After the Before

by Gomez, Jessica

  After I towel off, I wrap it around my breasts and head out to grab my clothes. Alex is over by the window, watching the waves on the beach intently. Either that, or he’s trying not to notice me in my towel, so I give him a break, grab my clothes, and return to the bathroom to change.

  When I’m fully dressed and have my makeup on, I exit to find him hanging the phone up in a hurry. I narrow my eyes suspiciously, and walk over to him, wondering what he’s up to.

  “What are you doing?” I ask him.

  “Nothing that you need to worry about right now.” He smiles, and walks over to me to press a kiss to my temple. “Are you ready to get some grub?”

  “Yes.” I can tell he’s trying not to think about what happened earlier, so I make sure I bring up the subject just to tease him a little. “You feeling better?” I turn a light pink and giggle.

  He looks embarrassed and horny as hell. He brings me back to his arms and breathes on my neck and ear, sending erotic tingles through my body. “Si, much better.” He kisses the side of my jaw. “You should be careful doing things like that.” At first, I’m not sure what he means. Is that some type of rejection? Did I do it wrong? He seemed to enjoy himself, thoroughly. My heart is racing about what I might have done wrong when he finishes his sentence. “You make me want to take you right now when I think about what you did.” His words are a growl and I think he’s about to throw me on the bed and have his way with me, which is totally fine on my part.

  “I’m good with that.” I tell him, tempting him further by pressing my breasts into him and do a little soft breathing of my own on his skin.

  He growls loud, like a wild animal. “Jasmine, you know I’m not going to do that to you, not when we are…not when we have to split after the next couple of days. I would never be able to forgive myself for taking something like that from you.” I can see he’s waging a battle within himself. He’s not even sure if he can tell me no for much longer because I can see it in his eyes, the lust, the desire, and yes, even the love.

  “What if I don’t care? What if I want to, even if I could never see you again? Imagining someone else in your place is a slap in the face. No one could ever replace you, Alex. It seems like I’m betraying you just thinking about it.” My eyes are staring at the red wine carpet in our room, not having the courage to speak these words while looking directly at him.

  He tilts my chin up. I can see small flecks of gold in his dark chocolate eyes. “It just feels wrong to me.”

  Wrong? How could something so beautiful feel wrong? There is no hint of wrongness in it for me. If I only had one second to spend with him after we made love, I would still do it, and I would never regret it. “I guess if you feel that strongly about it…” He sees the heartbreak in my eyes, the rejection.

  “Jas, don’t ever think it’s because I don’t want to. I want to. Jesus, I want to. However, I think it would just complicate our separation. It’s already going to be difficult enough.” He smooth’s my hair back and tucks it behind my ear. “Do you understand where I’m coming from?”

  I do understood, but being together should never feel like a mistake, or feel wrong. “I understand.” I tell him and try not to bring down the rest of our day. “Where do you want to go eat? Feel like another Flaming burger?” I half-heartedly joke.

  He turns slightly green at the mention of the evil burger he ate the day before. I laugh at his reaction, “No, anything but that,” he laughs along with me.

  “How about something light? Are we going to be in the sun most of the day?” I ask, because I know him too well already. I know he was on the phone planning something for us to do for the rest of the day.

  He smiles, knowing I figured him out. “Yeah, something light would be good. Soup and salad bar sound good to you?”

  “Yes, that sounds perfect. Do you need to go and check in with your people?” I ask, surprising him that I would be cool with him doing something like that. Do I like it? No, absolutely not, but what am I going to do? This is who he is now.

  “I think I should. Give me a sec, alright.”

  I nod while he gets on his cell and calls Carlos. I only hear one side of the conversation, and most of it’s in Spanish, so understanding it is over my head. You would think having a best friend for ten years who speaks fluent Spanish; I would have picked up more... at least civilized words, and not the bad ones he taught me.

  “Is everything alright?” I ask once he ends the call.

  “Yep, I told him that he’s pretty much in charge the rest of the week because I would be hanging out with you for the trip, but to call me if anything needed to be dealt with.”

  I have to admit, the gang scene is not my thing, but the bad boy role is quite the turn on. Thinking about him protecting me and being my hero when it comes to scumbags like Andrew, is a huge aphrodisiac.

  Alex grabs the community guide the hotel keeps in each room and looks up a good restaurant, far enough away where we can have our privacy. It’s about two miles away, but I’m up for the walk, especially since there is a boardwalk along the beach the entire way there. None of the other seniors seem to be venturing more than a few blocks from the hotel. Scared, I guess.

  “You ready?” He asks.

  “I’m more than ready to spend the day out with you.” His face lights up as he leans down to kiss me, while I’m sitting on the bed.

  “Oh, bring your suit.” He says.

  It’s daytime, and my suit is a two-piece. “What about my marks?” I ask.

  His eyes turn cold and stern thinking about the marks that adorn my back. “You can wear one of my tank tops and bring a pair of light shorts. If there are not too many people around, you won’t need to worry about it. As much as seeing them bother me, I enjoy seeing you half naked more.” He grins, trying to make a joke, but his smile is far from touching his eyes. He’s still really pissed off about what happened. I wonder what he will do the next time he sees Margaret, or if he ever will.

  “Alright.”

  “Meet me at the store we bought our junk food at. The boardwalk is only a little ways away from it.”

  “Okay.” I turn to go out the door, but he pulls me back to him.

  “Forgetting something?” I look at him puzzled. The burning in his eyes reveals to me exactly what I forgot.

  I smile wide and kiss him, slipping some tongue in, and turning him wild in the process. His hands start to wander, but I think I am going to give him a dose of his own medicine and deny him, just as he’s done to me the last couple of days.

  I pull away, way too soon for his liking. He looks at me with drunken eyes, confused.

  “Alright, I’ll see you there in a few.” I turn and walk out the door.

  He registers what I’m doing before I leave, understanding the game, but before the door closes, I hear him say, “You are cruel, women.”

  I laugh as I head down the hall.

  I reach the store before him and browse around, making sure I have everything I need at the hotel. The only things I grab are a couple of bottled waters and sit outside on the bench, waiting for Alex to show up.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Alex

  I wait about ten minutes after Jasmine leaves to follow her. Thinking about anything or anyone else while I’m with her is unfeasible. She’s all I can think about when she’s gone. I’m trying not to think about our end date, but it’s hard knowing I’m going to have to give up what I have, what we have.

  Weaving my way down the halls, out into the front lobby, and around the pool area, is where I observe Carlos hitting on chicks again, but my mind is floating with thoughts of Jasmine. He gives me an empathetic nod, understanding each other without having to speak. The girl he is chatting up looks in my direction, and a seductive smile crosses her lips and she elbows the friend next to her. Once her friend sees me, their facial features are identical.

  I’m not really sure when things changed for me. Usually, I would take advantage of what these smiling, half-naked ch
icas have to offer, but now, it’s only annoying. I would rather them divert their eyes.

  I wish Jasmine were here so they could see that I have the most beautiful girl and that’s all I need, but no one will know about our relationship, except Carlos and a few members of my gang.

  Slowing down is not an option and I avoid saying hi. All I can think about is getting back to her. I’ve been noticing that I begin to panic if I’m away from her for too long. Not only do I miss her, but I also worry something will happen to her. She could run into Andrew again, or someone worse.

  My pace increases exponentially until I come up on the little store we agreed to meet at and there she is, sitting on a bench, face to the sky, and her hair flowing behind her in the breeze. The sun caresses her, making her hair and skin shine like nothing I have ever seen before. The sight of her steals my breath. I stop in my tracks just to stare, remembering, and storing everything about her. The way she always closes her eyes when she’s enjoying the sun, the small secret smile on her lips when she’s daydreaming. Her light vanilla skin glows under the sun’s rays, the multi-color strands of hair flow behind her like waves of silk on a breeze, making her perfect… my perfect. I know I’ll never find another girl like her, but I also know there will never be another girl like her… not for me.

  She seems to sense me after a few moments and looks directly at me. The expression on her face makes me wonder if she can read minds, because I can see that she gets me with only one look. Soon that beautiful smile stretches across her lips and she stands, waiting for me to finish closing the distance between us.

  I hesitate for a moment, still staring at her, completely awestruck. When I finally blink, reality comes back. I move toward her in a hurry, as if she’ll disappear if I wait another second. When I reach her, I take her in my arms, not caring who our audience is, and I kiss her hard, desperately. She lets me sink in, not seeming to care about our surroundings, either.

  After a moment, she steps back, ending the kiss far too soon for my liking. My fingers are desperate to keep touching her, and she looks at me with her knowing eyes. “Are you alright, Alex?”

  “I am now.” I tell her, not going into detail; showing weakness is not an option. Her life and her father’s life are more important than how I feel. Her knowing eyes are searching my face. ‘She knows already,’ I think.

  To prove my point, she says, “Everything will be alright. Things will work themselves out.” She puts her palm to my cheek and cradles me. I lean helplessly into it, a whimper almost escaping my lips, but I hold back. I am such a chick right now! I try to speak around the gigantic lump that forms in my throat, but I think she sees it. “Don’t worry now.” Her voice is soft, just above a whisper. “Let’s enjoy today and deal with everything else when we come to it. Alright?” Her eyes turn glittery in the sun, trying to hold back her own tears.

  I nod. It’s all I can do to keep it together.

  “So,” she says in her fake, cheery, voice, “What is it you have planned for us today?” Watching her try to be brave makes me want to help her through this.

  I clear my throat and say, “You’ll find out soon enough.” I smile a real smile. I want this to be a surprise, because I know she’s going to love it.

  I laugh and so does she. Just like that, we’re back to normal, pushing past the emotions. I take her hand and lead the way to the eatery we picked out of the brochure.

  After lunch, she turns to me. “Are you going to tell me what we’re doing now?”

  “Nope.”

  “You’re so unfair.” She says, but I can tell she likes the suspense.

  “Come on. We’re supposed to be there in thirty minutes, and I think it’ll take that long to walk there.” I take her hand again; I love the texture of her skin on mine, the more the better.

  We walk in silence most of the way, both enjoying our surroundings and each other’s company. She’s the only girl I know that can be content without speaking for more than a minute.

  I pull her toward the beaches edge and a guy comes over to us. Jasmine’s unsure, so she looks from me to the other bloke and back to me again. I’m smiling at her confusion. “Are you Alex?” He asks in a Hawaiian accent.

  “Yes.” I look him up and down. He’s definitely a local. His skin is tan, dark hair, the Hawaiian features; his body is built, his stomach resembling a washboard. He makes me look out of shape, and I am nowhere near out of shape.

  “What is this?” Jasmine leans intimately into me, almost as if she is making sure this person knows she is mine. I wrap my arm around her waist, not minding the proximity at all.

  Now I feel like a giddy schoolgirl. “This, my lady, is surfing lessons.”

  She slaps my chest. “You didn’t?” She says, but she is so excited, and she is literally jumping up and down, clapping like a little girl.

  She makes me laugh, my smile so wide it hurts my cheeks. “Yes. I thought you would like to take something back with you. Something you can never lose track of… a memory.”

  Her eyes are considerate. She leans in close and whispers in my ear, “I love it. It is absolutely perfect; thank you.”

  I turn my face into her and smell her freshly washed hair, kissing her on the temple. “I knew you’d love it.”

  Her response is a slow smile.

  “Alright.” I say turning back to the instructor. “Let’s get this party started.”

  The guy smiles and walks us toward the surfboards he brought with him. Jasmine is still so full of energy; she’s dancing and skipping to our location a few feet ahead of me. I enjoy watching her like this, with not a care in the world. Jace would be proud of her. He would have loved surfing too, so would Marisol for that matter. We were all like four peas in a pod, always participating in the same activities and enjoying doing it together.

  The instructor explains stances, balancing, and safety, in case we fell off. Before we know it, we are lifting our boards and heading toward the warm ocean. The instructor, who introduced himself as Guy, shows us how to paddle. We’re sitting about fifty yards out on the azure ocean, enjoying the sun’s rays. I can tell Jasmine is having the time of her life, her smile hasn’t left her face since she found out what we were doing. Her legs are dangling in the water over the edge of the surfboard; she’s in her element here. She has always loved water, most of all, the ocean.

  “Alright.” Guy says, “Who wants the first one?”

  “I do!” Jasmine shouts, before I can get a word out.

  I smile, watching her paddle out with Guy. He is explaining what to do again as they both sit up on the board as the wave approaches. Guy makes sure there is room between the two of them as they stand when the wave comes up from underneath.

  Jasmine’s doing an awesome job for her first time. She’s a tad wobbly, but manages to stay up, getting comfortable with her balancing. Her smile is like heaven.

  She flies past me and waves, losing her balance in the process and falls, the ocean swallowing her body whole. Panic courses through me; I wasn’t expecting to have this kind of reaction. I take a deep breath as she breaks the surface, laughing and wiping water out of her face.

  “That was AWESOME!” She yells, punching her fist in the air. “You’re next.” She’s just as excited for me to have a turn as she was for herself.

  “Alright.” I paddle out next to where Guy sits on his board waiting.

  Just like any juvenile young man, I feel the need to impress her for some reason. My heart is pounding, I have to admit, and I am pretty stoked about riding a wave. I wait for a big one to come, ignoring Guy’s warning about taking one too big. I hop up on my board, and realize the balancing looks easier than it actually is. I make it only a few feet before I biff it into the wave I’m riding. A rush of elation flows through me, even though I just wiped out, surfing is awesome. As soon as I break the surface, I search for Jasmine. I find her paddling over to me, her fat happy smile still plastered to her face.

  “See?”

  “
I know, right.” I’m smiling just as wide now.

  “This is the best thing that you could have planned for us. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. It’s my pleasure.”

  Guy comes up next to us, breaking our moment. “You guys are already getting the hang of this. Good job.” He’s such a pretty boy, but he’s actually really nice.

  “Thanks, man.” I tell him. “Is there a way we can keep the boards out longer?”

  “Sure. It’s twenty an hour for both boards. After I make sure you all can make it out here on your own, I can leave you to it.” I see him staring at Jasmine, looking at her soaking wet clothing, trying to see underneath with x-ray eyes.

  ‘So, maybe he’s not as cool as I thought.’

  I glare at him, making sure he meets my eyes, letting him know it’s not going to happen, and if he keeps staring at her like that, the sharks might start circling us from all the blood I will beat out of him.

  He gets the hint. “Alright.” He stumbles around the word, clearing his throat before he goes on. “Let’s do a couple more passes and then I will let you two at it.”

  “Sounds good.” I tell him, my tone still hard.

  “I can’t wait.” Jasmine says, and is already paddling past me out to the next wave.

  I laugh and follow her out. Saddling up next to her, I expect her to take a turn first, and I’m right. She paddles out like a pro and hops up as if she’s done this for years. I watch as she moves her body to balance, undulating while standing; she rides the wave all the way in. She’s doing a perfect job already.

  I take the next wave and follow her, falling about halfway in. I can’t seem to get it down right. I’ll have to ask Jasmine how she moves her body to keep her upright. I wouldn’t mind studying her to get it right, either. I’m able to stand when I break the surface of the water, and Jasmine is laughing so hard, that I don’t know if the droplets on her face are tears or water.