Forget You

by Jennifer Snyder

  I propped my right leg up, and began shaving. After finishing both legs, I lathered my hair in the new thick, creamy conditioner I’d purchased last week because of the scent. Coconut infused the air around me. It was my all-time favorite scent—summer in a bottle, something I could use today. When I was finished, I stepped out and dried off. Wrapping my hair in a towel, I listened for my neighbor at the front door, but didn’t hear her knocking anymore.

  Pulling my clothes on, I towel dried my hair and exited the bathroom. The desire to wait around until she came back coursed through me. Deciding that was probably for the best, I started toward the kitchen to see what I had to make for lunch. A knock at the front door startled me. As I made my way toward it, I created a mental list of the things left in my fridge my neighbor could possibly ask for. When I swung my front door open expecting to see her standing there, puffing on a cigarette like the previous times before, I found Sawyer instead.

  “Hi!” A wide grin spread across my face at the sight of him. My pulse pounded in my chest, becoming the only thing I could hear. “What are you doing here?”

  “Well, um, my car is still parked out front, so I figured I’d swing by and get it. I wanted to say hello before I did though,” he said.

  “Oh, okay.” I stepped to the side. “Come on in.”

  “Thanks.” He glided past me and into my apartment quickly. “I’ve been out there a while.” He reached out, and grabbed a few damp locks of my hair. “I can see now it was because you were in the shower. I knew I should have gotten here sooner.” He grinned.

  “I’m sorry. I heard you knocking. I just figured you were Tammy, my neighbor, asking for milk or something again.”

  “Nope, just me.” He shucked off his snow-covered shoes, and peeled off his coat. “I’m glad you’re here though, because I didn’t want to head home without seeing you first.”

  I bit my bottom lip at his words. The desire to wrap my arms around him, and press my lips to his was nearly overwhelming. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to head home without seeing me first either.”

  Sawyer reached out and snaked an arm around my waist, pulling me into him. His lips brushed against mine in a featherlight kiss as though he could read my mind.

  “How has roughing it through the storm been for you?” he asked once he pulled away.

  I shrugged. “All right, I guess. I’ll need to venture out either later today or tomorrow for sure though. If not, I’ll starve.” I chuckled.

  “The roads aren’t too terrible right now. The DOT managed to do something to all the major roads and highways, so if you can make it to one of them you’re golden. Andrew has four-wheel drive. He was able to make it here without any issues. Doesn’t your Escape have four-wheel drive?”

  I ran my hands along his forearms, and stared into his eyes. There was something off about him. I’d only known him for a week or so, but in that time, I’d learned he was generally relaxed, and always had a sense of humor bubbling beneath the surface of everything he said. Right now though, that was all gone. It was replaced by an odd, out of place sense of tension.

  “Yeah, it does. I’ve never used it though. I’ll probably just keep eating Ramen noodles until everything clears up completely,” I admitted with a small smile. Had something happened while he was out there on the highway? Was he just tired?

  “How about I drive you to the store in your vehicle?” he asked, slipping his hands up and down my lower back, kneading the skin there.

  “You don’t have to. I can wait. It’s fine,” I insisted.

  “No, I’ll take you. I don’t mind.” His jaw seemed to grow tight.

  My mind snapped back to the news story I’d heard, to the shooting. I suddenly wondered if he’d witnessed it. Maybe that was the reason he was tense and sounding slightly off. It would be understandable, if that were the case. Even if it wasn’t, I was sure the pressure of calming all those people, and the energy of the situation out there would be enough to frazzle someone.

  I slipped out of his grasp, and walked to the couch to sit. The moment I did so, he reached for my hand, and his fingers interlaced through mine quickly. A slight smile twisted the corners of my mouth. Was it insane to think of how much I loved the feel of his skin on mine, regardless of where the contact was?

  “How did it go out there?” I asked.

  At first Sawyer didn’t utter a word, he just stared off into space. When we sat, I tucked my legs beneath me, and eyed him. I wondered if I should say something more. Should I wait to say anything about what I’d seen on the news until he brought it up himself? Awkward silence pressed in on me from all angles as I waited for him to speak.

  “It went…” He ran his free hand through his hair, and dropped his stare to the coffee table. “I don’t know. Did you see the news?”

  When his eyes lifted to mine, darkness had clouded the normally electric blue into something else. His brows drew together as his lips pinched into a thin line while he waited for me to answer.

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  Panic slithered through me. Had he been on that particular highway stretch? Had he seen what had happened to those two guys?

  Sawyer swallowed before speaking, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I was there, only three cars away, when the first shot rang out.” A wistful look flickered across his face, as though he was seeing the memory play through his head in vivid detail. “When it happened, and the young guy went down, I darted to the shooter in an attempt to get him to put the gun down. For whatever reason though, he decided he no longer wanted to be here, in this world, and pulled the trigger after placing the barrel to his temple. It was right in front of me. All of it.”

  There were no words for what he’d witnessed. Reaching out, I caressed his forearm, hoping it would soothe him in some way. It was all I could manage. When we lapsed into silence brought on by the heavy moment, it wasn’t awkward or unbearable. It was charged with all the things I wanted to say in an effort to comfort him, but couldn’t find the right words to.

  “There was this little boy there. He couldn’t have been older than seven, but he saw the whole thing.” Sawyer smoothed a hand over his face as though he were wiping the memory of the boy’s expression out of his mind. The scratchy sound of his skin brushing against the thick stubble of his facial hair reached my ears.

  I wasn’t good at handling situations like this—ones that were heavy and sad—but I could be a good listener, when I wanted to be. This was all I could offer him in the moment, and I hoped it would be enough. Exhaling a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding, I swallowed hard as I waited for him to continue, if he wanted.

  A puff of air passed through Sawyer’s lips, and he brought his eyes back to lock with mine. “I think that’s what’s hitting me the hardest. He’d been so happy, so full of life before, and then after, his entire view of the world had shifted. It was clearly reflected in his eyes. I hate that.”

  “I’m sure you did everything you could have done, that your entire unit did,” I offered, even though I was positive my words would do nothing to curb the emotions surging through him, that they wouldn’t dissolve the images forever etched into his memory from that specific moment. “Sometimes bad things happen, and there just isn’t anything you can do to prevent them,” I said.

  This was what a shrink had once told me. It had been a motto she’d wanted me to adopt. I’d thought it would never stick, that I’d never find a moment where it would fit. Until now, speaking with Sawyer.

  He scoffed, and shook his head. “I know. I just wish I could have done more.”

  I remained silent while he attempted to figure out what he could have done differently to save the little boy from witnessing such a tragedy. Now would be a chance to reiterate that motto, to say something meaningful and worthy of the situation, but nothing came to me. I continued to run my fingers across the length of his forearm, chewing on my bottom lip.

  “I knew going into this there was a chance I’d see deat
h, but I guess the possibility had always seemed far away and unreal somehow. Until now. It’s real now, and I guess it’s just something I’ll have to accept in this line of work. A sad, unavoidable truth.”

  “Can you?” My voice may have come out as a whisper, but I felt as though those two words held loads of impact. He needed to ask himself that question. Truthfully.

  Sawyer shifted his cobalt eyes to meet mine. There were still flecks of that darker blue, the one that seemed tainted by sadness, swirling in their depths. “I have to. With pain comes strength. I think this week I just became a little stronger.”

  His words sounded clipped and harsh, as though his tattoo had taken on a whole new meaning for him. One he’d never truly intended it to. Either that or he’d added a new level to it, another layer to the reason why it resonated with him so deeply to begin with. I couldn’t be sure, but I did know one thing…I’d just bore witness to a change in Sawyer Keeton, and I wasn’t sure if it could be considered a good thing or not.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  SAWYER

  “Here. What about this?” I handed Eva a strange ornament I found that looked like a pickle, for whatever reason. We were Christmas shopping at the mall in Carver. Eva had said she was looking for unique gifts for her friends, but a pickle-shaped tree ornament must not fit the bill, because she crinkled her nose and handed it back to me.

  “I don’t think so. Who wants one of those hanging on their tree?” she asked point blank.

  Cramming my hands into my coat pockets, I resumed scanning the items on the lower shelves.

  “Are you getting me something?” I asked. An odd tension filled the air between us. “I’m getting you something. I just haven’t figured out if you’ve been bad or good this year. I don’t think I’ve hung out with you enough to make my final decision,” I said in an effort to lighten the mood.

  Truth be told, over the last couple weeks, we’d grown closer, inseparable really. We had the type of connection that made it feel as though we’d known each other our whole lives. We were comfortable. Eva got my witty one-liners and, at times, my odd behavior like no one ever had before. This thing between us was effortless, something I’d never felt before with anyone.

  Eva laughed. “Are you Santa or something?”

  “Don’t I wish. Santa has the best job ever. You do know the real reason why he’s so damn jolly all the time, don’t you?”

  She shook her head. “No, why?”

  We started down the next aisle of goodies. It was filled with different-colored spatulas, can openers, and mixing bowls. This store was odd. It held everything you could possibly ever need under its roof and then some, but nothing went together. There was no theme or sense of organization. What I found to be even stranger than that though, was why Eva insisted on buying her friends something they could use. Maybe it would be okay if it were a Blu-ray player, but a spatula? What was the point in searching through this stuff? There was nothing of value in this store.

  “He knows where all the bad girls live.” I arched a brow and flashed her a wicked smile, the same one I’d learned over the last few weeks was her favorite.

  “Oh my God,” she muttered. A wide grin swept across her face, and I knew I’d succeeded in my goal for the day—to make her laugh at least twice. “That’s horrible—horribly funny—but still horrible nonetheless.” She cracked up.

  “Thank you.” I grinned, glad to see her relax.

  She’d been tense and crazed from the moment we stepped inside the mall. Either it was the loud Christmas music blaring through the speakers, or the rude people rushing past us in a mad dash from all angles struggling to find the perfect gift for their loved one as well.

  I hated Christmas shopping.

  “Where do you come up with this stuff?” she asked once she had gained control of her laughter.

  I shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. Either I read it somewhere or heard it from my brother once, I’m not sure.”

  Eva’s eyes flickered to mine, and she set the frog-shaped timer she’d been looking at down. It was rare that I mentioned my brother, something she obviously had picked up on, but wasn’t ever willing to discuss further. This was another reason I enjoyed being around her so damn much. She didn’t know Ryker or what had happened to him, so there was no dramatic level of sympathy instantly etched into her features every time I mentioned him, just a normal amount that lingered for all of two seconds before she tucked it away again.

  I wasn’t sure what Eva thought had happened to my brother, or if she even grasped the fact that he was no longer with us. For all I knew, she thought he and I had a major falling out. Either way, she never asked for more information. Each time his name was mentioned, she acted as though she was waiting to see if I would elaborate and give her some clarity on the situation.

  One day I would, but not today.

  “What about this?” She held up a wine opener with arrow buttons. “Think Paige would like this?”

  It was her way of steering us past an awkward silence. I’d come to realize she was good at this type of thing, an expert of sorts.

  “A wine opener?” I crinkled my nose, mimicking the expression she’d shot me when I handed her the pickle ornament.

  “What? Paige likes wine. Maybe this would be something she’d use.”

  “First off, I’ve never met her, so I can’t tell you what I think she would like. Come to think of it, I have yet to meet any of your friends.” My mind chose that moment to catch hold of the realization and grasp on tightly. “Why have I never met your friends?”

  “It goes both ways, you know,” she said. “Your friend Andrew even came by my apartment, twice, and never stopped inside to say hello. Besides, neither of us has hung out with anyone except for each other lately.”

  She was right. What the hell?

  “Oh no, we’ve become the antisocial couple who seclude themselves from their friends over time. Look what you’ve done to me,” I teased.

  “Whatever,” she muttered before doing her famous eye roll. “You’re meeting my friends soon.”

  Her friends were throwing a Christmas party, which Eva had insisted I come to. It was in a week. This was why we were scurrying around the mall with all the other crazed last-minute shoppers attempting to find them each the perfect gift. Apparently, Eva was a last-minute shopper, while I was far from it. If I saw something throughout the year I felt someone I knew would enjoy, I bought it right then. This resorted in me being finished with my shopping around October every year.

  “Get the wine opener. Maybe she’ll like it,” I offered. “I think you should get her a bottle of her favorite wine too though. It completes the gift.”

  Eva’s eyes lit with excitement. “Good idea.”

  Once we left the mismatched store, we were only in the mall for a few more minutes before we bumped into the said friend we were shopping for. Eva nearly hyperventilated, and I had a hard time stifling back a laugh at the irony of the situation. Her eyes kept darting to the bag I held with Paige’s gift inside. The bag was a milky white so I wasn’t worried Paige could see its contents, but Eva was.

  “Hey! What are you guys up to?” Paige asked. Her eyes shifted from Eva to me, and I got the feeling she was checking me out.

  Not in an I want you way, but more in an are you up to my standards for her way. Then the guy she was with cleared his throat. If I was correct, Eva had said his name was Cam once. He stood at Paige’s side with a cocky smirk stretched across his face. I was unsure if the look was directed at me or Eva, or if it was because of the entire situation of meeting us here.

  “Is this Sawyer?” Cam asked. His eyes raked over me, the arrogant gleam in them never wavering.

  I nodded, and held my hand out to him. “Yeah. Hey, what’s up?”

  “Nothing much, just doing some last-minute shopping.” He shook my hand, and his grin grew. “Nice to finally meet you.”

  “Sawyer, this is Paige,” Eva introduced us. “Paige, this is Sawyer.�
��

  “Hey, nice to meet you.” I smiled.

  Paige was cute. She had this innocent face thing going for her, dark hair, brown eyes, and it was obvious the girl knew how to dress. I noticed she was wearing a pink scarf that instantly reminded me of her Christmas present Eva had just bought her. It was the same shade of pink.

  “Eva’s been hiding you,” Cam said. “I was beginning to think you were an imaginary friend or something.”

  Eva slapped him on the shoulder. “Oh, whatever. I have not been hiding him from you. I’ve been busy.”

  Cam rubbed his chin, his shit-eating grin growing by the second. “I don’t know.”

  “Stop. You know Eva’s busy. I’m sure she meant for us to all get together at some point to meet Sawyer,” Paige insisted. Her doe-like eyes locked with mine, and she smiled wide.

  “Sure.” Cam chuckled. “Care to join us for a little coffee? We were just headed to the beverage place in the food court before we left.”

  Eva turned to glance at me as though she was waiting for me to make the decision.

  I shrugged. “Sure. We’ve been at this for a little while. A break is deserved.”

  “Great,” Paige said.

  “So, Sawyer, Eva tells us you’re in the National Guard. How’s that going?” Cam asked as we started toward the food court.

  “Good. It’s been everything I thought it would be when I signed up,” I answered. I swallowed hard as the memory of my last mission flashed through my mind. Forcing those images away, I gave Cam a slight smile.

  “What’s your MOS?” he asked.

  I was shocked he knew the acronym we used for military occupation specialty.

  “I’m a 31B, Military Police,” I informed him. There was always a sense of pride that floated through me when I said those words out loud, one I felt would never get old.

  “Ah, nice.” Cam nodded as though he knew all about the job. I wondered if he’d served at one point too. “I hung out with a lot of military crew a few years ago, when I was living near Fort Jackson. The guys I knew liked to party. What about you?”