Tipping Point

by Maisie Johansson

  Rhetta blinked, willing away the tears that always threatened to fall when she thought about it. “I didn’t get out of bed for days. I even missed training the day after it happened. Every time I thought of the fact that I had lost her, I felt like I was going to vomit. I knew without a doubt that she was the love of my life and I had lost her. I saw the future in front of me and it was empty. No light. No love. Just: eat, sleep, work, repeat. That was it. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night for three whole months until I felt nothing but hollow.”

  When Rhetta looked back up at Perinnel, she could see how much she had scared her. It had been a dark time – the darkest in her life – but she needed Perinnel to understand the depth of her feelings for Caroline. She needed her to know what love felt like at its worst so that she would be able to recognise it at its best. Only the absence of something so truly wonderful could cause so much pain.

  “The worst part was when I heard that she had moved on right before we were called up to camp together. We were fighting for our spots in Olympic qualifying, but I knew that I had to fight for more than that. Football was meaningless without her and my spark was gone. I knew that the only shot that I had of making it, of having a gold medal around my neck in the summer, was to win her back.”

  Caroline cheered below her and Rhetta smiled, knowing that Caroline must have managed her holy grail of stone skipping – the magic ten skips.

  “She was kind. She tried to be my friend. We hung out and my game improved. By the end of the week I was feeling on top of the world on the pitch and I was sure that all I had to do was kiss her and she’d be mine again. But I was wrong. I kissed her and she gently pushed me away and shook her head, then held me as I cried. I sent her a letter when I heard that she hadn’t made the roster, begging for forgiveness and promising that I’d changed and that it would be different if she gave me another chance. I told her that I loved her more than anything and anyone and that if she gave me one last chance that I would give her the world.”

  Perinnel watched her with rapt attention, feeling as desperate for a happy ending as Rhetta must have been. It didn’t even register with her that she knew the ending. There was an engagement ring on Rhetta’s finger and the gossip amongst the team was that they would be married before the Olympics and that Rhetta would be pregnant as soon as they returned from Brazil. But Perinnel was stuck in the moment, transfixed by Rhetta’s pain and her own fear of rejection.

  “It was a week later that I tore my ACL and MCL. I cried myself to sleep when I found out at the hospital and when I woke up in the morning she was there.”

  …

  Pain radiated through Rhetta’s head and before her eyes even opened, she remembered the soul-crushing news that the doctor had given her the night before. Tears ran down her cheeks and she felt a warm hand squeeze hers in response.

  “R? Are you awake?”

  Rhetta’s eyes shot open at the familiar voice and when she saw Caroline sitting there by her bedside, the trickle of her tears turned into a flood. Caroline got up from her seat and – making sure not to jostle Rhetta’s leg – she took Rhetta into her arms and held her as she cried.

  Later, when the tears had finally stopped, Rhetta closed her eyes and murmured against Caroline’s neck, “This can’t be happening. Please tell me that this isn’t happening.”

  Caroline sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of Rhetta’s head. “I wish that I could, Princess, but I can’t. I can’t even promise that you’ll play again. What I can promise is that you are the strongest person I know. If anyone can come back from this, you can. I’ll be right by your side, R. Every step of the way. You’re going to get this fixed and then we are going to kick recovery’s ass, right?”

  Rhetta chuckled and sniffled at the same time. Suddenly anything seemed possible with Caroline by her side again. “Right.”

  …

  “She was so amazing,” Rhetta breathed, still so thankful for what Caroline had done for her during her recovery. “She was there for me every moment of every day. I put everything I had into my recovery and my relationship with Caroline. We weren’t back together, but I was determined to show her that everything I had promised her was true. I was absolutely honest with her. I told her everything I was feeling and she listened. It took her a while, but she eventually started confiding in me too. She told me that she had broken up with her new girlfriend right after our last camp. By the time I went back to Germany and she went back to the Flash, we were officially dating again. I made every effort that I could to keep our relationship alive. I initiated every call, every Skype. We spoke every day and finally we were at a place in our relationship that was even stronger than we had been before we broke up.”

  “What happened then?” Perinnel prompted when Rhetta paused a moment too long for her liking.

  “When the WPS folded, she told me that she couldn’t bear being on the opposite side of the world from me. I couldn’t believe it when she told me that she was in talks Duisburg. Once she moved to Germany, we saw each other as often as we could. Every day off, I would travel there or she would come to Frankfurt. It only took me two weeks after she moved to blurt out that I was in love with her, not that she didn’t already know that, and for the first time in a year she said it back. By the time we knew that the NWSL was happening, we had decided that if we got allocated to the same team, we would move in together. When it came to putting in our preferences, we both wrote the Spirit in all three of our spots.”

  …

  “Okay, on the count of three we both show the other what we’re written and we aren’t allowed to change our choices. Agreed?” Rhetta confirmed.

  “Agreed,” Caroline nodded.

  They were sat on Caroline’s bed in their pyjamas and hoodies, trying to save money by not putting on Caroline’s heating in any other room by her bedroom, despite the bitter German winter.

  “Okay. On the count of three. One. Two. Three.”

  They both held up their pieces of paper showing their top three NWSL team preferences, ranked from the team they wanted the most downwards.

  Rhetta gasped when she saw Caroline’s choices. “Caroline! I can’t believe you put Washington for all three of your choices. You cheated!”

  Caroline’s mouth fell open.

  “I cheated? I was sure that you would choose Washington as your first choice so I put it as all of mine to cover all bases. That’s not cheating. You cheated!” Caroline argued, pointing at Rhetta’s piece of paper which clearly read:

  1) You

  2) You

  3) You

  “In my defence, I thought that would be three different places,” Rhetta reasoned. “It’s not my fault that you put the same place three times.”

  “Yeah well…” Caroline floundered. “You put me three times and now I can’t think properly so I can’t defend myself so you’re not allowed to shout at me.”

  Rhetta laughed, crossing the bed on her knees until she could kiss Caroline’s pouting lips. “Shut up and kiss me, will you? We’re having a moment here!”

  Caroline’s pout faded into a sly smile and she pushed back against Rhetta’s advance, forcing her down onto the bed. “Oh don’t worry, we’re going to have a moment alright.”

  …

  “And you lived happily ever after?” Perinnel asked with a smile.

  Rhetta grinned. “Pretty much. So, what about you? What’s got you asking about Caroline and me?”

  Perinnel sighed and looked away. “I’m pretty sure that I’m in love with Lavender.”

  Rhetta smiled. She wasn’t surprised. Their elevator ride that morning had made her wonder if Perinnel was holding a flame for the left back. “Are you pretty sure or do you know?”

  “I know,” Perinnel said quietly.

  “I wasn’t trying to put you off by telling you about the bad times between Caroline and me, but you need to keep them in mind. Being in love isn’t easy. It’s even harder when you’re in love with a teammate on the Nati
onal Team and spend the rest of your time playing miles and miles away from them,” Rhetta explained.

  “I know.”

  Rhetta bumped their shoulders together. “Then I think that you should go for it.”

  Perinnel’s eyes brightened. “Really?!”

  Rhetta giggled. “Really. I know that girls like me and you aren’t the best at making the first move but just flirt with her. Touch her when you’re talking, bite your lip, invade her space, gaze into her eyes. If she feels something back then she’ll go for it.”

  “You think?”

  “I’ve had years of practice of winding Caroline around my little finger. I don’t just think, I know.” As she said it, Rhetta saw Caroline making her way back up the cliff with a smooth, shiny pebble in her hand and her hair dripping with seawater. “Just don’t forget that she’ll be winding you around her own little finger at the same time.”

  And with that she got up and ran the rest of the way to her fiancée, leaping into her arms when she reached her.

  “What was that for?” Caroline asked with a chuckle as she set Rhetta back down on the grass.

  “Nothing,” Rhetta hummed. “Perinnel and I were just having a chat, and I was reminiscing about me and you.”

  Caroline smiled and leaned in for a kiss, letting Rhetta taste the salt water on her lips. Then she remembered the pebble in her hand.

  “Oh, I almost forgot,” she said, holding out the pebble for Rhetta to take. “I skipped this baby fifteen times and it was so pretty that I had to dive into the ocean and get it back so that I could give it to you.”

  Rhetta’s nose crinkled in a smile at the adorableness of it all and she gave Caroline another kiss. “Thank you baby, it’s beautiful.”

  “Turn in over,” Caroline said eagerly and as she said it, Rhetta realised how much it looked like the pebble that Caroline had given her a couple of months before. The pebble from the beach that she had proposed on.

  When she turned it over, Rhetta saw that it said:

  “You have always been my rock. I hope that you will let me always be yours.”

  Rhetta’s eyes prickled with tears when she read the heartfelt message. She looked up into Caroline’s beautiful eyes and nodded. “Always, baby. You and me, forever. I promise.”

  Caroline leant their foreheads together and swiped her broad thumb over Rhetta’s pink cheek. “It’s a good job I eventually found it then, huh?”

  “You actually threw this one into the water?” Rhetta asked incredulously.

  “I thought that it would be easier to find than it was,” Caroline admitted. “Apparently the waves move pebbles around.”

  “Really?” Rhetta giggled. “Well, at least you learned something. Want to know what I learned? I learned that I am very, very lucky that I get to marry you.”

  Caroline smiled and wrapped her arms around Rhetta’s waist. “Not as lucky as me, babe. Not as lucky as me.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

  Rhetta was cold. No, not cold – freezing.

  It was 1 am and the room around her was cold and dark. She sat on her bed, a blanket around her shoulders and her blessedly warm laptop open on her crossed legs. The light from the screen made the rest of the room seem almost impossibly black, tricking her mind into seeing flashes of movement in her peripheral vision. Logically, she knew that only a few feet away Vanessa was sleeping peacefully, her whisper quiet snores breaking the silence in which no one and nothing else moved. But that was hard for Rhetta to make herself believe when the room was so very unsettlingly black.

  And she was cold. Stupidly, infuriatingly cold.

  “Stupid Nessa,” she muttered as she scrolled through yet another page of uninspiring dresses by an uninspiring designer. “Stupid air conditioning.”

  She could turn the temperature up. Vanessa was out like a light so Rhetta was pretty sure that she wouldn’t notice. But to turn up the temperature she would have to get to the control panel. The control panel that was all the way over on the other side of the room. The control panel that she would have to leave her blanket for. Her feet would have to touch the cold, cold carpet. But then she would get warmer. It was truly a dilemma.

  It was as Rhetta debated this for the hundredth time, a series of beeps sounded in the darkness so suddenly that Rhetta nearly threw her laptop clear out of her lap.

  That would be a hard one to explain to Caroline.

  Sorry, baby, we have to go back to the Apple store. Your 30-year-old fiancée is scared of the dark.

  “Why are you wearing a blanket?” came Vanessa’s sleep-scratchy voice. “And why are you awake at 1 am when we have to be at breakfast at 7 am?”

  Rhetta contemplated throwing the laptop at her. She knew that Caroline wouldn’t blame her.

  “Because you like to sleep in stupidly cold rooms and weddings are stupid. Also World Cups. They’re-”

  “Stupid?” Vanessa guessed.

  “Shut up. It’s 1 am and I’m freezing.” Rhetta grumbled, her eyes flicking to the bedside clock and her treacherous mind instantly calculating how many hours she had until she needed to get up.

  Vanessa sighed and there was a clicking of a switch before the world was illuminated.

  “Why are weddings stupid?” Vanessa asked tiredly, her eyes slitted against the light.

  “Because I want it to be perfect and every dress in the world sucks.” Rhetta pouted.

  Vanessa smiled knowingly. “Don’t even get me started. I swear that I’ve tried on a hundred so far and none of them are right.”

  “Don’t even get me started on how hard planning a wedding is when you’re never in the same time zone for more than a few days,” Rhetta grumbled, smiling slightly as she realised that Vanessa was probably the only person on the team who understood how she felt right now. Well, apart from Caroline. But Rhetta really needed to talk to someone else about this.

  Vanessa sat up and immediately pulled the covers up over herself to ward off the cold. Rhetta glared at her. Sure, now Vanessa was cold.

  “Is Caro not helping with everything?” Vanessa asked as she made her way across the room to turn up the temperature. When she got back to her bed she turned off the light and settled back under the covers.

  “Yeah, she’s- she’s trying. It’s just…” Rhetta sighed, knowing how stupid what she was about to say sounded. “I kind of want it to be a surprise for her.”

  Despite the fact that Rhetta once again couldn’t see Vanessa, Rhetta had a pretty good idea of what the look she was getting looked like.

  “You remember that she proposed to you, right? She knows you’re getting hitched.”

  Rhetta rolled her eyes and whined. “Not the whole thing, dork. Just some of the details. Her proposal was perfect. It was everything that I’ve ever dreamed of. I just want to give her something back. I want to give her a perfect day full of surprises. I want to find the perfect dress that will make her knees go weak and pick the perfect first dance song that will make her heart melt when she hears it. I just want to give her the fairytale that she’s always given me.”

  “I don’t want to put words into your woman’s mouth, Morsten, but I’m pretty sure that marrying you is her fairytale,” Vanessa said softly.

  Rhetta smiled in the darkness, her body finally relaxing. “You think so?”

  * * *

  Though sleep eventually came for Rhetta, it was short lived. By 4.30am, she was wide awake and just about ready to cry from frustration. And Rhetta never cried. Not unless something was really wrong or really right.

  As time ticked on, Rhetta took solace in her cell. She flicked through her photos, finding a few that Caroline had sneakily took and smiling at the dorkiness of her fiancée. Knowing that Caroline always turned her phone onto silent overnight, Rhetta felt no guilt at sending her a quick message just in case she too had camp insomnia.

  Can’t sleep. L Miss you. Xxx

  Not even a minute later her phone lit up with a reply.

  Not as much as I miss yo
u. Want to watch the sunrise with me? Xxx

  Rhetta’s stomach fluttered at Caroline’s characteristically soppy reply and a smile broke out on her face as she typed her reply.

  You’re perfect! Yes please! What should I bring? Xxx

  It was only a second before Caroline’s reply came through.

  Just your beautiful self. I’ll message you when I get to your room. See you soon, babe. Xxx

  When Caroline’s message arrived, Rhetta slipped giddily out of the hotel room dressed in her favourite Nike hoody (well, Caroline’s favourite Nike hoody), with her fluffy bed sock-clad feet shoved into a worn pair of Nike sneakers.

  As soon as Rhetta stepped into the warm air of the corridor, Caroline wrapped her up in a tight, comforting hug, her arms slung low around Rhetta’s waist. Rhetta sighed into the hug, feeling the weariness and tension leave her body as she melted into Caroline’s embrace. After the longest time she finally pulled out of Caroline’s arms and looked up to see her fiancée’s eyes were puffy and bloodshot from sleep.

  “Caro! Why didn’t you put your phone on silent? I didn’t mean to wake you,” Rhetta scolded, guilt pulling her eyes to the floor.

  “Hey,” Caroline soothed, rubbing her hands up and down Rhetta’s arms. “Do you really think that I would rather be asleep than here with you?”

  Rhetta smiled shyly. “I guess not.”

  “Then you’d guess right, Princess,” Caroline said sassily, a hand on her hip to make Rhetta giggle. “Now come on, let’s not miss that sunrise.”

  They made their way back towards Caroline’s room hand in hand. Caroline opened the door and put a finger to her lips, signalling Rhetta to be quiet as they crept passed a sleeping Charlie and into the warm night air of the balcony.