The Girl Worth Fighting for (The Girl #2)

by Julia Goda

  I nodded, gave him one last squeeze before I stepped back, and pulled myself together. I could do this. I had to do this. I nodded then let him pull me into his side and we walked down the front stairs and across my front yard into theirs arm in arm until he let go to open the front door.

  My mom was in the kitchen making dinner when we entered the house. I looked around and took a whiff, realizing she was making one of my favorites: homemade pizza and breadsticks. Despite the heavy knot in my stomach, a small smile played at the corners my mouth.

  My mom.

  Always trying to cheer me up with food.

  Pretending everything was normal.

  I knew it was what she needed right now. She didn’t want to be fussed over or treated as if she were weak. She wanted to be treated like she always was, as the mother and woman who loved us and would take care of us no matter what. A sense of normalcy gave her hope and made her happy, and it was my job to support her in that. Even knowing that, I still couldn’t resist giving her a tight hug after I walked up behind her.

  “Mom,” I whispered into her ear while my arms squeezed her from behind and my chin rested on her shoulder.

  I heard her sigh and felt her hands squeeze my arm. I closed my eyes tightly to suppress the tears that threatened to escape.

  “I’m okay, honey. It will be fine. You’ll see.” After one last pat of her hands and one last quick squeeze of my arms, I let her go and walked around the island she’d been working at, so I could set the table. I heard mumbled voices and the sounds of a kiss when I retrieved the plates from the cabinet, grateful Ben was in our lives. I didn’t know where we would be now if it weren’t for him. He was our rock. He was my mother’s confidant and lover. He was the person who gave both of us strength, the person we both trusted.

  “So, what’s new with you?” my mother asked as I laid out the plates and napkins on the kitchen table.

  “Nothing, really. The job’s great. I had lunch with Lizzy and Bobby today. Oh, Lizzy and Cole are having a girl. They just found out a few days ago. Cole is driving Lizzy absolutely crazy with his overprotectiveness. She threatened him today to move in with me if he didn’t tone it down.”

  God, it was hard to pretend like my heart wasn’t breaking right now. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath while my back was still turned toward my mother and my hands were busy, trying to hide my distress from her. But of course, I couldn’t fool her.

  “Rainey.” Her voice was soft when she called my name.

  I straightened my shoulders and turned around slowly, hoping I had schooled my features enough to fake it. But when I turned around fully and saw my mother’s arms spread wide in an invitation to hug her, I couldn’t hold back the sob that was stuck at the bottom of my throat and rushed into her arms. The tears flowed freely if not silently. Just like I had so many times as a kid and as a young adult, I sobbed in her arms.

  “I’m giving you this one breakdown, honey, but then you’ll get your shit together. You hear me?”

  I nodded in understanding.

  “I get you are scared. I get you worry about me. But worrying about what might happen is no way to live. We’ve been over this. We’ve been through a lot, you and I, and we’ll make it through this. I’ve raised you to be strong and I need you now. I need my strong Rain, my rainstorm, my downpour, a force to be reckoned with. You can do this, honey. We both can.”

  I nodded once more, agreeing. She was right, of course. We had been through so much together and had always made it out the other end, stronger than we were at the beginning. And we would make it through this.

  We had to.

  I sniffed one last time then lifted my head and looked into my mother’s eyes. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Ben hovering nearby, assessing, reassuring, waiting in the wings, ready to jump in if need be.

  “I love you, Mom,” I whispered.

  “And I love you. More than you’ll ever know.” She kissed my cheek. “Now, finish setting that table so we can eat. Pizza is ready to be taken out of the oven. And then I wanna hear all about Lizzy and her girl and how exactly Cole is driving her to move in with you.”

  I chuckled as I wiped my tears away. “Oh, you know Cole. He’s bossing her around even more than usual, checking in on her constantly, trying to tell her when to eat what and what to do when. He should know Lizzy will never let him push her around like that.”

  Ben chuckled behind me while he opened a bottle of red wine for my mom and me. His beer was already sitting on the kitchen island. “Lizzy knew what she was getting herself into when she married that man. She’s known him all her life. I don’t think it comes as a surprise to her he’d be protective of his unborn daughter.”

  “No, you’re right. It probably isn’t a surprise to her. Doesn’t mean she’s not going bonkers and cursing him three ways to Sunday.”

  “Don’t let her fool you, Rainey. She loves Cole’s overprotectiveness.”

  I smirked. “Oh, does she ever. I swear fighting is like foreplay for them. You should have seen them today when she threatened to move in with me for the rest of her pregnancy. The sexual tension in the room was making me blush.”

  Ben burst out laughing while my mother grinned then winked at me.

  “And what about you? Any promising young men on the horizon for you?” My mother was always curious about my love life.

  I scoffed. “Not likely.”

  “Huh,” Ben mumbled. “You were calling someone a jerkface when you came home. I doubt you were talking about Cole.” There was a glint in Ben’s eyes I didn’t like. So I glared at him.

  “A jerkface? That sounds promising,” came out of Mom’s mouth.

  “A fucking jerkface, actually,” Ben clarified with a grin and a wink.

  My mother smiled and returned the wink.

  Great. Those two were impossible when they ganged up on you. Even worse than Lizzy and Bobby, and I had endured one inquisition already today. Not to mention Ben bringing up my swearing reminded me of Logan and the way he had kissed me today. Something I didn’t want to think about.

  “He’s nobody,” I grumbled.

  “You wouldn’t be upset about nobody. What happened?” My mother wouldn’t give up. I knew it. She was like a dog with a bone.

  I sighed, resigned. “He’s a guy who volunteers at the shelter.” That’s about all the information I was willing to part with. No way was I going to tell my mom what he did for a living.

  “What does he do for a living?”

  I rolled my eyes heavenward and sighed once more. Of course she would ask that.

  “He’s an athlete.” My voice was hard, indicating I didn’t want to talk about him.

  For a second, all movement in the kitchen stopped and I saw Ben and Mom exchange a careful look. Then my mother picked up the pizza slicer and Ben walked over to the table to set down the wine and the wine glasses, then poured my mother and me each a glass before he went back to kitchen island, grabbed his beer, and took a swig, his eyes locked on me over the rim of his bottle.

  I remained quiet, hoping Mom would take the hint and let it go. But of course she didn’t.

  “What kind of athlete?” Her voice was a little lower now. Carefully prodding, but knowing all the same. She knew about my rules. We had talked about them many times. Her trying to talk me out of measuring every man I met against my father, telling me it hadn’t been my dad’s profession as a boxer that broke him, but his inability to deal with a big loss. We’ve had many conversations about my father and what had happened to him after the fight over the years. Mom never justified his behavior, not once. But she tried to explain to me the difference between a strong and a weak person.

  “Some part of me will always love your father, Rainey. What he did was wrong. The way he retreated from us and looked for an escape in alcohol and anger was wrong. But it’s not your fault, nor is it mine. It’s also not the sport’s fault. Boxing, fighting in a general, heck, being any kind of athlete is hard work. It’
s not just about the training and the fights or competitions. Every athlete has to be mentally strong to withstand the pressure, win or lose. Your father wasn’t strong enough and paid the price.”

  “Yeah, he did, Mom. And so did we. I’m never putting myself in that kind of situation again if I can help it. Say whatever you want, but I’m not abandoning my rules. They’ve kept me out of trouble and away from heartbreak so far.”

  My mom had sighed, resigned and a little disappointed and sad. She wanted me to find love. The kind of love she had shared with my father before he went off the rails. The kind of love she was now sharing with Ben. But I wouldn’t put myself out there like that. I admired her for being so brave and letting herself fall in love again, but I knew I couldn’t do that. I was too scared of getting hurt. Being left by my father the way I had, had scarred me. I lived with the pain every day. No way would I let another man in so he could potentially hurt me the same way.

  The last time we’d had that conversation was only a few months ago when I had told her about Steve. She had changed her speech slightly to include any type of possible celebrities, not just athletes, since she knew of course about my reservations about any man who strived to be in the limelight at some point in his life, but her message was always the same: you can’t help whom you fall in love with. But you gotta give yourself a chance, you gotta trust yourself and put yourself out there.

  Right.

  If she had been more careful, if she hadn’t fallen in love with my dad, she would have spared herself a lot of pain and heartache.

  “But then I wouldn’t have you,” was what she had said in return. That had shut me up. That was also why I hadn’t told her about Logan being a new volunteer at the shelter. But now she knew.

  I shook my head, knowing what was about to come.

  “He’s a boxer. But before you start in on your speech, Mom, I don’t want to hear it. Seriously. He is an arrogant bastard, and I don’t want to be anywhere near him. Especially not after today.”

  “Why? What happened today? What did he do to have you all wound up?” she asked while she put the delicious-smelling pizza in the middle of the table when I didn’t continue.

  I ground my teeth.

  Shit. Why did I say that?

  “Nothing, Mom. He’s just a pain in my ass, is all.” I reached for the pizza and took a bite, then hummed in appreciation. “God, Mom, your pizza is the best. Have I told you today that I love you?”

  “Nice try, Rainey, but you know your flattery won’t work at distracting me. It never has and it never will. Now spill.”

  Ugh. “Fine.” I finished chewing my bite and swallowed, then mumbled, “He kissed me,” before I quickly took another bite.

  Out of the corner of my eye I could see my mother smirking. And Ben flat out smiling. I glared at them, making them both smile and grin even wider.

  “I see,” Mom said knowingly, her eyes sparkling mischievously.

  No, she didn’t. “No, you don’t. There is nothing to see.” Now she started to snicker, making my mood swing from mildly irritated to upset. “See, Mom, he’s been annoying me for a month now, dropping comments in front of the kids, following me around, cornering me in the break room. Then today he walked into the common room while I was playing guitar and kissed me in front of everyone. In front of five teenagers and Steve. He grabbed me and kissed me, full on, with tongue. At my place of work. In front of the kids.”

  “So, are you upset he kissed you or are you upset he kissed you at work in front of the kids and Steve?”

  I frowned at her. “Both!”

  “Huh,” was all Mom replied.

  “Huh, what?” I asked, now completely aggravated. I looked at Ben and saw that he still had that wide smile on his face. Great. I’m glad I can amuse you two.

  “Huh, I think, no, I know you’re lying to me right now. You’re not upset he kissed you or that he did it in front of everyone. You’re upset because you liked it.”

  Argh! “I did not like it,” I practically growled.

  “Then how did he have enough time to get his tongue in your mouth?”

  “Mom!” I shrieked.

  “What?”

  “You know what.”

  “Pfft. Talking to your mother about kissing is nothing to be embarrassed about. You’re an adult now. It’s perfectly normal.”

  I groaned and stopped short of letting my forehead meet the table. Ben was full-out chuckling now. “This isn’t funny,” I spat at him.

  “Oh, I beg to differ. I’ve never seen you like this.”

  “Right.” I was only being slightly sarcastic. Ben had seen me way moodier than I was right now.

  “At least not over a guy who you insist means nothing,” he amended.

  “When are we gonna meet him?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You won’t, Mom. I’m not going out with him, so there’s no reason for you to meet him.”

  “We’ll see,” she mumbled around a bite of pizza.

  Ugh. I loved her, but right now, I wanted to wring her neck. “Let’s change the subject.”

  Mom chewed for a while, her eyes on me. “All right, honey. I’ll let it go. For now.”

  “Obliged,” I grumbled sarcastically.

  Chapter 6

  Rainey

  I SAT AT MY DESK the next morning, feeling hung over.

  Sleep hadn’t come easily last night. In fact, it hadn’t come at all. I tossed and turned until three in the morning when I finally gave up and headed to the kitchen for something to drink. I settled on the couch and stared into the dark, not really looking at anything. I just sat there in my pajamas, wrapped in a blanket, and holding a glass of water. And stared at nothing while my mind was whirling.

  Whirling with worry, with downright fear.

  I hated this.

  This uncertainty.

  This feeling of helplessness.

  It transported me back to the time when my father turned into a person I no longer recognized, when he turned bitter and angry, when he gave up on himself and us and threw us away.

  It took me back to a dark place I never wanted to visit again.

  I pushed those thoughts away and rested the back of my head against the couch, a silent tear escaping and rolling down my cheek. I didn’t brush it away. Nobody was here to witness me being weak.

  After Mom beat the cancer the first time around, I thought we’d be done with it, that we’d overcome it. That our lives would be smooth sailing from here on out after the shitty years through which it seemed like all we were doing was fighting to keep our heads above water. Sure, life always threw you curveballs, but I had honestly believed nothing big and bad would happen to us again.

  Naïve, I know.

  But I had believed it.

  Life had been good before this afternoon.

  Mom and Ben were happy and living together. I’d even thought Ben would finally talk my mother into marrying him. That he was wearing her down. That she was slowly realizing how stupid she was being for not letting him make her his legally, as he called it.

  Well, look who’s talking, my subconscious taunted me.

  Ugh! She was right. Who was I to talk? I couldn’t even go on a date with a guy without being on the lookout for flaws or ulterior motives.

  I was pathetic.

  And jaded.

  But I couldn’t help it even if I wanted to.

  And I certainly didn’t want to.

  But Ben had proven he loved my mom above anything, that he would give up his life for her, that she was and always will be his priority.

  No, I didn’t trust in love.

  But there were exceptions to every rule.

  Lizzy and Cole were one.

  Ben and Mom were another.

  Now that we were facing another round of cancer treatment, those plans would be put on the backburner, and I hated that for my mother. I wanted her to be happy. She deserved it. More than anything else.

  I sighed and took another sip of my coffee
as I stared out the window of my office that faced the common room, not really seeing anything.

  “Rainey?” I heard my name called from the open doorway and shifted my glance to see Lizzy standing there, her concerned eyes on me. As my eyes slowly focused on her and I tried to recall if she’d said something I missed, she stepped over the threshold and quietly closed the door behind her before she sat down in one of the chairs facing my desk. “Jesus. What happened?”

  She was sitting at the edge of her seat, her hands on top of the desk, her eyes roaming over my face.

  “I…it’s…I…” I stuttered, no words forming in my brain. Then to my horror, my eyes filled with tears yet again and spilled over, soaking my cheeks in seconds. “Fuck,” I whispered as I covered my face with both my hands and tried to control myself. Arms slid around my shoulders and held me tight. I leaned into them. I wasn’t a touchy feely person, but I desperately needed this hug. I could pretend later that it never happened. But right now, I needed someone to hold me, someone who wasn’t my mother or Ben. I had to be strong for them, couldn’t lose it. They had it hard enough. But with Lizzy right here right now, I could let go. At least for a moment.

  Lizzy didn’t say anything. She didn’t tell me everything would be okay, didn’t try to soothe me. She just held me. Which was all the soothing I needed. And let’s be honest. It was probably all the soothing I would allow her to do.

  It didn’t take me long to pull myself together—maybe a couple of minutes—before I leaned back from her embrace and brushed the tears from my cheeks and under my eyes. Lizzy squeezed my shoulder then walked back around the desk and settled in the chair once more.

  “Spill,” was all she said, her voice concerned but serious, giving me that little push she knew I needed.

  And so I did.

  She knew about my mom’s cancer a few years back and how hard it had been on me, on all of us. She also knew that after all these years we had thought she had it beat for good. So I knew she would understand.