Blurred

by Tara Fuller

  “Grab on,” I said, holding back a relieved sob. He was alive. Cash nodded and swung his other arm up to clasp my hand. Easton and I both crawled back, pulling until Cash came up over the edge and collapsed. His breaths were weak and wheezy. His skin so pale it blended with the ash in his hair.

  He took a moment to catch his breath. “You shouldn’t be down here. It’s too dangerous. You should have left me. Do you have any idea what these things could do to yo—”

  I touched the side of his face to shut him up and smiled. “Like I said before, I don’t take orders from humans.”

  He grabbed for my hand. “I love you, Anaya. I’m sorry if that freaks you out, but I do. And I don’t want to die without saying it.”

  His voice was drowned out by coughs. “Shhh…” I smoothed his hair back over his forehead and lifted his head into my lap. I pressed my lips to his and lent him some of my heat. When I pulled away he shook his head.

  “I’m not going to make it back up there.”

  “Yes, you are.” I sat up and nodded to Easton. “Help me with him. You are not going to die in this place.”

  Easton slipped his arm under Cash, but once he was up Cash waved him off, determined to stand on his own. Stubborn. He braced his palms on his knees and looked around. “There were two souls…we brought them here. We need to take them back. And Noah…”

  “No way,” Easton spoke up. “I’ll hunt down your two souls and get them to where they need to be, but I’m not risking my ass for the other one. He can rot down there for all I care.”

  On the other side of the cliff, Noah’s screams had gone silent. I couldn’t bear to look, so I just shook my head. “It’s over for him. And we need to get you back if you want a chance to say your good-byes. I want to do this right. I don’t want you to have regrets in this.”

  He nodded, face grim. “You’re right. I…I need to see Em. At least one more time.”

  I bit my lip and held my hand out, ready to lead him to his end. To his next beginning. Cash reached out, and then his eyes widened.

  “Like you said, pal,” a ragged voice said from below us. “If I’m going down, you’re going down with me.”

  Cash let out a small grunt of surprise and then he was falling back, Noah’s pale hand wrapped around his ankle as he crawled up over the cliff’s edge.

  “Cash!” That scream lasted only a moment, but it felt like an eternity. Shock and horror registered across his face as his arms pinwheeled and his feet came out from under him. In an instant Easton appeared beside me, scythe drawn. He leaped after Cash, out over the edge, and I grabbed on to Easton’s ankle to stop him from going over, too. Cash groaned, body caught midfall, as Easton’s scythe pierced his chest. He gave one hard tug and Cash’s soul ripped free from his body falling over the edge, taking a screaming Noah with it.

  Refusing to think about what had just happened, I crawled back, pulling Easton with me. Once we were up, Easton stood and stumbled back, scythe hanging at his side in his white knuckled fist. “Anaya…I-I.”

  He didn’t finish. I was too shocked to feel the pain, but I knew it was there. Cash’s soul slowly climbed to his feet in front of us, dazed, shimmering with a thousand facets of light. Shaking, he raised his hands and stared at his palms.

  “I’m sorry,” Easton whispered. “There wasn’t…it was the only way.”

  I nodded and swallowed the lump of unwelcome pain in my throat. I knew that. “Cash?”

  He looked up and met my gaze. I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. He looked…numb.

  “I…I’m dead.” He looked over his shoulder at the sea of shadow demons feasting on his former flesh and Noah’s soul. “I’m really dead. This is real.”

  I stepped forward, and as I’d done for so many others, took his hand and said, “This is the only the beginning.”

  Chapter 33

  Cash

  For the first time, I didn’t feel sick after the disorienting process of Anaya pulling me over to the other side. In fact, I didn’t feel anything. I was dead. I looked down at my hands again, shimmering like a freaking Christmas tree, and swallowed. This had to be a dream. No…a nightmare. I’d wake up any minute, Emma kicking my ass to get me out of her bed before her mom woke up and found me. Then we’d go eat pancakes and I’d spend the day sketching and playing Guitar Hero while Em tried to make me study for some lame calculus test. Life would be normal again. Death would be something we wouldn’t have to think about for another sixty years or so.

  “Cash?” Anaya’s voice was soft and sweet, breaking apart the panic inside of me like glass. “Are you okay? Please, say something.”

  I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded and stared up at the big pewter gates in front of us. On the other side, souls milled around the entrance, stealing curious peeks at us. Probably wondering who the reapers were dropping off next. Anaya practically glowed in this place. Her big golden eyes held mine with so much worry that I wanted to grab hold of her and never let go. Pretend all of this wasn’t happening.

  Easton and the hooded guard spoke in hushed voices for a moment and then the gates parted, allowing us entrance. I knew Anaya had prepared me for all of this. It’s not like I didn’t know what was going to happen, but son of a bitch…I was dead. How was I supposed to feel about this? How did they expect me to react? I didn’t know. All I felt was this strange buzz of electricity trying to break past the barrier of numbness sweeping through me. Nothing hurt anymore. I didn’t even feel like I needed to breathe.

  Anaya grabbed my hand and pressed herself against my side, close enough to whisper against my ear. My whole body ignited and my hand instinctively wound around her waist. I glanced down at my jeans and thought, Nice to see you’re still with me, sir.

  At least not everything was numb.

  “You don’t have to do this,” she whispered low enough for only me to hear. “I’ll take you to be with your father. All you have to do is say the word.”

  She kept her face pressed into my neck, her lips at my ear, as my fingers squeezed her hip. I waited for my heart to pound out of my chest with the weight of what she was asking me, but it didn’t. Everything inside stayed silent. Hollow. She was offering me Heaven, but somehow it didn’t seem like it. Stuck in a place where she would never be, knowing that she would likely be punished with the unimaginable for putting me there…it sounded more like Hell. I shook my head and pressed my lips into her braids.

  “No,” I said. “You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”

  She smiled against my neck and her lips left the warm imprint of a kiss just below my ear.

  Easton cleared his throat and fidgeted, looking uncomfortable. “Can we get this over with, and then can you two please get a room?”

  I followed Anaya through the gates and grinned at Easton. “You know, you’d probably be able to get that stick out of your ass a whole lot easier if you found somebody and got a room yourself, East.”

  He scowled at me as the gates swung closed behind him. “I’m not a direction. It’s Easton. And some of us have jobs to do. Contrary to what you’ve seen, the afterlife doesn’t revolve around getting laid.”

  “Boys!” Anaya snapped her fingers at us. “Game faces. And you…” She stalked toward Easton and stopped at the toe of his boots. Towering over her as if she were a little girl, he groaned.

  “What did I do now?”

  Anaya reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Easton froze, looking uncomfortable, then hesitantly hugged her back before breaking contact and stepping away.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. “But you’re done. I’m not letting you go in there and get involved. You’ve already risked too much.”

  Anaya placed a kiss on Easton’s cheek and smiled. Easton looked a little flustered, and I wanted to punch him in the throat to wipe the look off his face. I didn’t, though. The smoking blade at his hip, the scary-looking scars on his arms, and the fact that he had saved my ass might have had a little to do with that.


  “It’s…no problem.” He scratched the back of his head and looked back and forth between us. “Just don’t expect me to bail you out again.” He turned his attention to me. “And you. Take care of her, or I’ll haul your ass back downstairs myself.”

  He took two steps back, then disappeared into a swirling black pit beneath him. Anaya took a deep, shaky breath and looked past me to a gleaming building in the distance. Its mirrored walls reflected the nothingness around it, making it hard to spot.

  “Come on,” she said. “He’s waiting for us.”

  “What’s going to happen?”

  “I…I don’t know exactly.” I followed on her heels, staring at the glass floor under my feet as we walked. Stars swirled around beneath us, like fish under a glass-bottom boat.

  “But I’m going to work for this guy, right?” I said. “Like you.”

  Anaya nodded. “That’s the plan.”

  She stopped at the steps to the mirror building and I skidded to a halt behind her. A man stood on the steps, a strange smile on his face. A glint in his silvery blue eyes. His white robe stirred with a breeze that I couldn’t feel.

  “Well…this is a nice surprise,” he said, stepping down to circle us. His gaze left cold electric shivers rolling down my spine. “I’ll be honest, Anaya, I didn’t think you were going to pull this off. But I have to give credit where credit is due.”

  “I didn’t pull anything off,” she said. “He wants to do this.”

  “Good,” he said, spinning on his heel and starting up the cold marble steps. “Then this should be easy enough. Follow me.”

  Anaya kept a safe distance from me as we followed through the halls. Images flickered and flashed across the walls. It looked like a thousand flat-screen televisions all broadcasting death. On one cube of color a man fell backward off an airplane platform. His head cracked against the runway below. A tiny glow of a girl gathered up his soul and the image faded into another. The next screen over showed a man choking on a hunk of lobster. He fell over in his chair, tearing down the Happy Retirement! banner behind him on his way down. I blinked at the screen, unable to keep up with the images. Everything about this place screamed death.

  “So…you’re Balthazar, right?”

  He laughed and spared me an amused glance over his shoulder. “Yes. Am I not what you expected?”

  “To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect,” I said.

  I shook my head, trying to break my gaze away from the wall of dying faces. One by one they flashed across the wall. Some in pain. Some in peaceful sleep. It all would have made one hell of a painting. A terrifying one, but still. I reached out and ran a finger across the image of a girl’s face and the image rippled like water under my touch.

  Balthazar cleared his throat, breaking my attention from the wall. Anaya stood beside him, patiently waiting for me to take it all in.

  “Please, come in.” Balthazar held his hand out and ushered us into an office. Inside, the walls looked like they were made of stars. Balthazar took a seat behind a big glass desk and motioned for us to sit.

  “Tell me what you already know, Cash.”

  I exchanged a look with Anaya and folded my hands in my lap, feeling like I was in a job interview. Which was really screwed up, considering I was dead. “Um…you want me to work for you.”

  He nodded. “Yes. But it’s so much more than that. I guess you could say, I want your help in cleaning up our earthly streets. A bounty hunter of sorts. Only you don’t collect any bounty at the end of a job.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We have an epidemic.” Balthazar swept his hands over the glass-top desk and an image rippled across the surface. An image of a soul terrorizing a family. A girl sat huddled in a corner as the soul with big dark eyes and pale gold hair flung a chair across the room. It splintered against the wall and her shriek bounced off the walls like a siren. “Lost souls. Souls that have escaped their reaper. Souls that have managed to escape the Inbetween and have an ax to grind, like Maeve. The soul that terrorized your human friend.”

  I waved him off. “I know who Maeve is.” I caught a glimpse of Anaya’s surprised expression. “Em told me.”

  Balthazar nodded. “I can’t have them down there wreaking havoc. It throws everything off-balance.”

  I shrugged and leaned back in my chair. “So why not let the shadow demons have them if they’re such a problem?”

  “Because they are not all bad. But that doesn’t matter,” he said. “They have no place among the living. I need you to collect them, bring them here for sorting. We have a system. And that system does not cater to helping those of the underworld grow stronger.”

  I thought about the horde of shadows I’d dangled above just hours earlier and shivered. I didn’t want to help them get stronger, either. “So, why me? Why all this trouble to get me here?”

  Balthazar laughed and leaned across the table. “You have no idea how rare you are, do you? How special?”

  “Look.” I scratched the back of my head. “I may be a lot of things, but special isn’t one of them. I did have a girl once tell me I was a special kind of asshole, but I don’t think that’s what you’re talking about here.”

  “Your soul is over a thousand years old. It’s been recycled over and over, each time gaining more strength. For a soul to recycle that many times and end up sitting in front of me is unheard of. You have the strength to walk between worlds. Corporeality means nothing to you. You, Cash, are a valuable weapon.”

  I didn’t feel like a valuable weapon. I still felt like me. Like a kid who got drunk on Friday night and got by high school on a C-minus average.

  “Will you hurt them?” I thought about the kids from the abandoned building that Noah and I had collected. “The souls I bring in?”

  Balthazar raised a brow. “Why do you care?”

  “Because I’m not a monster.” I laughed. “Look, I’ve seen what they do with them on the other side. If that’s what we’re talking about, you can count me out.”

  He studied me for a moment, tapping his knuckles on the glass as if he didn’t know what to make of me.

  “They will be sorted. Some will stay in the Inbetween. Souls like you’ve just seen will go to Hell. They will be put back in the place they belong. That is all.”

  I nodded. “Do I get to have a life?”

  Balthazar laughed. “A life? You do realize you’re dead, son. Anaya explained that much at least, I would hope.”

  I rolled my eyes and Anaya’s warm hand rested on my arm. I glanced down and laced my fingers through hers. The energy buzzing under my skin was almost too much. Like fireworks bursting in my veins. But when she touched me it calmed, almost soothed by her warmth. “That’s not what I meant.”

  Balthazar sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Come here.”

  Anaya and I looked up at the same time. “Why?”

  “Because you need to go through transition. Did you think this was it?”

  I laughed, incredulously. “Well…yeah. I’m dead.”

  He raised a brow and electricity crackled in the air, forcing me up out of my seat. I came around the desk and he stood up to meet me. “You may be powerful, but there is one thing you need to remember.” He leaned in so close that his breath created ice crystals along the shoulder of my T-shirt. “I can end you,” he whispered.

  Shaking, I laughed, then swallowed the sound. “So, I shouldn’t be expecting a Christmas bonus then?”

  Balthazar stood back up with a smile and rested his palm over my shoulder. The cold jolted me with a shock at first and I looked over at Anaya, who was standing next to her chair. She looked afraid. I tried to smile and shook my head mouthing, “It’s going to be fine.”

  But it wasn’t. The cold grew more brutal by the second and a burst of pain exploded through me. The energy simmering just beneath my skin was popping through my pores, light seeming to tear my skin to shreds. My back bowed with the force of it and I groaned. Balthazar squee
zed tighter and a fire ignited, swimming through my veins. A loud ringing sound vibrated my eardrums and somewhere in the muffled background I heard Anaya scream, “Stop!”

  Balthazar laughed and I dropped to my knees. Fireworks burst like bruises behind my closed eyelids and then…nothing. Everything was dark.

  Chapter 34

  Anaya

  A light swirled behind me, pulling on me like a rip current, glinting from the silver gleam in Balthazar’s eyes. I knew that light. I’d seen it thousands of times. But it had never been for me. Not once. I knelt down beside Cash and ran my palms over his eyelids, his lips…my palms rested against his chest and I left them there. It slowly rose with a breath, then fell flat again. I pressed my face to his heart and a faint beat thumped against my cheek. I gasped, my fingers searching and touching all the places that showed signs of life.

  “Oh my God…” I looked up at Balthazar. “Is he alive?”

  “Not exactly.” He waved in two angels and signaled for me to step away. They smiled with delight and wonder, and they lifted an unconscious Cash into their arms and carted him out of Balthazar’s office.

  Panic ignited in my chest watching him go. I reached out, but curled my fingers back into my palm and stepped away when I saw the look Balthazar was giving me.

  “Where are they taking him?”

  “To a safe place,” he said. “He is regenerating. He’ll need a little time to rest.”

  I clutched my hands against my stomach to calm the nervous feeling churning there. “Regenerate?”

  He nodded and sank back down into his seat, nonchalantly flipping through a stack of gold papers. “Yes. He’ll need certain abilities that you don’t have to do what I’m asking of him. Things only a soul with his power would be capable of.”

  Unable to ignore it, I glanced over my shoulder at the glowing porthole of light behind me. The force of it blew my braids out in every direction. I pulled them over my shoulder to hold them there. If it wasn’t for Cash…“W-what it this?”