To Love a Soldier

by Sophie Monroe

  “All right, Lisa. I’ll take care of her,” I said.

  She looked over Liz skeptically. It was more nurse than mother. “Are you sure you don’t need to have a doctor check you out?”

  Liz looked exhausted and let out a sigh. “No, Mom. I’m fine. Really.”

  “Okay.” She looked reluctant, but didn’t press it further. “Mandy, can I talk to you alone real quick?” Lisa asked me.

  “Of course.” I walked Liz to the chairs and sat her down. “She’s just worried about you,” I told her. “I’ll be right back.”

  I went back over to Lisa. She looked at me, concerned. “Sweetheart, is everything okay with you?”

  “Yeah, I mean, other than all of this, everything is fine.”

  She put her hand on my shoulder and the motherly look returned to her face. “That’s understandable, but are you sure?”

  “I’m sure, but why do you ask?”

  “I’ve just noticed some changes in you,” she answered, raising her one eyebrow. “You seem not yourself. I know it could be from John leaving, but if I had to take a guess I would say you may be pregnant.”

  I threw my head back, trying not to laugh. Then again, I had been getting nauseous and throwing up a lot lately. Oh, shit!

  “Listen, I’ve had two, so I know what it’s like.” She smiled, pulling me in for a hug. “If you want, I can bring you to a friend who can run some quick tests?”

  “No, really, I don’t need them,” I told her. “I’ve been on the Pill for years.”

  As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized just how careless I may have been. Having had been so wrapped up in all things John the past month, it dawned on me that I wasn’t keeping up with my normal routines. I remembered taking my Pill most days, it was like second nature for me to take it. Frantically, I replayed all the mornings I could to see if I had remembered to take it. My mind was on overload from the past twenty-four hours that I couldn’t remember. All I remembered was rushing to get ready to see John, or waking up to him. Between work and John, I hadn’t done much else the past month. I have to get home and check my pills just in case.

  “All right,” Lisa said. “You take it easy, too. Okay?”

  “Sure thing.” I returned her a hug and went to grab Liz.

  We got to the car and I bombarded her with questions to avoid bringing up what Lisa just asked. Do you want to get something to eat? Do you want to go anywhere? Is there anything I can do for you? Her answers were a consistent no. The only thing she wanted to do was go home, but I was able to talk her into staying with me for a while, at least until all the chaos at her house was gone.

  “Are you avoiding something? What did my mom want? Did she tell you something she didn’t want me to know?” She eyed me suspiciously.

  “What? No.” I replied too quickly.

  “Spill it.” Liz demanded.

  “Fine. She thinks I’m pregnant.” I laughed. “I mean can you believe it.”

  “Are you?” She asked.

  “No. I mean at least I don’t think so. I’m sure there’s always a possibility, but if I had to guess I would say no. I’m telling you it’s just nerves.”

  She wasn’t buying it and I knew it. “If you say so.”

  “It’s late. We haven’t eaten anything and I’m starving. I’m going to stop at Gas ‘N Go for a salad. Do you want anything?”

  “Nope, I’m good. Knock yourself out.”

  I stopped at our local 24-hour convenience store and grabbed myself a pre-made salad and some water. The salad still looked green, so I figured it might be okay. I doubled up in case Liz changed her mind. Heading to the small pharmacy section, I began looking at pregnancy test kits. The not knowing was now killing me and I had to see for myself. Grabbing one that looked good, I headed to the front to pay. The cashier was a young goofy guy and, to top it off, he kept flipping his head to the side to get his hair out of his face. He rang up the waters, then salads, then the pregnancy kit. He looked up at me and then back down. I just rolled my eyes.

  “Sounds like someone’s been having some fun, huh?” he said, tossing his head to the side one more time and winking at me.

  Gross! “Okay, listen. I have been. I’ve been coming out late at night the last few months and going into stores like this where there aren’t many people. Last time, I was at the Quickie Mart down on Second Street, where I went behind the counter and started blowing the cashier. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t control myself when it gets late.”

  His eyes widened and his face turned red. He cleared his throat several times. “Oh, okay,” he said. “I can take a break anytime and you know, help you out.”

  I leaned onto the counter and pushed my breasts up on top of my arms. I made my lips pouty and looked him in his eyes. “That would be so hot.” I dragged out the o. “Let me pay you for this stuff and go toss it in my car. Then, I’m going to come right back in and, when I do, your pants better be completely off. As a matter of fact, toss them over there or I’m not going to come back and get you off. Deal?”

  He stuttered a few times before being able to say ‘deal.’ I paid and walked out. As I was going to my car, I saw two rather large men heading in. They both had shaved heads and didn’t appear to be in good moods. I couldn’t wait for them to go to the counter and see Gomer with no pants on! I almost wanted to stick around to watch, but I had to get back to Liz.

  I had left the car running, but when I got back out, Liz had locked the doors. Instantly, I felt bad realizing she was still feeling very vulnerable. I knocked on the window and she unlocked them.

  “Sorry, after tonight, the last thing I needed was for someone to jump in and carjack me.”

  “It’s fine. I should’ve locked them anyway.”

  Tossing the bag into the backseat, I pulled away. Thankfully, Liz was starting to come back to reality. That was, until she started looking at me suspiciously. “So, what did my mom talk to you about? Did she say to make sure the milk is warm and test it on your wrist before giving me the bottle?” She laughed.

  Wow, of all the times to joke using a baby reference! I was still freaked out. “It’s funny you should say that…” I paused, knowing I was going to have to tell her sooner than later anyway. She was pretty much my best friend now that John left. “Well, she pretty much asked, without coming right out and saying it, if I was pregnant.”

  “What?” She looked shocked. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes.” I raised my eyebrows.

  “Well, you aren’t… are you?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t think so. I’ve been on the Pill, but I got so wrapped up in your brother that there’s a chance I missed a few.”

  “A few?” Her smile went away. “Mandy, did you purposely stop taking them to try to get pregnant?”

  “Hell, no,” I spat. “No way! I just meant that I was so obsessed with making John my priority that I lost track of everything else. I rushed everything so that I could spend all of my time with him. The only thing I did other than be with him was work, and that was only out of necessity.”

  “I get it, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like a bitch.”

  “It’s fine. If the roles were reversed, I would’ve said the same thing,” I admitted. “I just grabbed a pregnancy kit, so I guess we’ll find out.”

  “Either way, it’s going to be okay,” Liz said.

  “Thanks, but tonight is about me comforting you, so stop trying to be so nice.”

  We got back to my place and settled in. I got the salads ready and tried to force Liz to eat. She wanted nothing to do with it, which was just as well because I took two bites and tossed it. The lettuce was soft and tangy. I don’t know what I had been thinking, but it was enough to make me sick again.

  Okay, that’s it! I needed to go find out. I excused myself and went upstairs. Before I could get into my bedroom, I heard Liz yelling. “It’s John!”

  I dropped everything and ran back downstairs. She was trying to ca
lm him down over the phone. I put my hand out, offering to do it for her.

  “I love you, John. Now hold on,” she said, handing me her phone.

  I was so happy to hear his voice, even if it was an angry one.

  “John, everyone is fine. You can relax. EC has it covered,” I tried my best to sound as convincing as possible.

  “I shouldn’t have left. I should have fucking stayed.”

  “Stop berating yourself. There’s nothing you could have done differently and Joe did what you couldn’t now just relax and focus on staying safe. Liz is okay physically and we both know she’ll never be okay mentally.” I teased, sticking my tongue out at her.

  “Hey, I heard that.” She yelled from the other side of the room.

  “I don’t want anything occupying your mind and making you distracted. I’ll hold down the fort until you get back. I just need you to stay safe and come home to me as soon as you can.”

  “I know you will, EC. Listen, we’re getting ready to roll out of here for our next mission and they’re calling me. I have to go baby girl.”

  As he said he had to get off the phone, my heart broke. It was almost as bad as when he’d left at the airport.

  I stayed strong. “I miss you so much already. I promise I’ll keep an eye on Liz and everything’s going to be fine. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. I’ll call you as soon as I can. Take care of my girl too. I miss her.”

  “Will do, soldier.” I blew a kiss into the phone and heard the silence as he disconnected.

  “I’ll be right back,” I told Liz as I made my way back upstairs. Even though it was a short conversation, my spirit was lifted by just the sound of his voice. I went into my bedroom and opened my makeup drawer. Behind my makeup were my birth control pills. I grabbed them and flipped open the lid. They were empty, except for two pills at the end of the last row. Phew! I didn’t forget.

  Letting curiosity get the best of me, I grabbed the pregnancy test off my bed and went into the bathroom. I sat, hovering above the toilet and holding the stick below me. I kept trying, but nothing would come out. Damn it! I turned the faucet on to hear the running water, hoping it would trigger something. I was determined to wait until I had to pee. Liz came walking up and just walked right into the bathroom as if she lived there. I wasn’t surprised; that’s how she was. Besides, I didn’t know if I had the strength to face this alone.

  “Well?”

  “Nothing. I can’t pee!”

  She laughed. “You look really stupid.”

  “Shut up!” I yelled. “I don’t want any to come out and miss it.”

  “You want me to bring your water up so you can drink it and wait it out?” She laughed again.

  “No, it’s coming. I’m almost there.”

  “This is beginning to sound like a sex scene in one of Brady’s pornos,” she cackled.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. What a pathetic display I was. “Stop! You’re making me lose concentration!”

  Finally, my body worked with me. I peed on the stick, put the cap on, and set it on the sink, pulling my pants up.

  “You look. I can’t look now.”

  A minute ago, I had to know, but now I couldn’t bear to look.

  “Eww, no way,” she said, stepping back. “I’m not touching that thing you just peed on.”

  “Fine, I’ll leave it here and you can watch it.” I quickly washed my hands, drying them on the hand towel. “I’ll wait in my room.”

  I sat on my bed and placed my head into my hands. I rocked back and forth waiting for what seemed an eternity. Finally, Liz came out. She was stone faced. What a bitch. Now’s not the time to pay. She walked over slowly and sat next to me on the bed. I turned and faced her.

  “Well?” I asked.

  “I’m going to be an aunt,” she said, letting a tear roll down her cheek. “And you’re going to be a mommy!”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Seeing Doubles

  Mandy

  Liz was hovering over the stick in the bathroom like it was a Magic 8 ball with all the right answers.

  “So much for not wanting to touch the stick I peed on,” I laughed nervously. I mean really, what were the chances I was actually pregnant. John and I had only been having sex for like a month, and I had been abstinent for over six months before he came into the picture.

  “Ummmm Mandy, what does two lines mean?”

  “How the hell should I know? I’ve never taken one of these before. Where’s the box?”

  Digging through the garbage, Liz looked at the back and her eyes bugged. “Well EC and Johnny boy are going to be parents according to this.”

  I felt like I was going to faint. Lisa was right and what if John thought what Liz first thought about me trying to trap him into something to stay. My stomach rolled as I ran for the toilet, tossing up my salad. She came up and started rubbing my back.

  “It’s exciting, Mandy. Don’t freak out.”

  “What if John thinks what you first thought?”

  “He won’t. He loves you. Besides, he’s always been a family man. Though, I think you guys should try and schedule a video call so you can tell him since you can’t have a face to face conversation. I promise to keep my big mouth shut until you can talk to him.”

  “Thank you. We should come up with something cute to tell him. You know like hold something up.”

  Walking to the sink, I brushed my teeth and swished some mouthwash around. This surprise was surely just that. I was overflowing with mixed emotions. I certainly didn’t plan on having kids and always thought that if I did, it wouldn’t be until I was much older and settled down. My mom was young when she had me, and she thought I was the biggest mistake of her life. Granted, I wasn’t really that young. Luckily, my grandparents willed me their house when they passed so at least we would have a roof over our heads. It wasn’t anything grand, but it was mine.

  Part of me was scared of the thought of a tiny person growing inside me, scared I wouldn’t know what to do, scared I would fail as a mother. The other part of me was happy that I was bringing a life into the world, happy it was with the man I loved so dearly, and happy that we would be building our own family together.

  We made our way downstairs and started watching a movie, but we were both so exhausted from today’s events that we were dozing.

  “Liz, I want you to stay here tonight. Who knows what’s going on at your place and you shouldn’t be alone.”

  “I don’t know if my mom’s going home.”

  “Then call her and find out, but I’d really prefer you stay here if she’s not going to be there. You can stay in my bed.”

  Taking out her phone, she sent her mom a text. A reply came in almost immediately.

  “She said there’s no news and that the house is technically still a crime scene. She’s just going to stay at the hospital tonight and will update us if anything changed with Brady. He’s stable at the moment.”

  I forced her to take my bed for the night, grabbing an extra blanket and pillow and heading downstairs to sleep on my couch. Staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours, I wondered how I could break the news to John. On one hand, I couldn’t wait to tell him, but on the other, I was scared shitless. I knew he loved me, but I was starting to have doubts of just how much.

  My thoughts raced. What if he doesn’t want a baby? What if it scares him off? What if he thinks I did it to trap him, like Liz did? What if he leaves me because I’m pregnant? Stop, Mandy, just stop. John’s a good man. You’re being stupid.

  No matter how many times I told the little voice in my head to stop, it just kept going. It was like a little devil pushing all these thoughts in my head until a little angel appeared and scolded it… but then it just kept returning to cause trouble. I stayed like that for hours, now angry with myself for letting my thoughts race and keep me awake. I stared at the ceiling fan as it spun fast above my head. The sound was like a small helicopter nearby.

  Eventually, t
he day’s stress caught up with me, and I drifted off.

  My phone began to chirp; it was an incoming Skype call from John. I couldn’t wait to break the news to him. I quickly hit the answer button.

  “Hello, gorgeous,” he said.

  “Hi, baby. How are you?”

  “Since I’m seeing your face now, I couldn’t be better. Nothing could get me down when I have you. How’s my girl?”

  “Good. Well, better than good. I have some news for you. I wanted to wait, but I can’t.”

  “Let me have it then,” he said, grinning.

  “Don’t freak out, okay… John, I’m pregnant.”

  His eyes lit up, but he looked shocked. I wasn’t sure how to read his signs.

  “Umm, from me?”

  “Seriously?” I spat. “How dare you! Of course, from you. I love you and have only been with you!”

  “Whoa, Mandy,” he said, stopping me. “Listen, I didn’t sign up for this shit.”

  “What?” I said, dumbfounded.

  “Yeah, you’re sexy and shit, but damn, I’m not having a kid with you.”

  I could do nothing but cry. Was he fucking kidding me?

  “I don’t understand why you’re being this way.”

  “Listen, Mandy. Get rid of it or something. I don’t care what you do. I don’t want any part of it.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me, John?”

  “I have to go, Mandy. Can’t you see the fucking helicopter is sitting here waiting for me to take off?”

  He put his computer down and I watched him walk over and get on the helicopter. He waved goodbye and I watched it take off. What the hell had just happened? And why the fuck did he leave the call going? I could hear the sound of the helicopter getting louder and louder. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

  Mandy. Mandy! Mandy! I opened my eyes. Liz was standing above me. Over her head, my ceiling fan was spinning. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

  “Mandy, are you okay?” Liz asked. “You woke me up. You were yelling at John or something.”