I hadn’t loved anyone that passionately in a long time, and my heart was still searching to feel that for someone again, even though someone was right in my face feeling the same for me.
Fifteen
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
VICTORIA
“What’s wrong with you?”
Vince watched me as I unlocked his front door. He looked at me with so much disappointment and irritation.
“Nothing,” I insisted, attempting to persuade him. “I’m just tired.”
However, as I blew him a kiss and began to walk out of the door, he shook his head with further disappointment.
My skin crawled with worry and pressure as I closed and locked the door behind myself.
I was sure that Vince assumed that I was in one of my moods, but there was no way that I could tell him the real reason why I felt and looked like shit.
I used my last line on Monday. With Vince being so under me since we got back together, I hadn’t been able to get up with Derrick. Besides, I knew that free cocaine from Derrick was in exchange for me sleeping with him. That was his way of taking care of me and ensuring some pussy. But now that I was back with Vince, I had no desire to sleep with Derrick anymore. Despite my hunger for the high, I was always a very loyal woman.
Every moment I felt nauseous. No matter the hunger pains, I had no desire for food.
I didn’t know what to do. As I drove, I wrecked my brain wondering how I was going to get a fix and how soon I could get it. I didn’t want to steal from Blood anymore either. I was starting to take so much that Blood was starting to notice that work was missing.
I missed being high. It was so sad, but I truly did miss it. The longer that I was sober, the more I realized how dependant on cocaine I had become. I didn’t like how I felt when I was sober, and I yearned to be on the flight that cocaine took me on. I liked being happy, energetic, and care free. I liked feeling as if I was flying through my day. It depressed me that I couldn’t feel that way on my own, and that depression made me yearn for it even more.
I pulled into the parking lot of Kraton High in a fog. I entered the building in distress and walked the halls with no energy.
I desperately wanted this monkey off of my back. I just wanted to feel normal again.
Like a knight in shining amour, I saw Brandon, the student that I initially confiscated the drugs from, standing at his locker. My need for what I thought he might have drew me towards him. I didn’t know how I was going to get it from him, but I approached him anyway.
When he saw me coming towards him, he looked as if he would have rather been anywhere else at that moment. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and I could have sworn that I saw him mouth a few curse words.
“Let me talk to you for a minute,” was all that I could initially think to say to him.
He regrettably followed me down the hallway towards my office.
As he followed me, I continued to wonder how to play this. I definitely didn’t want him to know that I was doing drugs, but he was the only person that I knew I could get them from at the moment.
Upon entering my office, I told him to empty his pockets.
“Ms. Brown, c’mon, man,” he muttered.
“Now.”
When he continued to be reluctant, I took it upon myself to search his pockets.
“You can’t just search me! Ain’t this against the law?”
“I’m not the police. And I have cause to search you, remember?”
He gave up with a sigh and shake of his head.
It’s a shame the way that my mouth watered in anticipation, hoping and wishing that my white happiness would fall out of his pockets again.
My heart skipped a beat when it did.
“I thought I told you not to bring this stuff in this school anymore!” I fussed at him as I scooped up the four baggies and held them in my hands tightly.
Just the touch of it gave me instant relief.
Brandon didn’t give me any argument. He just stood there with his mouth balled up in frustration, waiting for his punishment.
Obviously, I was only fussing to keep from looking suspicious. I didn’t want to get the kid in any trouble. I actually hoped that he would continue so that I could continue to bust him.
It was pathetic, and I shun myself while anticipating getting high at the same time.
“Get out of my office,” I simply told him.
Brandon looked at me curiously and with relief.
Then, with a nod of his head, he said, “Ok, Ms. Brown,” and turned to walk out.
Before he exited, I thought that I would use his surrender to get some information out of him. “Brandon, do you know anything about this beef with Jahleel?”
Jahleel and Brandon were both in the same grade, so I figured that, with the way gossip spread around this school and with Brandon obliviously being of a certain status, Brandon should have heard through the grapevine what was going on.
“Just some niggas getting into it,” he answered with a nonchalant shrug.
I looked at him with scrutiny. I knew that it was much more than that, but Brandon fought my inquiring look by avo
iding my eyes.
“I let you get away with having cocaine in this school, and you can’t be honest with me?”
Again, Brandon sighed and shook his head in frustration, battling with himself whether to let me win or not.
“I heard Jahleel owed a debt.”
“A debt from what?”
“He got fronted some drugs and ain’t paid the money back yet.”
My heart sank as my reservations about the dangers of this beef were confirmed. I wondered what the hell a preacher’s kid was doing selling drugs anyway. Jahleel and Jolanda didn’t look like they were in need of anything that their parents couldn’t provide them with, so I wondered what Jahleel’s motives were.
“Thank you, Brandon,” I told him as my hand continued to discreetly massage the packs of happiness in my hand.
As Brandon walked out, I was so ashamed of myself for the stunt that I just pulled. I couldn’t believe that I was in such a desperate need for it that I stooped to, first, stealing from Blood and, now, being conniving.
Regardless of my shame, I closed the door to my office so that there would be absolutely no disturbance as I got back acquainted with my happiness.
Then I filed a mental note to find me a dealer- ASAP.
STAR
I followed the guard curiously as we walked down the hall, wondering what in the hell a lawyer was doing visiting me.
Fear filled my heart as I thought of the possibilities. I wondered if Malik’s crazy ass thought I did something else and had again thought of some outlandish way to punish me. I continued sleeping with him, feeling as if I had no choice. If he could throw me in the hole because he thought that I slept with someone else, there were no restrictions on what he could do to me if I no longer wanted to sleep with him.
I also wondered if this lawyer’s visit had anything to do with someone finding out about me and Malik’s affair and I was then about to be given more time for it.
However, when I entered the private room for visits with lawyers, I was caught off guard when the Caucasian, short, fat, older guy smiled at me genuinely.
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 67