Hesitant Heart

by Morticia Knight

  Aaron patted the floor next to him. Sam’s stomach was all twisty and his face felt flushed. Everything seemed disjointed. He knew his role when he was inside their home, but he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be following those rules in front of Aaron’s mystery guest. Aaron had already had the talk with Sam where he’d explained that most people, even if they were gay, wouldn’t understand about being Dominant and submissive. Only other people like the ones he knew at the club could be trusted.

  But who was this elegant and attractive young man? Why was he in their home? Why was Aaron sitting there with his beautiful long legs on display for this blond man’s eyes?

  “Sam. What is it? Are you ill?”

  Sam opened then closed his mouth. Yes. He was ill. He didn’t want to be in the same room with that…person.

  “I have to go lie down.”

  Aaron jumped to his feet, worry etched on his brow. He rushed to Sam’s side, pressing the back of his hand to Sam’s forehead almost as soon as he was near him.

  “You don’t seem feverish, but your skin is clammy.”

  Aaron’s eyes narrowed and Sam looked away. He was sure Aaron suspected that he didn’t want to go lie down because he wasn’t feeling well. Aaron was too smart to be fooled by such a thing. But Sam didn’t care. He couldn’t be around that other man.

  “Thomas, would you excuse me for a moment? I need to make sure that Sam is attended to.”

  “No worries. I should be headed out anyway.” Thomas gathered his shoes and socks to begin putting them back on. “I’ll see you both at the club Saturday then?”

  The grip that Aaron had had on Sam’s shoulder since he’d rushed to his side tightened. “Possibly. I’ll let you know.”

  “Oh? I thought…Uh, of course. Well, if not Saturday, then another time.”

  “It was great to see you, Thomas. Thanks for stopping by. We’ll talk soon.”

  Aaron squeezed Sam’s shoulder until it bordered on painful and began to lead him to their bedroom.

  “You can leave your plant on the dresser.”

  He had the sensation that he’d just made some sort of horrible mistake, but he still couldn’t erase the stabs of jealousy that had pierced his heart when he’d first walked in on his lover and his friend, Thomas.

  Once he’d set the cactus down, he began to shake. He’d never seen Aaron angry before. He wasn’t sure if that’s what Aaron was right then, but it seemed like it might be. Would he hit him when he was like that even though he’d promised he never would? Would that forever change what they were to one another?

  As soon as he heard the front door close, Aaron spoke.

  “Strip.”

  Aaron’s tone had been commanding, but he hadn’t raised his voice. The trembling started immediately. Sam wanted to ask why he was being punished. That had to be what was happening. He removed all of his clothes then piled them neatly on a chair in the corner of the room.

  “Morning display position.”

  Aaron had stood stock still, eyeing him the entire time. Fortunately, he wasn’t required to have an erection for his morning position as he doubted that would be possible under the circumstances. Once he’d achieved his stance, Aaron slowly walked around his naked form, as if inspecting him carefully.

  “You’re to stand here in perfect position for thirty minutes. Use your focal point on the wall. Concentrate on stillness. I’ll be checking on you from time to time.”

  With that, Aaron walked away.

  He was alone. What was worse was that it wasn’t the kind of literal alone where all it meant was that Sam was the only person in the room. It was more of an empty, achy feeling in his gut. If he cried, he wouldn’t be able to remain in proper position. The image of Aaron with Thomas kept invading his thoughts. Logically, he knew whatever Aaron was doing with him at that moment was for his benefit. Aaron was trying to help him somehow. That knowledge was the only thing that motivated him to stay in perfect position and focus on his stillness better than he’d ever done before.

  Soon, a thread of peace filtered through him. His breathing evened out. The nausea that had threatened him from the moment he’d walked in the door had abated. He heard movement behind him and knew that Aaron had come to check on him.

  Because he loves me.

  Sam remained focused—he never let his gaze waver from the spot he always used on the opposite wall. It was the blue scarf in the painting that Aaron had first done of him. He detected Aaron in his peripheral vision. Soon, he stood in front of him, but skewed to the side so as not to interrupt Sam’s line of sight on his focal point.

  “Good boy.”

  It had been said in Aaron’s low, soothing tone. There wasn’t one ounce of anger there.

  “Ten more minutes.”

  Aaron walked back out of the room and Sam promised himself he would be standing even taller when Aaron came for him again. Now that he’d calmed, he was anxious to speak to Aaron about what he had concluded had been a misunderstanding on his part. His concentration wavered.

  No. Don’t get distracted.

  Aaron had said ten more minutes of stillness, so that was what he needed. Sam believed more than ever that Aaron knew what was best. Even though Sam had been sure that Aaron was angry—or at the least, very upset—he hadn’t struck him. Right as Sam had descended into the place of calm he typically achieved during his morning ritual, Aaron re-entered the room. Once again, Aaron circled him. This time, he stopped right behind Sam.

  “Drop to your knees. Keep your arms in position, chin up, gaze fixed on the floor.”

  Sam did as he was told, his gracefulness so improved from when he’d first begun his training with Aaron. After circling again, Aaron stopped directly in front of him. Sam was overly aware of Aaron’s heat, his scent. He licked his lips. Aaron grabbed a fistful of Sam’s hair then used his other hand to part his robe, revealing his straining erection.

  “Suck me.”

  Sam always wanted to suck Aaron. There wasn’t one thing they’d done sexually that Sam didn’t want to do with him enthusiastically. But he’d never been ordered to suck Aaron without any tenderness. Even when Aaron tied him up or hit him or denied him his climax,—there was always an underlying tone of love, desire. Despite the serene tone Aaron had used, the way he’d ordered him had come off as distant and cold.

  “Now, Sam.”

  He swallowed around a lump in his throat, trying to determine how everything had unraveled, so fast. Parting his lips, he offered his mouth for Aaron to take. Aaron thrust his large cock forward and Sam took in as much as he could. They were still working on his gag reflex, so without his hands to assist in pleasuring Aaron, he had to rely on his limited oral ability. He couldn’t disappoint Aaron.

  Sam worked the flared head with his tongue, circling the tip and poking the end into Aaron’s slit the way he knew his lover liked. As he alternated between sucking and lapping at Aaron’s stiff flesh, Aaron pumped his hips in a regular rhythm, fucking Sam’s face. Once in a while, he would push far enough in that Sam would choke around Aaron’s dick, bringing water to his eyes.

  Aaron’s pace increased, his hold on Sam’s head tightening as he rutted in Sam’s mouth. All Sam could do was take it. Saliva dripped out of the sides of his mouth and trailed down his jaw and his neck, eventually landing on his chest. The musky odor of Aaron’s arousal and the flavor of his cock excited Sam. He’d lost himself in the primal exchange between them, his own shaft leaking, throbbing.

  Gripping Sam’s hair with both hands, Aaron froze then shot down Sam’s throat. Sam choked on some of the cum. There was too much. He sputtered and coughed, Aaron pulling out then dropping to his knees. He captured Sam’s mouth in an all-consuming kiss, licking his face, his lips, helping to clean his own spend off Sam.

  Soon, Sam found himself in Aaron’s lap as the kisses continued and he was cradled in Aaron’s arms. Tears of relief fell down his cheeks. Aaron hadn’t struck him in anger. He hadn’t turned away from him, hadn’t turned
cold. It must have been a test. Sam really wanted to know.

  “I love you, Sir. I’m so sorry I acted bad.”

  “There’s my little Sam, I knew you were still there.”

  He peered up to see Aaron gazing down on him with loving eyes. Aaron petted Sam’s hair back from his face, the gesture one of comfort.

  “Tell me what happened when you came home.”

  Sam looked away in shame. He’d never given Aaron a chance. He’d immediately thought the worst. Aaron grasped his chin, encouraging him to lock eyes with him.

  “You’re forgiven. That’s over with. Now talk to me.”

  “I was surprised, that’s all. And he’s so pretty, and you were both on the floor, and you only had your robe on and he could see how beautiful you are. I…I thought…” His lip trembled and the tears threatened to spill again.

  “Shh, don’t cry.” Aaron kissed his head. “There’s no one prettier to me than you are, Sam. You’re all I see.” Aaron moved him so that they faced one another more. “Our relationship is sacred and special. The trust that exists between us doesn’t only apply to you giving me your body or authority over your life. It’s also there when it comes to our love. There’s no need for jealousy between us.”

  Sam frowned. He remembered the evil stare Aaron had given Martin that first time at the plant shop.

  “But you seemed jealous of Martin that first day.”

  Aaron chuckled. “That was me staking my claim, being protective. And before you ask, the difference is that I never believed for one instant that you would betray me. I trust you. I wasn’t sure I trusted him.”

  “Oh. I see.”

  “You did very well tonight. You accepted my orders, you submitted without question even when I demanded something different than you’re used to. I’m very proud of you.”

  “Thank you, Sir. I wanted to please you.”

  Aaron hugged him tighter. “I know, sweet Sam. That’s why I feel you’re ready to come with me to the club this Saturday. Thomas is an old friend and I’d phoned him to let him know that I’d found someone who I’d be showing off at the club this weekend. At the last minute, he decided to drive in from Santa Barbara to be here for that. He arrived a few days early so he could catch up with me and a few of our other mutual acquaintances.”

  Sam’s stomach twisted and he groaned. He was such an idiot. Aaron had been anxious to show him off to his friend and he’d behaved like a petulant child instead. Then something else pierced though his awareness.

  “The club? This Saturday?”

  It had been a major goal, something Aaron had been working on with him from the beginning. He’d been nervous about it all along, but he also knew enough to tell that it was a very big deal. Aaron explained that he’d never, ever taken a submissive to any club before. There had never been anyone he’d claimed as his and had been proud to show off. Aaron had also told him that the first night they went there, Sam would get a surprise.

  “Oh, Sir. Do you really think I’m ready? I’m so sorry I acted like that—”

  Aaron placed two fingers on Sam’s lips.

  “Shush now or I’ll have to gag you. What happens when I say you’re forgiven?” Aaron took his hand away.

  “It’s over and done with.”

  “Correct. And do I ever say something I don’t mean?”

  “No, Sir, you don’t.”

  “There’s my perfect boy. Let’s make plans after one more thing.”

  “What thing?”

  “I want to taste your perfect pink hole then make you come in my mouth.”

  Oh.

  Chapter Eleven

  Their session the previous night had been breath-taking. Aaron was so proud of Sam he thought he might burst. It had been the first time Aaron had ever used the belt on Sam. It was also the first time he’d inflicted intense pain on his boy since he’d introduced him to the brush. The tone of the encounter had been completely different however. The focus had been on an erotic exchange. Sam hadn’t come while being beaten with the belt, but it had only taken a few quick tugs before he’d spilled all over the floor.

  The image of Sam with his arms stretched to the ceiling, his wrists bound with thick strips of leather that had been attached to a meat hook—if he thought about it much more, he would likely come from the visual alone. The stripes he’d laid across Sam’s perfect little round ass had been exactly as Aaron had wanted. The welts were clearly defined and raised. No skin had been broken, but it was obvious that his boy had taken a strong thrashing for his Master.

  If he agrees.

  The flutters that kept rising up in his stomach returned. During the times Sam had been at work, Aaron had gone to the leather smith he always used for any garments or other items he needed made. He’d given him a sketch of what he wanted made for Sam. Once he presented the item to Sam, he would ask his lover to call him Master. Sam would always be his boy, but he wanted to make a public commitment. He wanted Sam to know that he’d always be protected and cared for.

  His sweet Sam entered the bedroom, his showering complete. He presented himself for inspection. Aaron gave him a cursory check—Sam had never failed to please him in his grooming habits. If nothing else, it was yet another wonderful excuse to fondle him.

  “How do they look, Sir?” Sam struggled to peer over his shoulder in order to view his own ass.

  “They’re gorgeous like you are, little Sam.”

  His face pinked. It was the first time Aaron had seen Sam blush in a while. He knew his boy must be incredibly nervous. Not only would it be his first visit to a sadism and masochism club, but there would be new people to meet and Sam would be the focal point of the evening. He would also be naked and on a leash.

  All of those elements had been discussed with Sam ahead of time. Aaron had no intention of humiliating or frightening him. It was something that they had worked on together as a committed couple and the coming evening would be a big step for the two of them to take.

  But it was time for the one surprise that had Aaron’s typically controlled façade crumbling.

  “Sweet, little Sam. Come and sit with me.”

  Aaron laced their fingers together and tugged him toward the bed. Sam had a confused expression, his brow furrowed, but he didn’t appear scared. It was likely that as prepared as Sam was for the evening, he still had to have plenty of nervousness about the unfamiliar experience he was about to face.

  He watched with concern as Sam perched on the edge of the mattress, placing most of his weight on one hip.

  “I’m fine, Sir.”

  I need to watch myself.

  He’d never been so soft with a submissive as he was with Sam. Of course, he’d also never been in love with anyone—submissive or not—so that had to be influencing his interactions with his boy as well. Aaron reached under the pillow to retrieve a slim leather case. Sam’s eyes widened with curiosity as he waited to see what it was all about. Aaron inhaled deeply. It was time for him to throw his heart at Sam’s mercy. He’d hesitated for years to give himself emotionally to anyone, always finding excuses as to why he was alone, hiding in the shadows by paying men instead of connecting with them. Sam had changed everything. Sam had changed him.

  “I had something very special made for you, Sam. I’m hoping that you will agree to wear it tonight.”

  “I’ll wear anything you tell me to, Sir.”

  “I know you would, my sweet Sam. But I’m not telling you. This is something you must decide to do on your own. It has to be because you want it.”

  The signals Sam gave off when he was distressed were easy for Aaron to spot—he knew his lover so well. There would be the tiniest crease between his eyebrows and his lips would purse slightly. Someone who didn’t understand his little Sam as well as he did would never be aware of it. Aaron meant to keep it that way by letting Sam know that he wanted to keep him forever. Aaron removed the velvet-lined lid to the case. Inside lay the hand-tooled leather collar he’d had made especially for his Sa
m. Intertwining vines had been carved into the one inch wide, black strip. The buckle was studded with small diamonds and there was a steel ring embedded in the collar to which Aaron would attach Sam’s leash.

  Although Sam had known that Aaron planned to lead him around on a leash for the evening, Aaron hadn’t spoken of what would be used. He’d wanted to save everything as a wonderful surprise.

  Sam stared at the collar, his expression one of awe and disbelief. Aaron plucked the item from the box and held it out to him.

  “If you accept this, little Sam, I will be your Master for always. Will you take this collar as a symbol of my commitment to you and to our lives together?”

  Aaron watched as realization dawned on Sam’s face. He could tell what Sam’s answer would be and his heart already rejoiced from it.

  “Oh, Sir, I mean…Master!” Sam’s eyes glittered. “Master.”

  Happiness radiated from Sam. He was anything but calm and still—he was a bundle of excited energy. Aaron couldn’t think of a more appropriate time for such behavior.

  “Kneel in front of me, little Sam. I want to put your collar on you.”

  There was no hesitation as Sam sank to his knees and presented his neck to Aaron. Aaron’s fingers trembled. He couldn’t remember such a thing ever happening to him before—he was always self-assured. But there was no doubt in his mind that having Sam’s love meant many things would be different in his life from then on. He was grateful for whatever may come, as long as Sam would always be there with him.

  Once he’d buckled the collar, checking to make sure it wasn’t too tight or rubbing his skin wrong, he guided Sam to his feet. He led him by the shoulders to the full length mirror. Aaron stood behind him, admiring the beautiful young man who bore his collar and his marks. Sam raised one small hand to tentatively touch the leather accessory decorating his neck.

  “So beautiful…”

  Aaron wrapped his arms around Sam from behind, suddenly wishing that they weren’t going anywhere, that they were staying in so that Aaron could take Sam over and over until they both collapsed from the exhaustion of it. But everyone was waiting on them and he was anxious to show his boy off. Now that Sam had his marks and his collar, Aaron had the impression that he was just as thrilled to be shown off.