After the Before

by Gomez, Jessica

  At this point fire is boiling my veins into lava. I’ve never had anyone disobey me. “What did he do?”

  “Nothing.” Carlos holds his hands up. “We followed them. When things got tense, I went in.” He smiles. “I didn’t touch him; I thought you’d like the privilege.”

  “Si.”

  “You want to go now? I’m sure he’s not far from where we left him.” Carlos is pointing over his shoulder, looking ecstatic about getting into a fight.

  “No. We will go when he’s least expecting it. I want his ass to sweat and worry about when it’s coming, because it will.”

  I turn around without another word, shutting and latching the door once I’m inside. Jasmine is looking at me from across the room, and she can see that I’m angry.

  “Why didn’t you come straight back here?”

  “I went into a gift shop.” Her sweet voice drifts to me in the quiet room.

  It’s impossible for me to stay mad at her. I cross the room to stand in front of her, placing my hands on her cheeks as she leans into me.

  “Jas… I’m supposed to protect you.” However, it’s not as if I can tie her down. I’m clueless about what to do.

  “I’m alright.” Her eyes are so intense, that they suck me right in. She holds my gaze for a long time before saying, “I got you something.” Her smile is gigantic and her eyes are bright.

  “Que?” I ask her.

  She digs into her plastic sack and pulls out something wrapped in brown paper. I eye her suspiciously; why would she buy me something?

  I open the brown paper and pull out a shot glass, but not just any shot glass… it’s a flaming burger shot glass that reads ‘FLAME ON’ in capital letters, accentuating the flames hotness. No matter how mad I was a moment ago, I start to laugh. Soon Jasmine joins me, wiping a tear out of her eye.

  “I saw it and had to get it for you. This way you have something to remember us, and our time together.” The after we go home, goes unsaid.

  The weight of the unsaid sentence leers over both of us. Her eyes are happy and sad at the same time.

  “Thank you.” I whisper. The thought of us ending is already causing an ache in my chest. Just knowing we have an expiration date pulls at my heartstrings.

  Jasmine must reciprocate my feelings because she changes the subject. “Did you look to see what movies they have to order from the TV?”

  “No. But I did get you these.” I lean over and hand her the bouquet of lilies.

  I can see it in her eyes that her heart melts. She holds the flowers to her nose and inhales their sweet perfume. “Thank you, they’re beautiful. I love them.”

  She moves to the counter next to the coffee maker and grabs the ice bucket. She tosses the plastic bag aside, and fills the container full of water. She unties the flowers and arranges them in the bucket, fluffing them a few times to make sure you can see their full effect, their aroma already filling the entire room. If I had known they smelled this good, I might have bought some sooner; they work better than any air freshener does.

  She stares me down as she walks back to me. On her way, she clicks the TV on as she passes. Somehow, she makes even that look sexy.

  “Let’s find something to watch.” She flops on the bed, bouncing around before settling in. I can’t help but watch her full breasts bounce around with her.

  Get your head in the game, Alex. I scold myself. Jasmine is more than a beautiful face and body. Just her presence means more to me than any superficial looks. I walk to the side of the bed, but before I hop up next to her to get comfortable, I ask, “Lounge wear first?”

  She nods before answering. “Yes, great plan. This is going to be so nice.” I can see she is excited to have a quiet, drama free night.

  We grab our nightwear for the evening and begin to strip, neither of us moving to another room. She keeps her eyes on her task; however, I can’t stop staring at her the entire time she dresses. If you asked me what she’d taken off, I couldn’t tell you. The only things my eyes lock on are the very black, lacy bra and panty set she’s wearing. My God, she owns them. Her panties are low cut, silky and lacy, and the bra matching much the same, perking her large breasts up and out. She covers up with a pair of pink and blue cloth shorts, and a light blue tank top, that almost matches the color of her eyes. When she finishes, she discards her clothes into a laundry bag and tosses it aside.

  Sitting back on the bed, she notices I’ve only taken my shirt off and I’m standing there in a trance. “Are you alright?” She asks, concerned.

  “Si, I’m more than alright.” I smile at her, because she has no idea that looking at her like that has left me breathless.

  I finish removing my shirt and nonchalantly wipe my mouth with it, just in case I drooled while I was gawking at her. Unlike Jasmine, I toss my clothes on the floor next to the end of the bed. On my way back to the bed, I open the window to our ocean view room, letting in the soft, warm salty breeze. Jasmine beats me to the remote and skims through the movie selections on the TV guide.

  “What will it be? Comedy, drama, horror…” She says the last one in an ominous tone.

  I chuckle. “Anything you like is fine with me.” I place my hands behind my head and lean back on the headboard, very aware of Jasmine’s shoulder and the length of her arm against my side.

  I close my eyes, taking a moment to feel her warmth, absorb her heat… her scent; everything I will have to give up in a couple of days when we leave. I think about continuing what we have, but then remember how selfish it would be of me to put her in harm’s way. It’s not only because of her mother, but it’s also because of the ties to my gang. I already have to do cleanup work with a few of the guys in my own gang, so what would happen to her if my rivals found out about her, and what she means to me?

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Jasmine

  As I flip through the movie selections, I chance a glance at Alex. He’s leaning against the headboard, and his dark, tattooed, muscular arms are behind his head. His eyes are closed, those long, beautiful black lashes leaving shadows on his cheeks.

  I scoot closer and tuck myself against his side, feeling a little self-conscious in doing so. Every time I get close to him, the all too familiar stampede of butterflies bombard me. He stays where he is, relaxing further and breathing deeper. At his response, I find myself following suit. I cannot comprehend how I am ever going to walk away at the end of this week. I can already feel my heart breaking just thinking about it.

  My eyes drift back to the screen, surfing through channels without paying attention. I decide I want to watch a comedy, something funny, and something that will distract us from our impending expiration date that we have set upon ourselves.

  I click on The Other Guys, with Will Ferrell. I’ve seen it before, but really enjoyed it. I’d rented it and brought it home for my father and me to watch. The wicked witch, aka Margret, was out with some of her friends, so we actually had a nice time. I hit confirm to purchase and the screen said the movie would start in five minutes, giving me enough time to get my munchies together.

  I toss the remote next to Alex’s leg and lean up to the bags of goodies we’d bought at the convenient store. As I begin to open the bags and ice cream, Alex comes back from la la land.

  “What’d you pick?” He leans up, eyeing the junk food.

  “The Other Guys, have you seen it?” I ask, not looking back at him.

  “Nope, don’t get out much anymore.” He snags a bag of mini snickers and lays back against the headboard, dropping the bag in his lap.

  I drag the bags and jug of ice cream up next to us; this way, I can remain snuggled next to Alex. “The TV said it would start in five minutes.” I sound like I’m rambling, because the message is still on the screen, plain as day for him to read himself. “So we have a couple more to go.” I roll my eyes inside my head at myself… smooth, Jasmine.

  I sit back, making note not to lean on him this time and silently hope maybe he will move toward
me. I am such a grade-schooler with a crush. ‘Do you like me? Circle yes or no.’ God, I am so lame.

  I pull the jug of ice cream up to my lap and bring out my spoon. I love strawberry cheesecake ice cream. The first bite sends a heavenly taste across my taste buds, making my toes curl. My body lets out a small moan of its own accord.

  “Good?”

  “Mm hmm.”

  His smile is still plastered on his lips when he resumes watching the TV, just as the movie starts. I begin spooning mouthful after mouthful of ice cream into my mouth, because I don’t know what else to do. I feel awkward, but it’s only when brain freeze overrides me, that I realize that I am wolfing down the creamy goodness at an alarming rate… nervous much?

  I set the now half-eaten bin down on the nightstand and relax back into my pillows. Alex fluffs his pillows a moment later and slides them closer to me. When he leans back, our arms touch again, and my heart melts at his warmth. The tension in my body leaves me the longer we touch. The movie is as funny as I remembered the first time, and Alex seems to enjoy it too.

  His presence relaxes me so much that I fall asleep halfway through the movie. I’m only vaguely aware that it’s over when Alex leans away from me to shut the TV off with the remote. A small pouting whimper escapes my lips when he extracts himself to use the restroom.

  He leans down and whispers to me, “Shh, I’ll be right back.” Then gently brushes a kiss against my cheek.

  The small contact is enough to pacify me until he returns moments later, shuts the light out, and slides back into bed with me, pulling me onto his chest. My body lets out a sigh all on its own as he traces small patterns on my arm. I’m almost completely under, my breathing slow and even, when he starts speaking quietly to me. It takes me a moment to understand and register what he’s saying, and that he thinks I’m sleeping.

  “How am I ever going to let you go?” He murmurs against my hair. “I am so alive and content when I’m with you, near you, hell, even if I see you across a room; I feel some kind of peace. I haven’t felt this whole since my papa, Marisol, and Jace were still alive.” His fingers slide from my arm to cradle the glass pendent that holds my brothers ashes. “I miss them so much.” His voice is choked and small. “I wish we could stay here forever, just like this.” He lets out a long low breath. “How am I ever going to let you go?” He repeats his earlier words and slides further down in bed, pulling me tight against him. “Sleep well, angel.” He presses his lips softly to my forehead and holds them there, as if he’s savoring the sensation of my skin.

  If I hadn’t been so tired, I would have started to cry. Instead, my body relaxes into him more at his words, and I lose the battle with sleep listening to his slow rhythmic breathing against my ear.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Alex

  Last night holding Jasmine, I realized how hard it’s going to be to let her go. I cannot begin to comprehend how I am going to do it. A clean break would be best, but somehow, I think that’s impossible at this point.

  I wake before her, puzzling her out, watching her sleep and breathe softly on my chest. Her beautiful features are tranquil and without worry as they rise and fall on my slow breaths.

  Shortly after I wake, Jasmine stirs, snuggling herself tightly against my side, draping her leg and hip over mine, pulling me closer to her warm body. Instantly, my body reacts to her new proximity. I’m already sporting la empalme being next to her, and now that Jasmine is practically on top of me, her leg rubbing me in the right place, I want her more than ever. Just thinking about her touching me again is almost my undoing. If I were smart, I would go take a cold shower before I finish myself off with just my imagination.

  I groan as I move out from under her. Jasmine’s whimpering protests are almost enough to make me stay where I am and finish what I’ve started in my fantasy, but instead, I quietly move to the bathroom, my boxers pitching a tent, pointing the way.

  I turn the water on, not bothering to check the temperature before I step under the spray. Even though the water is practically freezing, it takes a few minutes for my problem to go away. Every time my thoughts drift back to the girl lying in my bed only a few feet away, my body reacts without my permission. I’ve never had this problem before. Sure, I get morning wood, but Jasmine has me in a constant state of wood. I can’t help it, I’ve been with other girls, a lot of them, but none of them have made me feel this way. Trying to control myself around her is proving problematic.

  By the time I step out of the shower, my lips are tinted blue from the cold water. I know Jasmine is awake because I can hear her moving about on the other side of the wall. I pull on a fresh pair of boxer briefs and shorts and open the door, only to find Jasmine standing directly on the opposite side. She has a towel tossed carelessly over her shoulder; her clothes and hair are a mess, like she has just climbed out of bed... my bed. So much for trying to solve my little problem with cold water. One look at her disheveled appearance and my morning friend returns.

  “Alex? Are you all right? Your lips are blue and you’re shaking.” She asks, concerned.

  She reaches out to me. When her hand touches my arm, raising goose bumps in its wake, I snap to attention. “I’m fine.” I say, but my voice is still in a trance from looking at her.

  “Alex, you’re not fine. You’re freezing. Why are you so cold?” She steps into me, wrapping her arms around me to share some of her warmth. When her midsection touches mine, her eyes go wide and look down. “Oh.” A small playful smile crosses her lips. I think it’s finally registering to her why I am so cold after taking a shower.

  “Sorry.” I say, sounding like a pendejo.

  She looks like she has a sudden case of boldness and I know I’m right when she asks, “You want me to help you with your, um…problem?” Her eyes flash with mischief and desire.

  Good God, how am I supposed to deal with this? Maybe asking her to stay in my room was not the brightest idea I had ever had, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. “Jas, we’ve already talked about this.”

  I run my hand through my hair, frustrated, letting out a long breath. I have no hope for my issue to resolve itself anytime soon. When I look back at her, the same devilish grin is on her face. What is she thinking? If her thoughts are running the same path as mine, I pray the words never leave her mouth. If one of our thoughts is voiced, I will not have the strength to deny her any longer.

  “We don’t have to have sex…” She leaves the sentence hanging as her towel drops to the floor and she steps into me.

  “Jasmine, I…”

  My words die in my mouth as she pushes me against the wall and her hand slips into my shorts wrapping around me, caressing me. My breath catches in my throat and I almost choke on it. She likes my reaction; I can read it on her triumphant face.

  I slam my head back against the wall, just trying to keep breathing. “Oh God,” I murmur, staring at the ceiling, “Don’t stop.”

  Jasmine is slowly stroking me, as if we’ve done this a thousand times before. She only has to make a few passes and I am ready.

  She whispers against my lips, “You can call me Jasmine, Alex,” then she leans into me, pressing her lips, breasts, and hips against mine.

  That’s it for me. Holding back is no longer an option. I jerk and shudder against her as she pins me hard with her body against the wall. If she hadn’t pushed up against me so firmly, I would have buckled to the floor.

  “Jasmine.” I moan her name, and it tastes as sweet as caramel on my tongue. Recovering takes me a couple of seconds while regaining my bearings. I’ve never been as satisfied by anyone in any way as I am at this moment. I’m dizzy with ecstasy.

  “Feel better?” She smiles innocently at me, as if having her hand down my pants happens every day. “I’m gonna take a shower. You want to go eat and then find something to do for the rest of the day?”

  I’m still grasping my surroundings, coming back from my cloud of elation. I can think of one way I want to pass the
rest of the day with her, repeating this action and much, much more. I have to swallow before I can answer.

  “Yeah,” and that’s the extent of my vocabulary at this moment.

  “Okay. I’ll be out in a few minutes.” She says as she leans up on her tiptoes and kisses me.

  She giggles as she picks up her towel and steps around me, tossing the bathroom door closed, but keeping it unlatched. The water begins to run and I can hear her clothes hitting the floor, the shower curtain pulling aside, and then water hitting what I know is her silky vanilla skin. I close my eyes and imagine the water running down her back, off her perfectly round, perky ass and breasts. I shake my head, trying to rid these thoughts, because the last thing I need is to pitch another tent before she comes back out.

  ‘Then again, she helped me out.’

  I smile to myself and push off the wall to finish dressing and regain my composure before she comes back out in god only knows what.

  ‘Please be fully dressed.’ I beg silently. Can I last three more nights with her in my bed without taking her? I pray that I can, because if I take her virginity and then leave her, I will never be able to forgive myself.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Jasmine

  I’m standing in the shower and I’m pretty sure I can hear Alex still breathing heavily on the other side of the door. I smile so wide, my cheeks hurt. I can’t believe I did that. I’ve never done anything like it before, but it was exciting, thrilling, and one hell of a turn on. I want him to be my first, even if we never see each other again and stick with our plans to separate after this trip. I know I will never feel what I feel for him with anyone else, and I want my first time to be with him, no one else. Our connection is more than physical; something possesses me and draws me to him.

  I finish washing my hair and body, remembering I forgot to bring my clothes into the bathroom with me.

  ‘That’s too bad.’

  I know what I want and if I have to seduce him to get it, I will. He wants me too; it’s obvious, but he’s only trying to be the gentleman, which is something I love about him. By the exasperation on his face when I was helping him out earlier, it wouldn’t take much encouragement on my part to get what I want.