A Family Man

by osborne, Sarah

Her mom’s appearance had shocked her to the core. She was practically all skin and bone, her hair was limp, her complexion was sallow and her eyes were sunken into their sockets. Even worse was how weak she clearly was; the slightest exertion exhausted her. Despite her protestations that she was fine, and it was just a virus, it was obvious that Maria was very sick indeed. With a sigh Amy sat up as the sound of a Harley filtered through the window. Shit, Joe was here.

  Joe dismounted and walked slowly towards Maria’s front door. After riding for hours, and still not being able to rid himself of the noise in his head, it seemed that the logical thing to do was to go and see for himself just how sick Maria really was.

  He looked up as the front door opened and suppressed a gasp at the sight of the woman standing before him. In two strides, he covered the ground between them, pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her hair, only pulling away at the sound of that low husky laugh he had always loved. “Shit, Joe. Do I really look that bad?”

  “Amy said you were sick.”

  “It’s nothing. Really, I’m getting better.”

  “Do I look stupid, M?” Taking her arm, he led her round to the back of the house and sat on the swing on the porch. “Sit.”

  She sat next to him, her hands folded in her lap. “Amy’s overreacting.”

  “No, M, I don’t think she is.” He tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “You know she’s planning on staying?”

  “Yeah, she told me yesterday. Are you pissed?”

  “No, not pissed.” He looked out over the yard. “I just don’t want to lose her.”

  “You won't.”

  “Won't I? I lost you.” Maria moved closer and he slipped his arm round her shoulders. “You gonna die, M?”

  “Yeah, I think so.” She closed her eyes. “If…When I do, will you take care of Jack? I know you don’t really know him, but Beth does.”

  “Sure.”

  They fell silent, both lost in their own thoughts, until the quiet was broken by Maria. “I’m sorry, Joe, for all the shit I put you through. I don’t blame you for staying away.” She sighed. “I never stopped loving you.”

  “I never stopped loving you either.”

  “Even though you’re with Beth now?”

  “I love Beth. I have a life with her I could never have had with you. But you and me, girl.” He chuckled. “Fuck, that’s once in a lifetime shit.”

  “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

  “Yeah, you fucked up.”

  “Amy said you made Beth your old lady.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “Told you. I love her. She’s a real good girl.”

  “Unlike me.”

  “You ain't exactly ol’ lady material, M.”

  “No I guess I’m not.” She touched his hand, running her thumb over the ornate ring he always wore. “We did have fun, though. Some of the time.”

  “We had fun a lot of the time.”

  “I’m scared, Joe.”

  “Yeah, figured you would be.”

  “Will you stay? Just tonight.”

  “You know I can’t do that.”

  “Yeah, I know. Why are you here, Joe?”

  “Not sure. Got a lot of noise in my head.” He swallowed. “If Amy is determined to stay, I won't try to stop her. Don’t know how long you got. But she has the right to have a relationship with her mom again, even if it’s only for a short while.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I ain't doing it for you.” He closed his eyes as her hand tightened around his. “You got everything you need?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “I don’t want Amy skipping school. You need taking care of, you hire a nurse. If you can’t afford it. I’ll pay.”

  “Okay.”

  Joe stood and held out his hand. “C’mon. I want to talk to Amy.” She took his hand and they walked slowly back into the house.

  As soon as she was settled on the sofa, he headed upstairs and knocked on Amy’s door. “Can I come in, sugar?”

  “Sure.”

  She was sitting in the middle of the bed, her legs crossed, Indian style. Joe sat down with his back against the headboard. “I take it you heard all that?” He indicated the open window.

  “Yeah.”

  “I meant what I said. On Monday we will get you into the local high school and you will go every day.”

  “Okay.”

  “If it gets to the stage that your mom can’t take care of herself, she gets a nurse. That is not your job.”

  “Okay. Joe I….”

  “No. Don’t talk. Listen. You will call me or Beth at least every other day. And if your mom starts drinking and staying out, you will tell us.” He looked around. “Where’s your brother?”

  “Staying at a friend’s. Did you mean what you said? About taking care of him, if…if….”

  “Of course. Beth wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  “You do love Beth, don’t you?”

  “You know I do.”

  “But what you said, out there, to Mom.”

  “Me an’ your mom, sugar, we got a lot o’ history. Nothing’s gonna change that.”

  “You told her that you love her. Is that true?”

  “Yeah, but it ain't like you think. Beth is my old lady, I love an’ respect her. I promised her that I wouldn’t cheat, and I won't. Nor will I leave her. How I feel about your mom is different. I wish I could explain it, but I can’t. I don’t want to love her, haven’t wanted to for a long time. I just can’t help it.”

  Amy crawled closer and, placing her head on his chest, wrapped her arms around him.

  “That’s fucked up, Joe.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “Joe?”

  “Yes, sugar.”

  “I’m a little scared.”

  “I know. But I’m only a day away, and you can call any time, day or night. You need anything, anything at all, just ask, and I’ll do whatever it takes to see you get it.”

  “You sure you’re not pissed?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “I love you so much, Joe.” She squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to quell her tears.

  “I love you, too. More than you'll ever know”

  He waited until she was asleep, then quietly slipped downstairs and let himself out the back door. Not wanting to wake her or her mom up, he wheeled his bike to the end of the road before starting it up and heading back to his ma’s, where old lady was waiting.

  ~ oOo ~

  Sitting on the porch at the front of his ma’s house, the end of his cigarette glowing in the dark, Joe tried to put his thoughts in order. More than anything he wanted to crawl into bed next to his old lady and fall asleep in her arms. Something, though, was stopping him, and he wasn’t entirely sure what it was. He loved Beth; he knew he did, even if he didn’t feel he deserved her. But back there, with Maria. All those feelings that he thought had disappeared had come bubbling back to the surface, and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with them.

  Amy was right, it was fucked up. But then, when it came to him and Maria, fucked up was all they knew.

  He looked up as the front door opened and Beth stepped out, clutching two bottles of beer. Handing one to him, she sat next to him on the step and linked her arm through his.

  “What’s going on, Joe?”

  “Maria’s real sick. Amy’s planning on moving back in with her.”

  “And you’re okay with that?”

  “Not really. But it’s what she wants, so I guess we ain't got much choice but to go along with it.”

  “How can you be sure this isn’t Maria getting up to her old tricks again?”

  “She’s not. I’ve seen her. She’s dying, Beth.”

  “Shit. I don’t know what to say.” She squeezed his arm. “It’s getting late. How about we go to bed. We can talk in the morning.”

  “You go on up. I’ll join you in a bit.”

  Sighing, she got to her f
eet. “Okay, don’t stay out here too long.”

  “I won't.”

  As she closed the door behind her, he pressed the cold bottle against his forehead and closed his eyes. He was shutting her out, and by doing that he was hurting her. But telling her how he felt would hurt her even more. He pulled out another cigarette and lit it, squinting at the sudden flash of light. He had no intention of going up to bed until he was sure she was asleep. It was cowardly, and he hated himself for it, but in all the years he’d known Beth he’d never lied to her, and she would push him to share his feelings. How could he tell his old lady that he was still in love with her sister? Maybe tomorrow, in the cold light of day, he’d feel differently and he’d be able to look her in the eye and say he felt nothing for Maria. That it was just the shock at seeing her so sick that had got him all bent out of shape. Yeah, that was it. He’d just have one more cigarette, then he’d go join his old lady. In the morning they would talk and everything would be just fine.

  As soon as he opened his eyes the following morning, he knew he’d been kidding himself. Carefully so as not to disturb Beth, he eased himself out of bed and headed for the shower. Maybe he could get out of the house before she or his mom woke.

  “Going somewhere, son?”

  “Thought I’d take a ride.” Joe gave his ma a tight smile and turned back towards the door.

  “Oh, I don’t think so. The coffee’s on. How about you sit down while I pour you a cup?”

  With a sigh, he did as he was told and watched as, leaning on her cane, she walked slowly across the kitchen and handed him his coffee. “Thanks, ma.”

  Sophia smiled and sat opposite him at the kitchen table. “So, you going to explain why you’re avoiding Beth like the plague? This is about Maria isn’t it?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Sure, you don’t.” She took a sip of her coffee. “Yesterday morning you and that girl of yours were all over each other like a couple of lovestruck teenagers. You get one call from Amy, drop everything, spend all day God knows where. Then when you finally come home you sit outside on the doorstep smoking—and you can pick those butts up, by the way—rather than joining her in bed. What’s going on, Joe?”

  “Maria’s sick.”

  “I thought as much the last time I saw her.”

  “You knew?”

  “I didn’t know, but I suspected.”

  Joe swallowed. “Amy wants to stay with her.”

  “Well I hope you shot that idea down in flames.”

  “How can I? Maria’s her mom.”

  “If you leave Amy with her, history will repeat itself.”

  “Amy’s a good kid.”

  “She’s a good kid because she’s got you and Beth reining her in. Take that away and I guarantee she will go the same way as her mother. You cannot let this happen.”

  “Amy needs this chance to reconnect with her mom. I don’t particularly like the idea, ma. But if Maria dies before she can do that.”

  “You really think that could happen? Maria is that sick?” She touched his hand as their eyes met. “Oh son, I’m so sorry, but you can’t let this get you all twisted up.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Sure, you are. Maria still has as much as a hold on you as she always did, and if you’re not careful she’s going to ruin what you and Beth have.”

  “Ain't gonna happen.”

  “It already has. You’re already avoiding Beth.”

  “That’s bullshit.” He stood and turned to leave. “I ain't listening to this.”

  “Joe Taylor. You stay right where you are.” Sophia hauled herself to her feet, pulled herself to her whole five foot nothing, and with her finger pointed at him advanced on her son. “This nonsense with Maria stops right now.”

  “And how do you propose I do that? How she makes me feel. You think I have any control over that? You think I want to love her?”

  “Oh Joe, none of what you feel for Maria is real. You don’t love who she is, you love who she was.” She poked him in the center of his chest. “Do not throw away your future for a ghost of the past.”

  Joe chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “Obviously I didn’t inherit your brains, Ma.”

  “I’m pretty sure you did, which is why you are going to turn round, walk up those stairs and make things right with Beth before you screw up your relationship beyond repair.”

  “You ain't gonna rest till I do, are you?”

  “No, I’m not.”

  Rolling his eyes, he turned and headed back up the stairs and, walking softly into the bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Joe?” Beth stirred as he ran his fingers through her hair. “Was beginning to think you’re avoiding me.”

  “Nah, just got a lot o’ noise in my head. I know we got things need talking about, but I wanted to get everything straight in my head first.”

  “We’re not just talking about Amy, are we?” When he didn’t answer, she sat up, the cover falling down, exposing her perfect tits. “Talk to me, Joe.”

  “I dunno what to say, girl.”

  “Shit, you still love her don’t you? After all this fucking time.” He reached out to touch her, but she pulled away. “Where does that leave me? Why put your mark on me if you still loved her? Why tell me you were done? Were you using me, is that it?”

  “Using you? What for?”

  “I don’t know.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m just trying to figure out why you’d lie to me.”

  “I’ve never lied to you Beth.”

  “So you don’t love Maria, you feel nothing for her at all.”

  “I love you.”

  “Answer the question, Joe. If you have any respect for me at all, you will tell me the truth.”

  “I have always respected you, Beth. And I swear on everything that I hold dear that when I told you me and M were done I was telling the truth. But after yesterday, shit, I don’t know. For the first time in years we sat and talked. No dramatics, no recriminations, just talked. And it just felt like old times, I guess.”

  “Did you fuck her?”

  “Jesus, Beth! No. Fuck! What do you take me for?” Abruptly he stood and started to pace around the small room. “You are my old lady, and I ain't gonna do anything to risk losing you.”

  “I don’t want to lose you either, but you have no idea what it’s like, knowing that you’ll never love me like you loved her.”

  “Beth.” He sat back down and took her hand. “I am gonna say this once. Whether you believe me or not is up to you. Me an’ Maria. That was some pretty intense shit, and I ain't gonna pretend that I never loved her, or that seeing her yesterday didn’t stir those old feelings up again. But that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I think you are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, you're smart, funny and sexy as hell. Shit, girl, you’re the only woman I’d ever considered putting my mark on.” He brought her fingers up to his lips. “No, I don’t love you like I loved her. But it ain't a matter of more or less. It’s just different.”

  As his mouth came crashing down on hers, taking her breath away and ending any possibility of further discussions on the matter, Beth realized that every word he had said was true. It had probably been the longest speech he had ever made. But as his rough hands made their way down her body and he positioned himself between her legs, his lips never leaving hers, she knew that this was how he expressed it best. Joe loved her, and always would.

  ~ oOo ~

  Beth sat in Sophia’s cluttered but comfy living room, waiting for Joe to return. He and Maria had taken Amy to the high school to get her registered, and although she wasn’t exactly thrilled at the idea, she had kept her opinions to herself. This wasn’t about her, it was about what was best for Amy.

  Sophia had been extremely vocal about what a bad idea she thought this was, and Beth was inclined to agree with her. Amy needed boundaries, and without them, she was going to find herself in all sorts of trouble. Sh
e could, however, also see Joe’s argument. This was the last chance for Amy and Maria to rebuild their relationship, and despite any misgivings any of them might have, it wasn’t fair to deny them that.

  She sighed; the house was too quiet. Sophia was at her day center, and with no distractions, all those old insecurities came bubbling back to the surface. Without even trying, Maria was coming between her and Joe. She had made it abundantly clear that while she would accept any help that he would offer,but as far as she was concerned, Beth was dead to her. That had hurt. A lot. Maria’s rejection of her was bad enough. But the fact that Joe had made no move to defend her was even worse.

  As the sound of his Harley split the air, she painted a smile on her face. If Joe decided it wasn’t her he wanted to be with, she’d make damned sure it wasn’t going to be because she’d turned into a needy, whining bitch. “Hey. How’d it go?”

  “Pretty good. Amy can start next Monday, and she’ll be assigned a mentor to help if there’s any areas she’s struggling with.”

  “That’s good. How’s Maria?”

  Joe shrugged as a look of pain flashed momentarily across his face and he turned away. Beth took a deep breath as another piece of her already fragile heart broke away. “Joe?” Tentatively, almost afraid of what she would see, she reached out and touched his arm.

  He turned back and pulled her into his arms. “I love you, Beth. Don’t you forget it.”

  “Doing my best, Joe.” Her arms snaked around his waist and she buried her face into his chest. “I love you, too.”

  ~ oOo ~

  Amy sat on the step blinking away her tears as the sound of Joe’s bike faded away into the distance. They’d had such a lovely day. She’d had lunch at Sophia’s and got to spend a few hours with Beth. Then in the evening Joe had taken her out on the bike. They had ridden for miles, just the two of them speeding along the little-used highways that snaked through the desert. It was unusual for him to ride this fast when she was riding with him, but Amy wasn’t afraid; Joe would never let anything happen to her. Eventually, though, he had pulled over and led her to a picnic area. For a while neither spoke; they just sat lost in their own thoughts, the only sound was the whispering of the wind and the singing of the birds. Amy examined the profile of the man she considered to be her father. He looked calm, serene almost. The only thing giving away what he was actually feeling was the tiniest tic in his cheek as his jaw clenched.