Summer by the Sea

by Cathryn Parry

  He stared at her, feeling helpless.

  “How is that so hard for you to accept?” Her voice rose. “You don’t owe her anything.”

  “Sarah, Lucy wants her around. What am I supposed to say? You really want me to make this choice between you and Lucy?”

  “Tell Lucy that she can see her outside of my presence and without me knowing about it!”

  He shook his head. “I can’t do that. I can’t make a choice like that—” He stopped, gazing at her. Her eyes had widened.

  “You won’t do this for me, Sam?”

  He shook his head at her.

  “What am I to you?” she asked in a quiet voice. A voice that didn’t seem like Sarah’s, at all.

  Sam took a breath and gazed out to sea. He hated fighting with her. Hated seeing her upset.

  And worse, he hated having to make a choice again, between two people he cared about and wanted to get along. Desperately.

  Sarah was a lot more to him than he’d realized. The importance of her presence in his life had snuck up and hit him over the head, and he hadn’t realized how much he’d grown to depend upon her until now.

  Sarah was...she was, after his daughter, the person Sam most looked forward to seeing when he woke up in the morning. When he had a funny encounter or learned something interesting, she was the one he wanted to tell. Not Duke anymore, but Sarah.

  She was the person he couldn’t wait to see when he got off duty. And the person he wanted to eat dinner with. And the person he wanted to call up and ask to go to the store with him, just for her company.

  Before he’d met Sarah, Sam had been trying so hard to stay detached, to be cool and laid-back. But Sarah had come into his life and changed everything. Heck, after she’d been blindsided by Cassandra’s presence in his house, all Sam had wanted to do was take Sarah outside, skip the birthday party, and commiserate and strategize with her over what they were going to do next.

  Until her blowup and Lucy’s revelation, which had made him realize the extent of what Sarah had been keeping from him. And how that affected Lucy. And how the anger and the resentment Sarah harbored weren’t likely to go away until she managed to find some sort of peace with what Cassandra had done.

  But overlook it? And let the problems continue to affect him and Lucy?

  “I’m sorry, Sarah. I can’t do what you’re asking.”

  “So, I guess I’m nothing to you, then?” Sarah actually said to him in her pain and her rage, as if she had a chip on her shoulder and she was daring him to knock it off.

  And that revelation shook him from his place of indecision. It was how he usually acted when he wanted to stay cool and Zen and not make any rash decisions—no, when he didn’t want to make any real decisions at all.

  What sucked most was that he’d fallen in love with her.

  But he had to make the hard choice and decide. “I can’t choose you over Lucy,” he said.

  “You’re leaving me?” Her face crumpled completely. Even in the semidarkness he could see how devastated she was by his refusal to wage a war against her aunt and choose Sarah’s side.

  He couldn’t. Lucy would always be his first choice. If Sarah weren’t caught up in her hatred and pain over Cassandra, she would understand that. But he couldn’t force her to see it.

  He slowly backed away from her. He didn’t want to leave her, but he had to.

  And then he turned and went into the house to salvage what was left of his daughter’s birthday party.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  MISERY. THAT WAS ALL Sarah had left. If she’d thought she’d been in the worst possible emotional place when she’d come to Wallis Point, it was exponentially worse now.

  Sam had just dumped her.

  And worse, she cared.

  She had grown to care about him very deeply. She had centered her life here in Wallis Point around him. She had made herself vulnerable, something she just did not risk, and for good reason. It seemed she always got hurt, somehow, whenever she was vulnerable and therefore weak.

  She couldn’t be weak. She had to act strong.

  After he’d dumped her, and she’d been forced to watch him walk away, feeling deeply betrayed by his allegiance to Cassandra, it had felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest. She’d sunk to her knees in the beach sand and cried like a twelve-year-old girl.

  But there were still people walking along the shore here and there, and she’d attracted their curious attention.

  Angry, she gotten up and gone home. She’d headed immediately to her bedroom, and Simmonds and Becker, loyal companions that they were, followed her inside. They each had their role. Becker, the little guy in charge, leaped immediately onto the bed and lay down beside her, purring. Simmonds, with his big shaggy Maine Coon body, had blocked the door like a loyal dog.

  “That’s right, don’t let anybody in,” she’d commanded him, sniffling, knowing Sam wasn’t likely to come, anyway.

  She broke into fresh tears. It hurt how much she’d grown to depend upon him. She’d been fooling herself, imagining she wasn’t living in reality anymore in this summer wonderland by the sea she’d found herself in. Pretending to be a family with a younger-than-her lifeguard and his bright, appealing daughter.

  But it had been real. Gloriously, terribly real. And now it was gone.

  Her old life in California was where she belonged. And she needed to get it back.

  * * *

  THE NEXT MORNING, Sarah rose early, but not as early as she’d risen when she’d been with Sam. She wasn’t going to meet him this morning for meditation—or, as it had been for the past few days, a makeout/talking/laughing session in the sand dunes. It hurt—it really hurt that he’d turned his back on her the previous night.

  She rose and went through her daily ritual with her cat protectors. Fed them, showered—with Becker overseeing her safety from his tub ledge—dressed and forced herself to eat some fortifying breakfast.

  Then, wearing a pair of shorts and a soft T-shirt, she headed down the beach so she could sit on her own, in a different place from where she used to sit with Sam. Her throat felt tight and her eyes raw, but the harder and faster she walked, the more she seemed to forget about her sorrows.

  She found the perfect hollow in the dunes about a hundred yards past the spot where she usually hung out with Sam. She climbed up the dune and over a short rope barrier, into a hollow shaped like a small bowl.

  It was completely hidden from view. Tall grass protected her so that when she lay on her back, all she saw was cerulean blue sky and bright green grass. The puffy clouds were shaped like tortoises. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift. Nothing hurt anymore. She was rootless in space and time. The muffled sound of the waves breaking lulled her into a dreamy state, except she wasn’t dreaming or thinking about anything in particular. It was as if her mind, that constantly racing motor, just turned off for a bit, and it became the most refreshing, loving, calming place she’d ever been. A state of mind more than a physical place.

  She woke up sometime later when she sensed a movement in the sand near her feet.

  She opened one eye to find a small brown-and-white bird with a black band above his eyes gazing calmly at her. Holding her breath, she hitched herself to one elbow. The bird turned and hopped into a flat section where the vegetation was sparser. Cautiously, she crawled after him.

  It turned out the little brown bird was showing her a small nest of white speckled eggs.

  Baby birds, she thought. In awe, she watched the nest with him for a while. It was so calm and peaceful in their protective hollow. The sun’s rays felt just right—warm, but not too hot. She and the bird and the little nest of eggs were protected from wind and weather and the presence of other people.

  Finally, the bird seemed to wink at her, and she took that as her cue to leave.

  Sa
rah got up and stumbled back down the steep bank. Then she hiked back down the beach to her cottage. She knew exactly where she was going and what she was doing next. Her heart was giving her dictates, it seemed, and it was the most perfectly natural thing in the world to follow what they said.

  She showered again, dressed again, made a quick check for directions on her phone, then climbed into her rental car and headed up the coast. The scenery was beautiful. She passed stately homes and marinas. The grounds of a sprawling private school that intrigued her enough to pull in and explore it for a bit. And then she continued on her journey, just over the bridge that marked the border with Maine, to a beautiful rocky cliff overlooking the ocean, where she stopped at a large meditation and yoga studio.

  Inside the studio’s small shop, Sarah bought clothes and a mat, and then set herself up for the next beginner class. She stayed in the back and just listened, following what the instructor said to do. She didn’t need to strive or stand out or...be the Sarah nobody was allowed to ever take advantage of.

  It felt nice to chill out and stay off her guard. There was an organic eatery next door to the studio where she ate lunch alone and let her mind slip into a state of calm. No plans or worries to upset her. Just focusing on taking care of herself.

  Probably what Richard had envisioned for her in the first place, but Sarah wasn’t going to think of him or her company or her home in California or her disappointment about Sam, or Cassandra, who’d hurt her.

  After lunch, she treated herself to a foot massage and a pedicure. She saw a flyer for a retreat with hiking paths even farther up the coast, so she headed north to explore that.

  By the time she got back to Wallis Point, it was dark outside. Somebody—Lucy?—had recently been inside the cottage to fill Becker and Simmonds’s food bowls, and the two furry beasts were eating contentedly, side by side.

  Without even looking at Sam’s house—and it took some serious effort to do that—Sarah managed to change out of her clothes and into her nightgown, and climbed into bed. She slept the most restful sleep she’d had since she’d arrived.

  The next day, she did it all over again. Her brown bird—Larry, she called him—seemed delighted to see her in his sand dune. The two of them meditated together, and then she walked down the beach and back home, and drove first to the hiking retreat center she’d briefly explored yesterday. Later, before she headed back to Wallis Point, she decided to take an evening yoga class on the beach while the sun set.

  She didn’t waste one measure of concern on Richard Lee. The day would come when she would confront him, but today wasn’t that day.

  For now, the New England summer was beautiful, and she was happy just enjoying it as it was.

  Sarah was on her third morning in the sand dune with Larry the bird, lying on her back staring at the sky, when Sam found her.

  The squawking of his lifeguard radio jolted her out of her lovely meditation. Squinting, shielding her eyes from the bright rays of the sun, she lifted her head.

  Sam peered at her over the top of the dune, looking startled to see her there. He wore his orange lifeguard shorts and had a dark, haunted look in his eyes. He looked shaken up and disturbed by something.

  Surprised that he didn’t seem his normal, laidback self, she sat all the way up.

  * * *

  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING, Sarah?” Sam asked, and his voice sounded raspy, even to him.

  The last two days had been hell. He’d had no idea where she was, though he’d thought it best not to make an effort to find her. The differences between them couldn’t be bridged until Sarah decided she was ready to face what bothered her.

  But now, seeing her like this, alone in the sand dunes...

  He dropped his gear bag and sat beside her in the hollow. She seemed calmer, somehow. Like a different person.

  “I’m meditating,” she explained to him.

  “Ah.” That explained her air of serenity. She must have found a method that worked for her. “I’m glad.”

  His radio squawked again. He reached into his gear bag and turned it off.

  “What are you doing here, Sam?” she asked.

  He pointed to a sign. Forbidden Area. Prosecution Upon Violation. “I got a call about someone in the forbidden part of the sand dunes with the nesting piping plovers.”

  “Oh.” She put her hand to her mouth. “I honestly didn’t see that.”

  He nodded. Unfortunately, that was typical of Sarah. She had a history of focusing on her desires to the exclusion of all else. She didn’t always notice external details.

  He rubbed his eyes.

  “The birds are fine with me, Sam,” she said meekly. “Just watch them for a minute. You’ll see.” She held out her hand.

  And damned if the little piping plover guy who appeared caught up in her charms—poor bastard, Sam thought—didn’t wander over and touched his tiny beak to Sarah’s fingers.

  “I already know you’re magnetic,” he told her. “To me and to the piping plover, which is an endangered species, by the way. Neither of us can seem to resist your pull.”

  “I’m sorry.” She tilted her head to him. “I really didn’t mean to endanger an already endangered species.” She took a breath, and then met his gaze. Her eyes were different, he noticed, or rather the expression in them was. “And I have to apologize to you. I should have told you everything about the contest. I shouldn’t have held anything back.” She paused, glancing down at her hands, silent for a moment. He gave her the space to finish her thoughts.

  She lifted her eyes to him, those long lashes just slaying him. “Honestly, I was scared for you to know because I was scared of having to stay here for the ten weeks. If Lucy had had to drop out, I wouldn’t have been able to use the mentorship as an excuse to get back to the office. I know how bad that sounds. But, worse than that, I was worried that the longer I stayed away from work, the more Richard would realize I wasn’t important to my own company.”

  Impossible. She could never not be important.

  But as long as they were talking about mistakes... “I should have looked at the contest rules myself,” he admitted. “It was all there, on the forms, and I didn’t read them closely enough.” He drew a small circle in the sand with the tip of his radio. “Maybe part of me didn’t want to know. It’s easier not to care that way.” He shook his head. “I’ve tried so hard not to care, but you snuck up on me, Sarah.”

  She shifted to her knees and put her hand on his. “Is it so hard to care about me?”

  “On the contrary. It’s hard not to, and I know, because for two days I’ve been trying not to think about you.” He paused. She was gazing into his eyes, and he couldn’t not be honest with her. “Have you considered what I said the other night?”

  “You’re talking about Cassandra, right?”

  He slowly exhaled. So she was willing to address Cassandra. That boded well. He nodded, treading carefully.

  She took the letter out of her pocket, the one that Cassandra had written her. He’d last seen it day she’d shown up in Wallis Point. By now it was mangled.

  She stared at it, her lips pursed. “I haven’t read it yet. Not really. I mean, I skimmed it once to pick out the basics of where she’d left Lucy, but other than that...” She shook her head. “I just find Cassandra so infuriating. She’s bad for my mental health.”

  He was glad that she was admitting it. He nodded, waiting.

  Her smile faded. “How is Lucy?” she asked softly.

  Obviously, she was thinking about how she’d behaved at Lucy’s party.

  “Well, she’s been spying on you and reporting your activities back to me, if you really want to know. But even she didn’t realize you were hanging out with birds, here in the dunes.”

  Sarah laughed. He loved the way the lines around her eyes crinkled.

  “She’s afraid that you�
�re mad at her for being friends with Cassandra and for spilling the beans to me,” he confessed.

  “I’m really not. Please tell her it’s okay, that I think she can be friends with whoever she wants. She doesn’t need to hide that from me.”

  “I’m glad to hear you say that.” He paused, treading carefully still. “I’m figuring out that Lucy was as invested in Cassandra’s trip as Cassandra was. She says she told Cassandra to buy the plane ticket and go to Italy. I’m also figuring out that Lucy has this thing where she wants the women in her life, especially, to have their happy ending.”

  Sarah blinked. She seemed dumbfounded to hear this.

  Sam took her hand. “It makes sense, if you think about it. Lucy has lived with her mother’s disappointments all these years. She’s even worried about my brother and his wife, even though we showed her last night that her fears are unfounded.”

  “Wow.” Sarah shook her head. “I didn’t realize...”

  He remained silent, letting her work through this. He knew it was hard for her. But she was a bigger person than even she knew.

  He pulled Cassandra’s note from his bag and placed it on the sand beside hers. His was the sealed note Lucy had taped to his door weeks ago and that he’d finally read himself the morning after he and Sarah aired their differences.

  “We each got a note from Cassandra,” he said. “I already read mine. I made myself read her explanation because I love my daughter, and she wants me to try and understand why she cares so much for your aunt.”

  “You read it for Lucy...” Sarah murmured, fingering the note.

  He nodded. “Reading it doesn’t mean I’m disloyal to you, Sarah.”

  “But you gave up on me,” she said in a small voice.

  “No, I gave you a choice.” And that amazed him. He had given someone he loved a difficult choice, and for his own good.

  But she hadn’t made her decision yet. The envelope lay in the sand between them. She hadn’t rejected it. She hadn’t accepted it, either.

  He sat cross-legged and leaned closer to her. “I won’t leave you. I’ll stay while you read it, if you want.”