Street Soldier

by Silhouettes

  I couldn’t wait for him to call so I could ask what that meant, and, just my luck, the next day he called to talk.

  “You said in your letter, ‘a nigga gotta do whatever to stay afloat,’” I repeated. “I wasn’t sure how to interpret your words.”

  “Man, you can take them how you want to, but is what I do up in this mutha really that important?”

  “To me it is. Nigga, you supposed to be a soldier. What’s up with that? I just got a real big-ass problem if you up in there doin’ dudes. I . . . I don’t know what to say about that shit, Romeo. I ain’t never pegged you out to be like that.”

  “Get a grip, nigga. I told you it ain’t goin’ down like that. I can’t believe you’re lettin’ a rumor fuck with yo’ head. Don’t you have somethin’ better to talk about?”

  He was too damn defensive for me, but what the hell. I had no idea what being in prison was like, so I changed the subject. We started talking about Ms. Macklin, and I spoke in codes about what I had done to Cedric. Romeo advised me not to trust anyone and we ended our call on a pretty good note. No doubt, I missed my partna like hell. At times, it felt as if life wasn’t even worth living without him around.

  Later that day, I drove to Mama’s house to see what was up with her. As always, she was in the living room, watching TV. Raylo wasn’t there, and we both sat on the couch talking while sharing a joint.

  “Did you put some ice on your face to help the swellin’?” she asked, standing up over me. She moved my head from side to side, shaking her head as she observed my soldier marks. “Somebody really messed you up. I told you about runnin’ them streets. Being out there ain’t nothin’ but trouble.”

  “I was out eatin’ pizza and playin’ video games. I can’t stay cooped up forever. There are always gon’ be fools out there on the street tryin’ to see what they can get from the next man. Trust me, I know, as once upon a time I was one of them.”

  “You ain’t got shit to get, with yo’ broke ass. What is it that they were tryin’ to get?”

  Yeah, her words stung, but fuck it. I let it roll off my back. “Money. That fool wanted my money, and he got it too.”

  “How much?”

  “About a hundred and a quarter.”

  Mama sat down and drank from the Grey Goose bottle in front of her. “He beat your ass like that for a hundred and twenty-five dollars? Please. These fools are crazy. You should have blown his damn brains out.”

  “Don’t worry. It’s all taken care of. And, for your information, it wasn’t hundreds, it was thousands.”

  She cocked her head back and her eyes bugged. “Boy, quit playin’. You ain’t have no hundred thousand dollars on you, did you?”

  I nodded. “Yep.”

  “Why didn’t I know you had that kind of money? And why in the hell didn’t you give none of it to me? Shit, I’m livin’ in this shack and you ridin’ around with thousands in your damn pockets. What kind of shit is that? Boy, you are somethin’ else. After all I’ve done for you, you should be ashamed of yourself.”

  “I was gon’ give you some of it, but I thought you was gon’ question me about where I got it. Obviously, that doesn’t matter to you. Besides, I wasn’t tryin’ to hide it from you. How did you think I got my apartment, these clothes, the car fixed up, and my jewelry? You should have been payin’ more attention.”

  “I haven’t even seen your apartment, and that’s because you haven’t invited me over there. As for the other stuff, I figured yo’ ass was sellin’ drugs. That’s what is obvious, and like I said, you’d better be careful foolin’ around on those streets. If another nigga won’t get ya, the police definitely will.”

  Mama sipped from the bottle of Grey Goose again, then handed it to me. “Nah, I’m good,” I said, reaching into my pocket. I pulled out another wad of money, and laid two grand on the table. “I try not to keep a lot of money on me anymore, but you can have that. If you need somethin’ else, let me know.”

  She picked up the money and stuffed it inside of her bra. “What kind of drugs are you sellin’?” she asked.

  “I’m not sellin’ drugs. You said I’m sellin’ drugs, not me.”

  “Then where are you gettin’ all this money from?”

  I stood up and stretched. I knew our conversation was about to get deep, and Mama was being too nosey. “Let’s just say that I got it from my sperm donor.”

  Mama’s eyes bugged again. “Who, Derrick? I thought that fool was dead.”

  I leaned down and kissed Mama’s cheek. “Dead as a doorknob,” I whispered. “And you can pat me on my back and thank me later.”

  Mama jumped to her feet and stomped them. “Shut up, Prince,” she shouted. “Boy, don’t you tell me you . . .”

  I placed my fingers on her lips. “Shh. Chill, a’ight? You lookin’ too excited and I don’t know what for.”

  She put her hand on her hip. I could tell the alcohol was brewing. “Did you kill yo’ daddy?” she whispered.

  “No,” I said, putting on my jacket to go.

  “Then, what are you talkin’ about then?”

  “Nothin’, Mama. Maybe one day you’ll figure it out, but for now, I’m out.”

  She playfully smacked me on the back of my head. “Come get me next week so I can see your apartment. Until then, please call that hood rat who called here claimin’ she just had your baby. I told her ass I ain’t tryin’ to be nobody’s grandma, and please do not bring that thing over here.”

  I frowned, not from hearing about the baby, but because Mama was just now telling me. “Who was it that called?”

  “Shit, I can’t remember. Uh, it was . . . what’s-her-face. That kind of chunky one with the cute face.”

  “Nadine?”

  “Yeah, her. Is that really yo’ baby?”

  I stood silently, not knowing that Nadine had already had the baby. “Why you just now tellin’ me?”

  “’Cause I didn’t know if it was your baby. These heifers be out here playin’ around with that shit too much, and on the Maury show they be lyin’ their butts off. You’d better get a paternity test and make sure that baby belongs to you. You don’t want to be takin’ care of nobody else baby, and those fools on Maury . . .”

  I tuned Mama out. The possibility of my son being here made me nervous. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this shit, and even though I wanted to call Nadine to see what was up, I couldn’t do it. Besides, she’d want me to come over and my face was still messed up. I didn’t want the baby to look at me and get scared. I’d wait, maybe another day, a week or two, to go see what was up.

  I left Mama’s house, and returned home about ten o’clock that night. As I was walking up the black steel steps, I could tell it was a woman coming down them in high-heeled shoes. I figured it was my neighbor, whose studio apartment was next to mine, but when I looked up, I saw that it was Ms. Macklin. She wore a long trench coat, and a gray pantsuit was underneath. I rarely saw her in a pair of pants, but no matter what she had on, I was glad to see her. I didn’t let my enthusiasm show, and by the look on her face, she wasn’t letting hers show either.

  I walked up a few more steps until I was in front of her. “I didn’t know you were stoppin’ by. Why didn’t you call? I could have gotten here sooner.”

  “I thought about calling, but I was in the neighborhood. I took my chances on you being here.”

  I walked past Ms. Macklin and she followed me to my apartment. I knew the inside was a mess, and I started to ask her to wait by the door until I tidied up. I didn’t want to take any chances on her leaving, though, so I went ahead and let her inside.

  “You have to excuse my bachelor pad. I live here by myself, and I don’t clean up as much as I should.”

  Actually, when we got inside, it wasn’t all that bad. I had a few books spread out on the floor in the living room, and an empty TV dinner tray was on the table. An empty soda can was next to it, but the porn magazine on the table was something I was sure she didn’t care to see. My sleeper
sofa had been pushed up to a sofa, but the sheets that I had to cover the sleeper were hanging out. The kitchen had a pile of dishes in the sink, but the most embarrassing was the smell of dirty socks. I told Ms. Macklin to have a seat on the sofa, and I sprayed several squirts of the Glade spray that was sitting in my huge picture window, which had no curtains.

  “There,” I said, putting the can on the table and sitting back on the sofa. I put my arms on top of it, and looked over at her.

  She cleared her throat from the fragrance and coughed. “Wha . . . what happened to your face?”

  I was so thrilled to see her that I’d completely forgotten that my face was still bruised. “I got into a fight. As you can see, I lost. It wasn’t the first time I got soldier marks and I’m sure it won’t be the last.”

  “That’s not good. I had hoped that you were focusing on getting yourself together, but I see that I am so wrong about you, again.”

  I could tell she had attitude, but I wasn’t going there with her today. “Enough about me. What’s up with you and this baby you carryin’?”

  She almost looked shocked that I knew. “Who told you I was pregnant?”

  “Your boyfriend did.”

  “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

  “Then your late-night creeper did. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you that he told me, especially since he’s been pickin’ up the pieces after me.”

  “Whatever Prince. Coach Johnson and I have an on-again, off-again relationship that I’m getting pretty darn tired of. He’s a nice man, though, and it’s hard for me to give up on him because he’s married.”

  I definitely wasn’t trying to hear about her relationship with Coach Johnson. That madness was her business. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, uh, you still ain’t talkin’ about the baby.”

  “There is no baby.”

  “What happened to it?”

  She looked down, and fumbled with her nails. “I had an abortion.”

  I sighed a little from relief. “So, who was the father? Did you know?”

  She hesitated before answering, then looked over at me. “Coach Johnson and I always used condoms. Not once did we not use one. I think the baby was yours, but I can’t be sure. I had sex with no one else, and I don’t care if you believe me or not.”

  “Why did you have an abortion then?”

  Her eyes widened. “Do you really have to ask me that? You aren’t ready to be no father, Prince, and I can’t say that I was ready to be a mother. I have so many issues to deal with. I’m afraid that I may lose my job as a teacher if the school board finds out I’m a stripper. I don’t trust Coach Johnson not to say anything, and since he’s upset with me, there’s no telling what he will do. Before I can even think about bringing a baby into this world, I must get my life together.”

  “I feel you on that, but why you just now tellin’ me about this? I’ve been waitin’ to hear from you. I know you ain’t mad at me for leaving that day, or for coming up to the school, are you?”

  “No. I just needed time to sort through some things. I have a lot going on, Prince, and my life is truly one big mess. We never talked much about it, but I have got to figure out a way to get myself on the right track. As for your visit to the school that day, it hasn’t made my life any easier. I’m being questioned by many of the students about our relationship, and I had to send one chick to the office for calling me a slut. Mr. King called me into his office, questioning me about what you did. I had to explain that you had lost your mind. He’s banned you from coming to that school, so you aren’t allowed to come there anymore.”

  I threw my hand back. “Fuck him. You wouldn’t come to your door, so I had to do what I had to do. I wasn’t tryin’ to sweat you, and I know where I stand with you. I’m cool with that. If you want to see other niggas, do what you gotta do. I’m just a brotha, tryin’ to have fun and have fun with the lady I’m with. I ain’t lookin’ for a bunch of drama. You can save that mess for Coach Johnson.”

  She listened to my words but had no response. Instead, she picked up the porn magazine from the table and started to flip through it. “Tuh,” she commented. “What the . . .” She flipped through more pages. “This is . . . You are so damn nasty.” She kept looking through the magazine, then laid it on her lap. “I know it’s not of any relevance to you, but I think Coach Johnson and I are just about over. He got worked up over me being pregnant, and it drove me crazy, seeing how controlling he was.”

  “You think I don’t know that’s the real reason you had an abortion? He made you do it, just in case the baby was his, didn’t he?”

  A blank expression fell on her face. “Are you crazy? Don’t nobody make me do anything. I told you why I had an abortion, and when reality set in, I do believe that child was yours.”

  “Look, ma, I don’t care if it was or not. I also don’t care to hear anything else about you and Coach Johnson. That’s your headache.”

  She looked down at the magazine again. Since she seemed to be all into it, I scooted over closer to her.

  “Let me show you the one who reminds me of you,” I said, taking the magazine from her.

  “Please. Not one woman in that magazine looks like me. I’m in a category all by myself.”

  I chuckled and found the chick who had assets like Ms. Macklin. I pointed to the young woman’s stuff in the magazine, showing it to Ms. Macklin.

  “That one. That pussy right there looks just like yours.”

  She snatched the magazine and frowned at it “Like hell!” she yelled. “My stuff don’t look nothing like that, and I can’t believe you pointed to her out of all of the women in here.”

  “How do you know what your stuff looks like? Do you be checkin’ it out in a mirror or somethin’?

  “Yes. And I can see it when I look down.”

  “You can’t see all up in it like I can. I’m tellin’ you right now that your stuff looks like hers.”

  Ms. Macklin hit me with the magazine and I flipped through some more pages. I found the woman who had an ass that reminded me of hers and I pointed to the picture. “Now, you can’t deny this ass. That is your butt, hands down.”

  She looked at the picture, but didn’t deny that one. “Okay. You may be on to something, but the other one is a definite no.”

  I kissed the woman’s butt in the magazine and licked her crack. “Mmm,” I said. “I’ve been fantasizin’ about this ass for a long time.”

  Ms. Macklin snatched the magazine away from me, and tore the page out of it. She balled up the page, and tried to toss it in a trashcan on the other side of the room. She missed.

  “Ha, that’s what you get,” I shouted.

  “Be quiet with your nasty, horny self. I’m sure that tramp got a serious workout from your lips. I’m surprised that magazine isn’t all wet and sticky.”

  “Are you jealous? You sound real, real jealous.”

  “I am.” She pouted and folded her arms.

  I got on the floor and kneeled down in front of her. I took her hands with mine and held them. “Don’t be mad. Those chicks in that magazine ain’t got a damn thing on you.”

  Ms. Macklin lifted her hand and softly rubbed my face.

  “I know,” I said, allowing her to touch my face. “It’s ugly, ain’t it? My bruises should heal soon. I hope they don’t bother you.”

  “No,” she whispered. “I just hate that you’ve been through so much, that’s all.”

  “I don’t believe that looking at my face doesn’t scare you,” I said, reaching over to the lamp next to her and turning it off.

  The room was pitch black, and she touched my face again.

  “I see beyond the outside of your face, and I hope you can do the same when it comes to seeing the inner side of me. I like to have fun too, and sex with you helps me alleviate some of the stress I’ve been under, especially pertaining to Coach Johnson and my mother.”

  I knew how that was, and I leaned forward to join lips with Ms. Macklin. It was a lengthy kiss, too, but m
oments after, she got undressed and it was on. I let out the sofa and we got down on the springy, squeaking, thin mattress. It was so uncomfortable, but I could fuck Ms. Macklin anywhere and be satisfied. The same went for her, and after three orgasms that night, she was knocked out. I sat in a kitchen chair, staring at her from afar. I wondered where we would be in a year. There was something about my connection with her; I had never felt so attached to any chick like I was with her.

  By morning, I had gotten back on the sleeper with Ms. Macklin and we were both knocked out. The bright-ass sun was shining through the window, and we couldn’t help but keep tossing and turning from how uncomfortable the sleeper was. I held her close to my chest, and when she looked up at the sun, she dropped her head back down.

  “You seriously need to get some curtains. What time is it?”

  I looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall in the kitchen. “It’s almost eleven o’clock. It’s Saturday, and I hope you ain’t got nothin’ to do.”

  “I don’t. All I want to do is lie in this bed and get some more rest.”

  She gave me a quick peck on the lips, and I couldn’t be mad at her for stroking the shit out of my ego. I softly rubbed her back, occasionally massaging her ass.

  “That feels so, so good,” she mumbled. “I could lie here forever. Tomorrow, though, I have to go see about my mother. I promised her that I would bring her some new nightgowns, so do you want to go to the mall with me today to help me find her some?”

  “No, thank you. I don’t shop with women, but if you want to come back when you get finished, I’ll be here waitin’ for you.”

  She laughed and softly pecked my chest.

  “Say, what’s the story with your mother? You mentioned before that she was in a nursin’ home, but is she that old?”

  “She’ll be forty-five years old this year. She’s not old at all, but she has some mental problems. She needs around-the-clock care, and some days she’s okay, but many days she’s not. She hallucinates a lot and she’s been diagnosed with being bipolar.”