Let Me List the Ways

by Sarah White

  We climbed onto the tram and rode it up to the front gates. The last time we’d been there together was two years ago, but our families had been with us. It felt completely different scanning our tickets and stepping onto Main Street just the two of us. We skipped getting a locker since we had only brought the necessities, far less stuff than when our moms had packed for the day. I knew he had slipped some snacks inside our sweatshirts just in case I dropped low and we weren’t anywhere close to food.

  We’d stayed up late texting ideas for the day. We both agreed the best plan was to head to Space Mountain for our first ride of the day since it was our favorite. After that we’d head over to the Matterhorn. Everything went as planned, and we were standing in the line only ten minutes after entering the front gates.

  “Have you given any thought to where you want to go for spring break?” Nolan nudged me forward in line when I’d gotten distracted by a cute little girl twirling on the ropes while waiting with her family.

  “Where are the boundaries?” I asked. I didn’t know if he was thinking of a quick drive up the coast and then back down or if he was trying to cross a state line.

  “I talked to my mom about it a little yesterday and she said as long as we keep our phones on and promise to check in, she didn’t mind if we stayed somewhere for a night or two. I guess that gives us a pretty good range.”

  We took another few steps up in line as I thought of all the possibilities. “I’d like to see the London Bridge in Arizona.” We’d driven through the state on our way to Texas one year, but we never got to stop and see the famous bridge. There was something about its beauty and age that appealed to me.

  “You never got over that, did you?” he asked referring to the fact that I’d really had a fit when I learned we wouldn’t be stopping there. Nolan had the aliens in New Mexico and I wanted the bridge in Arizona. We simply did not have the time over our vacation to see everything.

  “No,” I answered simply.

  “Sounds fine to me. I could use a little sun and lake time.” We descended a ramp to the front of the line and held up two fingers to indicate the number of riders in our party.

  “Row one, please,” the cast member said, waving us along to the front of the cart. My smile was so wide it made my cheeks numb. I loved that ride more than any other I’d ever been on. Riding a roller coaster in the dark made it so much more thrilling than any other where you could see the tracks in front of you.

  We climbed in side by side and Nolan set the backpack down between his feet on the floor. I lowered the bar that would serve as a seat belt during the ride and pulled up on it to show the cast member that I was in snug.

  Once all the riders were in, the cart moved forward toward the control room and we turned into a dark tunnel that was quickly lit up by lights streaming past like stars. “I hope this never changes,” Nolan said as the force of our movement pushed us back against our seats.

  I turned my head to watch him and found that he was looking at me. “The ride?” I asked loudly, the soundtrack loud in the small tunnel. He just shook his head a little, but the ride sent us up the tracks and out onto the top of the roller coaster. It took a few twists to adjust to the jerking motion and the way my stomach felt pushed to the bottom of my gut as we raced around the turns. By the time we flew over a few small bumps and zoomed around another set of curves in the opposite direction, I was smiling and screaming, holding my hands high above my head.

  At the end of the ride, we were shot into a tunnel where the stars zip past you again and a picture is snapped. Loud sounds of air brakes echoed through the large building as the cart was delivered back to the front of the line. We jumped out and headed to the exit. The ground below us reminded me of bubble wrap as it dropped us into the gift shop and past the screens where our pictures were displayed. We didn’t stop to see them since our Fastpasses that we’d managed to grab on our way in only had five minutes left before they expired.

  I decided to wait until we weren’t around so many people to ask Nolan what he meant about things changing. A million thoughts were racing through my mind as we dipped under the ropes and zigzagged through the line designated for Fastpass holders. The second time was just as thrilling as the first, and soon we found ourselves staring at a picture of us smiling with our eyes wide open. It was good for a laugh but we definitely weren’t bringing it home for anyone else to see.

  Together we walked out of the dark passageway next to the arcade and Pizza Port. We headed straight to the next ride, opting to wait in line on the side of the Matterhorn that was known to go faster than the other. The bobsleds were different than they had been the last time we were there. You used to have to sit in a line with someone between the other person’s legs, but now every rider got their own seat. It was also a little scarier inside, but I’m not sure if that was because it was actually scarier due to the renovation or if my fear of the monster inside the mountain had just grown and multiplied until every little growl made me jump.

  When we got off that ride, I knew my blood sugar was crashing. “I need something to eat,” I said as I pointed to a churro stand just outside the exit. With churros in hand and a big bottle of cold water, we found a small curb beneath the monorail track that was shaded and sat down to enjoy our treats. I checked myself and discovered I was only sixty so I ate the churro and only gave myself a small bolus of insulin. We watched as families walked past us with children dressed in various costumes. There seemed to be princesses everywhere I looked.

  After chewing enough to start feeling a little better, I decided to ask Nolan about his question. “What did you mean in there?” I asked, gesturing to Space Mountain.

  He chewed his bite and took a swig of water. He shrugged his shoulder a little. “I guess I meant, I hope we have another fifty years of celebrating our friendship. I hope we never stop making lists and hanging out. I hope we never let not being neighbors anymore come between us.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I feel like this couldn’t have happened by accident.” He motioned with his hand between the two of us. “We get along too well for it to be a random act of the universe.”

  “Are you saying we were friend soul mates?” I bumped his shoulder with mine and took another bite, cinnamon falling all over my shirt.

  “If that’s a thing, then yes.” He moved the wrapping from his churro down so he could get a bigger bite. “I’m realizing now what you and I are might one day be limited because we’re growing up.” He took his bite.

  “What do you mean?” I swooped in and took a bite of his churro while he was thinking.

  “We’re not going to work at the same place, so I won’t get to see you in the morning or give you a ride home. And maybe we won’t even get to eat lunch together if our companies aren’t close. If we take jobs in different cities or different states, our interaction with each other might be through the screens of our computers instead of face-to-face on the counter of your parents’ kitchen.” He spelled out some of the fears I’d also had when I thought of our future, and then he removed the wrapper from his churro completely and pushed the rest of it into his mouth. I laughed because it was way too big of a bite but he wasn’t going to give up.

  “We’ll just have to make it work. I’d be willing to make choices that kept me close to where you are.” I tried to act normal, like I hadn’t just confessed to possibly shaping my life around his. I moved to retrieve my sunglasses from the backpack and handed him his too. He nodded and tried hard to shove the sweet dough between his lips with his finger. He brushed off his hands and stood up from the curb, reaching down to help me up as I finished my own churro. We tossed the wrappers into the trash and started heading toward Big Thunder Mountain.

  “I’d do the same,” he said, matching my casual tone.

  I kept my eyes focused on the walkway in front of us. We reached the line and began to wind along the big rocks and down to the small pond of copper-colored water. We stopped as the line appeared in front of us.
I let his words sink in, feeling my shoulders relax with the reassurance that we would both be fighting to keep our friendship in the months that were coming. Summer might be days of hanging out at each other’s houses and family trips together, but by fall there would be way more space between us than a few hedges and an old fence. Behind us an old train circled the big mountain and careened down the rickety track, splashing water as it made its final drop.

  We took a few steps up and were met again by a cast member, who asked us to stand in row four. “Are you secure?” the cast member asked as she pulled up on the metal bar.

  “Yes,” Nolan and I answered together, giving each other a reassuring smile as the bar fell back heavily to our laps.

  “Then you’re ready. Enjoy the ride.”

  Twenty-Eight

  WE CAME HOME from Disneyland drenched from the rain and exhausted. Clouds had filled the sky three hours before the park closed, but didn’t burst until just before they shut it down. Families started packing up when the whole sky was covered with rain clouds and most of the rides we could just walk right on. It was an amazing way to experience the theme park.

  We suffered the consequences the next day when we had to drag ourselves out of bed for school after only a few hours of sleep. It didn’t matter; I wouldn’t have traded any of it for all the money in the world. We had reexperienced something from our childhood together, and another item had been crossed off our napkin list. Now only the two big items remained—tattoos and a road trip.

  Spring break was just a week away. I told my parents about our plans to go on a road trip, and while they didn’t immediately shoot it down, they didn’t give me permission right away either. They were worried that we might not be safe driving across the desert alone and wanted time to talk to the Walkers about it. We might be adults, but we still lived under their roofs, and had to go along with whatever they decided. I pretended like I’d be okay with whatever they said, but deep down the truth was I’d be devastated if they forbade us from going.

  Nolan and I were back in sixth period when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw that, once again, it was a message from him while sitting next to me. I smiled and shook my head at him.

  NOLAN: Game night. I get to bet you $5 our moms are drunk before 9 this time.

  ME: It’s only fair.

  NOLAN: I hope they get drunk before talking about our road trip.

  ME: Have your parents said anything more about it?

  NOLAN: They told me they were going to let your parents make the decision.

  ME: I don’t know how to sway them in our favor.

  NOLAN: Pot brownies?

  ME: Ha! Yeah just let me call up my dealer.

  NOLAN: Pay them off. I have $546. What are you bringing to the table?

  ME: I have been saving my allowance and report card money all year . . . $450.

  NOLAN: I don’t think that will do the trick.

  ME: Tie them up? Blackmail?

  NOLAN: I guess we have to use the last resort tool. Guilt.

  ME: On it.

  I started that afternoon with my mom. We were folding some laundry on the couch before my dad got home from work. “I was thinking about how much I’m going to miss this,” I said as I folded a sweater and placed it in my pile.

  “Folding laundry?”

  “No, spending time with you. Once I get busy with college and studying, there isn’t going to be as much time for friends and family.” BINGO. My mom held a shirt of mine close to her and froze. I could tell she hadn’t really thought about me managing my time while in college. Maybe she just assumed it would be like high school since I was staying close to home. The reality was that I’d have to divide up my diminished free time between studying, family, and friends.

  “I’m sure you’ll find time to work everyone in,” she said, recovering, finishing the fold and laying it in my pile.

  “I’m sure,” I said softly, “there will just have to be sacrifices.” I reached for a towel and held it out. “I’ll come home and see you and Dad a lot, but my friends will be away at their schools. I think Nolan and I will have to see a lot less of each other. He will have a different schedule and we might not even get to see each other at all during the week. Then there will be his baseball schedule too.” The words easily flowed from my mouth because I’d been thinking about the logistics of our friendship and how exactly it might change at the end of summer. It was all so heartbreaking.

  “He will be very busy,” my mom said as she reached for a pair of yoga pants. “You guys still have the whole summer to hang out, though. Maybe you’ll be sick of each other by then.” She smiled a very motherly smile that was meant to be reassuring. She could have promised me a year more of hanging out with Nolan like we always had and it would have never been enough. When it came to him, I would always want more.

  “You’re so right.” My mom always liked to think she was able to share knowledge with me and answer all of my questions. It’s like the time she’d told me I’d understand where babies came from one day after Regan had already spilled the beans in fourth grade. “I think we both want to make the best of this summer, you know, with it being our last before we have to grow up.”

  I saw my mom’s fluid movement folding the clothes become rigid again. I hoped I hadn’t taken it too far and made her sad. I’d heard tons of horror stories of moms falling to pieces when their children “left the nest.” I could always remind her I’d still be staying close to her nest if the tears came. I watched her face carefully and was relieved when she fluttered her eyes but didn’t cry.

  “Whatever you guys decide about the trip we’ll totally understand. I mean, there are plenty of times as adults that we’ll be able to get away together. I’m sure we can get vacation time at our jobs and miss some time in college. Then of course our families will understand.” I knew my mom liked to think of me as young and innocent, untouched by the hard realities of life. But even I was surprised when she fell for that. Nolan was already going to miss class for games and I would need to save my missed days for when I wanted to cover stories happening during times I was scheduled to be in class. Taking time off from new jobs would also be difficult.

  “Sure, honey,” she said. I knew I had her. When we finished folding the clothes, I gave her a big hug and headed up to my room.

  ME: Got her.

  NOLAN: Well done. Fingers crossed. T minus two hours. Avengers?

  ME: Thank you and no way.

  NOLAN: Is it going to be a no until I pick a Channing movie?

  ME: Of course not. Don’t be silly. G.I. Joe?

  NOLAN: Sure!

  Two minutes passed while I waited for him to discover my trick. I pulled out my math book and grabbed my pencil.

  NOLAN: Dirty trick.

  ME: You say dirty trick, I say win-win.

  NOLAN: See you later (imagine that said in the most begrudging tone).

  ME: Looking forward to it (imagine that as patronizing as possible).

  I finished my homework right before I heard the back door open and the Walkers greeting my parents. The sound of someone on the stairs made me smile. I was already so invested in this trip I knew tonight would either be an epic victory or an epic disappointment. When Nolan opened the door, he was smiling ear to ear. “What’d you do?” I asked, knowing that he was giddy for a reason.

  “Nothing,” he said, sounding bored. “I was just telling your mom how much I was going to miss running over here to see you.” He jumped onto my bed and climbed up to my pillows. “You know, with all the studying and baseball we will hardly get to hang out. It’s such a shame, really.” He couldn’t help the laugh that slipped out. He held his hand up and I rolled my eyes but gave him a high five. Any guilt added to what my mom was already feeling would only help our case.

  “Well, bless our hearts,” I said sadly; then I held my hand out and waited for my chocolate treat. He brought his hand up to his chest and rested it over his heart. “Okay, it’s bless
ed enough.” I laughed and he feigned offense before reaching into his pocket and putting the three shiny treasures in the palm of my hand.

  “You’re going to miss that,” he said seriously, pointing to the Kisses in my hand.

  “I am.” I could have joked or teased him about the sentimental tone he had used, but the reality was there was no denying it. I was truly going to miss it. Miss the way he was so attentive, the way he knew me, and of course the way he took care of me sometimes without making me feel like a child. I popped a Kiss into my mouth and chewed it slowly. “You’re going to miss my bad moods,” I said around the chocolate. I was expecting a smart-ass response, but he just looked at me and nodded.

  “I am.” It happened again in that moment. My brain made the words I love you easily available at the tip of my tongue so I could tell him how I felt. Instead, I chewed my chocolate, and when it was finished, I put another one in my mouth.

  He watched me with a tender look as I finished the treat and then he opened his arms so I could crawl in beside him. He had already ordered our movie on my Amazon Prime account and by the time I was comfy, the movie started. It wasn’t even an hour later that our moms were cracking up in the kitchen and we knew that our fate had been decided—just not which way the vote had gone.

  Twenty-Nine

  IT WAS TOTALLY happening. My mom and dad agreed to let me go with Nolan to Lake Havasu to see the London Bridge. It was the farthest I had ever been away from them and Mom was being a little neurotic, worrying about all the bad things that could possibly happen to me on the road. I listened to every piece of advice, and every little time she thought of something new I should try to remember. I knew that it would be hard for any parent to let their kid leave the state alone for the first time, but for my parents there was an extra level of planning that had to go into it.