by Martha Long
The lovely-lookin mammy, satisfied they all wanted te know wha happened next, took in a deep breath an fixed her hands holdin them together restin in her lap an said, ‘He opened the mouth an slowly, very slowly,’ she said, openin her mouth wide flappin the tongue wit the words snappin, givin them a very evil-lookin stare. ‘Then he let himself fall back until he was hangin down dead, collapsed stone-cold dead all over again. Stretchered the width a the bed he was, legs an feet danglin one side, head, neck an arms the other. An wha was worse?’ she said, askin the question but ready te give the answer.
‘No, wha?’ they all whispered together, tryin te take in wha she already told them.
She waited until they woke up an said again, ‘Wha? No, wha?’ Then she looked around te see who else may be listenin, but didn’t see me wit the curtain wrapped around me. I was hidin meself not te be easily picked out an get in trouble.
‘The only thing standin straight as a poker now, was the thing between his …’
But I didn’t get te hear the rest, because she dropped her voice too low fer me te catch it. Then she lifted herself straightenin, takin in a huge deep breath wit the mouth clamped, an said, ‘Huge it was!’ She breathed, starin wit the remembrance not able te get over it. ‘Huge!’ she repeated. ‘You never saw the like, an I doubt I ever will again! Imagine wha tha would do te ye,’ she asked, takin in a slow snort lookin ragin at the idea.
There was a terrible silence then, an they all stared at each other shakin their heads an lookin very shocked.
Then without warnin they erupted inta screams a laughin, roarin their heads slappin an pullin each other until they ran outa strength an just fell wit their heads in their laps. Then the red-haired woman lifted her skirt an started wipin her drippin nose wit the inside a the hem, sayin, ‘I don’t know, but it sounds te me like tha could a been the cure fer all women’s ills. Dip a tha now would do me good. All I’m offered is brewer’s droop!’
Then they erupted again, this time spittin out huge sprays a porter an spillin their glasses a stuff all over themself an each other.
‘Me pipe, me smoke! Is it broke? Where is it?’
‘Mind it’s burnin the feckin skirt a me!’
They shouted an shifted, liftin up an laughin. Shakin themselves te dry out the wet, then spillin more wit bottles a porter. I would a lovin te know wha was great gas te make them laugh like tha. I moved away wit a ready smile on me face.
I would like te be able te laugh like them again, I thought, puttin me hands out an gently pushin me way through the packs, tryin te ease me way makin fer the scullery. ‘But now I’m tryin te get me stuff,’ I muttered, gettin suffomacated wit people’s smelly arses shiftin an turnin, then settlin pressed inta me face. I stopped pushin an whisperin ‘excuse me’s’, an suddenly roared wit pain, ‘GER OFFA ME, ALL A YOUSE! YE’RE STANDIN ON ME TOES! Let me get pass, move out the way! Gimme room!’ I shouted, puttin out me hands pushin an shovin a gang of aul fellas. They were standin wit drink in their hands talkin te other aul fellas wit big roarin red faces from sittin be the fire. They had managed te grab tha spot by gettin there first.
I got stood on again, an screamed as pain squeezed the life outa me. Some aul fella was just after stampin his cobnail boot straight down, on me bare foot.
‘Me foot! Me foot! You broke me foot!’ I shouted pushin an aul fella, then grabbin up me foot holdin onta the tail a his coat te keep me standin.
‘Wha? Wha’s goin on?’ he muttered, whirlin himself an me around, spillin stout down me neck sayin, ‘Wha the fuck? Who’s under me way?’
People moved an I let go, hoppin meself through the gap makin fer the scullery.
The place was crowded wit aul ones, grannies. They were all gathered in a heap standin the width an length a the scullery, drinkin smokin an lookin like they were tellin each other terrible happenins. Tha’s wha ye do at wakes. Tell stories about things tha happened te you, or yer granny told ye, or ye heard other people talk. An it’s mostly about dead people, corpses an things an happenins at other wakes.
I pushed me way through, wit no one lookin down gettin bothered at me. I managed te squeeze me way inta the wash trough, wantin te maybe climb up there on the drainin board, then I could get a clear look at the ceilin an grab hold a me things.
Me eyes peeled along the wooden drainin board seein it heavin wit empty an half-filled porter bottles, glasses a black stout an wrinkled old hands. They were holdin an strokin the glasses an bottles a stout like they were babbies, all givin an gettin great comfort. Ah it’s covered wit stuff, an even the wash trough is choked wit dirty Delft waitin te be washed. Then I heard a voice in the crowd I recognized. I lifted me head an squeezed through, tryin te push in te get a look.
‘Collapsed on the job he did, out cold he went, after six goes an me stripped naked, in me skin I was!’ moaned Nellie, lookin large as life an ugly as sin me mammy calls it. She says tha when someone appears back, an they after supposed te be at death’s door.
I stared, she looked grand, she was sittin in the corner the only one wit a chair an everyone else leanin themself against the wall, or the rest, leanin in holdin each other up.
‘An wha about him? Was he, ye know?’ an aul one whispered, noddin her head in the direction a Nellie’s belly, then chewin like mad wit her gums knockin. It was all the excitement of hearin a terrible story.
‘Ohhh now, wha do you think?’ she complained, givin them all a dirty look. ‘Buck naked te the skin the day he was borned, only now the length a him covered in hair, it grew everywhere! An the first sight wit we in the bed, all I could see was a black hairy ape. It was like strokin a blanket! Oh Jesus, got an awful let-down I did, thought I’d gone an landed meself wit a bleedin gorilla! But to get back te me sorry story—’
‘Yeah go on, we’re dyin te hear!’ said the gummy aul one, leavin down her pipe wit it still lettin out the smoke an liftin up a sambidge, takin a huge bite, then a sup a porter.
‘Ye see, it was all the excitement a the weddin night! Not te mention the barrel a porter he poured down his gullet. Too much ye know! It was all too much fer him, he had wore himself out,’ moaned Nellie, shakin her head rememberin back te tha terrible time. ‘So it ended wit me gettin buried, an why?’ she asked everyone, lookin from one te the other.
They all shook their head not knowin.
‘I’ll tell you why,’ she said, as if warnin them never te make the same mistake. ‘When it was over, ye know! The other thing.’ Then she mouthed something, wit her eyes dancin te the words. ‘Well it must a been! I got nothin out of it! He collapsed paralytic on top a me! An when I tried te move I discovered we were stuck together,’ she mouthed, sayin it in a loud whisper, not seein me earwiggin wit me mouth open as everyone leaned in te catch wha she said.
‘Me predicamentation was now somethin shockin. Sure we had only a sheet thrown across the middle a the room te give us the privatezy. An wha happens? I’m now lyin there plastered te the mattress wit his wick like a red-hot poker still stuck up me, me diddies stretched an ripped when I try te move, our bare skins sweaty an dryin inta each other. I was in shockin order! Oh somethin cruel it was, an knowin me whole family, me ma an da was in the next bed thinkin I was enjoyin meself no end. Pantin an cryin I was, oh great excitement I must be gettin they thinkin. No such thing!’ she said, lookin at them wit terrible regret. ‘Wha was I te do? The thing between his you know wha, “How’s yer father!” never let the air out, never went down! He didin’t care. Out cold he was splattered on top a me, an me not able te breathe!’ she roared, lookin at the aul ones like it was their fault.
‘For fuck sake I was cursed. By the time he dragged himself loose I was screamin the roof down! Couldn’t walk fer months!’ she keened, lettin her eyes hang outa her head.
They stared wit the mouths hangin down te their belly buttons an the eyeballs restin on their cheeks.
‘Crushed te near death, thought me end had come!’ she whispered, droppin her head lookin very sad.
&n
bsp; I stared, wonderin wha could a happened? Why were they showin their skins together? I think tha’s one a the sins the nun at school told us about. Tha was when we was gettin learned our prayers an all the sins ye have te save up an remember te tell the priest in Confession. So mammies an daddies must be terrible sinners if they get in their skin an look at each other! Oh ye go te hell fer tha!
I moved away fast knowin the aul ones would kill me if they saw I’d been earwiggin all them sins. Where’s me coat an all me stuff? I need te get them. I leaned me neck back tryin te see up te where me clothes is. But I couldn’t see anythin, the line was empty. Someone must a taken them down.
‘Oh Mammy! I hope they wasn’t robbed!’ No! People don’t do tha, they never rob stuff Mammy said. The people tha live around here are very honest she says, shakin her head makin tha definite an thinkin how good everyone is. They must be put somewhere, but where? An where is everyone gettin their food te eat? Tha’s all made-up stuff, someone got tha ready.
I pushed outa the scullery an wriggled me way through the crowds a bodies, tryin te find where they got the big feeds a grub. The table tha sits in the middle a the sittin room is gone. I wonder where tha is? I thought, just as I came right up to it.
‘Here! Do you want a sandwich, love?’ a little fat woman said, lookin at me wit a big smile on her face.
‘Yeah,’ I said noddin me head, lookin at wha she had on her chest. She was wearin a grey apron wrapped around her waist an a brown jumper wit a pile a miraculous medals hangin down, they were danglin like mad. I watched them swingin when she moved, they flew, gettin battered when they hit her big chest then took off swingin again. I could watch them doin tha all day, but the starvation hunger got the better a me.
‘Here! Is tha too much, or have you a hunger on ye fer more?’ she said, handin me two thick cuts a loaf bread, wit a lump a cheese stuck in the middle.
‘No! I’ve a big hunger on me. I’ll have more if ye don’t mind thanks please, missus!’ I said, puttin out me hand an grabbin the plate, just in case she changed her mind an handed it te the aul one come up beside me.
‘Here I’ll take tha one!’ said the aul biddy, puttin out her hand te take my cheese sambidge, then lettin her black shawl fall loose an open, showin the bottles a porter, bread an a lump a meat hidden inside the shawl.
‘No this is mine!’ I said, holdin it away from her. Then I turned back to the little fat woman, sayin, ‘An can I have maybe four more sambidges, missus, please? An do ye have any biscuits, or maybe a bit a cake?’ I said lookin up at her then along the table, hopin I’d get lucky.
‘Well now, me little chicken. I think your eyes are bigger than yer belly! How about if I give you a bacon sandwich, wit two more cuts a bread? Would tha do ye?’
‘Listen! Never mind tha young one. She’s just chancin her arm wit wantin te clean the place out!’ snorted the aul biddy, pushin her arms up te stop the stuff from fallin down, all the lovely things she’d hidden under the shawl.
‘Ah now, Maryanne, I don’t think you’ll do much starvin, not judgin be the big bulk on ye there stickin outa yer chest! God, you put on an awful lot a weight since ye came through tha door. An tha’s, wha? Only about four hour ago!’
‘Is tha right now?’ snapped the aul biddy, givin a big sniff lookin disgusted wit the insult. ‘Well you shouldn’t be worryin yerself about me, or fer tha matter wha’s been handed out here in this place, it’s not comin outa your pocket, is it?’ the biddy snorted, narrowin her nose an lookin up an down the table, then landin it back on the fat woman, sniffin like she was gettin a bad smell.
‘Some people were let loose wit a shop an it’s gone te their head. Power mad they’ve gone, thinkin they’re now moneyed! Listen, Deena Maypole, I’ve known you since you ran around them streets wit not even a pair a knickers te call yer own! So don’t be talkin about me like I’m a beggar, or worse! A robber! Now, I will take it you’re sorry fer yer big misunderstandin a me, an you want te now make it up te me. So, you can give me a share of whatever ye have hidden away there fer yerself an yer cronies. Now, would ye mind givin us a few a them biscuits you have hidden there on the chair, under the table?’
‘No, they’re not fer givin out,’ the little fat woman said shakin her head, then givin it another long shake when the biddy stared, wit her mouth open.
‘Wha? So you are plannin on keepin them fer yerself? Now why wouldn’t I be surprised tha you are not standin behind tha counter fer the good a yer health. An doin wha? Te make yerself look important! Stand there the whole a the afternoon slappin a bit a butter on the bread. Now ye think you own the whole kaboodle, shop, house, the lot! Is him next door the coffin maker not enough fer ye?’
‘Oh, so ye saw me help out the poor man? Oh, you may sneer all you like, Maryanne Morrissey, but wha goes around comes around an fer your badness you may yet get your—’
‘Excuse me!’ I said, interruptin the fat woman in the middle a havin her row. ‘But can I have me four sambidges an me cake an biscuits, please? An can ye give me a hot mug a tea te go wit tha?’
The fat woman stared at me, then threw her eye at the biddy an turned away lookin like she was too good te talk te the like a tha aul biddy then smiled at me. ‘Sure why not? Are you the poor orphan tha lost her mammy not even two weeks gone, an you not a livin soul left te mind you?’ she said, lookin back at the biddy like she now knew somethin the biddy didn’t.
‘Yeah I am,’ I said, noddin me head an lookin te see wha else she could give me.
‘So where are you livin now?’ said the aul biddy, wantin te know me business.
The fat woman gave her another dirty look then stopped butterin me bread, waitin wit the knife in the air wantin te hear anyway.
I said nothin, just stared ahead takin a huge big bite outa me sambidge, but I couldn’t get me mouth around it. I whipped it out an had a look, then lit inta nearly a whole slice an bit inta the bacon. I started tryin te chew, but it was too big, I took too much an had te stop an pull it out again.
The pair watched me lookin like they were waitin fer me answer, then their face curled up turnin away, not likin the sight a me spittin the food inta me hand. But then they turned back te look, followin me every move wit their eyes never leavin me. I didn’t care, I was too busy tryin te make short work a me bread an bacon.
‘Tha’s lovely,’ I said, finishin it off while the aul biddy got her share an I wondered if there was anythin still left fer me. I looked the length a the table seein the bread was all gone. Me mouth dropped open wit shock an me belly still rumbled.
‘Tha was not enough, missus!’ I said, shakin me head in terrible sorrow at the loss. Then I whipped me head te the aul biddy, lookin at her wrappin her arms under her pile a stuff, it was all heaped on the mound she already had hidden.
I felt like cryin an I was afraid te ask her fer some in case, she took the head offa me. But the food is supposed te be fer everyone! She must be a bleedin cronie! Because how come she got tha much?
‘I’m starved, missus,’ I complained, wantin te let her know I think she’s very mean. But then instead all I said was, ‘Am I too late? Is the food all gone?’ I said whisperin, knowin it was.
‘Aren’t you the hungry little devil,’ said the aul biddy, narrowin her eyes like I had done somethin wrong.
I felt me belly go hot wit an annoyance creepin up me chest. The cheek a her! If I was big I would love te say, ‘Ah, go fuck yerself, missus, ye’re only an aul robber!’ But I’m not big, an I don’t think I ever will get te be big, because I’m goin te starve te death. There’s no one te feed me!
I sniffed lookin up at them, feelin it’s shockin a child should have tha happen te them. I wanted te cry fer meself.
‘God almighty!’ said the fat little woman. ‘You’ve turned on such a sad-lookin face it would be enough now te make a turnip cry! Jaysus ye might even squeeze a tear outa her,’ she laughed, pointin her finger at the aul biddy.
‘Come on “Saint Do Good”, you say ye’r
e here fer te be helpin the bothered an the bewildered, so would ye mind gettin on wit the job? Where have youse hidden the snuff?’ said the biddy, lookin around seein nothin.
‘Gone! Take a look in yer apron pockets,’ snapped the fat woman, lookin at the huge bulges weighin down the biddy.
‘I’ve had enough a you! Ye may keep wha’s left,’ snorted the aul biddy, then turned an beat her way out, pushin from side te side wit her elbows.
‘Outa me way! Come on move!’ she ordered, pushin all ahead an behind makin people shift outa her way.
‘Here, you stay there, I’ve got somethin fer you,’ said the fat little woman, noddin at me.
Me heart lifted as I leaned meself up on the table an watched her move over an bend down, takin up a big loaf a fresh bread from a long stool. Then she lifted up a pot sittin on the floor, when she took the lid off, it was stuffed wit bacon. ‘Pig’s cheek, do ye want some?’
‘Yeah, oh yes please, missus, I’m starved wit the hunger!’ Me heart leapt at the sight a the bread an meat, an me mouth started chewin, gettin ready te taste and eat the good food. ‘I’m never goin te stop eatin fer the rest a me life,’ I muttered, watchin her saw the loaf a black-crust bread in chunks, then plaster on lovely golden butter, not sparin any of it! We always have te spare everythin, an Mammy makes sure te cut an butter our bread in case we go mad an take too much, or use too much butter. But then she doesn’t mind when she manages te bring home a big lump of butter wrapped up in wax paper, an wit enough bread if she can get some, then we’re grand fer a while.
‘Tha do ye?’ said the little fat woman, handin me two big thick cuts a bread an a big lump a bacon.
‘Tha’s grand thanks, missus! Can I have more? An wha about the biscuits an the cake?’
‘Are you really tha hungry?’ she said, not able te believe me.
‘Oh yeah I haven’t eaten fer … loads an loads a time,’ I said, puttin out me arms tryin te let her know it was a long time since me belly got food.