New Sensations

by Lee, Lenise

  A weak smile clung to my lips as I tried to clean up the damage that had already been done. I could see Leshaune’s mind turning over behind her fixed hazel eyes.

  “He was very friendly when Rita and I visited his family’s businesses and he took me on a hike into the mountains to visit a local natural spring. He also drove me to our seminars a few times and to the airport before I left for home.”

  “Jackson and Jae were joined at the hip while we on our trip…practically inseparable.” More unnecessary comments from the other side of the dinner table.

  Mother was never any one’s fool and she quickly interpreted the significance of the last half of Rita’s sentence.

  “Is this true, Janay?” Her eyes were hard and disapproving. “Answer me.”

  When no response came, she put her slim hands to her plum tinted lips and shook her head slowly from side to side.

  “If your father were here…”

  My head started to spin before she finished her sentence. Was this really happening? I twisted my hands like a child awaiting an expectant reprimand.

  “If your father were here,” she repeated, “he would be shocked…maybe ashamed of your behavior. He and I raised you better than to play the role of a floozy with a local hick.”

  Something in my conscious latched on to the string of words Mother had spoken – harsh, inappropriate words.

  Floozy. Hick. The two played on a continuous repeat while I watched Mother’s lips continue to move, however, I heard no sound. All was mute.

  I was no man’s floozy or whore and I wouldn’t tolerate Jackson being called by such a degrading and ignorant name, like hick, either. What he and I shared over the course of a week was more intimate and profoundly stronger than what some couples waited a lifetime to experience. No one – not Rita – not my mother – could ever take away from the bond that my love and I had shared.

  I slapped my hands down on the table top, causing some of the dinnerware to clang together, and forced my chair in a screech across the polished wood of the floor so that I could stand straight up – tall and confident in what I was about to say.

  “Stop it!”

  The level of my voice was a little higher than I had intended but the effect was exactly as I had hoped.

  Mother sat tight lipped and silent and Rita was frozen in mid-bite, her utensil stiff between her lips.

  “Stop treating me like a child. I am an adult woman who is fully capable of making my own decisions regarding what’s best for my life and my well-being.”

  “Janay, I –,” Mother started and I cut my eyes over to her.

  “I’m not finished, Mother. Regardless of how Rita is trying to portray my relationship with Jackson, he was the most deceit and polite man that I had ever met, other than Daddy. He was nothing but a gentleman to me the entire time that I was with him, and that made me love him all the more.”

  Shock. Disbelief. Uncertainty. All of these were written in Leshaune’s expression. Still I continued on.

  “That’s correct, Mother. I loved him. I still love him and I wish he were here now or that I was still with him in Crystal Springs. He has been the only person in this whole world who has ever made me feel happy and excited to be me, just as I am…without a fancy wardrobe, without losing ten pounds, without a high level job title…just me. I won’t apologize to you for being born without long silky hair, or a perfect figure, or the ability to charm crowds of people with ease like Rita. I will, however, tell you that I am so sorry that you didn’t get the daughter you wanted. I almost wish you had taken me back to Social Services when you figured out that I wasn’t what you had hoped for. Goodnight, Mother. Take care.”

  I grabbed my purse from the empty seat next to me and wiped away the streams of hot tears that were flowing down my cheeks as I walked through the downstairs and out the front door without turning back. I had finally succeeded in saying to my mother what had been stabbing at my heart for so long. Whatever happened with our soured relationship after tonight was entirely up to her. I had made my peace.

  The remainder of Wednesday, as well as Thursday and Friday, went by uneventfully. My cellular phone and email, except for calls pertaining to business, was relatively quiet. No one reached out to contact me, not even Jackson. I was sure that he had finally decided to forget about the stuck-up girl from the Mid-Atlantic and carry on with the remainder of his life, probably with a woman who was more his type.

  Rita Kaye and I had not spoken on a personal level since the night she tried to embarrass me in front of my mother. Nonetheless, she and I had to continue working together on our presentation to the account supervisor. Alberto had tried to be at his wittiest to keep the tension within our small group at a minimum and have been relatively successful at doing so.

  Our big day was Friday morning and the three of us arrived at the office early to double check presentation slides, summaries, graphs, and to review how we would explain our concept for a new string of ads for a popular soda that was to be marketed globally via our agency. After much debate, Rita had voiced the opinion that the idea I had presented at our seminar, about using a new group to perform a relatively well known song as the theme for the product, wasn’t viable or marketable to our client. To be on the safe side, we all decided on the simple but time tested concept of repackaging the drink to make it more appealing to a new audience of shoppers.

  At 9:30 AM sharp, our direct supervisor, who was also the account team leader, as well as the authorized representatives of the client filed into the conference room on our agency’s floor in Midtown Manhattan. While the group took seats around the long oval table, Alberto and I went over some final financial figures at the head of the table as Rita offered beverages. I would be kicking off the presentation and was just about to ask for the lights to be turned down, so that everyone could see the screen at the front of the room, when Rita’s voice boomed to life from the opposite side of the room nearest the door.

  “Gentleman, ladies,” her tone was filled with natural charisma and a gigantic beaming smile to match, “we welcome you to this exciting new day.”

  I looked over to Alberto, who shot me a confused expression and threw up his hands. We watched as Rita, dressed in a classy gray and black three-piece pin striped skirt suit and tall heels, moved like a lioness around the table. The people at the table were captivated by her looks and her enthusiastic approach.

  “My colleagues and I,” she made a small nod in our direction, “worked tirelessly on a standard presentation.” She paused for dramatic effect. “However, I’m here to tell you all that it just…wasn’t…good…enough.”

  My eyebrows knitted into a frown. I was genuinely confused regarding what was happening or what Rita was up to.

  “I sat up all night trying to pull together an innovative concept that would help you reap the full reward due to your respected product.”

  The idea of an increased profit had snagged the soda company’s representatives and they sat spellbound by her words, practically on the edge of their seats.

  “I thought that maybe we could try a new and fresh approach to an old idea. I say that we do a search for an up-and-coming band. Once we find the group that fits your product’s image, we have them remix – so to speak – the tune of another more popular artist or group and have that fresh version as the theme of your product. In this way, we save money by hiring new and relatively cheap talent, but the kids will still recognize the beat and be drawn to the updated way it’s performed. They will immediately latch on the commercial and your soda.”

  This woman, once my closest friend, the person who I thought cared for me like a sister had stolen my idea and presented it practically verbatim – word for word – as being completely her own creation.

  After the supervisor and the rest of the group had a moment to digest her suggestion, there were some nods of approval, followed by a few hand claps, and then the attendees started to buzz amongst one another about the wonderful possibilities that th
is concept represented. Save money and turn a profit. Perfect was the word that I heard a representative of the client comment.

  “Excellent job, Rita,” Phillip, our supervisor, said as he offered her a small handclap, “this is a really great idea. You must have really worked hard to come up with something as original as this.”

  I was stunned, hurt, angry, but I wasn’t speechless.

  “Rita,” I called to her from across the room.

  Her head snapped up and that fake smile faded clean away once she saw the seriousness on my face.

  “I need to speak with you in private,” my sharp words cut the air.

  “Can’t it wait until after we finish up here?”

  She tried to lay out calm and soothing tones but it had no effect on me because she had done the unthinkable – betrayed a friend. She had twisted the knife in my back for the very last time.

  “No,” I accentuated the word, “it cannot wait.”

  I stepped with determination around the table, toward the rear, and out into the main hall and I fully expected Rita to follow my lead. It was the least she could do to make up for her actions.

  I waited in the middle of the hall, arms folded, and foot tapping away. When I heard the conference room door click open, and saw Rita step out, I continued my path back to our shared office further up the busy thruway. What I had to say to Rita was for her ears only. I didn’t want to make a bigger scene than I already had back at the meeting. It simply wasn’t professional and I refused to sink down to her level of inappropriateness.

  Once the office door was shut tight, I turned and stared her down.

  “What is wrong with you?” I questioned.

  She flipped her hair and pounced down in the leather rolling chair on her side of the room.

  “There’s nothing wrong with me. I think you should be asking yourself that question, Jae.”

  “Rita, how could you do this to me? For seven years, you were my best friend. Suddenly, over the past two weeks, you have set your will to making sure I feel as miserable as you do right now.”

  She turned her face away and bit her lower lip. I must have been on to something.

  “Unless you can give me one good reason why I shouldn’t cease our friendship on the spot, it ends today, Rita. What you did back there is inexcusable. I won’t go on ignoring how you have hurt me time and again with your actions.”

  “Whatever, Jae, you need me. How else will you learn how to get along in the world? Before you and I started to hang out, you had never even been to a club. Did you even know how to have fun?”

  There it was. I understood what had brought on Rita’s change in attitude toward me. I didn’t want to see it before, now I had no choice but to face this remarkable twist in our friendship.

  “Alberto was right, I won’t live in your shadow anymore and…you’re jealous. You’re jealous of the connection I had with Jackson.”

  She tugged at her bottom lip with her hand this time. I waited a few seconds, expecting her to deny the allegation and no reply came.

  “You’re jealous because I fell in love with someone? Why?”

  Rita sighed yet remained silent. I couldn’t make her answer my question and I was too tired of this childish battle of wills to continue on. Though I would be saddened that our long friendship would end on such a terrible note, I rotated my body toward the door and was poised to turn the knob and leave Rita’s companionship behind.

  I didn’t want to lose my friend. However, I suppose this was part of the natural course of life. Sometimes, we have to leave behind old acquaintances that are holding us back from our true potential so that we can connect with others who will encourage us to reach for the moon and the stars beyond.

  “Janay…wait…please.”

  I heard her light voice call after me and I stopped and turned back.

  “Janay, when a guy looks at me, he sees a good time and some laughs for a few hours. When a man looks at you…he sees a partner, a mate, someone to share more than the night with. Jackson wasn’t the only man to fall for you on the spot; you just never noticed how other men flocked to your sweetness and your goodness. Jae…you are the only real female friend I have ever had. If I had been half as good a friend to you as you have been to me – since day one – I would have told you this a long time ago. I didn’t want to lose you and your friendship, especially not to a guy, so I always went along with your conclusion that guys wanted me more. Jackson…Jackson was different…you two were connected on sight…a real bond…and nothing I tried to do could shake it loose, even now, I can see your love for him in your eyes. I was wrong to be so snotty and underhanded to you over the last two weeks. I guess…I guess I was trying to scare you into being my close friend again. I’m terrible, I know, but I would do almost anything to make it up to you. Will you forgive me?”

  Soft green eyes begged for a return to how we once were.

  Forgiving Rita would be the easy part. Forgetting all the awful ways she treated me over the last couple of weeks would be more difficult. Another priceless piece of advice my dad gave to me was to never hold a grudge, because you never knew under what circumstances you would meet up with the person in the future or whether this would be the last time you saw that person at all.

  “Rita, if you know me at all, then you know that the answer is ‘yes’. I do forgive you for your actions, I just hope that maybe we can become real friends this time around.”

  We exchanged a refreshing hug, the first real sentiment between us in weeks. After I dabbed my eyes, and Rita blotted her own and checked her make-up, we returned to the meeting. She aptly explained to the group she had misspoken during her presentation and that it was I who originated the idea but she was so excited about the concept she asked to be the one to give the oral presentation.

  In spite of Rita and I settling our differences, an empty void still remained hovering in my spirit, causing me another sleepless night.

  14

  When Sunday arrived, I was mentally drained as a result of all the emotional calamity and upheaval of the past week.

  I had not heard from Jackson and I had set my mind to resisting the urge to call him for comfort and support. My body yearned to be near his hard physique again and my spirit was restless without his endearing affection. I hoped that by severing all contact and leaving him peacefully in Montana, his transition to a new lover would proceed as smooth as possible. I wanted that wonderful man to be happy, even if happiness was a life without me by his side.

  It was a heartbreaking thought, but I also arrived at a point in my life where I realized I had to learn to stand tall under my own strength. Jackson had been the catalyst who had started me on this new journey but it was me who had to be the force that motivated the direction of my life and my future. After clearing the stagnant air that had surrounded two of my most familial relationships, I was off to a fresh and brave start and looking forward to making longer and more prominent strides of confident independence. Still, it would turn out to be a lonely walk without the man whose example had urged me on this path.

  While I inwardly lamented my lost love, I also refused to hide in my apartment daydreaming about what could have been. My trio had decided to attend an afternoon showing of the latest romantic comedy, which turned out to be more dramatic and tear jerking than what the previews had led us to believe. Isn’t that the way it always seems to turn out? At the exact moment when all seems beautiful and perfect, some sudden crisis throws life in a tumble. At least in the movies, the hero always shows up to save the day and rescue his girl – by any means necessary.

  “I simply loved how that movie ended. Why can’t I meet someone like that?” Alberto said with elation in his voice.

  “I know, it was so sweet,” I nodded in agreement, “when Peter showed up at Sheila’s job, all dressed in his groom’s tux and with the rest of the bridal party following right behind him all decked out in their wedding clothes, I had to blink away some tears.”

 
I dabbed at each eye with the back of my hand as I mocked myself. Rita and Alberto fell into laughter. As we rode the elevator to my apartment floor and then stepped out in the well-lit hallway leading up to my door, we each recounted our favorite scene from the film with startling clarity.

  It wasn’t until we had reached a yard from my apartment when a figure caught my eye. The person was leaning near my door, which naturally drew my attention to him.

  From the side, the man was a handsome portrait dressed in casual pressed khaki pants and a white button up dress shirt, tucked in at the waist and folded up at the elbow. The side view of silver raging bull at the center of a thick brown leather belt gleamed in the light and the brown heel of clean boots peaked from the hem of his pants. His tall frame was leaning against the white washed walls of the hall, one long leg crossed over the other at the ankle and thick arms folded across his chest. At this angle, I could see one chiseled bicep protruding from beneath the cuff of his folded left sleeve, the material strained around the giant bulk of muscle.

  The man’s face was partially concealed beneath the shadow from the trademark straw cowboy hat, bowed at the side brim, so that only his hairless and strong chin and jaw were visible. The muscle at the juncture of his jaw twitched once and so did the pulsating nub between my legs.

  My feet stopped mid-stride and so did my heart.

  When he turned to face me, it was like someone had released the tightly coiled knob on a wind-up toy. My body started in slow motion then I took off toward him like I was running the hundred-meter dash. My strides were so quick that I was already jumping forward, arms spread wide, into Jackson’s arms before he had advanced a full foot toward me.