A Student In Need

by Nicolas Schrammeck

  “Yes Alex. I want to help you. Let me help you…..please.”

  Something in Alex snapped; he grabbed Leo’s shoulders and shoved the teacher violently away. He watched as Leo staggered backward before his shell hit the wall. “YOU CAN'T HELP ME! I’M SCUM, A WHORE, A PIECE OF TRASH TO BE FUCKED AND THEN THROWN AWAY! I DON'T MATTER!”

  A split second after he shouted those words he crumpled to the floor. He gasped for air as he pulled his legs against his chest. He could hear his own words echoing in his ears in his head. It was true, all of it. He was a whore, a piece of trash; he didn’t matter. He took a shuddering breath as he tried to fight back a wave of tears that broke through his defenses making him sob. He closed his eyes, preferring the inky blackness to the sight of Leo looking at him alarmed.

  “Please……”

  His voice quivered as tears flowed down his face. “Please just……..just don't look at me…….just leave me alone……..please.”

  He covered his face with his hands doing his best to hide himself from Leo’s gaze. He flinched as he felt Leo pull him into a hug. He struggled halfheartedly against Leo’s

  grip. “Why? Why……..why do you……care?”

  He felt Leo pull him in tighter. “Because, you’re my student and my friend; and you’re in pain.”

  He opened his eyes; Leo was looking at him, concern reflected in every detail in his face. That concern brought a new wave of tears that flowed down his face. He continued to struggle against Leo’s grip. “Please…..I’m dirty……please……….let go.”

  But Leo didn’t let go, if anything he clutch Alex’s form tighter. “You’re not dirty Alex.”

  He grunted as Alex struggled harder against his grip. “Yes I am. You don't……you don't know…..I’ve done………let go. Let me go…….I’m dirty.”

  He sobbed as Leo held him tighter. He could see it now; all the things he’d done in the past, all the horrible disgusting stomach churning things he’d done so he and his brother could survive. Every perverted action every desperate need, every depraved moment, every horrific detail all of it pulling down at him, as though trying to drag him under a sea of memories. He began to rock back and forth. “Oh god…..oh god…….oh god…..”

  White hot tears stung his face as image after image of the things he had done flashed before his eyes. He gripped Leo’s arms and clung to them like a drowning man clings to anything to try and save himself; his nails digging into Leo’s skin. “Please……don't let me……don't let me.”

  He felt pathetic as he sat there on the floor, sobbing like child. “I’m dirty……..I’m dirty…….”

  He repeated those words over and over again; memories of his past flashing before his eyes, only making him feel worse. He began struggling again, terrified that if Leo kept holing him he’d somehow find out the things Alex had done in the past. He felt Leo shift, pulling him in closer; deeper into his loving embrace, ignoring his frantic struggling. “You’re not dirty Alex…..you’re beautiful.”

  Alex choked out another sob. “Go away……please……don't……..”

  Despite his words he clung to Leo’s arm even tighter; terrified that Leo would leave him. Leo could feel it; could feel Alex retreating into himself. Gently he shook Alex trying to keep him grounded in reality and not his memories. When Leo spoke next his voice was a little firmer than before. “Stop saying that. I’m not going away. Do you get that? I’M NOT GOING AWAY.”

  His last words come out forcefully. He watched as Alex’s eyes locked with his for a moment. He spoke again, this time gently. “I’m not going away. Understand?”

  When Alex didn’t respond Leo spoke louder. “Say you understand Alex.”

  Slowly Alex nodded, “I……I……..I understand.”

  The tears were slowing now; something in Leo’s eyes had stopped them. Alex took a deep shuddering breath trying to bring himself back under control. He felt Leo shift pulling him so they were looking into each other’s eyes. “Just breathe Alex. IN…”

  Leo inhaled, Alex mimicked him. “And OUT.”

  Leo exhaled making Alex shudder as his warm breath ran over his face. They stayed like this for a while, just breathing in and out. Slowly Alex felt himself stop trembling. Taking a deep shuddering breath he forced himself to speak, his throat aching as he did so. “Th….Th…thank you.”

  Leo shifted, slowly pulling away slightly so he could look at Alex who sniffed loudly. “I’m here for you Alex.”

  As he spoke he reached out and gripped Alex’s hand. “I’m gunna help you ok?”

  Alex sniffed again but nodded. Moving slowly Leo helped Alex to his feet. “Come on. You need to eat something.”

  Alex didn’t respond instead he allowed Leo to led him down the hallway and into the kitchen before sitting down at the table. He watched as Leo walked away. “Do you want cereal? Coffee? Toast? Bacon and eggs? Waffles?”

  Alex didn’t respond. His body felt drained again, it took great effort to open his

  mouth. “Just…..just some toast.”

  Leo smiled at him and began making the toast pushing it to Alex when it was finished. Alex looked down at the warm bread with butter on it. As the smell hit his nostrils his stomach let out a loud rumble. Suddenly he was eating; shoving the food into his mouth as though he hadn’t eaten in days. All too soon the plate was empty; sheepishly Alex looked back at Leo who was still in the kitchen. “Umm……could I maybe have some cereal too?”

  Leo nodded and pulled down the box from a cupboard before pouring it out into a bowl and adding milk before handing it to Alex. He went slowly this time, savoring the taste of the cereal as he ate. He could feel Leo watching him; but he ignored him, his stomach demanding he pay attention to the food he was eating. As he finished the last of the cereal Leo spoke. “Would you like anymore?”

  Alex shook his head, noting that Leo was looking at him…..hard. “No I’m good….so……I’ll just….”

  He moved to get up. But Leo spoke his voice firm. “Alexander sit down.”

  It was like someone flipped a switch; Alex’s leg instantly froze preventing him from movie. He trembled slightly as Leo looked at him for another moment before speaking. “I want to make myself very clear Alexander.”

  Alex flinched slightly as Leo used his full name. “I’m going to ask you some questions. If I even THINK you’re lying to me I will freeze your brother’s scholarships. Do you understand?”

  Alex nodded doing his best to swallow; his mouth had become very dry. He watched as Leo settled himself in his chair before leaning forward to look at him closely. “I want to know; what happened to you last night?”

  He felt Leo’s stare at him; before he could stop himself he was speaking. “Jason and I went out to eat and…….I…..I……I told Jason……about……me.”

  Leo felt his grip on the table tighten. “You told him you’re gay?”

  Alex nodded, his eyes flicking away from Leo’s gaze. Gain Leo’s grip tightened; this

  time when he spoke.

  “Did he……” Leo found his voice was shaking with a mixture of anger and fear. “Did he do this to you?”

  Alex looked at him his eyes wide. “No, no he didn’t do this.”

  Leo continued to glare at him. “Don’t lie to me Alexander. Did your brother give you those injuries?”

  This time Alex returned his glare. “No. Jason did not hurt me. I swear.”

  After a moment Leo’s gaze softened. “Ok. I believe you.”

  Alex exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “Thank you.”

  After a moment of silence Leo continued. “What happened after that?”

  Alex shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Well……I told him…..and……um……he…………”

  Leo watched as Alex continued to shift for a few moments before speaking. “He…..he left.”

  Leo cocked his head. “I don’t understand.”

  He watched as Alex took a deep breath that made his entire bod
y shake. “He……he got up and left. He didn’t say anything. He just……stood up and……left.”

  Leo watched as Alex looked down at the floor again. Leo could see tears beginning to well up in Alex's eyes again. Leaning forward he put his hand over Alex, who flinched but looked up at him. “I’m sorry Alex.”

  Alex didn’t speak for a moment. “I went back…..to the frat house and…….”

  Again Alex took a shuddering breath. Tears were falling down his face. Leo moved walking around the table and pulling Alex into another hug. He felt Alex’s body shudder and tremble as he spoke. “They were waiting for me; the whole frat. They…….one of them heard me……and told everyone else…….they……..they grabbed me……tied me up……..made me watch as they……..as they………….”

  Alex let out a choked sob and buried his face against Leo’s chest. “They burned my stuff…..all of it.”

  Leo felt his eyes widen and he clutched Alex closer to him. He young turtle sobbed into his chest. “I…..I…..have nothing……..I don't even have my brother anymore……..what…….what am I supposed to do?”

  Leo held Alex against his body. “You’ll stay here, with me.”

  Alex’s sobbing stopped and he pulled away slightly to look at Leo, who felt himself shudder as those perfect blue eyes looked at him. “What?”

  Alex’s voice was low, almost a whisper. Leo took a deep breath. “You can stay here with me. Ok?”

  Alex didn’t speak; instead he just looked stunned at Leo who continued; trying to convince Alex as much as himself. “I….I have a spare bedroom; the one you stayed in last night. You can stay here.”

  Alex continued to stare at him. Leo felt his throat constrict as tears began to well up in Alex’s eyes. He pulled the young turtle closer. “Don’t cry. Please don't cry.”

  But it was no use; tears fell down Alex’s face as he buried it in Leo’s chest, his sides shaking. After several moments of silent crying Alex spoke. “Why? Why are you so nice to me? I’m…….I’m…..”

  Leo growled and gripped Alex’s chin forcing his head up so he was once again looking into those perfect eyes. “You’re my friend and my student and you need help. You’re important…..to me.”

  He spoke the last words in a hushed voice. Alex looked at him, pain, confusion, need and want all reflected back at him in those blue eyes. A moment later their lips met, Leo’s eyes widened as he felt Alex kiss him, doing like he had the night before. Just as the night before he found he hated himself for enjoying the kiss; allowing himself to love it for only a second before acting. Gently he pushed Alex away. “No.”

  Alex’s eyes dropped to the floor. Leo pulled him in closer readying himself for the wave of tears that would come from the young turtle. He didn’t have to wait long. He clutched Alex’s against his body as the young turtle began to cry again. However these sobs did not shake his whole body or make him feel numb. These sobs were smaller, gentler. He gasped for air and clung to Leo’s body; desperately trying to hold onto the feeling of love he was getting from the older turtle. “Why…….what is wrong with me?”

  Leo didn’t respond instead just pulled Alex in closer. “I’m gunna help you Alex. I promise you I’ll help you. Just please don't cry anymore ok?”

  Alex nodded but still felt tears trickle down his face. Taking several deep breaths he managed to bring himself back under control. Nervously he pulled back from Leo who looked down at him for a moment. “Would you like something to drink?”

  Alex nodded suddenly realizing how thirsty he was. He watched as Leo left his side, to move into the kitchen and fill a small glass with water before moving back to him. Taking the glass Alex drained it in 3 large mouthfuls before taking a shuddering breath. “Thank you….for…..for everything.”

  Moving back to his seat Leo spoke. “If you’re going to stay here there will be rules. You cannot tell people you’re staying here, understand? If anyone finds out then we’ll both get into trouble.”

  Alex nodded. “Ok.”

  Leo continued. “It’s obvious to me that you have some…..issues. Ones that I’m not really qualified to really help with. So I want you to see a therapist.”

  Alex’s eyes jerked up, to look at Leo. “A therapist?”

  Leo nodded. “Yes. My ex Anthony; I’ll set up an appointment for later this week. Ok?”

  It was less of a question of if it was ok; and more of a ‘do you understand’. Alex nodded, silently dreading talking to anyone about his problems. He flinched as he felt Leo touch his hand. “I want to help you Alex. But it’s not going to be easy. There are going to be days where you’ll hate me. And there will be days where you’ll want to die. But I promise you, I will help you. Ok?”

  Alex nodded biting his lip. He felt Leo squeeze his hand. “Ok. For now would you like more to eat?”

  Alex nodded his stomach rumbling again. He watched as Leo moved back into the kitchen and began fixing more food. As Leo moved Alex spoke. “Why? Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me?”

  Leo smiled at him. “You’re-”

  but Alex cut him off. “I know I’m your student and yes we’re friends but…………why do this? Why do any of this? I want a real reason.”

  He watched as Leo turned to look at him. After a moment the older turtle spoke. “Because……you need help. I don't need to be a therapist to know that if you don't get help soon; you’ll self-destruct and end of hurting yourself or others.”

  Alex looked down at the table; it was true. Lately…….lately he’d been feeling on edge, tenser then he usually was. Some days he could hardly stand to look at his own reflection in a mirror because he hated what he saw looking back at him. Other days he’d snap at people for annoying him. Sighing he buried his head in his hands. He flinched as he felt Leo’s hand touch his shoulder, looking up he found Leo had moved out of the kitchen and was kneeling next to him. “Alex…..I’m here for you. I want to help you. Please….I needs you to understand. I don't want sex, or money, or anything from you. I just want to help you. Ok?”

  Alex nodded, feeling his throat constrict again. “Ok.”

  He bit his lip to try and stop more tears from falling. He shuddered as Leo again wrapped his arms around him. “Can I ask you one more question?”

  Alex nodded against Leo’s chest. “How did you know where I live?”

  Leo watched as Alex pulled away from him; a sheepish smile covering his face. “I…..um……I kind of……..followed you home one day.”

  Leo’s eyes widened as he stared at Alex who looked at the table nervously. After a moment he continued. “It wasn't on purpose or anything. It’s not like I followed you all the way from class. I was waiting for a bus…..and you stopped at the light……and I sort of……followed you.”

  Again Alex smiled sheepishly at Leo, who blinked slowly for a moment. “Um…….I’m……..I’m not really sure how to respond to that.”

  Alex continued to smile sheepishly at Leo.

  CHAPTER 3

  “Headmaster Leon will see you now.”

  Leo nodded and stood up; giving Anna what appeared to be a genuine smile; if anyone had looked closer however they would have seen the barely controlled contempt in Leo’s face, matched only by the faint sneer that covered Anna’s face. He didn’t even have to see her hands to know she was already texting her father. Moving into the dean’s office Leo sat down smiling politely at Leon who smile politely back. “hello Leo. What can I do for you? Anna said it was of some urgency?”

  Leo nodded. “Yes headmaster Leon. I’ll get straight to the point. Several days ago the members of the Alpha Cal fraternity attacked one of my students.”

  The headmaster stiffened; but Leo continued, keenly aware that he had to make his case before Anna’s father arrived. “Not only did they beat my student but they stole his belonging and burned them.”

  The headmaster nodded. “What is this student’s name?”

  Leo bit his lip; he wanted to keep Alex’s name out of it. “Th
e student has asked to remain anonymous, for his own safety.” He made sure to emphases that last part.

  Headmaster Leon sighed and moved to speak, only to have the door behind them open and a new voice enter their conversation. “Headmaster Leon, perhaps I may be of assistance?”

  Mentally Leo groaned, unseen by anyone his hands balled into fists of anger, never the less he turned and forced himself to smile at Coach Larry; who had stepped into the office. Leo noted that behind Larry Anna was smirking at him, just out of the sightline of the headmaster who smiled. “Hello, Coach Larry.”

  Coach Larry smiled before closing the door behind him and moving into the office before dropping himself into the chair next to Leo who shifted a bit, making sure no part of him was too close to the man who some called Coach Destroyer.

  After a moment the headmaster spoke. “What brings you to the head office Larry?”

  Larry shrugged. “Anna forgot her cell phone at home, I was merely bringing it to her when I heard the name of my old fraternity; Alpha Cal.”