The Milestone Tapes

by Ashley Mackler-Paternostro

  “And what about you? Where do you get what you deserve?”

  “I don’t know. But, I think about it like this ... I had you for twenty-two years. You’ve been my partner—not just my wife, not just my friend. These years and what we’ve done with them, wow, how lucky have I been? That’s been more than I’ve deserved and I’m grateful. Thankful for you, and our daughter and our home, and the memories and our life together. And after, I’m going to be a father. I’m going to raise our little girl and do what’s best for her. It might not sound full from the outside listening in, but I can’t see beyond that and that’s all I want to do. Just being a good dad.”

  “Gabe.” Jenna reached out her hand, roping it around his neck, pulling him close.

  “I love you Jenna, so much, and I’m sorry, so sorry, we can’t ... ” Gabe’s voice drifted off.

  “Me too,” Jenna cut him off; he didn’t need to put words to his apology, she felt them to her bones. She knew he’d trade anything, give anything, just for her and it wasn’t anything he’d ever need to say.

  “I wish—”

  “I know,” Jenna pulled back and took his face in her hands, looking into his eyes.

  She studied him, looking closely at the way his eyes held hers, steady and sure despite all the doubt and fear.

  She’d loved him for most her life. She’d watched his hair turn grey around the temples and the skin around his eyes go soft as it had webbed lightly with wrinkles. She’d watched him hold their daughter in his arms while he paced slowly around their home, speaking in hushed tones that lulled and soothed Mia into sleep when she was colicky. She had watched him worry over the sharp corners of the table and the slick floors when Mia was starting to toddle about, so afraid that something might her hurt her. And that day on the beach, when Mia ran off ahead, the fear that—for one moment—Mia was beyond his reach. Jenna didn’t know for certain what the future held for her family without her, but she did know that they would be okay, it wasn’t something she had to force herself to believe, she felt it in her bones watching him watch her.

  June

  Summer snuck up and threw the Chamberlands into a whirlwind of activity.

  Mia got her wish and was off at day camp. Both Gabe and Jenna agreed that healthy summer activities would be best. So, Mia came home each afternoon tired and suntanned despite the heavily overcast skies. Beaming, she’d offering up new, intricately woven friendship bracelets, pottery trinkets or beaded lanyards she called boondoggles as proof of her passing days.

  It was a comfort to Jenna. Being endlessly busy left no time for her to worry about the passage of time. It lingered in the back of her mind, but forefront was the packing of lunches, tending the gardens, keeping the house clean for the cleaning lady.

  Jenna had slipped into her office during Mia’s while she was off to camp. She had spent the first days wandering around her house looking for something to occupy her. She invented laundry, washing and packing away winter and spring clothes. She scrubbed already polished countertops, swept floors and changed linens. She abhorred busy work, but she felt cast off without a steady purpose and keeping herself moving felt good. There wasn’t much for her to really do anymore. Gabe had long ago outfitted the home with the staff that took care of such matters. But her years of endless straightening, when it was only her tending the house and the child, the habit of that died hard. She felt useless, the place was immaculate and she could only invent so much work before it felt awkward. She finally wandered into her office, which was a library of sorts. The enclave was home to all the books Jenna loved and collected over the years, including her own novels. She intended to find something to read, it was innocent enough, but as she ran her fingers over the spines, she found nothing. She decided to head into town for a few hours, stop by Port News and Book, snag a couple novels for herself and a few new stories for Mia. As she gathered her things, the doorbell chimed brightly through the house and Jenna made her way towards the entry.

  Standing at the door, looking travel worn and drained, stood Sophia with three boys in tow. Sophia’s perfectly painted red lip spread into a tentative, curious smile as she took in Jenna and the home behind her.

  “Sophia?” Jenna asked, incredulous, hardly believing her eyes. She opened the door widely, welcoming them into her home.

  Sophia clutched her purse tighter to her chest, her eyes darting about the cavernous entryway of the Chamberland home. Sophia appreciated good design, good decor. She had never seen Jenna’s home, Gabe’s creation, with its exotic woods, leaded glass, muted walls and thick moldings. She was quietly reflecting, glancing about.

  “Jenna,” Sophia greeted her, rooted in place on the wide planked front porch.

  “I wasn’t expecting ... didn’t know you were … Oh my God, come inside.” Jenna stepped off, letting in the boys.

  “I ... we ... wanted to come and see you, and Gabe and Mia, too, of course,” Sophia answered politely, ushering the children inside, where they immediately dropped to the ground, taking off their shoes.

  Jenna was stunned. Sophia had never called back, Jenna had never expected her too. After the doomed phone call and the conversation with Gabe, her mind had branched off elsewhere. Today, she’d all but forgotten her sister. But here, in front of her, on the wide flagstone and wood steps of her porch, her sister stood there. Her three handsome boys in toe. She had shown up.

  “Oh Sophia, Caleb, Harlen, Thomas, I am so, so glad you are here!” Jenna’s face broke into a wide, welcoming smile. She sunk to her knees, gathering her nephews up in her arms and squeezing them tightly.

  Jenna mentally ran down in her mind the sleeping arrangements. No doubt Sophia would insist on a hotel, but on the off chance, Jenna wanted something to offer.

  “Well, let me show you all to your room ... ”Jenna began, righting herself and moving aside,

  “Oh, no. We’re at the Red Lion Hotel, we didn’t want to impose” Sophia gathered Thomas in her arms and walked deeper into the house overlooking the bay. “This is some home you have here Jenna.” Sophia spun slowly, taking it all in. The home was something. It was Jenna’s dream.

  “The Red Lion? Are you sure? You’re welcome to stay here, we’d all love to have you.” Jenna smiled at her sister tentatively. Despite being older, since their mother’s death, Sophia has always played the role of the decisive one, setting the bar of their relationship, setting the path and course for both of them.

  “Yes, I’m sure. Our stay is rather, indefinite ... and being here could be quite the imposition.” Sophia wandered towards the great room, taking in the vast views of the bay and mountains swaddled in lush greenery.

  “Indefinite?” Jenna followed her sister into the family room where her sister had settled down on the couch to further explain.

  “Boys?” Sophia lowered Thomas to the floor and snapped her fingers, and the boys immediately looked towards their mother. “Aunt Jenna and I have to speak privately. Jenna, is there somewhere the boys could play?” Sophia turned to face Jenna.

  “Um, yes, of course. The basement?” Jenna answered, unsure if Sophia would allow her children to play that far from her sight. Thomas was still, after all, just a baby. Jenna would have never allowed Mia to wander off in an unfamiliar house when she was so young; she felt guilty even suggesting it, wondering if she should have directed them to Mia’s room.

  “Okay, good, that’ll work. Boys, take your brother, please. And remember, play nicely.” Sophia handed Thomas over easily to Caleb; clearly this wasn’t foreign territory to Sophia or her boys. Jenna pointed to the doorless frame off the kitchen, which descended into the lower level. The boys dutifully trudged down the stairs towards the basement, which was a lavish playroom, full of all the toys, books and games a child could want.. Jenna ran through her mind, hoping she remembered to lock the sliding storm windows below.

  “So ... ” Jenna began looking at her sister, still disbelieving, stunned that she was even there, much less that she was planning to stay o
n with no departure in sight. She headed towards the formal sitting arrangement in the family room, Sophia following close behind. Jenna motioned for Sophia to sit, and she took the chair beside her.

  “So ... ” Sophia mimicked, folding her hands across her lap and squaring her shoulders, her body language rigid and tense.

  “Indefinitely?” Jenna pressed, hoping Sophia would explain more.

  “Yes. I just felt like I should be here, and Lord knows I can’t leave the boys with their daddy. So, we’re all here, for as long or for as short as you wish,” Sophia summed up her presence succinctly.

  “Does Alex know that, you know, that you’re here?” Jenna asked.

  Alexander had never made his feelings towards Sophia’s extended family a secret. He was quietly reserved, not socially verbose, and easily sprung excuses that segregated his family from the rest. It came as no surprise that Alex wasn’t with Sophia, but it was shocking he’d let her travel across the country with the boys alone.

  “Of course!” Sophia snorted, her eyes opening wide. “Why wouldn’t he know where I was for pity's sake! It’s not like I left under the cloak of darkness, this trip was decided upon by us. Actually, he may be joining later on, depending,” she said, a haughty tone seeping into her voice. Alex had once been a point of further contention between the sisters, Jenna always feeling Alex stifled her sister.

  “Well, I don’t know …” Jenna trailed off. But, she did know. Alex made no qualms about his feelings for Jenna or Gabe. He didn’t enjoy their company and the few times the family had convened, Alex was ice cold towards everyone. He liked Sophia on his terms, living near his family, working in a store he bought for her, raising his boys. His life was a machismo design that never failed to grate on Jenna.

  “Well, he knows I’m here. He knows I’ll be here for a while, maybe even all summer,” Sophia said with a hint of defiance seeping through hardened voice, surprising Jenna further.

  “And the store?” Jenna pushed on. She couldn’t help but worry about all the things Sophia left behind. As thrilled as she was Sophia was there, and she was thrilled, she knew Sophia clung to her store; it was her place in this world.

  “It will be just fine, fully staffed and I can communicate over the phone as needed. Actually, I’ve heard wonderful things about the artists here, and I may just take some time to make a few connections.” Sophia smiled, thoughts of Pacific treasures pooling in her mind, no doubt.

  Jenna had seen pictures of the neighborhood boutique Sophia owned, and she had read reviews of the decadence that was Bella Casa. It was the go- to place in locally for the finer home appointments and splurges. Port Angeles had few stores similar to Bella Casa, but the artists locally were amazing and could definitely offer something to Sophia.

  But still, Jenna couldn’t help but feel that something wasn’t right. In all the time Jenna and Gabe had lived in Seattle, and then Port Angeles, Sophia had never once visited. Whenever Jenna offered up a trip, Sophia balked at the idea, blaming her inability to travel on Alex or the boys or the store and sometimes all three in tandem. It seems off that suddenly those things that had held her back for so many years ceased to mean anything.

  “I’m happy you’re here Soph. Gabe and Mia will so excited.” Jenna smiled, concealing her concern for the moment.

  “Yes, yes. It will be nice.” Sophia worried a loose thread on her light, summer weight sweater. “Do you have any coffee or tea or something? I am absolutely beat from the travel, you’d never believe what time we had to leave to get here!”

  “Sure, of course. Are the boys hungry, can I make them some lunch?” Jenna stood up and started towards the kitchen.

  “I fed them at the airport, they’ll be fine until supper. Just a bit longer and we can check into the hotel.” Sophia followed Jenna, swiping her hands across the counter.

  “You can stay here, I mean, really ... it’s no trouble, we have plenty of room.” Jenna pulled two cups from the cupboard and flipped on the pot to brew.

  “I appreciate the offer, I really do. But, I think we’d all feel more comfortable at the hotel.” Sophia plopped down on a bar stool at the breakfast bar, resting her chin in her hands. “Where’s Mia?”

  “Camp. She was going over to her friend Sarah’s afterwards, so she won’t be back until later. I could pick her up—”

  “Jen? Jen you here?” The front door clicked open and Gabe trudged into the entryway calling out to Jenna as he did every day.

  “The kitchen!” Jenna called out, thankful for the interruption.

  “Who’s that car in the driveway? Workers here?” Gabe asked as he loped into the kitchen, stopping short when he spied Sophia resting at the counter.

  “Gabe,” Sophia greeted him, rising to give him a hurried hug.

  “Well, this is a surprise,” Gabe said, hugging her back. He walked over to Jenna and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

  “Yes, we were just talking about that.” Sophia painted a smile across her face, strumming her fingers on the counter.

  “Isn’t that so nice? The boys are playing in the basement. I was just as stunned as you are, she just dropped by on the doorstep!” Jenna enthused, setting a cup of coffee in front of Sophia.

  “Caleb, Harlen, Thomas! Uncle Gabe is here, please come say hello!” Sophia called out loudly for the boys, her voice echoing off the walls of the spacious kitchen. The steady tromp of three boys stomped up the stairs and into the kitchen.

  “Hi boys. Caleb, man, you two have gotten big, Harlen you too. You’ve gotta be like what? Fifteen and sixteen now? And you must be Thomas.” Gabe smiled, giving them high fives and mussing their hair. The boys awkwardly smiled at Gabe.

  “Well, we should be going.” Sophia rose to her feet and herded the boys towards the door. Her coffee left untouched on the counter.

  “Will you come back for dinner? After you get checked in and settled?” Jenna followed them out towards the door.

  “Probably not tonight, but thank you. I’m tired, and these guys are going to need to get to bed soon, it’s almost seven o’clock at home—still on South Carolina time.” Sophia smiled and squeezed Gabe’s arm in goodbye.

  The boys shoved their feet into their shoes and ran from the house towards the waiting minivan. Sophia hustled after them, turning to wave as she slid into the driver’s seat.

  Jenna waved and smiled, and thinking the whole while how surreal this all felt to her.

  “That was weird.” Gabe came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and burrowing his face in her shoulder.

  “Very,” Jenna agreed, wrapping her arms around his as she watched the van pull out of their long driveway onto the main road.

  “How long are they staying?” Gabe wondered out loud.

  “Indefinitely or undecided.” Jenna continued to stare after the car, now long gone.

  “Definitely weird.” Gabe nodded into her neck.

  “It’ll be good, though.” Jenna nodded once, pulling the door closed.

  “You think?” Gabe asked, making his way back to their bedroom to change.

  “I hope so.” Jenna shrugged, following behind him.

  “Is Alex here?” Gabe asked, pulling his jeans off and tossing them into the hamper.

  “No. Which I think is sort of weird, but Sophia said he was all for her coming out here, so who knows.” Jenna climbed into their bed, watching Gabe tug his thin shirt over his head.

  “How long was she here at the house?”

  “Only a few minutes. I figured they’d at least hang around for dinner, but I guess she’s exhausted from the flight and finagling the boys all day. She probably just wants to order a pizza and pass out.” Jenna laughed at the thought of a harried Sophia running to make a connection through an airport with a baby in her arms and two more trailing behind.

  “And she’s not staying here?”

  “Nope. I offered, but she was pretty set on The Red Lion. She doesn’t know when they’re leaving and didn’t want to impose.�
��

  “We have the room,” Gabe offered, pulling on a pair of sweats.

  “That’s what I said! But nope, she’s at the hotel.” Jenna flopped back against the pillow.

  “Well, I’m glad,” Gabe decided, laying down next to Jenna.

  “Me too, I think. I mean, yes, I’m glad. But it’s weird. I’m just surprised, really,” Jenna decided.

  “This is going to be a good thing, Jen. It’s what you wanted.” Gabe closed his eyes.

  July

  “Aunt Sophia!” Mia called, excited, holding up a palm sized oyster shell for her aunt to see, racing back towards the adults as they strolled down the brief bay of Hollywood Beach.

  Sophia had been in town for almost three weeks. The awkwardness of the first day still lingered between them, but with four children under toe and the summer stretching out before them, Jenna had hardly the time to dwell on it.

  Mia had fallen in love with Sophia instantly. She latched on to her stylish, cool aunt with a sort of vigor. It warmed Jenna that Sophia seemed to have the same affection for the little girl in return, never forgetting that one day soon, Mia might need to lean heavily on Sophia for comfort. Together, they could spend hours collecting shells, packaging them and mailing them off to Casa Bella as vase fillers. Sophia embraced Barbie and read stories to all the children before bed, even speaking in different tones to vary the characters. She was a powerhouse mother and such a warm, giving aunt. It was a different side to her sister, a softer side.

  Sophia and the boys had eventually, after Mia pestered and pleaded her into submission, moved their camp to the main house. Being under one roof, sharing meals and talking, had seemingly relaxed Sophia. Alex never called, and to Jenna’s knowledge, Sophia never called him. Jenna longed to ask more, but the peace was hard to disrupt, she finally felt a budding connection that had evaded her for so long.

  Ginny had seamlessly fit into the new, expanded dynamic. Wrangling four children didn’t faze her, and she continued her rule unchallenged. She still busied herself around the house, preparing meals and laying down laws about toys, sharing, picking up messes and being kind.