The Tangled Web

by Lacey Dearie

  ‘Ok, let’s get this over with,’ Flic grimaced. She stuffed the empty jar into her handbag and threw the remaining spoonful to a waiting pigeon.

  ‘I don’t think you’re supposed to feed chocolate to pigeons, Flic,’ Vicky noted.

  ‘Just as well I fed it to a seagull then,’ Flic countered. She looked directly at Vicky. ‘Relax, I know it was a pigeon. That was the champagne talking the day we met.’

  ‘I did wonder,’ Vicky laughed.

  ‘You’ve still got your sunglasses on, Vic. Oh no wait, keep them on. I’ll put mine on too. We’ll look more menacing that way,’ Flic quipped.

  ‘You’re nuts,’ Vicky giggled.

  ‘We both are, doing this. Before we go ahead and ask Lumi, are you sure this is what you want to do? I know you need a break and Christos is going to be there and you want to see him, but what’s wrong with taking a break later in the year? Somewhere that you won’t be working. Somewhere you’ve chosen yourself,’ Flic suggested. She was already picturing the whole thing going wrong in her mind and Vicky’s depression spiralling deeper when the romance with Christos she had built in her head didn’t happen.

  ‘I know what I’m doing,’ Vicky affirmed.

  Flic released a gentle sigh and decided not to push it any further. But she couldn’t help feeling that she was part of the world’s slowest car crash.

  They walked to the door and caught sight of the complicated entry system. There were at least twenty buttons waiting to be pushed. Vicky knew which flat belonged to Magnus but she realised that Lumi was unlikely to release the outside door to let them in.

  ‘What do we do now?’ Flic huffed.

  ‘I forgot we’d have to get into the apartment building first before we had any chance of getting to Lumi,’ Vicky scowled.

  ‘Could we pretend to be cleaning ladies?’ Flic wondered.

  ‘I don’t think she would fall for that. Besides, Magnus wouldn’t get a cleaner and not tell her. There’s a fancy CCTV thing anyway. She’d know it was us.’

  They loitered at the door, hoping for some inspiration. After almost a minute, they heard a click, saw the front door open and a man walked past them. He was so concerned with plugging his iPod earphones in that he didn’t close the door behind him properly, happy to let it drift closed of its own accord. Flic saw a chance and grabbed it. She brazenly pounced at the door and made her way through.

  ‘Coming?’ she smirked at Vicky.

  They entered the building and Flic mentally noted that the usual smell of urine and eerie echo normally present in the foyer of her own apartment building was missing. This place was elegant and stylish. The floors were carpeted and the walls were papered. No bare cement here. She remembered looking at nicer apartments than her own a couple of years ago and chose not to buy one, instead keeping her own modest flat and having enough disposable income to keep her in Wheels and Dollbaby and Jimmy Choos. She wondered if she had made the wrong decision now. This building was right up her street.

  They began to climb the stairs, Flic spending at least half a second longer than she needed to on each step. The closer they were to Lumi, the closer they were to making their offer to her. If she accepted, which Flic suspected she just might have the balls to do, that would mean they would be jetting off to Cyprus in a few days. To where George was. The thought made Flic feel extremely uneasy. Why did fate keep throwing her back in his direction recently? This was not what she wanted. She wanted to put him behind her and be happy again. There was no way that she would be happy with him in the picture. This walk to Magnus’s door was her last chance to stop this insanity.

  ‘Vicky?’

  ‘Hmmm?’

  ‘You don’t really think we’ll get away with this, do you?’ Flic warned.

  ‘What do you mean? Get away with what?’ Vicky stopped as they reached the top of the stairs and looked at Flic. She was clearly puzzled.

  ‘This!’ Flic waved her hand towards the door. ‘All the secrets, and lies, and double crosses. Everyone will find out. Come on, you have to admit that nothing about this HunE-trap bullshit has gone the way we wanted it to. There’s always a spanner in the works. Why do you think this trip to Cyprus will be any different?’

  ‘It just will,’ Vicky insisted and stomped towards Magnus’s door.

  Flic sighed and bowed her head slightly, feeling defeated. She scuffed her increasingly heavy feet along the carpet. She could have sworn someone had replaced her shoes with bricks.

  ‘Ready?’ Flic asked, as she raised her fist to knock on the door.

  ‘NO!’

  Flic turned to see Vicky looking almost catatonic. She hoped the nerves had got to her and they would have to leave. Please let Vicky have changed her mind, she thought.

  ‘You’re right. It’s too risky. And I have no idea what I’m going to say to her. I’m chickening out,’ Vicky whispered.

  ‘Let’s go then. Come on, it was a terrible idea,’ Flic discouraged as she grabbed Vicky’s elbow and they turned to leave. Vicky wasn’t budging though, and Flic turned back to see the door inching open.

  ‘I heard voices outside. W-w-what do you want?’ Lumi stammered.

  Flic noticed Vicky looking Lumi up and down, taking in her appearance. She realised that this would be the first time Vicky had seen Lumi since their photo shoot at Flic’s house. She had changed a lot in those weeks. Flic realised that she had actually changed a lot since she last saw her too. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail today, but seemed a touch less golden and a little more strawberry blonde than it was before. Her complexion was more tanned and less weather beaten and she had bulked up a little. She’s clearly been helping herself to her own merchandise, Flic thought.

  ‘We’re here to talk business,’ Flic announced, removing her sunglasses. The joke about appearing menacing didn’t seem quite so funny now. Of course Lumi would be intimidated when two people wearing dark glasses were outside her home. Flic added a smile to soften her approach.

  Lumi opened the door fully and stood back, gesturing with her hand that they should enter the flat, which they duly did. Her lips were pressed together tightly and her eyes were focused on Flic and Vicky. She reminded Flic of a wary little kitten, ready to scratch if she was tested.

  They stood for a moment, Lumi eyeing each of them with suspicion. Flic wondered if she should start speaking or sit down. She realised that Lumi hadn’t closed the door yet. Smart girl, Flic thought. She clearly didn’t live in a hostel for all that time and not learn a thing or two about safety.

  ‘You’re probably waiting for an explanation as to why we’re visiting,’ Flic began. Her observation was met with a sharp nod, so she continued. ‘We’re not here to cause trouble. We have another business proposition for you.’

  ‘I’m not interested. I have a good life now. I’m happy. Have a nice day,’ Lumi responded and faked a smile at the end. The insincerity was obvious from the coldness in her eyes.

  ‘Fair enough,’ Flic shrugged, then turned as if to leave. She was at the door frame then turned back and added, ‘But can I just point out that it was our last business proposition that got you this life? Without us, and without Diana, you would have no boyfriend, no cupcake business, no nice flat…’ She trailed off and looked around the room. She turned to take a few paces back towards Lumi. ‘No beautiful clothes and shoes. You DO look lovely these days,’ Flic complimented.

  Lumi’s eyes softened and she whispered, ‘Thank you.’

  ‘I’d say our business propositions have been very advantageous for you in the past. Don’t you want to at least hear us out?’ Flic tempted.

  Lumi nodded and closed the door. She glanced at Vicky and her cheeks coloured. Vicky wouldn’t look her in the eye and stared at the window instead.

  ‘Please sit down. I’ll get us some tea and cakes,’ Lumi announced.

  Flic watched her teeter across the carpet in impossibly high heels and admired her black pencil skirt and champagne coloured lace blouse. She couldn’t he
lp but feel a twinge of respect for someone who had changed her life and appearance so dramatically in a short space of time with nothing but pure opportunism.

  Flic walked across to a large garish red sofa and moved backwards to sit down. She sank deep into the sofa and almost felt herself being swallowed into the back and engulfed by cushions.

  ‘Vic! Help me!’ she squawked.

  For a moment, Vicky let her guard down and almost giggled as she reached out for Flic’s hand. Vicky had clearly been here before and knew the dangers of Magnus’s furniture, as she had chosen to perch on the edge of the cushion rather than recline.

  ‘Jesus Christ! This couch is friendly! It’s like some kind of venus fly trap to lure his victims in,’ Flic tutted. She felt more at ease mocking Magnus now that he and Vicky were no longer a potential couple.

  Vicky smirked. ‘Watch this,’ she muttered. She leaned forward onto the coffee table and lifted the remote control. She showed Flic a small button on the remote which had a love heart instead of a letter or number. She then pressed the button. Instantly, the blinds closed, a distasteful red glow appeared from a lamp in the corner of the room, the flat screen TV on the wall started showing a hot pink psychedelic pattern and a soft tune which Flic was sure she had heard in a condom advert started playing.

  ‘You. Are. Joking! It’s like something from Austin Powers!’ Flic whooped. ‘Tell me you didn’t fall for this.’

  ‘I didn’t. We never did anything here. It was always at my own house,’ Vicky blushed.

  ‘Shhh! She’s coming back,’ Flic warned.

  Lumi appeared from the kitchen carrying a tray. She had brought a colourful tea set and cake stand through. It made Flic randomly think of the Mad Hatter’s tea party in Alice in Wonderland. She wondered which one of them here today was the Mad Hatter.

  ‘Please try a cake,’ Lumi offered. ‘I’ve given you flavours you haven’t tried before,’ she smiled at Flic.

  Vicky snapped her head around to scowl at Flic. She could imagine what Vicky was thinking right now. She was probably imagining her and Lumi having cosy little tea parties together and trying out different flavoured cupcakes.

  ‘I can’t even remember which ones I bought from you that day we talked,’ Flic squirmed. She caught the disappointment flicker in Lumi’s eyes and covered, ‘But they were absolutely delicious! Loved them all!’

  Lumi began to pour tea into the three cups she had brought. ‘Magnus told me that the two girls involved in his private investigation business quit last week. I’m not sure why you’re here if that’s true.’

  ‘Oh, it’s HIS business now?’ Vicky snapped.

  Flic instinctively patted Vicky’s arm to calm her, knowing it would do no good and was an empty gesture. ‘We did quit HunE-trap Investigations, but we’re doing a freelance job. One last job. Then we’re back to our day jobs.’

  ‘Which are?’ Lumi raised her eyebrows.

  ‘Vicky’s an undertaker. I’m a plumber.’

  ‘Fine. Don’t tell me the truth then. What’s this proposal you have for me?’ Lumi flustered.

  Flic decided not to argue the point that she had indeed been telling the truth about their jobs. Instead she took her time composing her thoughts before she started explaining the proposal. It’s nice to see Vicky arguing her case, Flic thought sarcastically. What happened to all the confidence and insistence that the trip to Cyprus was a good idea? Couldn’t she just fake it while they were here?

  ‘What else has Magnus told you?’ Vicky wheedled.

  ‘Nothing. He never discusses individual cases. He says it’s against data protection rules.’

  Flic picked up a cupcake from the cake-stand and peeled off the paper cup. It was iced yellow with flakes of coconut sprinkled on top.

  ‘That’s my piña colada cake. I hope you like it. It’s coconut flavoured sponge with pineapple and coconut icing.’ Lumi put forward her sales pitch, but Flic was already sold as she inhaled the tropical scents.

  ‘This is fabulous!’ she enthused through a mouthful of sponge. ‘No alcohol though?’

  ‘No, obviously not. I started making a selection of cocktail inspired cakes for my summer menu.’

  ‘Isn’t that a bit risky? Y’know, with you being an alcoholic?’ Vicky disapproved.

  ‘There’s no alcohol in any of them. It’s artificial. And anyway, I don’t eat them because I want to keep my figure,’ Lumi insisted.

  ‘What’s this one?’ Flic pointed to a bright pink iced cake.

  ‘Sex on the beach. Peach and orange sponge and a cranberry frosting. You might like my tribute to Scotland, Vicky. This one’s a “Wee Beastie”.’ She pointed to another lighter orange cake.

  ‘Whisky and Irn Bru?’ Vicky checked.

  ‘Yes. Without the whisky. It’s delicious,’ Lumi advised.

  ‘I’ll be the judge of that!’ Vicky rammed in a mouthful of the cake, but didn’t say anything. Flic surmised that if she wasn’t criticising, then it probably was good.

  ‘We’re here to offer you a once in a lifetime opportunity, Lumi. Or do you prefer Diana?’ Flic checked.

  ‘Lumi is fine. What is it?’

  ‘Have you ever been to Cyprus?’ Flic asked.

  ‘No, I haven’t,’ Lumi shook her head.

  ‘We’ve been given the opportunity to travel to Cyprus, along with a honey trapper – that’s you – to carry out one last job.’ Flic flashed a grin at Lumi, hoping she would be excited.

  ‘I won’t be blackmailed into travelling to a foreign country with you, so forget any ideas about that,’ Lumi scolded.

  ‘Blackmail? We’re not blackmailing you about anything,’ Flic pouted.

  ‘What’s in it for me?’ Lumi barked.

  ‘A free holiday to Cyprus. Isn’t that enough?’ Vicky spat.

  ‘I can pay for my own holidays! And choose them myself! I don’t have to rely on you two for anything,’ Lumi sneered.

  Flic cursed inwardly and tried to calm any arguments which might start. ‘Ladies, please! Let’s think about this. Lumi, all you would have to do is travel to Cyprus with us. The job will take two full days and three nights. We plan to get it done as quickly as possible. Then, you’re free to do as you wish.’

  ‘Who’s paying for this?’ Lumi interrupted.

  ‘The same woman who paid for us to trap George Goodbody. We told him our honey was going to Cyprus to live and now he’s decided he wants to go on holiday there. His wife assumes it’s to see the honey,’ Flic explained.

  ‘That’s me?’ Lumi checked.

  ‘The character I played with your picture, yes.’ Flic realised she must sound nuts. She brushed aside her worries. It was too late to care now.

  ‘She wants me to trap him in real life now? I thought this was all online. I thought none of this was supposed to affect real life,’ Lumi stropped.

  ‘We thought the same,’ Vicky frowned.

  Lumi sipped on her tea and considered the information she had just been given. Flic picked up another cake and nibbled. Her hunger was waning now. She couldn’t figure out what this cake was and decided to ask later.

  ‘So, let me get this straight. Two days, three nights, I’m away from home and from my business. All I get is a free trip. I need some more incentive. And why isn’t she using a Cypriot spy?’

  ‘Well, even paying our fees and travelling expenses is cheaper than paying a local private investigator. How about we give you a third of the fee?’ Flic offered.

  Lumi nodded. ‘That’s better. What about this George? How do I know I’ll be safe if I flirt with him? What type of evidence is she looking for?’

  ‘You’re safe with him. Trust me. And we’ll be in the background, watching. If anything goes wrong, we’ll step in,’ Flic assured her.

  ‘You don’t need to sleep with him or anything, just get him to kiss you or make it look like you’re intimately involved,’ Vicky advised.

  ‘When? When will all this happen?’ Lumi asked.

  ‘We would f
ly out on the fifteenth of this month. We’ve got a couple of weeks to prepare, don’t worry,’ Flic assured her.

  Lumi scowled. ‘I don’t need to prepare anything. All I will do is be there. The only thing I have to think about is what to tell Magnus. He won’t like it if I tell him I’m going to Cyprus to do a job with you.’

  ‘That’s the other thing. We need to keep this between the three of us,’ Flic halted her. She hadn’t even stopped to consider that Lumi might be honest with Magnus about her whereabouts – that it was even a possibility. She really had to start thinking about the worst case scenario more often, because it seemed to be happening to them all the time.

  ‘Why?’ Lumi probed. She had become wary and suspicious again. Her brows knitted together, giving her the appearance of someone who had just aged ten years.

  ‘Well, he turned down the offer of this assignment for HunE-trap Investigations. He wouldn’t be happy if he realised that we were doing it ourselves after leaving the company. It would look like we’re stealing his client base,’ Vicky asserted.

  ‘And obviously your boyfriend won’t be happy that you’re honey trapping another man. Seriously. Why on earth would you tell him the truth?’ Flic reasoned.

  Flic began to wonder what she could propose to make this an offer Lumi couldn’t possibly refuse. She racked her brain. Magnus’s opinion was important to Lumi. What would happen if he found out Lumi had lied to him about her identity, Flic thought.

  Bingo!

  ‘As well as the free trip and the share of the fee we receive, how about we throw in written confirmation that we will keep your identity a secret from Magnus?’

  ‘That won’t be necessary,’ Lumi countered.

  ‘Oh. Right.’ Flic was confused.

  ‘I’ll go. Just tell me which airport we’re going to and when, and I’ll be there.’

  25

  To: christospolycarpou@aphroditesbouquet.co.uk

  From: vicky@silverthistle.co.uk

  Subject: Cyprus Baby!

  Date: 4th July