Chloe

by J H Cardwell

  I swore I would just listen and try to show little emotion. But my mouth forgot my promise to myself and blurted out, “Why didn’t you come for me when you got cleaned up?” My voice was so low. It was nearly a whisper.

  He turned to look at me, tears streaming down his face. “I did come for you. I found you one day after your school got out. You were getting ready to board the bus. It had been nearly a year since I had seen you. You were so happy and carefree. The problem was, you reminded me so much of your mother. All of my heartache came rushing back. I couldn’t do it. I was weak and broken. I turned to drinking again, but luckily not long enough for it to take me. Timmy helped me fully enlist in the army. I asked to be taken as far away as possible when it came time for me to go on tour.”

  I spoke up. “I was happy because I still thought you were coming back for me, Daddy. I was trying to be the good girl like I promised you. I told you I would. You said you would come back for me if I was good. Aunt Ronnie told me to keep being good and you would come back like you said.” I was reverting back to when I was eight years old. I felt like it was yesterday.

  My dad closed the distance between us as John squeezed me tighter in a protective move. “Baby, I am so sorry. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t.”

  “What about when Robbie got sick? I was all alone to watch him die.” I was full on sobbing. Robbie had been my world. “You never knew your son. He never knew YOU! How could you?” Suddenly, my grown man of a father dropped to his knees right in front of me.

  “I’m so sorry Chloe. I’m so sorry. I told myself you both were better off without me. I poured my emotions into my job and no longer lived for myself. I lived for the Army. I didn’t let myself feel ANYTHING! I would shrivel up and die if I did.” He raised his head to look at me. “I came to his funeral.” He sniffed hard. “I came to watch them bury my boy in the ground just like they did my wife. That night I reverted back to my old ways and they almost kicked me out of the Army. That was the year Timmy died. He was there to save me one last time though. By the way, did I tell you Timmy was a preacher? He was determined to help me understand that God had a plan and it was not for me to waste away and die a lonely death. I started putting up money in a trust fund for you for when you turned twenty-five.”

  He jumped up and walked over to a drawer, unlocked it and quickly walked an envelope back to me. “I stayed in the United States after that and settled down, quickly working my way up the ranks in the Army. I wanted to give you time to grow and mature without my influence. I knew I wouldn’t be a good one. I have kept tabs on you as much as possible Chloe. I knew you had lived with Maura for the last few years, and I knew you married John. With that,” he looked at John and then back at me again. “I knew from that news, you would no longer need my trust fund, but I kept it for you none-the-less. I was thankful I hadn’t turned you completely against love.” He looked from me to John again.

  “I didn’t want your money. I needed you. I lost so much. Why couldn’t you be strong enough to be my daddy?” I broke free from John’s grasp and fell towards my dad, banging my fists on his chest. He stood there letting me beat on him, tears running down both of our faces. “Why were you so damn weak?!” I pushed my face into his chest and cried hard tears for all that I had lost. For the mother that would never hold me again, for the brother that I would never get to put my arm around again and rub his head with my fist. For the father that used to read to me at bedtime and tell me I would always be his princess. As soon as I felt his arms around me I stiffened and pushed off of him. John quickly grabbed me in an embrace.

  “I think we need to leave.” He looked down at me as I nodded my head. I couldn’t look at my father anymore. I couldn’t believe all that he had said.

  I walked on trembling legs out to the car. John never let me go. After he got me safely situated in the car, he closed the door and stood on the outside talking with my father. I didn’t look out for fear of crumbling at the look in his eyes. I didn’t think I could ever forgive him for deserting me and my brother.

  Chapter 28

  I was so mentally exhausted on the way home, I fell asleep to John lightly stroking my hair. I wasn’t sure how long of the three hour drive back home I had been asleep, but I woke to yelling. John had lowered the glass between the two seats and was sternly directing the driver and the agent in the front seat to handle it. When I looked behind us, I saw the agent’s car – the one that had been the security detail following us - had stopped with smoke coming out from under the hood of the vehicle.

  I was still in a fog from being asleep, but I was sure that this wasn’t right. Something was happening. John was ordering me to put my seatbelt on while he was leaning up pointing out the front window. The driver was calm, but stiff trying to weave in and out of traffic on the highway. The car in front of us slammed on breaks and spun sideways releasing a loud screeching noise that blended with my screams. We slammed on our brakes to avoid the imminent collision, causing our car to slide sideways, positioned with my door facing the near wreck. The heavily tinted window of the driver’s door in the car in front of us rolled down a few inches; evidently just enough for whoever it was to stick a gun out and start shooting.

  Glass was shattering everywhere and tires were exploding, leaving us at the mercy of the crazed shooter. My heart nearly burst with fear as I felt John’s body cover mine and force my head down to the floorboard. It felt like minutes before I could breathe, but it must have been only seconds. The agent in our front seat drew his weapon and jumped out of the car running for the suspect, who was now skidding off down the highway. I heard John on his phone screaming for a back-up car, all the while never taking his eyes off of me.

  “Yes sir, she’s okay.” Who was he talking to? As I slowly inched my way up from the floorboard I thought I was going to throw up as adrenaline was still coursing through my veins. “Dammit! Chloe!” John grabbed my right arm to turn me towards him while he turned white as a ghost looking at my left arm. “Send a medic Mr. Steele. Your daughter’s been hurt and she’ll at least require stitches by the looks of it.”

  I was afraid to look, but I did anyway and felt all the blood leave my head.

  “Chloe, put your head down between your legs.” John jerked off his shirt and tried to wrap it around my arm to stop the bleeding. Unfortunately the large wedge of glass that was sticking out of my upper arm prevented it from lying flat against my skin. “I’m afraid to pull it out. I’m afraid your arm won’t stop bleeding if I do. It could be lodged in a main artery there, and without a medic, I don’t want to risk it.” His voice was shaky and he was sweating all over. Running his hand through his hair he started cursing and blaming himself for what was happening.

  “Oh my God John! It hurts so bad!” I said through clenched teeth. I risked looking at it again. “Oh, oh, oh.” I felt a rush of warmth come over me. I was afraid I was going to pass out. John gently pushed my head back down as the medic finally arrived.

  The highway had been blocked off when the medic and John lifted me out of the car and onto the stretcher. I was put into the back of the ambulance-type vehicle and they immediately went to work numbing my arm and extracting the four by five shard of glass that had in fact, severed a major artery in my arm. I felt lightheaded at the time it took them to find the vessel and stitch it up as well as stitch up the skin of my arm from where the glass went through. Hearing John gasp at the loss of blood was enough to make me pass out. Also, hearing the blood pressure machine beep frantic squeals at my hypotension, or low pressure of 60/35 was enough to almost cause me to throw up.

  Luckily, I didn’t do either. Once they forced fluids through an IV they had started in my right arm, they put me in a strange position where I was lying flat on my back with my head towards the floor and my feet in the air. My blood pressure finally rose to 85/55 which was more on the road to normal. I could hear them throwing out all kinds of technical terms, including how I was having a vagal response to the pain as well causing my
heart-rate to spike and my blood pressure to fall.

  There wasn’t a second John wasn’t holding my hand and whispering in my ear. I think he promised me my own hotel at the beach if I would be good and come out of this okay, but I couldn’t be sure. My lips rose on either side just thinking about it. I must be delusional.

  “Hey. What’s that for? Are you having a crazy dream from the narcotics?” He leaned up and asked the medic what all they had given me. This time I chuckled out loud.

  “No, I’m laughing at what all you told me when you were scared earlier.”

  “Who me? Now you are hallucinating.” He said with a playful smirk.

  My voice was scratchy and weak. “No. No, I’m sure you told me you would buy me all kinds of treats if I would be good and pull through quickly.” I smiled again.

  John got close to my ear and growled. “Oh my dear Chloe. I will definitely buy you all kinds of treats. But they won’t just be for you, they’ll be for both of us.” He said raising his eyebrows up and down.

  “If I could smack your arm right now I would, John Rider.” I laughed lightly. Then I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. Evidently the narcotics were having an effect on me after all. When I woke up we were pulling into John’s Houston home. John carried me into the living room and laid me on a couch prepared with a pillow and a soft blanket.

  I overheard the medic telling John all about what to watch for and how to care for my wound. I also heard him talking about how to take my medications including an antibiotic to ward off infection from the glass puncturing me internally, and how that would affect other things I may be on. I drifted off to sleep again listening to the conversation.

  **

  I woke to John talking on the phone and darkness surrounding all the windows. I must have slept the day away.

  “Okay I’ll call you soon.” John said as he walked over to me and knelt down in front of the couch. “Hey Beautiful. You’re finally waking up?” He brushed his fingers down the side of my face.

  My hand flew to my mouth. The taste I had was awful. “Ooh, could I have something to drink?”

  “Of course. Here you go.” He said handing me a drink with a straw. “The doctor said you need to drink at least six to eight ounces an hour to keep replenishing your fluids Chloe.” I nodded as I took a sip of some of the best, obviously fresh squeezed, lemonade I had ever tasted.

  I looked into his eyes with hope for the coming answer. “Did they catch him?”

  John looked down at the ground as his small smile fell, giving me his answer without a word. “I can’t believe how close of a call that was.” He stood quickly and paced in front of me, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to do Chloe. I want you as far away from this madness as possible, but I also want to be right by your side to protect you as much as I can.” He was beating himself up, I could tell.

  “You are protecting me John.”

  “Pfftt. How can you say that? Look at you.”

  “If you hadn’t seen the gun out of the window and basically thrown me on the floor of the car, I might not be talking with you right now.”

  He stopped pacing and rushed over to me kneeling down in front of me again. “I would have saved everyone, including your father, the trouble and killed myself Chloe. I could never live knowing I would be ultimately responsible.” He looked at my arm and closed his eyes. “It’s hard enough thinking what did happen to you.”

  “We’ve already been over this.” I said reaching out and stroking John’s hand. “But, you wouldn’t have to worry about my dad. He really wouldn’t care, you know?”

  “Chloe, I know how you feel about him, and I’m not a fan at all of how he deserted you for the last sixteen years. And if you still want me to try to beat his ass I will.” I laughed internally at that thought. I was sure John would try, but I knew my dad was twice as muscular with twice as rough a background and would certainly know how to use Army skills. “But, he has been calling non-stop and he’s using resources I never dreamed we could be privy to, in order to catch this creep.”

  I sighed, “He’s just trying to make up for lost time, but it doesn’t mean anything to him. Not really.” I dropped my head. Part of me wanted to jump up and down with the concern it seemed my dad was having. The other part of me was still in shock that I had even found him, much less talked with him.

  “Hey. I’m not sure what all is going on with him Chloe, but he knows he screwed up. I have a feeling he beats himself up daily. After all, he has lost a lot too. First his wife, then his sanity, so to speak, a daughter and his son too.”

  “He doesn’t deserve to mourn his son! Robbie never knew him!” I was crying again. I reached up to my bandage with one hand, while I covered my eyes with the other. My shoulders were shaking from the emotions that were rolling through me.

  “Chloe. You need to rest, I’m sorry I brought it up…”

  “I’m not ready to forgive him John. I just can’t. You don’t know what it was like to not have a mama because she died but then not to have a daddy because he chose not to be there?”

  John swiped the tears under my eyes and lifted my chin so I was looking him square in the face. “Chloe. Only you know when and if the time is right to forgive him. I do know this, however, anger and bitterness,” he raised an eyebrow to me, “will eat you from the inside out. They change us and make us someone different than we were meant to be. I love who you are deep down. I don’t want you to be a shell of who you are supposed to be. You have so much to offer, and you are fearless. I used to be pissed off at your independence. Now, well now I admire all you have made of yourself. Like I said before, you laughed in the face of adversity. But sometimes, with laughter comes tears, and with tears comes forgiveness.”

  I wanted to say something but I literally couldn’t talk. Who was this man of many dimensions? He was deeper than any man I had ever known. I nodded, then I had to ask him about my friends. I really needed to talk with Maura. But thinking of men I knew, I needed to make sure Brett knew I was okay too.

  “John, have you spoken to Maura? I would love to talk with her. I really need to tell her about my dad. She won’t believe it.” I whispered that none of them would. After all, they knew the insides and outs of my parents and my previous family life.

  “I’ve been in contact with Harrison. How about I call Maura on the private line the agency gave us and we can talk to her for two minutes?” My eyes perked up. I needed some girl time.

  “Can we? Yes. Hell yes!”

  “Hey, take these pills first. I don’t want you hurting on me. These are antibiotics and pain pills. And take them with as much of this glass of lemonade as possible.” He raised one eyebrow like he meant business.

  “Okay daddy Warbucks.” He smirked remembering the nickname I used to have for him. Saying the word daddy only made me frown though. When I lifted my eyes to John, he had a sympathetic look and leaned down to kiss my lips. I closed my eyes savoring the intimate contact.

  “Okay let’s dial Maura.”

  “And then Brett?” I asked hoping he would let me. He growled at me. I chuckled. “Hey, I don’t want him to worry.”

  “He might worry, but I’ll let him know we’ve taken a trip Chloe.” Then his expression softened when he saw my expression. “But if you really need to talk with him, I’ll call him for two minutes too.” I grinned. John was being so super sweet. Why did I want to rip his shirt off, tear down his pants and make wicked love to him? Oh my! Were the pills working that fast?

  “As long as he knows I’m okay, I’m cool with that. Just make sure you call him John.” I gave him as stern of a look as I could. The only problem was, it was fused with the stupid grin I had on my face from my earlier thought.

  “I’ll call him, I promise. Now, let’s dial Maura before you fall asleep on me.”

  I spoke with a frantic Maura. She didn’t know what had happened several hours ago on the road, and John and I both agreed it would be best if she still didn’
t for now. I just told her we were safe. I also gave her a brief rundown of my visit with my father. She was quiet for several seconds. Then she ranted about how sad she was that he was alive and well and he was too sorry to reach out to me. However, being the good, Christian person she is, she encouraged me to forgive him. I rolled my eyes and said I had to go. I loved talking with her, but I just didn’t want to hear that right now.

  Sleep took me under several minutes later. My mind must have been still in race mode, because I felt like I started dreaming with the first set of zzzz’s.

  Chapter 29

  The light was not blinding, but certainly not dull. I felt weightless as I walked towards the ornate wood table in the center of the room. At least I think it was a room. It was actually more like a beautiful garden with walls as tall as two stories. The closer I got, the more familiar the two people sitting at the table holding hands were. When they finally turned to face me, I sighed happily. I hadn’t seen their smiling faces in a very long time. My gorgeous mother was wrapped in a silk, white gown, her long honey colored hair cascading over her shoulders. Beside of her was my sweet brother, grinning from ear to ear. His dimples accenting his beautiful face. I was ecstatic to see them as I ran over and paused just before flinging myself at them. The sensation was welcoming and not a bit overwhelming. It was as if I had never missed them. It felt like just yesterday when my mom was hugging me, asking me about my day, and my brother was throwing paper-balls at me, trying to get me to chase after him.

  “Chloe,” my mother said stroking my cheek. As she tilted her head to look at me, her smile was sweeter and more familiar than anything I knew. “I love you my sweet girl.” She tilted her head to kiss Robbie’s cheek. “And so does your little brother.” She looked back at me with such sincerity. “I hope you feel us with you always Chloe, in both the good times and the bad. We are with you, as we are your father.”

  That thought made me look at my mother with a confused expression. “Yes darling. We love your father very much and have had to be with him through many, many rough times.”