by Soraya Lane
Her body still thrummed with tension as he slipped off her underwear, but she forced herself to enjoy his touch. She couldn’t help but stiffen when he kissed first one breast then the other, his fingers gliding softly over her skin.
“See, they’re beautiful, just like I knew they’d be,” he whispered. “Just like the rest of you.”
Jessica finally relaxed into his touch, closed her eyes and sighed as his hands explored her body.
Tonight was about feeling good and enjoying herself. Losing herself in the moment. All this time she’d been terrified of showing someone her new body shape, worried what the reaction would be and if she’d even want to be intimate again.
But this—this was what she’d needed. To feel loved and wanted by a man like Ryan. A man who made her feel like she was the most beautiful woman in the world, like he truly wanted her.
Even if it was only just for tonight. Or until he went away again. Because if the light had been on, she could have looked into his eyes and seen his honesty, his integrity. Yet what she couldn’t see in his eyes, she could feel in his touch.
When Ryan inched his way back up her body and started to kiss her again, she pushed away her barriers, made herself think of nothing but the way he was touching her. The way his fingers felt against her skin, and the way his lips brushed hers in a motion she’d never tire of.
If this wasn’t heaven, then she didn’t know what was.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Dear Jessica,
It’s funny, now I know I’m coming home for sure and that we’re going to meet. I should have asked you for a photo, but then we probably don’t look like either of us expects.
You know, I’ve enjoyed this life for so long, but now the thought of coming back and sleeping in a comfortable bed, of not having to get up at the crack of dawn, sounds pretty appealing. I can hardly imagine what it will be like not to be with my unit, here in the desert, because it’s been so long. But I’m sure looking forward to meeting you.
I’ll see you soon.
Ryan
RYAN WOKE WITH a smile on his face. It had been a long while since he’d woken up grinning, but then it had also been a long time since his arm had been taken captive by a beautiful woman.
Jessica lay in the crook of his arm, face turned into him, cheek against the edge of his chest. Her mouth was slightly parted, her long hair falling over his skin and spilling out onto the white pillow.
He didn’t move, hardly let himself even breathe. Ryan could have stayed there forever, watching her. Content in what had happened between them. In the way his trip home had turned out after so many months of dreading it, after years of denying himself the luxury of returning. Of putting up barriers and refusing to confront what he’d left.
When he’d promised his son that this tour of duty would be his last, it had been a decision he’d made as a father.
But now? Deep down, he knew that part of that decision had been influenced by how he felt about Jessica. He wanted to come back for his son, but he also wanted more from this woman lying in his arms. Part of his decision had been because he wanted a real chance at making a future with her, too.
And that meant he had to let her in. A week ago, he’d have never thought it possible, but now he wanted to open up to her. To tell her the final chapter he’d kept behind lock and key from everyone but himself until now.
Jessica stirred. He shifted his body to face her, looking at her face as she started to wake.
Her eyes opened slowly, fluttered, then her head dropped slightly as she realized he was watching her.
“Hey, you,” he whispered, stroking his thumb across her cheek.
She smiled, but he could tell she was shy. “Hey.”
Her voice was so low he only just heard her.
“What do you say I rustle up something for breakfast?” he offered.
She tucked her head down and snuggled against him, hair tickling his chest as she buried into his body and pulled the comforter farther over them in the process.
Jess planted a kiss to his collarbone and sighed into his skin.
He lay with her in his arms for a few minutes then dropped a kiss to the top of her head and wriggled back.
His stomach growled. Loud.
“As much as I want to stay like this, I think my body needs some fuel.”
Jess laughed and rolled over.
“What’s so funny?”
He propped himself up and looked down at her. She was still trying to hide from him, face partially covered, but she didn’t look nervous any longer.
“Jess?”
She groaned then turned back toward him. “I probably shouldn’t tell you, in case you change your mind.”
He raised an eyebrow and watched her.
She groaned again. “You’re the first guy to offer me breakfast in bed, okay?” She let her eyes meet his. “Here I was worried you’d make an excuse and bolt, and instead you offer to feed me.”
Ryan leaned forward to kiss her, brushing the hair from her face so he could see her better. He liked that her trademark pink blush was starting to cover her cheeks again.
“I don’t recall saying anything about breakfast in bed exactly, but it can be arranged. Although if I remember correctly, you never actually gave me dessert last night.”
She responded by pushing him away and throwing a pillow at him. He caught it and grinned.
“Okay, okay! Your wish is my command.”
He stood up and walked across the room. Most of his clothes were in a heap near the foot of the bed, but it was her silk robe hanging on the back of the door that caught his eye.
“Mind if I borrow this?” He plucked it from the hanger and held it up.
Jessica was blushing all over again but she nodded, sitting up with the sheet clutched to her chest.
He grinned and put it on, just managing to secure the pink satin with the flimsy tie. It barely covered him but it made her smile, laugh even, and right now he’d do anything to see those lips of hers upturned, those chocolate-brown eyes sparkling.
Even if he did have to make a fool of himself.
He was about to turn around and make a joke when he heard a phone ringing. “Yours?”
She shook her head. “Nope. Your cell?”
It was his. He took off down the stairs and looked around for where he’d left it. Nowhere. He scanned the room and found it just as it stopped ringing.
When he flipped it open he saw he’d missed a few calls. All from the same number.
Ryan gulped.
His parents. Or his son. He hoped everything was okay. After so long being used to only thinking about himself, he should have at least phoned to tell them he wasn’t going to make it home last night. Not that his parents would be worried, but George might be. He was going to have to change his habits if he was going to gain George’s trust again.
He hit redial.
“Hello.”
His son picked up almost immediately.
“Hey, George, it’s your dad.”
There was silence for a moment, before his son cleared his throat.
“I thought something had happened to you.”
Ryan felt as though someone had reached into his chest and stuck a knife through his heart. If he was going to get this dad business sorted, he was going to have to start acting like a father, not a bachelor with no responsibilities.
“I, ah, ended up staying at a friend’s place. I should have phoned.”
There was silence on the other end.
“George?”
“Are you coming home soon?”
Ryan looked down at the pink robe, at his hairy legs poking out, and then turned to look at the stairs. He wanted to see his son, to be there for him, but he also didn’t want to hurt Jess, and if he left now she’d think he’d used her. That he was as bad as the last guy who’d clearly broken her heart by not caring enough.
She deserved better than that. But then so did his son.
“I’m
going to be a bit longer.” He paused, cringing at the silence down the line. “But I’ll be home soon, then we should grab some lunch, okay?”
“Yeah.”
Ryan hated the way he felt when George hung up. Like he was being torn in two different directions. Yanked one way in his heart, then the other.
He sighed and put down the phone. Fifteen minutes ago he’d been on cloud nine, had felt like everything was going to work out perfectly, and now he was all messed up in his head again. He needed to do something to make things right, and that might mean talking to his boy about Jessica. Somehow.
“Is everything okay?”
Ryan turned to find Jessica standing nearby. He was pleased he’d put down the phone because it would have dropped from his hand and hit the floor.
She was wearing his T-shirt and what looked like nothing else. It only covered her down to the top of her thighs, and she had her ankles crossed, legs together, hair all mussed up and falling around her face. She must have found it while he was on the phone, which meant he’d missed seeing her walk into the room naked.
“Ryan?”
He realized he was standing there like an idiot, mouth hanging open. Her face was like an open question mark, eyes showing her confusion. He didn’t like it. He liked what he saw, her big brown eyes watching him, so much skin on show apart from what was hidden beneath his shirt, but he hated that she was unsure of him.
Ryan crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her, smiling as he realized that she now smelled like his cologne. He kissed her neck, then her cheek, then her lips, hands buried in her hair.
“Everything is fine.”
She pressed her face against his chest, fingers teasing his bare skin where her dressing gown didn’t stretch enough to cover him.
“So where’s breakfast then?”
He growled and slapped her bottom. Jess shrieked and jumped away from him.
“Any more naughty business and I’ll take a photo of you like that,” she threatened.
He followed her across the room, teasing her. “Oh, really?”
She giggled, darting away, one hand holding down his T-shirt. He couldn’t help but smile at her modesty. After the night they’d just had, here she was still innocent enough not to want him to see her bare in the daylight.
When she moved again he pounced, grabbing her wrists and pinning her against the wall.
“You win.” She wriggled but didn’t put up much of a fight.
Ryan held her, restrained her, taking the chance to kiss her before backing away.
“If I win, that means I get a prize.”
He let go of her wrists and walked into the kitchen, taking a look in the pantry. Jess followed him, but she stopped to fill the jug.
“Coffee? That can be your reward.”
He shook his head, reaching for a loaf of bread and the maple syrup.
“French toast?” he asked.
Jessica nodded.
“And my prize is that you say yes to lunch with me today.”
She leaned back against the counter, eyes slanted slightly like she didn’t believe him. “What’s the catch?”
“My son’s joining us.”
Jessica gulped and watched Ryan’s face. He wasn’t kidding.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
He looked around. “Eggs?”
She went to the fridge and pulled out a tray, still waiting for him to respond.
Ryan nodded, but she could tell he was teetering on being unsure about it.
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not, to be honest. But I’m not here long and I don’t want to feel torn between the two of you. I want to enjoy you both and that means not keeping us a secret.”
Us. She took a silent, deep breath.
She had no idea what that even meant. What they even were to one another. Last night had only further complicated her jumbled thoughts.
This was supposed to be fun, something casual, but it was starting to feel a whole lot more serious than that.
“When you say us…”
Ryan looked up as he cracked eggs into a dish.
“Jess, you mean a lot to me.” He paused, before opening a drawer and reaching in and rummaging, emerging with the whisk. “I want George to know how much you helped me when I was away, and I don’t know why I should have to keep that a secret. If I’m going to make things right with him, I need to be honest. About everything. And I think it might help to open up to him.”
Okay. That sounded better. More like introducing her as a good friend.
“So when I meet him you’ll tell him we’re…”
He smiled. “Close friends.”
Right. “I just don’t want you to push it with him. If he thinks I’m your girlfriend it might make things difficult for you.”
Ryan dipped the first slice of bread into the bowl and gave her one of his double-wattage grins.
“I’m not going to make this difficult for him. But I have to be honest about what’s going on in my life if I want him to let me back in. Trust me again. I’ll talk to him beforehand, explain myself so he understands.” He paused. “I’m doing this for him. If I thought it wouldn’t be the right thing for him, I wouldn’t even suggest it.”
Jessica sighed. She knew what he meant, she just wasn’t convinced, personally, that his son was ready to meet her.
“Do you have any fruit?”
Jessica moved back to the fridge again. He seemed set on them meeting, and she wasn’t going to hurt his feelings by saying no to the lunch. But she hadn’t missed the look on George’s face the other day, and something told her it might not be the right thing to do. Even if Ryan was doing his best to evade her questions right now, they had to tread carefully.
But he sure was good at changing the subject. “Go back up to bed,” Ryan told her, pausing and leaning toward her to plant a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll bring breakfast up when it’s ready.”
Ryan watched as Jessica’s fingers played across his chest as they lay side by side. Breakfast had been started and then somehow quickly forgotten about, but he wasn’t complaining.
He sighed as she snuggled in closer to him.
“What?”
Ryan propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at her. She was so beautiful it took his breath away. So innocent and giving, so kind.
He wasn’t sure if this was the right time to bring this up, but he needed to tell her. Needed to be real with her, be honest if they were going to have a chance at that future he was starting to think about.
“I’m scared, Jess.”
She tucked even closer into him and kissed his jaw. “Why? What do you have to be scared of?”
He tried not to frown. He had everything to be scared of. That was the problem.
“Because part of me wonders if I can do this being a normal person thing. I don’t know if I can forget what I’ve seen, and forget what I’ve thought and just be a human being again.”
“You’ve always been a human being, Ryan. You’ve just seen things that most of us would be too scared to confront,” she said.
“Sometimes I wonder if being in the army, serving overseas, takes the humanity from you and makes you into some sort of machine. It stops you from feeling, it makes it okay to just treat each day as a new opportunity. But in real life, you need to look back, too. You need to remember.”
“See this?” Jessica let her fingers dance along his cheek to wipe at a tear. “This makes you human.”
He smiled, just, from the corner of his mouth on one side.
She kissed his lips, softly, so he could only just feel it. He leaned forward as she pulled away.
“That makes you human, too.” She rolled over and reached inside her bedside table and pulled out a letter. “See this?”
He would recognize it anywhere. One of the letters he’d sent her. “You kept them?”
“Every one. My drawer is full of them.”
He reached for it but she pulled it
away and tucked it back again.
“I don’t even know which letter that was, or why it was on the top of the pile, but those letters? Each one told me you were a man who knew how to love and how to lose. That you were a man who could help save our country, who could help his men, and now here you are at home trying to be a man and a dad and a civilian.”
“And?”
“And now I know that you can do it.”
“Why?”
She pressed her face into his chest. He had no idea why she had so much faith in him, but it gave him a strength he’d worried he didn’t have.
“Because now you’re helping me and it’s working,” she told him, her voice muffled by his skin.
He smiled and puller her closer. “You do know that whatever I’m not sure about, whatever I’m worried about, doesn’t mean I’m not absolutely sure about what’s happening between us, right?”
Jessica sighed as she lay in his arms.
Ryan nudged at her breast with his finger, circling over her skin and tracing back up to her face. It was as if he couldn’t stop touching her, and she felt the same about him.
One day he’d ask her about her scars, what had led to her cosmetic surgery, but he didn’t care. Plenty of women enhanced their breasts, and she had obviously had her reasons.
“You’re my second chance, Jessica.”
She pulled up so her head was resting on her hand, propped by the pillow. “I wasn’t aware you needed a second chance.”
He needed to tell her now. Take that step to let her in completely. “You’re my chance to make things right.”
“It wasn’t your fault your wife died, Ryan.”
He smiled, sadly. He hoped she’d understand. “No, but I didn’t love her like she deserved to be loved. She was my best friend in school, and I loved her like only a best friend can.”
He didn’t say what he really wanted to. Tell her how he felt right now. Because it seemed too soon, too fast.