by Martha Long
I watched the drunk man’s face go from the eyebrows lifted an the eyes darin like he was lookin an ready fer a fight, then they suddenly changed as his face fell flat wit his mouth open an his eyes starin, lookin like he had the fear a God in them. He was listenin very carefully wit his head not movin an his ear cocked, then suddenly he was on the move.
‘Ah, no harm done, sure it was only the drink talkin!’ he rushed, lettin his voice talk it all out in a hurry. ‘Ah yeah, tha was very wrong a me te be bringin disrespect te yer home an your blessed lovely daughter, God bless her may she rest in peace an God bless yerself, an I’m sorry fer yer trouble an I won’t bother ye again!’
Then he was off, walkin himself fast wit only a bit of a stagger when he hit the door an sayin, ‘Where’s me missus? Where are ye, Mindy? Where’s me Mo? Ah there you are, come on, love! Let’s get home.’
I moved meself outa the way lettin him get past, an Mister Mullins followed up behind him. Then they were makin their way down the stairs an I could hear him still talkin, all real fast without hiccuppin now or losin his breath. The only thing is, he’s now talkin in a high voice soundin like a woman wit her nerves gone bad.
I stood wonderin wha Mister Mullins said when he whispered inta his ear. Because I never sawed before in me life somebody change inta bein good tha fast.
The room was quiet now wit only the sound a heavy snorin. I looked over at the bed seein a body lyin stiff, but I couldn’t get te see much from here. So I made me way slowly over an stopped beside the little table, it was covered wit the white-linen lace cloth, an it had the holy cross embroidered inta it.
The convent nuns must a lent tha! Because the Mullins or Delia was very good at helpin them. If the nuns asked Delia te look after a mother tha was ailin, or needed somethin, then Delia would do it. Mammy said very few people knew the real Delia Mullins. She hid it behind a very gruff manner, Mammy always said, but nobody yet born was ever kinder. It is true! She didn’t want te come out inta the wet an windy cold night all over again, because she was already soaked te the skin. But she did, te help me an Ceily. Now her an her friend my mammy is gone, maybe they is dead together. I hope not! Because I want my mammy te come home an we’ll all be happy again.
I looked down at the table wit the silver cross standin in the middle an two big white lighted candles. I wonder who’s keepin an eye on them an puttin in new ones when these burn out. There was a bowl a holy water an a feather sittin next to it wit a bowl of snuff, tha’s fer people te help themself an take a pinch. Then they can sit down here in the death room an talk about the corpse. Everyone will say how good she was an remember funny things she did, an the devilment she got up to when she was a girl. Tha’s wha ye do at wakes, you can’t speak ill a the dead.
I picked up the feather an dipped it inta the holy water an shook it at Delia’s face. I could see now from down here she was already soaked te the white embroidered pillacase, an tha was soppin too. I went in close te the bed an leaned on it te hike meself up an get a good look at her. Because all I could see at the minute was her body lyin in the blue habit, wit the writin on the front an the big cross. I wonder wha tha says.
I looked around seein the old woman who was givin out about the drunk, she was now watchin me wit her eyes half open. She looked very suspicious, givin me the eye by raisin the left side a her eyebrow an givin a little shake, tha was te show she was watchin me an I better not do anythin. I turned around an dropped me hands lettin them sit where she could see them, then stared at her, wonderin wha te do.
‘Missus,’ I suddenly breathed, gettin a good idea te let her see I meant no harm. ‘Wha does it say on the middle a Delia’s death habit?’
‘Wha?’ she said, chewin her gums, movin her mouth up and down, wakin up an gettin interested.
‘Wha does it say?’ I whispered, goin over an talkin inta her face.
‘Oh right, chicken. You want te know tha? Well, it says, “I Have Suffered”.’
‘Oh,’ I said, openin me mouth an starin, thinkin about this. ‘So did she suffer then?’
‘No! Mary the mother of God did. Tha habit is for her. The Sodality of the Children a Mary, they pay their devotion te her, to “Our Lady”.’
‘Oh,’ I said, tryin te work out wha she told me.
‘Yes. So now you know,’ she said, fixin herself an pullin the black shawl around her, gettin her comfortable. Then she put her hands together and leaned back stretchin in her chair, sayin, ‘Go on over an say a little prayer to Our Lady fer poor Delia. Ask her te intercede wit our blessed Lord, to take our poor Delia straight inta heaven without havin te be hangin around waitin at them pearly gates. Delia never had much patience, but tha’s neither here nor there, I’m not speakin ill a her. Not at all, there’s no one more deservin of a high place in heaven than her, she was very obligin, very decent may God rest her. Now go on, get yer prayers an leave me in the peace. I want te get a bit a rest before the day crowd turn up.’
I went back te Delia an lifted up the feather again, then stared te see where I should bless her. Me eyes rested at her hands lookin very white, it was like you could see through them, an she had a big pair a black rosary beads, they were knitted through her fingers wit the cross standin up.
I wonder wha it’s like te be all dead. Really deaded like her, she is, but not my mammy! I dipped the feather in the holy water again an gave a splash to her hands te bless them, then decided te give another go at her chest, because tha’s where her heart is, an you need te bless tha too. Then I got a picture of Father Flitters when he’s blessin anyone, like wit a babby at a christenin, or when someone is in their sick bed or dyin. He keeps on blessin them wit the holy water, lashin away wit all a the blessins. I can do tha!
I kept dippin an blessin an prayin an lashin until me hand was grabbed an someone said, ‘That’s enough now, you’ve enough water thrown over poor Delia to empty the River Liffey.’
I blinked, tryin te get me eyesight back because I was so busy I forgot where I was. Mister Mullins! He closed his eyes givin a nod, then turned me fer the door sayin, ‘You go on, you should be asleep in yer bed.’
‘Yeah but, Mister Mullins, do ye know wha? Ceily is—’
‘Go on!’ he said, throwin his head at the door not wantin te listen te me. He turned an stared at Delia wit his face gettin an awful pained look, then turned away lookin very confused now like he didn’t understand wha happened. Then he looked over at his chair in the corner an dropped his head lettin his shoulders sink. He was suddenly lookin very old again.
I watched as he slowly made his way te the chair an sat, easin himself down like his poor bones pained all over. Then he closed his eyes an let his hands drop in his lap, lookin now like the last a his strength was all used up, he was now a very old man wit all the life left him.
I stood there starin takin it all in watchin him. Me heart was gettin very heavy, I could feel it droppin, goin all the way te fall outa me an leave me too, without any life. Then I heard a little voice whisper in me head, Mister Mullins is all gone now, an so are you!
A terrible fright was hittin me. I whipped me head around wantin te scream an find me Ceily. She can get Mammy back fer me! Then a sudden noise made me scream. ‘Ma! Mammy!’ I went all red an hot in me face an looked te see wha made the noise.
A man gave a sudden snort, it was comin from his big loud snorin!
‘Jesus Christ wahwastha?’ an old woman said wit her eyes flyin open an her body leapt in the chair.
‘Oh mercy!’ said the old woman who keeps watch an gives out. ‘It’s tha bloody young one moochin around an causin devilment! Get her outa here!’ she roared, wavin her two fists at me, lookin like she wanted te kill me.
‘Yeah,’ moaned the other one, ‘an tha roar a hers is after shakin the guts outa me wit the fright. If this keeps up youse may lay me out next, then bury me down on top a Delia. I’m not a well woman ye know!’ she complained, lookin around the room, then lettin her eyes burn a hole in me. ‘It’s not good on
the aul heart at my age!’ she snorted.
‘No! Nor mine neither,’ complained the busybody, fixin herself wit the shawl an givin me a dirty look.
Then the aul fella snortin who started it all, he suddenly shifted an opened his eyes stretchin them wide. He was wantin te wake himself up an look around te see where he was. Then he remembered it all, an looked te see where his drink was sittin waitin fer him. He sprang his hand down an grabbed up the bottle, sayin, ‘Lovely stuff!’ an guzzled the lot lettin it make a big noise gluggin down his neck, an we could hear it sloppin inta his belly. ‘Lovely! Anyone got a bit a tobacco?’ he whispered, lookin around at all the women starin at him then seein them makin terrible faces at me.
I dropped me head an made me way out the door fast. I went te go fer the stairs but turned left fer me room, then changed me mind an headed fer the stairs again. People were nodded off te sleep wit their heads in their lap an their backs against the wall, stretched out on the stair. ‘Excuse me,’ I said, tryin te haul meself up be the banisters an lift me legs swingin them, but I didn’t get far enough an landed on the legs of an aul biddy. She was fast asleep wit the mouth wide lettin huge snorts blow outa her nose.
‘Oh Jesus mighty!’ she screamed, lashin out wit her arms, givin me an unmerciful belt in the side a me head.
I screamed wit the pain, an people stirred wit mumblins comin from all directions, sayin, ‘Wha’s tha! Someone hurt?’
‘I knew it would happen! It’s tha trouble-makin young one at it again!’ shouted the busybody aul one from up in the death room. ‘This time she’s gone an kilt someone!’
‘Help, I’m hurted! Ceily!’ I screamed, gettin rolled down the stairs, then comin to a stop in the lap a the fat mammy, the one who gave me the big feed.
‘Easy wit you, where’s yer hurry?’ she said, then laughed seein me lookin up at her all hot an bothered. ‘Wha ails ye, love?’ she said, not knowin wha happened, because she was busy havin a smoke of her pipe an talkin te an old man.
I started rubbin me head, sayin, ‘I’m after gettin an awful dig, an then comin on top a tha I got the fright a me life. Tha woman hit me cause I hurted her,’ I cried, throwin me hand pointin me finger at the aul one roarin at me.
‘Me leg, me bad leg! Bloody kids, some a them should be drownded at birth.’
I grabbed hold a me thumb an sucked like mad watchin te see if the aul one was goin te get up an kill me.
‘Are ye all right there, Maggie? Can you move it? Ah she didn’t mean it, she’s only a child. Aren’t you, ye little demon?’ the fat mammy roared, givin me a squeeze in me belly pretendin she was annoyed.
‘No!’ I said, shakin me head like mad wantin the trouble te be all over.
‘It’s all killins an more killins an I seem te be always around fer it happenin. Nothin like this came te me before! Me nerves is gone! No! I can’t move it! I’m crippled,’ roared the aul one stretchin an rubbin her leg, wit the sudden smell a pissy knickers. I know tha smell, because tha’s wha happens te me when I wet me knickers be accident an I don’t like tha! Because then everyone calls ye ‘Pissy knickers’! An they have te stay on me if it’s not Sunday, tha’s when I get clean ones put on me fer the week.
‘Why you not asleep?’ she said, foldin me inta her chest, lettin me lie back an suck me thumb. I snuggled in fer more comfort feelin meself gettin lovely an warm, lyin on a big cushion.
‘Wha happened te your feet? Why have you no shoes?’ she said, pickin up me foot an strokin me toes. ‘They’re black as the ace a spades! Jesus, you’re gone wild, completely neglected, an look a tha hair, it’s all matted an tangled. Child! You look like somethin … a dog tha got deliberately strayed,’ she said, shakin her head around at other people seein them look at me, then nod at her an turn away.
‘Shame,’ muttered the old man, talkin te her again.
‘Yeah, no one te claim her, looks like they may have to … you know what!’ she said, mouthin words an noddin down at me, then over at the old man.
He chewed on his tobacco an nodded, givin his head a long slow bow then lookin te stare at a spot on the ceilin.
‘Yes, Frankie is goin te have to sort this out, an make it quick!’ she said, soundin really sad an fed up.
‘I think tha has happened already,’ the old man said, still lookin at the ceilin. ‘Be the look a things, it won’t be long before he’s joinin his beloved Delia, this has broken his heart. Oh! Comes to us all, comes to us all,’ he keened, shakin his head lookin up at the ceilin.
‘Oh indeed it does, life is a cruel taskmaster,’ she muttered, shakin her head too, starin inta nothin.
‘Shush is nomb!’ I said, sloppin me tongue lettin me thumb hang in me mouth.
‘Wha? Wha ye say, love? Here! Take yer thumb out an tell me tha again,’ she said, grabbin me hand an holdin it, starin inta me mouth.
‘Ceily’s gone!’ I said, lookin up at her lettin her know the terrible news.
‘Wha? Oh yeah,’ she said, slowly openin her eyes wide an starin at me. ‘Now tha you come te mention it, I hadn’t thought about her, the big young one! Yer sister, how old is she?’
‘Ceily’s twelve an I’m seven. She’s gone!’ I said, shakin me head, soundin like it’s all over, the end a the world has come.
‘When did tha happen? Where did she go?’
‘I dunno! I went asleep an when I waked up she was gone.’
‘Ohhh my gawd!’ she said, lookin around at everyone then restin her eyes on the old man.
He clamped his mouth an shook his head, sayin, ‘Must a been lifted! Tha parish priest, you cross him at your peril! You’d be brave to take him on! He’s a cantankerous aul git, he’s got a lot a power an no one more vicious wit it, if you get on the wrong side a him. It would take the likes a Frankie Mullins, a real fightin man, a rebel an a hero, he took on the Black an Tans an ran rings around them! He then fought, brother against brother in the civil war.
‘His own brother, Christy. He was shot dead after comin back from France, fightin in the Great War he had been. He survived that he did, only te be shot dead by Irish Rebels as a traitor. He fought for the wrong side they said. So, te stand up against someone like tha priest, only he could do it! Flitters has no control over him, he’s a man of great independence. Better men than Flitters have tried an failed. God knows I know him well enough, I’ve known him all his life. He was a great boxer, could a turned professional an gone to America an had his turn on the world stage. But not fer him, as I said, the civil war came along an claimed his time, so here we are. That’s the only reason tha child there sittin in your arms is still here.’
‘Do ye think Father Flitters knows she’s here?’ asked the woman.
I stopped suckin lettin me thumb dangle te listen.
‘Say no more, little piggies have big ears,’ he said, pointin at me.
‘Come on, you. Let’s get you down somewhere fer a few hours’ sleep. It’s still early. Wha time would ye say it is, Johnny?’
‘Well, knowin as I can’t see out te the sky from here, but it could be anywhere between five an six, or least thereabouts anyway.’
‘Where are you sleepin, me little fairy?’
‘Ump ghkr.’
‘Tut, I can’t understand you, take tha outa yer mouth! Where’s yer shoes?’
‘I don’t know. I only have one wellie. The other one left me.’
‘Is your house locked up?’
‘Yeah,’ I nodded.
‘Have you the key by any chance?’
‘No! Yeah!’
‘Which is it?’
‘Dunno!’
‘Right did you sleep upstairs?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Where?’
‘Next te the death room! Beside Delia! An lookit, I’m wearin her knickers!’
‘I know, I wondered where you got them. Poor Delia, she’d be charmed te see them gone to good use! Now come on, let’s get you up them stairs an inta tha bed. You look terrible, your face is all pale an pinched, you
can’t be left like this, somethin needs to be done! You need takin care of,’ she said, starin at me lookin very worried.
‘Yeah, there’s no one te mind me. Me fambily’s missin,’ I said, seein her eyes water lookin at me now all sad, like I should be pitied.
Suddenly I could feel meself gettin all sad too. It’s terrible, I thought, wantin te feel shockin pity fer meself, an I began te feel a big heave a sad comin all over me. I started te sniff an gave a moan, tryin te get the tears comin an looked up at her, wantin te see if she was goin te cry too.
But she just stared, watchin me mouth start te shiver, then she suddenly started roarin laughin. ‘Oh you’re such a cod, Lily Carney! Would ye look at tha “Abbey Acting”,’ she roared, turnin me around te face the old man.
I stopped shiverin me mouth te stare at him, wonderin why they was laughin at me.
He gave me a good look then shook his head, sayin, ‘Oh tha’s a face fer ye all right, mustard an mortal sin. Rightly enough, she will indeed surely go far in the Abbey one day. Up on the stage you’ll be, my girlie, entertainin us all, an we’ll be able te say, “Sure we knew her, Lily Carney, when she didn’t even have a pair a knickers te call her own.”’ Then he threw back his head an laughed, an everyone else started too, roarin their heads laughin at wha he said.
I stared wonderin wha he said tha was funny.
‘Come on,’ the fat mammy said, takin me hand an pullin me up the stairs. ‘Wha room? In here, was it?’ she said openin the door te me bed, seein the piss pot sittin on the windasill.
‘Wha were you up to? Did you leave tha pot sittin there?’
‘No! I didn’t never see tha in me life!’ I said, afraid fer meself in case she’d take the skin offa me arse.
‘Oh now!’ she said, liftin it up an puttin it under the bed. ‘Now get under them clothes an get some sleep, you’re far too young te be ramblin around the night wide awake, then havin been passin the days goin in hunger.