Chloe

by J H Cardwell

  I felt John’s hands go around my waist as he turned me to face him. Brushing away the tears, his look was one of pure sincerity. “She’s here now, with you Chloe.” He said as he entwined our fingers and brought my hand up to my heart. “I bet she’s so glad you have that memory of her, instead of always the bad memories of her death and your father leaving.”

  I sniffed and felt a rush of warmth from his comforting words. “I can’t believe I remembered that. I haven’t had a good memory of my mother in years. I was seven when she died, and I thought I was too young to have banked very many good memories. I guess I was wrong. I remember my Dad walking up to my mom and doing just this when she would talk about her horse dreams.” I let my eyes linger between his arms around me and his face. “He loved her so much. He wanted to give her that. In fact, he had put a white picket fence around our house to let her know that one day we would have a larger version with a bigger fence for horses.” I turned back towards the window. “That never happened - my mother died, you know, before he ever made good on that promise. Then he left like we weren’t worth living out any of those dreams with. We were worthless in his eyes.”

  I sniffed again, ready to end these memories now. “So, will you show me around?” I said with a slight smile. I might as well enjoy this beautiful home while I was here.

  Chapter 26

  John had insisted I leave my phone behind in Penderton, in case it was being traced. I believed he was going way overboard on the protection, but I didn’t argue. The thought of someone ruthless enough to blow up a car with the chance of hurting others, had me more than a little frightened. So, I was putty in John’s hands when it came to following his directions.

  I was feeling lost without any contact to Ronnie or my friends though, so I spent a lot of time brushing and grooming the horses – with security close by of course. John spent a lot of time on a new phone they loaned him. I couldn’t quite make out most of his conversations because they were above my head. However, the last one I overhead had my heart racing.

  John was talking about Mr. Steele’s location and how secure it was to enter into his barracks. The only Mr. Steele I ever knew of was the one I never wanted to see again. My Dad! So, needless to say I was intrigued, to say the least of what he was talking about, and who he was talking to. I’m not afraid of confrontation, so I walked right into the study while John was on the phone and gave him a pointed stare.

  “Okay. I’ll call you back shortly, I’ve got a visitor.” John said hanging up the phone. I didn’t even blink. My eyes bore holes in his, as his eyebrows pulled together and his eyes implored me for what I had overheard. “Chloe? How long have you been standing there?”

  “Who is Mr. Steele John, and why are you wanting to know how to visit him?” My voice was trembling. I could only hope I was wrong, after all of these years I couldn’t see him, I just couldn’t. Part of me had convinced myself he was dead. That’s the only conclusion I could come up with when I thought of all the years he had left me alone.

  John crossed the room to me in three huge steps and was standing inches away from me when he finally spoke. “I need you to keep an open mind Chloe.” I immediately closed my eyes and my knees went weak.

  “No! No John! I… You can’t do this again. You’re meddling in places you shouldn’t be. Just like with Reese and Tate. You can’t change people’s lives John, not when they don’t want to be changed.”

  “This is nothing like what I did with Reese, Chloe. That was a mistake, and I have learned my lesson. What I’m doing here is for your own good. To give you closure. You need to learn how to open your heart back up. I know you want to, but until you figure out how to unlock it, you won’t be able to open the seal.” I was shaking my head furiously. I needed to get out of here. I was so stupid for trusting John. I tried to pull out of his grasp but his grip was too strong.

  “Chloe, please hear me out. You have to stop running. I want to help you heal and to help you have answers.” My eyes were dry until now. Heal? Was it even possible? I didn’t think I would ever be able to heal my broken heart from the sadness that had caused it to crumble.

  “You are one of the strongest people I know Chloe. You have stared at the face of adversity and laughed at it. Look at you. Your angel of a mother died when you were little, your father left without a word since then, and your brother died when you were just a young teenager. Chloe, you have the chance to have closure to one of the biggest reasons for your grief, your dad.” I gasped at those words.

  My dad? How could I see him? It wasn’t true. John hadn’t found my dad, had he? Of course he had. This is John we’re talking about, the master of all manipulations. My mind was racing. I looked at John and could tell my expression nearly broke him. It wasn’t fair, but my heart raced with excitement at the possibility. How could that be? I had spent years hating this man. I still did, I just never imagined I might get the chance to see him again. My mixed emotions were making me lightheaded. Within moments Johns strong arms were sweeping me into a tight embrace and carrying me to the sofa in the study.

  “Chloe. I won’t let you go alone. You need this closure. I hear you talking, no pleading, in your sleep. You dream he’s leaving over and over again. I hear you calling for your daddy. It breaks my heart, but you never wake up and eventually it passes.” My eyes were darting back in forth. Was this true? I thought back to all of the times I woke up feeling more exhausted than when I had gone to bed. John continued, “I talked with a therapist about your dreams. He’s the one that said you needed to close that chapter somehow. That the ones with your mother and your brother had been closed on their own, but your father was still open and oozing venom around your heart. In fact, it’s part of the reason I brought you to Houston.”

  My eyes shot to his. Did this mean what I thought it meant? Was my father in Houston? Was he near me and I didn’t even know it?” My heart racing was making me hot all over. I was sweating and flushed.

  “Hey. It’s okay Chloe.” He pulled my head towards his strong chest and engulfed me with his protective arms. “Shhh. We’ll work this out together sweetheart. If you think you’re up to seeing him, I’ll take you.”

  I pulled back. “Does he know? Does he know I’m here?” Before he could answer I was firing questions at him left and right. “What does he look like? What does he do? Does he have…” I swallowed hard. “Does he have a family?” I couldn’t bear the thought of that answer, but I needed to know. My gut told me he would never marry again, not after my mother.

  “Actually, I have a feeling his life will surprise you, hopefully in a good way Chloe. Nothing will ever bring back the years he took from you by leaving, but maybe, just maybe you can recapture some years in the future.”

  John sat up and took a deep breath. He pulled me tight to his side and never let go while he proceeded to tell me all about what he had found out.

  It turns out my father, First Sergeant Matthew Broderick Steele, was stationed on the Fort Hood, Texas Army Base. He had seen my information come across the wire as temporary protective services from the United States government since the issue was regarding United States oil rigs. He immediately gave up his anonymity and deployed two of his men to cover John’s Texas home for security. My brain was doing its best to scan all of the facts and not shut down from shock. John was able to uncover several humanity operations that Sergeant Steele had been in charge of, including in the US, but mostly foreign countries. Other than that information, John knew nothing else of Sergeant Steele. His records were locked tight. He only knew his location, and had decided to head in that direction with hopes of getting him to come forward once we arrived. John wasn’t even sure which of the seven men protecting us were Sergeant’s Steele’s men, but he knew they couldn’t dictate where he and I went. They were just there to serve as shadows and watch-guards. He was hoping by divulging his and my destination, that Sergeant Steele would be ready for us.

  After moments of uncontrollable sobs, I agreed to go
with John and try to see my father. I don’t know how he convinced me. Maybe it was the look in his eyes. A look of pure adoration and if I knew more about the emotion, I would say love. I truly felt John was doing this for my own good. I hoped I was right. Because right now, the way I was feeling, if one thing went wrong, I would slip over the edge and never be able to return.

  **

  The three hour ride there was torture. I couldn’t sit still. John tried his best to distract me by talking about hobbies and school. He even talked about Maura and Harrison’s wedding and how he couldn’t wait to dirty dance with me afterwards on the dance floor. I chuckled as John imitated doing the cupid shuffle on the dance floor – his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth like he seriously had to think while pretending to move his hips in the right direction. He was seated, of course, so the moves were even sillier. Let’s face it, if the man can make me laugh on my way to see my father - whom I hadn’t seen in sixteen years - he was a keeper.

  As we neared the base, my heart was in my throat. I couldn’t breathe. I needed a minute. Actually, I needed forever. I couldn’t do this! I turned to John “I can’t do this John, I can’t! Stop the car. I knocked on the glass partition to make the driver stop.

  When the driver buzzed the intercom in the back, John told him to keep going. “Chloe, breathe. Okay, take deep breaths in and out. You can do this. I’m right here by your side. I’ll never leave you.” I stopped my frantic thoughts long enough to stare at John. I realized I was holding my breath as I took in John’s long eyelashes, his gorgeous blue eyes and his dark nearly jet black hair. He was the image of a male god just like we used to kid about a few years ago. John was gorgeous, wealthy and had a heart of gold.

  “Don’t say things like that John.”

  “Hey. I mean it Chloe.” He leaned in and kissed the top of my hand. Then he leaned up and kissed the side of my mouth. That familiar sensation started tugging in my lower abdomen. When he kissed me under my ear and drug my earlobe in his teeth, I sucked in a deep breath.

  “Your distraction techniques are dangerous.”

  “Hmmm. Good thing they work, because we’re here Chloe. You didn’t even see the driver check into the base.” His lips drew up in a smirk. When it registered what he had just said, I lifted my head to the door now directly in front of us. A tall set of concrete stairs were leading up to it. As I was about to freak out again, the door swung open. Out walked first a young, stealthy man probably in his early twenties. He saluted another officer, then stepped aside. Behind him was…oh my God, it was my father.

  He was as handsome as I remembered him, only much broader now, more muscular. I knew I was holding my breath, but I was afraid to blink or breathe. The man standing at the top of the stairs with his strong arms down by his sides, and his jaws clenched, was my father. His hair was shorter and painted with a salt and pepper appearance, but he looked so much like me. I could see his piercing green eyes, the same ones that first were scanning the car, then locked on mine – even through the tinted double pane glass.

  I turned to John. “I can’t do this. That man. He brings back so many memories. I can’t do this John.” I buried my head in his chest. Why did I let him convince me to do this? This was only going to make things worse. I don’t know how I could recover?

  John wrapped his arms around me. “Chloe, hear him out. If you never want to see him again after today, I will make sure that’s what happens, okay? I’m right beside of you.” He tilted my chin up catching up with my darting eyes and making me look at him. “I’m here to hold you up. If you need to fall, fall in my arms. I’ll always catch you.” I only nodded. How could I say no to that?

  Before I could make a move, my passenger door was opening. One of the younger officer’s was offering his hand, but John got out first and quickly offered me his hand instead. Then he wrapped his arms around me as I stood on my own two feet – shakily.

  I heard an audible gasp a few feet from me and before I could lift my eyes, I heard my name.

  “Chloe.” He had a breathy voice, full of emotion, then more forceful “Chloe!” As he rushed towards me I stiffened and lifted my chin high. I could not show such raw emotion to this man. His advance halted just a foot in front of me, and I felt invaded being so close to the man I had learned to hate for nearly two decades. My chin was betraying me as it began to tremble. Looking into his eyes this close, my emotions took over my strong stance.

  “Daddy?” I whispered. I couldn’t speak, I only stared. He was crying, his green eyes highlighted by the tears overflowing. I heard John sniffle. I felt my knees buckle out from under me and then I heard arguing, until finally I saw nothing but darkness.

  Chapter 27

  I woke up to a woman speaking fluent Spanish rubbing a cool rag on my head. I quickly jumped to a sitting position, and then nearly passed out from a head rush. “Where’s John?” I asked, thankful that I saw him before she answered. He was walking towards me with a steady gait and a concerned look on his face. I looked over his shoulder and saw my father running his hand through his hair. Did I just hear them raising their voices at each other?

  “Hey BB. Thank God you’re awake. Are you okay?”

  I tried to stand up but John held me down. “Yeah I’m fine.” I said through gritted teeth, furious with him for not letting me stand. It dawned on me that I must have passed out.

  “Why don’t you stay seated for a few more minutes, you know, to catch your bearings? You might still be a little swimmy-headed.” I was still trying to stand. “Okay, you stubborn woman.” John rolled his eyes but held onto my waist. I looked over to my father.

  “Were y’all arguing just now? And were you arguing before I passed out?” My voice was scratchy.

  “He wanted to catch you when you were falling and carry you in. He was not happy when I refused to let him.” John had a serious look on his face. I couldn’t help but feel proud of his protectiveness and responsibility over me.

  “Chloe?” We all turned to look at my father. He looked so timid, so worried that he might set me off again. “I can’t believe you’re here.” He was talking as he was getting closer and closer. I squeezed the hand John was holding.

  “You don’t look any different.” I said stiffening up. “I expected you to be dead.” I paused as the expression of fear took over his features. “You don’t look dead.” I was pissed. Pissed that he looked so good, that he had a career and that he was standing before me now when he had missed so much of my life.

  “I can’t expect you to understand right now Chloe. I’d like to talk with you though. Will you come over here and sit down?” He turned to everyone else in the room, including John and dismissed them from his presence.

  “Mr. Steele, I’m not going anywhere.” John stepped in closer to my side. “Where Chloe stays, I stay.”

  Further somber washed over my father. “As it should be Mr. Rider.” He held his hand out to two seats for us, then he brought his chair around and sat it in front of us. Our knees were a couple of feet apart. He was staring at me, and I could feel the questions popping up in his mind.

  I sat silent ready for him to talk. “I can’t believe you’re here Chloe. I can’t believe how beautiful you are. You’ve grown into such a striking young woman. And, you’re almost finished with college. I couldn’t be more proud.” I furrowed my brow at him. How dare he be proud of me?

  “You have no right to be proud. Nothing you’ve done has made me who I am today.” I sucked in a deep breath. “Correction. Everything you’ve done, or should I say not done, has made me who I am today.” He dropped his head to the floor. “I’m bitter,” I glanced at John, “I’m skeptical, I’m hard-hearted, I’m financially broke, and I’m heartbroken.” I said with a muffled voice. The tears were threatening to ruin the brave front I had going. “Thanks to you, I don’t trust anyone, and I don’t know how to love.” I bared my deepest inadequacies with him.

  He looked from me to John, confusion that I would be there w
ith him if I didn’t love him. “Oh Chloe. I would give anything to turn back time. I…I was not a well man when I left you. I didn’t want to live Chloe. I wanted to die like your mother.” His lip started quivering and his face pinched in. “I had to leave you for your own good. I was a screw up. I didn’t know how to live without her.” His anguish tore through me. “So I left you with Ronnie and sunk into a pit of despair.”

  He stood up quickly and walked to the window. “I drank all the time. I was involved in a lot of bar fights. I stole money to buy more beer. I was determined to kill myself without actually pulling a trigger. I knew it was for the best. Then one day, I met a soldier in a bar who was in a wheelchair. His name was Timmy. He had gotten his left leg blown off in the war and he was blind in his left eye. He was there talking with the bartender and watching me drink. When I got so drunk, and passed out that night, somehow Timmy took me to his home and, well he helped me heal.

  “Turns out it was his brother’s bar. Timmy didn’t drink a drop, at least not anymore. He was there that night to get the money his brother owed him monthly for room and board. He saw how desolate I was and did everything in his power to sober me up. He kept saying he was giving back what he had been given. Evidently, people in his neighborhood had taken care of him when he came home disabled. They helped him clean up his act when all he wanted to do was drink himself into oblivion over all he had lost. He’d tried to drown his sorrows just like me. Timmy helped me get back on my feet by getting me a part-time job. He took me to AA. Then he introduced me to the world of the Army.”