by Martha Long
‘OK, you stand there an while you eat away I’ll cut up more fer you, ye poor unfortunate, oh we can’t be leavin you in tha state now, can we?’ she laughed, bendin down an lookin inta me face.
‘No, missus, ye can’t starve childre, sure you can’t,’ I said, thinkin she was a great mammy altogether.
‘Oh indeed not. We wouldn’t let tha happen te you. Now, put tha under yer arm an don’t let anyone take it from you,’ she said, seein more people wander over an throw the eye at my stuff.
I had half a sambidge left in one hand an nearly half a loaf wit lumps a meat in the other held under me arm. An she gave me four Marietta biscuits wit a thick slice a apple tart an a big mug a lemonade.
‘That’s homemade by meself tha apple tart is, an the lemonade, I made tha special fer you childre. So, go on off an find some corner an enjoy yerself. Why don’t you take yerself upstairs? It may be a bit quieter up there, an say a prayer fer poor Delia.’
‘Yeah, thanks very much, missus,’ I said, noddin me head at everythin she said, an smilin all delighted wit meself, an her, fer lookin after me an givin me so much good food.
‘Go on, mind yerself,’ she said, comin around the table an gettin ahead a me te push people an make them let me pass.
‘Thank you very much, missus!’
‘Go on ye’re grand now,’ she said, then made her way back in, heavin an shovin te get people te move.
I shifted slowly, makin sure not te get me drink spilt, or the sambidges knocked down an walked on. People were busy talkin an eatin an movin around, tryin te get room an shift into a place fer more comfort. It was gettin very crowded wit more an more people turnin up fer all the free drink an food. Not te mention the entertainment a meetin each other.
I made me way slowly up the stairs past people sittin wit their back te the wall an talkin in whispers tryin te keep themself easy, because you can’t talk loud when ye’re near te the corpse. I could smell the burnin candles an see the shadow of people dancin on the wall a the dark landin, they looked like matchstick people wit their hair drawed in usin a black pencil, maybe done by a child. Then someone was danglin an invisible string makin them inta puppets. It was lovely, wit the tongues a fire flickerin, then lightin up an dyin down. It was comin next te the black an yella white of the walls, they were turnin tha colour wit the dark night an the light of the flames.
17
I MADE EASY towards the room an stopped outside, hearin the quiet hummin comin through the open door. They’re sayin prayers fer the dead Delia, gettin the rosary. I could hear an old woman’s voice givin it out, sayin, ‘Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art Thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.’
She sounded like she was tortured but so tired an weary she just kept goin, because that’s all she could do now, an she was a martyr te the cause a livin, sufferin the constant fear an the constant worry. Now havin te pray all these prayers, but it had te be done so just keep goin.
As soon as she finished the last word a the prayer, people were in wit their answer, ‘Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray fer us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.’ They answered wit a long keenin moan soundin like it was a warnin, somethin terrible is comin along the road, so be ready.
I looked down at me half-eaten sambidge sittin in me hand, an the rest a me grub held tight under me other arm. I didn’t want te go in lookin an eegit wit this stuff. Anyway, they would tut tut at me, sayin, ‘Get out, young one, don’t be comin in here te show disrespect.’
No I better keep easy an do nothin. I moved meself away keepin very quiet an stood in the dark at the next door wit no light showin. Oh, this is the room where I slept, but only the once in here, then after tha everythin got bad an people disappeared, my Ceily did. She went missin an Delia got kilt, an Mister Mullins shrunk into an old man tha doesn’t look at you no more, an now he sees nothin an no one. I wanted somethin of tha time back, when I slept here an Ceily was still alive, or not gone missin. I want te be warm an te sleep an not be hungry or afraid all the time. I’m at the mercy now of everythin an everyone. The monsters can get me now, I thought, givin a look around seein all the corners wit the dark hidin them. No it’s OK, everyone is in the house, so all I have te do is shout.
Oh Mammy, I want te sleep. I’m so tired, I thought, lookin at the door then down at the handle. I slept here, I told meself again. I could feel me chest buzzin, gettin somethin good comin te me. Then it hit me. I know wha I will do!
I put me mug a drink on the floor an shoved the sambidge grippin it inta me mouth, an held me other stuff tight under me arm. Then I got me two hands an turned the handle, lettin the door push in.
I listened te see if someone was comin. No! I grabbed up me drink an made me way inta the dark room seein the bed starin straight ahead a me. It was lyin just the way I left it, wit the blankets an sheets still tossed not made up tidy again. Me heart was flyin wit my darin, tha’s wha Mammy would call it. You’re very bold, makin yerself at home in someone else’s house without even waitin fer an invitation! Well I don’t care no more, God helps those who help themselves! I laughed, hearin a little voice suddenly comin from nowhere, sayin tha in me head.
I put me drink on the chair beside the bed an the grub next te it, then climbed up an crawled onta the mattress. I could feel the lovely soft warm eiderdown under me an the springs ease up an down, lettin me feel all the lovely warm an softness. I felt meself meltin inta the heat, an suddenly me eyes was closin gettin very heavy. No ye better not! You have to …
‘Wha?’ I moaned, wantin te sleep but knowin there was somethin I should do first.
I was sprawled on me belly an lifted me head lookin over at the door, yeah, it’s shut.
Wha about Delia, goin in te say a prayer?
No! Then ye might get throwed out, you never know!
Don’t care, I’m stayin.
OK, I hauled meself up an lifted me head takin off me frock an throwin it on the end a the bed. Then sat in me Delia knickers an me own vest an dived meself under the sheets an blankets. Bits felt warm from where I was lyin an other spots was stone cold. I gave a little shiver all delighted wit meself, then put me two pillas behind me an sat up against the mahogany back rest an reached over te lift up me mug a lemonade an me half-eaten sambidge.
The room was dark, but not too dark wit the light thrown in from the street lamps, they were able te shine in the winda because the curtains was left open. I wonder why the handy-women didn’t black out this winda. Oh yeah, Nellie got carted off te hospidal first. Tha’s lucky fer me, I can see wha I’m doin.
I took a huge bite an a sip a me drink, an munched away, lookin down at me bed an all around me wit great comfort. ‘Oh Mammy! This is heaven. Peace an quiet, food an heat an a bed, an sleep in a minute. Oh wha more could a body want?’
* * *
Me heart was poundin an I was kickin wit me mouth wide open not able te get out the scream! I couldn’t breathe! Me arms was wavin an I was starin back at Mammy, I could see her gettin dragged, pulled through the air, caught between two horrible-lookin women, witches they were. They had long black nails grippin Mammy’s wrists, an yella eyes, an black lips wit big teeth, an they were laughin an swingin Mammy around an through the air like she was a skippin rope. She was lookin back at me twistin her head tryin te see me an cryin, wantin te get back te me.
I was screamin inside meself, gettin dragged along by a big black monster, it was like a giant animal outa the devil’s hell. It had red-hot eyes an huge fangs an it had a hold a me. I was caught by the leg between its teeth, an it was draggin me down the lane. Ceily was tryin te help me. She was runnin from far away tryin te get te me, but then suddenly she was gone, turned back an was very fast fadin inta the distance. Now I couldn’t see her no more!
No, no! Save me! Me head flew swingin around fer someone te run an give me mercy. There’s no one, it’s dark an quiet, the world is empty. It’s just me an the monster left!
&nbs
p; Me heart roared an thumped drummin a hole in me head wit the pain an the noise, then suddenly it stopped! I lifted me head feelin the lovely air rush inta me lungs an cool me face. I was awake.
Oh I was only dreamin. I was havin a nightmare! Me hair was soaked, plastered te me forehead an the back a me neck. Now I felt meself gettin all cold an chilly. I shivered an lay back down in the bed coverin meself up wit the blankets.
I stared around, seein it was comin mornin time, the dark of the night was turned te blue in the room, an tha was now givin way to the grey of the early mornin. I could hear noises comin from the death room next door. Tha’s the people keepin the wake. Then I heard a door bang an someone shout. It was a man’s voice an it was out on the street. I could hear other voices joinin in arguin, an some were talkin easy like they were tryin te placate the rowdy fellas. They sounded like they were all drunk an in the middle of a row.
‘HERE! HOLD THA COAT! LET ME AT HIM! HOLD ME BACK, I’LL ONLY KILL HIM!’
‘Hold him back, Jembo! Don’t let him loose!’ a woman roared, soundin worried.
‘HERE, SOMEONE! HOLD MY COAT! NO DON’T STOP ME! WAIT! HOLD ME BACK OR I’LL ONLY BE HANGED FER HIM! NO LET ME AT HIM, I’LL DO TIME FER HIM!
‘Ah will ye’s all stop it outa tha, youse load a dirty-lookin shites! Will youse cut it out an go home an sleep it off! Now come on wit ye’s, let’s go!’ said an aul fella soundin really fed up like he had enough a them an now only wantin te go home.
‘FUCK OFF OUTA THA, YOU! THA WINDBAG IS NOT CALLIN ME AN AUL WOMAN AN LIVIN TE TELL THE TALE!’
‘YE ARE A WINDBAG! NOW COME ON, FIGHT! I’M READY TE TAKE YOU ON!’
‘YEAH RIGHT! AN SO AM I! READY, WILLIN AN WAITIN!’
‘FUCK YOU! SO WHA ARE YE WAITIN FOR, YE WIND BAG? YE’RE ONLY HOT AIR!’
‘MURDER! Stop them!’ screamed a woman’s voice. Then I heard a police whistle.
‘Ah Holy Jaysus! Make yerselves scarce!’
‘COPPERS! BLUE BOTTLES! SCATTER, EVERYONE!’
Huh, tha ruggy-up didn’t last long, I thought, listenin wit me head sideways, lookin up at the ceilin. But yeah, tha was all hot air as someone kept complainin. They usual do box each other then go back inta the pub wit their arms wrapped around each other, all best friends again! Everyone enjoys watchin a good row when the pub closes, or at a wake or a weddin. It’s a sign of a good wake, a great send-off fer the dead person. For tha you have te have plenty a everythin, especially the drink. Then you get the good fights an people will talk fer years about the great send-off the dead person got. When they talk about it, it will become a story fer the next wake an go on fer years wit it gettin compared wit the best. Some a the good ones go fer ever, cos the happenins get bigger an longer wit the storyteller addin their own bit on.
I need te go te the tilet. I’m not goin out te the backyard. Anyway, it’s probably crowded around wit people. I can hear the buzzin wit their talk, it’s carryin all the way te the front here.
I wonder if they have a piss pot in here. I leaned meself hangin outa the bed an looked under it, me eyes lit up. Ah lovely, I won’t have te fight me way out there.
I hopped outa the bed an pulled it from underneath. Oh it’s a nice flowery one, an it looks lovely an clean. Pity I have te piss in it, if they see tha they will eat the head offa me. Pissin in their pot, as well as makin meself at home, an all comfortable in their house! Fer this I’ll be hanged. Still! It won’t stop me!
I pissed away wonderin wha te do wit the pot. I know! I lifted it up an walked around the bed an over te the winda. It’s a bit high up. I need te stand on somethin.
‘Right!’ I puffed, draggin an liftin the heavy chair over te the winda. I was stranglin meself wit the weight, tryin not te make noise, so they won’t hear me next door an come in. I climbed up on the big windasill an grabbed hold a the two handles fer liftin, then pulled, fer all I was worth, draggin the heart outa meself. Finally it gave an slid up, lettin in a sudden draught of icy-cold wind. ‘Oh Mammy!’ I wriggled, givin a sudden shiver.
Then I got down an lifted up the pot. It was heavy an me hand was shakin, because I had only the one, the other hand was gripped onta the windasill, tryin te haul meself up onta the chair. I stood up now balancin meself an grabbed the pot wit two hands, then held it out the winda upside down. I was pourin away, lettin the piss teem down now onta the footpath, but it was just as the door opened an two aul biddies came staggerin out.
‘Oh we’ll be drownded, Molly. It’s pourin wit the rain!’
‘Gawd ye’re right there, Maisie, but it’s warm rain!’ said the other one, puttin her hand on her head, feelin it lashin her skull but not botherin te look up.
I got such a fright I nearly dropped the pot. I flew me head in left down the pot an grabbed hold a the handles slammin the winda shut. I could hear meself breathin heavy an me heart thump like a sledgehammer, makin me chest fly in an out. Tha’s lucky! Luckier still it wasn’t a policeman slowly steppin past, then I would a been on the run again. Oh it’s just hittin me now, tha was a terrible idea! It looks like Ceily was right, I’m goin te become a baddie an get meself locked up! Because I’m always gettin inta trouble, no wonder tha school nun hates me, she says I’m a crucifixion. Yeah, an Mammy says I’m a shocker.
I started smackin me lips, I’m thirsty, I was very hot because I got meself buried underneath all the blankets, it was when I was havin me nightmare. Then I got into an awful sweat tryin te beat me way out an I didn’t know where I was, because I was still asleep.
I had a look on the floor at wha’s left a me grub. Nothin! Just one biscuit an nothin te drink. I looked at me bed, wantin te get back in, but instead reached fer me frock an pulled it on over me head. I’m goin te get meself somethin more te eat an drink, because I’m starvin again.
I opened the door an went out, wanderin off in me Delia’s knickers an bare feet. Oh, where’s me Mister Mullins’ socks? I lost them somewhere, must a left them in the granny’s house.
I stopped outside the death room gettin the smell a death, it’s comin from the candles an the snuff an the porter an the cookin a pig’s cheek, an tha’s all the kind a smell ye get wit death. Everyone knows tha. Yeah, it’s easy, you can smell death a mile away.
I heard a rumble comin from the room an took a step in, lookin te see wha’s goin on. Mister Mullins was sittin over in the far corner wit his head down an his hands restin in his lap, he was lookin very bad now from when I sawed him before. His skin was turned all grey an his cheeks was sinkin inta his face, but his eyes was terrible, he was starin like he was an old dark stone statue wit dead muddy-grey marble eyes. The life was all gone outa him.
‘Are you the relation?’ said an aul fella staggerin in an pointin at people.
He was lookin fer the corpse relations, an he was very shifty altogether, wit the eyes takin in the faces, hopin te see wha else is goin fer free.
‘Sorry about dash,’ he said, pointin at the bottle a porter spinnin across the floor spillin stout an leavin a trail on the varnished floorboards.
‘Tut tut, drunken aul fool destroyin the man’s house,’ an old woman muttered, lettin it come out in a low moan an shakin her head wit disgust. He had just woken her up wit all his noise, an she’d slowly lifted her head lookin around wit the red eyes exhausted. Then she let them rest, takin in the drunken aul fella wit the bottle rollin an spillin, an him staggerin around, not knowin where he was.
‘I knew him well! Lovely man,’ he gasped, tryin te get his breath out all in one go. ‘Shush! Say no more!’ he said, spinnin around lookin at the room wit his eyes crossin an the finger te his mouth. ‘Shockin young, only me own age! Went te school wit him!’ he hiccupped, then put his hand holdin a drink he thought he had te his open mouth discoverin nothin there. His eyes flew open wit his head spinnin lookin fer the drink tha was now lyin empty, under the dead Delia’s bed.
‘Where’s me drink?’ he asked, twistin his head an body around, balancin himself on wobbly legs, lettin his feet stand
still. ‘Me drink is all gone,’ he said, shakin his head lettin his eyes cross thinkin about it. He was lookin very sad now, gone all mournful wit the mouth clamped shut.
‘There ye are, I’m lookin for you!’ said a woman in a plaid shawl hangin onta her pipe, it was empty now wit no smoke comin out. ‘Come on, we have te get home to the childre, you have te get up early an go down to them quays, you might get a day’s work if ye smarten yerself an sober up!’
‘Fuck off, go down yerself, ye lazy aul hag, if you want a day’s work!’ he snorted, flyin his arm at her, wantin her te clear off.
Suddenly Mister Mullins lifted his head an came alive, he gave a big snort takin in a huge lungful a air an got up then walked quick across the room an out the door. People were still sleepin not bothered about the drunk, an the old woman had dozed off again, leanin her head on her chest. People were all wantin te keep the wake wit Mister Mullins for his Delia. So they were all content te sit around the room wit their backs te the wall, an easin themself wit droppin off te sleep. But I wonder wha happened te Mister Mullins. He woke up an changed very suddenly, gone all stiff wit his head in the air an his back straight. He looks years an suddenly loads a years younger!
I wanted te see Delia, but the man was gettin noisy an the woman was tormented tryin te get him te leave.
‘No! Go home. Your place is there, missus, wit the childre, an ye may wait fer me te get back, an tha will be when I’m good an ready!’
‘You’re a black-hearted no-good waste a space,’ she moaned, lettin it come out in a terrible keen, like she was goin te start breakin her heart wit the cryin.
Mister Mullins came walkin fast back inta the room wearin his top coat an hat.
‘He’s leaving now, missus, don’t worry,’ he said, marchin up te the drunk then takin him by the neck a his coat. ‘I don’t know who you are, I never met ye in me life. And over there lying in tha bed is my dead daughter, she’s not a he. Now! I don’t know if you know anything about me, but if you care to enquire ye might be told I was handy in me time, very handy! And I haven’t lost it yet.’ Then he bent down wit his hand in his coat pocket an pressed it up against the drunk man’s back, an whispered somethin inta his ear.