On His Terms (The Arrangement Series Book 1)

by Madison Quinn

  “When Bridget approached me about this arrangement, my safety was my number one concern. I let her know that I would never agree to be alone with someone; I would never agree to meet you at your office after hours if no one else was going to be working. Although she mentioned possible business trips, I let her know that would have to be discussed at a much later date because in all honesty, I never thought I would see myself spending days in the same hotel room with a man. I swore I would put myself at risk again, that I would never let my guard down and trust someone again.”

  “Yet here we are,” I can’t help but point out the fact that we are entirely alone on a boat in the middle of open water with no one around us for miles.

  “Yes, even though I almost didn’t make it here.”

  “What do you mean? Did something happen on the way here?”

  “I’m surprised Carter didn’t tell you. I’m sure Hunter called him and told him he thought I was going crazy.”

  “I doubt Hunter would say something like that and if he did, he knows he would be fired. What happened, Kenzie? Did Hunter do something—“

  “No!” she quickly interrupts which relieves me greatly. I trust Hunter nearly as much as I trust Carter. I can’t picture him doing anything unprofessional. “I… I guess you could say I kind of freaked out when I realized we weren’t going to the bakery—“

  “Oh, Kenzie… I’m sorry,” FUCK I feel foolish now. “I had no idea... I… you weren’t talking to me, I didn’t know how else to talk to you.”

  “You could have come to the apartment,” she points out the obvious solution but I don’t think she realizes that I didn’t want to invade her privacy by doing that.

  I may know where she lives now but I refuse to take advantage of that. The stipulation in the contract is there for a reason. Even though we have blurred some of the lines in the contract, I don’t want to take advantage of that one. Her privacy is important her just as mine is to me.

  “I nearly had a panic attack in the car with Hunter when he wouldn’t tell me where we were going. I tried to open the car door to jump out, but of course it didn’t open—“

  “Kenzie, I’m so sorry. I never thought… I didn’t think… ”

  “Why would you? I never told you about my trust issues and it’s not like I didn’t know Hunter; he’s been with me for weeks now. I freaked out and my first thought was that I was at risk. The logical part of my brain must have fallen asleep, because had it been awake, it would have reminded me that I’ve felt comfortable with Hunter before and that he has given me no reason to worry.”

  “What happened?”

  “Hunter must have seen that I was freaking out because the next thing I knew we were pulled onto the side of the road and he was turned around calling my name. He told me that if I wanted, he would turn the car around and take me back to The Accord. I only began to calm down when he told me he was taking me to you and Carter.”

  “I’m sorry. I swear I’ll never do that again. I should have known that it would have frightened you not know where you were going—“

  “You had no reason to know, Nicholas. We’ve gone out plenty of times now; sometimes I don’t know all the details of the evenings and I’ve never had an issue with it.”

  “Because we were never alone,” I realize.

  “Right. And today I was suddenly alone in a car with Hunter.”

  “But you had no issues coming aboard the boat today?” I point out.

  “I know,” she sighs and looks back out at the water. “And I had no concerns about staying the weekend at your apartment when it was obvious no one was able to. As scary trusting me is, it’s just as scary for me to trust you.”

  Chapter 26

  Nicholas

  In that moment I realized how little I truly know about Kenzie; I know her ex abused her but I don’t know what her time with him was really like. She is very closed off about her past, although given the little bit I do know, it makes sense that she would have difficulty trusting men. I’m kicking myself for not thinking that having Hunter bring her here today instead of going to the bakery where she expected to go would have upset her. All I wanted to do was to get a chance to talk to her alone; she wasn’t responding to the flowers I sent, so I really didn’t know what else I could do. Alex told me to talk to her alone, to take her somewhere and do something just the two of us… yet he didn’t tell me how the hell to get her attention when she wouldn’t talk to me!

  “Can we go swimming?” Kenzie pulls me from my thoughts.

  “Of course! Come with me and I’ll show you where everything is,” I stand and take her hand to help her up from the lounge chair where we’ve been sitting for the last couple of hours. I hadn’t realized how much time had passed until I looked at my phone and realized it was well after noon. After the heavy discussion, I think a swim sounds like a great idea. With her hand still in mine, I lead her back through the main area of the boat and down the steps to the bedrooms.

  “I’ll give you a quick tour while we’re here,” I offer. “Obviously this is the kitchen; it has all main features of a home kitchen but on a much smaller scale. After we go swimming I’ll bring up the lunch that Julie packed and we can eat if you’re hungry.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Through here is a small office, over there is a guest bedroom and bathroom and then this is the master bedroom.”

  “Wow, Nicholas, this is amazing! I had no idea so much space was down here. I mean, the boat is obviously big but… wow!”

  “In the bag you’ll find a bathing suit, a cover up, a pair of flip flops, shorts and a top—“

  “You bought all of this?”

  “Yes… well technically a personal shopper at Neiman’s arranged all of this. I gave her your picture and she based the sizes from that, so I’m hoping they fit—“

  “Thank you.. You definitely didn’t need to do all of this, but thank you.”

  “Kenzie, I just want you to know again how sorry I am—“

  “Nicholas, you’ve apologized; you’re forgiven. I overreacted as well and like you, I didn’t know how to fix things. The flowers you sent me, which were absolutely beautiful by the way, were your way of trying to reach out to me. I wanted to call you so many times, but I didn’t know what to say because I don’t think I even understood why it bothered me so much that you thought you needed to pay me.”

  “Because you recognized before I did, that this was more than a business arrangement. I don’t know when it happened, but it did.”

  “Do you think that’s okay though? I mean… Oh, I don’t know what I mean.”

  “Kenzie, I’m sure Bridget has clients who have developed friendships and probably even relationships from these arrangements. I think when two people spend a lot of time together, it’s a natural reaction. It just didn’t take as much time for us.”

  “I suppose.”

  “I’m going to change in the guest room; how about we meet on the deck in a few minutes? Anything you might need should be in the bathroom just through that door.”

  “Thank you Nicholas… again for all of this.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  I slowly close the door and walk across the small hallway to the guest bedroom, closing myself in the room before I sit on the bed. I never expected to tell Kenzie so much about what happened and thought I could gloss over all the details, just giving her the gist of it. I never thought I would tell her as much as I did. I’m relieved I did though; I may not have realized it at the time but I’m really glad she didn’t accept the money I tried to give her. I wouldn’t have thought any less of her if she did, but when she didn’t, it… it just reinforced what I already knew, that Kenzie was nothing like she was.

  When I hear the bedroom door open and shut across the hall I realized I need to hurry up and get changed. I quickly don a pair of swim trunks and T-shirt to swim in; while I hate swimming with a shirt on I’m not about to take the chance that something could happen.

&n
bsp; When I make my way up to the deck, I stop dead in my tracks at seeing Kenzie. She is standing at the end of the boat, holding onto the rail and looking out over the water. She’s wearing nothing but the bikini that I purchased for her which, combined with the backdrop of the blue water, makes her looking incredibly beautiful.

  FUCK

  I should have told Neiman’s to give her a one piece bathing suit. Hell I should have “forgotten” the bathing suit and taken swimming off the agenda for today. My mind immediately goes to all the things that I could do to this gorgeous woman right now. There is no one around for miles, I could fuck her right now, right where she is standing and no one would ever know. I could walk up to her, pull her bikini bottom to the side, plunge into her and fuck her against the railing of the boat without giving it a second thought.

  But I won’t and I can’t. I can’t jeopardize our arrangement and more importantly I would never hurt her. I’m not what she needs, what she deserves and I don’t think I ever could be. She deserves someone who comes without baggage, someone who won’t have issues trusting her completely. The realization that I could never be that man is the equivalent of having a bucket of ice dumped down my swim trunks.

  “It’s beautiful out here isn’t it?” I say, approaching Kenzie.

  “Absolutely stunning; I see why you enjoy coming out here. Do you spend much time on the water?”

  “Not as much as I would like to unfortunately. If it were up to me I would be out here every weekend…”

  “What stops you?”

  “Work typically; then there are various social events but mostly it’s work.”

  “If I could get away from everything, every once in a while, I would take advantage of it, whenever I could. Being out here makes you forget… everything,” she muses wistfully.

  Those simple sentences make me realize she truly gets why coming out here means so much to me. She may not know that she gets my reason, but her statement alone tells me she feels the same way I do when she looks out at the water. For some reason it is so easy to lose yourself in the waves when all you see is blue in all directions.

  “I put some of the suntan lotion on, but I couldn’t reach my back. Do you mind?” Kenzie asks.

  “Sure, of course,” I take the bottle from her as I step closer to her. “Is it okay if I untie the bottom strap? It might be easier—“

  “Sure,” her hands immediately go to the fabric covering her breasts, holding it in place.

  Despite the earlier realization, I can’t help but wish she would have let the top fall off. I squirt some of the lotion onto my hand and slowly apply it to her back. She jumps when I first touch her, probably from the coldness but immediately relaxes as I rub the lotion on. As I smooth it down her back, for the first time I see scars. They’re small and light, barely noticeable unless you’re close to her but they are there.

  “Kenzie?”

  “I scar easily…” She shrugs and I have to force myself to continue what I’m doing rather than focus on the scars. There are a easily two dozen of them, all different sizes and shapes but they cover from the middle of her back to her waistline at least from what I can see.

  “Kenzie...” I don’t know what to say, what I should say. I hate the fucker who did this to her and want nothing more than to find a way to destroy him for hurting her. I can’t imagine any man wanting to do something like this to a woman, let alone one that is as beautiful and perfect as Kenzie is.

  Perfect?

  “Don’t Nicholas… please. It was a long time ago; can we just forget about it?”

  Her voice is shaky as she tries portraying the strong image I know she wants me to see. I’m suddenly confronted with an overwhelming need to hold her, to comfort her and to tell her that everything will be okay, that no one would ever hurt her again. But I don’t. Instead I tie her bathing suit back into place and step away.

  “Thank you,” her voice is barely above a whisper and I have no doubt that she thanking me for more than putting sun tan lotion on.

  “Do you want to swim here or should we move the boat?” I suggest.

  “I like it here, if you don’t mind.”

  “No, here is perfect.”

  We go to the back of the boat where there is a ladder and a small stand to sit on, but Kenzie surprises me and dives right into the water from the deck of the boat. I chuckle as she splashes me with cold water from her jump. She swims out quite a distance before turning around and swimming back to the boat without coming up for a breath of air.

  “Aren’t you coming in?” she asks.

  Feeling the need to lighten things up, I stand up and cannon ball into the water only a few feet from her.

  “Nicholas!” she giggles and tries to splash water at me but I sink under before it hits me.

  We spend the rest of the day just like that, swimming and having fun. Gone are the heavy conversations and the many unanswered questions that remain between us. Instead, we keep things light and current rather than talking about our pasts. We enjoy the chicken salad lunch that Julie prepared for us before heading back to the marina late in the afternoon.

  As I stand behind Kenzie, watching her steer the boat back towards the marina, I find myself surprised at how nice today turned out. I was prepared for anything to happen today, anything but this. I pictured her refusing to get on the boat with me, or cursing me out for trying to give her the money, or worse yet, even pictured her ending our arrangement because of what I did. Never did I dare to hope that today would have gone as well as it did. I actually had fun… I can’t remember the last time I could say that. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I spent the entire day with a woman.

  It’s weird, but when I think back to being with her, I realize just how off things were between us. I never spend an entire day with her… sure a few hours here and there but that usually was it. She never wanted to come on the boat, claiming the water made her sick. Today, Kenzie and I spent more than six hours on the boat… just the two of us. The only time she and I spent six hours together would be at a function with hundreds of other people around. Although it wasn’t always her fault because I was always busy with PFS. Looking back at it now, I could have made more of an effort to spend time with her… if I had wanted to.

  It didn’t take much to spend the day out here with Kenzie; just a few meetings and calls rearranged and some work pushed off until tomorrow. At the time I thought she was just being understanding with how busy I was but now I see that it was all part of the façade that she wanted me to see.

  “Nicholas… Nicholas!” Kenzie pulls me from my thoughts as we approach the marina.

  “You’re doing fine, we’re going to head into the third row—“

  “No! You need to do this! I’m going to hit another boat, or the dock or someone!”

  “You’ll do fine, keep your hands firm on the wheel,” I put my hands on the wheel on either side of her body essentially making it impossible for her move. Her body is tense around me but I’m not worried; she has been steering the boat for the last hour, navigating around several other boats with complete ease. Besides, my hands are on the wheel, I can easily correct anything she does before anything were to occur. She may be scared, but I think secretly she is enjoying having this control.

  “We’re going to start to turn left just after we pass that boat, do you see it?” I ask.

  “Ye… yes,” she’s nervous but I’m not.

  “Perfect… yup… just like that.”

  “I can’t believe I did that!” She exclaims happily when I cut the engine at the dock.

  “I told you that you could do it!”

  She turns and throws her hands around my neck pulling me close to her before she rests her face in the crook of my neck. My hands automatically go around her waist, holding her close to me.

  “Thank you, Nicholas… thank you for today,” she whispers against my neck so softly that I can feel her lips move against my skin.

  “Anytime, Kenzie.”


  She pulls back slightly from me until her face is only a couple inches from me, her hands are still wrapped around my neck and mine around her waist. My eyes find hers and immediately I feel like she is looking at me differently. I suddenly feel like she can see right through me, as if she can see deep into me. Suddenly I feel… exposed.

  “Nicholas,” Kenzie whispers when I suddenly look away as if I’m afraid if she continues looking at me the way she is right now, she will be able to see it all.

  “Thank you… for telling me everything today; thank you for trusting me,” she leans up just enough to place her soft lips against mine. Her eyes close the moment our lips touch, but I can’t bring myself to close mine. Her fingers run through the ends of my hair at my neck; my hands find the bare skin just beneath her shirt on her back. As she becomes more sure of herself, or maybe of what she’s doing, Kenzie moves her lips against mine deepening our kiss – changing it from a kiss between two friends to one between…

  BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

  We both immediately pull away from each other at the sound of a boat’s loud horn not far from us. On one hand I want to kill the fucker who stopped Kenzie from kissing me, but on the other hand I know it’s probably for the best. If she had continued to kiss me like that, I don’t know if I would have been able to stop myself. My dick is already stirring with her body pressed up against it.

  “Carter will be waiting to drive us back to The Accord unless you need to go somewhere else?”

  “No, that’s fine.”

  As we head towards the front of the boat, I see Carter waiting for us on the dock and I have no doubt that more than likely just saw what transpired between us. Thankfully, I don’t need to worry about him saying anything—unless I ask Carter for his opinion, he rarely gives it. I tell Kenzie to wait on the deck for me so I can get off the boat first. I toss Carter a rope and he quickly secures the boat to the dock as I step off. Kenzie takes my hand but doesn’t let go as we walk towards the car.