Dare to Breathe

by S. B. Alexander

  “She’s late,” Kade said as though he were a hundred percent sure.

  Kade’s mom relaxed her features, or more like lost that radiant gleam in her eyes. “How late?”

  I nibbled on the skin inside my mouth like a chipmunk eating a nut. “Only a few days. Please don’t get your hopes up.” I directed my statement more to Mrs. Maxwell. She’d been dying for Kade and me to get married and pregnant. The woman wanted lots of grandbabies. Talk about pressure.

  She patted Kade’s hand. “A few days doesn’t mean anything. Women can be late for any number of reasons.”

  I released a quiet sigh. To be honest, I was all over the map on whether or not I wanted to be with child. Aside from baseball, Kade and I had to think about our finances. I didn’t have a job. Kade did, and while my dad did pay him well, I didn’t think his salary was enough to support us and a child.

  “I’ll take a home pregnancy test while you’re under the knife,” I said. It wasn’t a bad idea to know either way. But again, I was almost certain I wasn’t.

  Kade opened his mouth to speak, when Dr. Thompson strolled in garbed in scrubs with a plaid cap covering his head. I hadn’t met the doctor, but his name embroidered on his top gave him away.

  Mr. Maxwell pocketed his phone as he joined Dr. Thompson at the bottom of the bed.

  “Are you ready, Kade?” Dr. Thompson asked.

  Kade mashed his lips into a thin line as he nodded. “More than ever.”

  “Good. A couple of things. You’ll be given a local anesthetic. So you’ll be awake during the surgery. Barring any complications, the operation should take a few hours. I can’t say for sure an exact time.” He regarded Mr. Maxwell. “Halfway or three-quarters of the way through, I’ll have someone come out and give you an update. Any questions?”

  I ran my tongue over the area of my bottom lip that I’d been chewing on. “What can go wrong?” Please say nothing.

  Dr. Thompson flicked his gaze to me. “With any surgery, there is a risk of infection and bleeding. As I told Kade, surgery could produce some damage in the normal tissue of the brain, which can cause problems with your ability to think, see, or speak.”

  Kade and his dad didn’t react. They had already been informed. Yet, Mrs. Maxwell and I exchanged a look of horror. I couldn’t imagine not hearing Kade’s raspy voice or listening to him tell me what he was going to do to me just before we made love.

  “Dr. Thompson is an expert with this type of operation,” Mr. Maxwell said to his wife in a calm and soothing tone.

  I had no doubt that he was probably thinking how a complication could shatter her mental health much like Karen’s death had.

  A squat male orderly came in dressed in scrubs, a cap, and wearing a cheery smile.

  “I’ll see you in the operating room.” Dr. Thompson tapped on the rail of the bed before he left.

  Mrs. Maxwell kissed her son on the cheek. “The whole family will be here when you come out.”

  “Son,” Mr. Maxwell said. “You got this.”

  Kade grinned at his dad. “I know.”

  I wished I had an ounce of their confidence.

  The orderly readied Kade’s bed for transport as I watched his parents leave.

  “Baby,” Kade said in his husky voice. “I’ll be fine.”

  I snarled more at myself than anyone. I wanted that surety. I wanted to believe he wouldn’t suffer from any complications. But after hearing Dr. Thompson, I was more apprehensive than when I’d walked into the hospital. “Argh! Why is everyone so sure of themselves?”

  “Baby, it’s out of our hands. It’s now up to Dr. Thompson.”

  The orderly, whose name tag read Bob Garmin, said, “Dr. Thompson is a god when it comes to brain surgeries.”

  He better be, or else I will go crazy on the nice doctor.

  Kade kissed the back of my hand. “See. Nothing to worry about.”

  I wanted to protest that if the tables were turned, he would be freaking out too. Instead, I leaned over and kissed him. Before I knew what was happening, we were tongue dancing.

  Bob cleared his throat. “We got to go.”

  Reluctantly, I eased back. “I love you.”

  Bob wheeled the bed out, and my heart paused until Kade said, “I love the crap out of you, Lace. See you soon.”

  When he was out of sight, I began saying my prayers that I would hear his voice again, and as I did, I felt as if someone had sucked out my soul. I couldn’t move. A part of me believed that he would be okay, but hell. He was about to have his brain tinkered with.

  My hands trembled. So I clasped them together in front of me.

  Stop thinking the worst. Instead go get that pregnancy test. Call the scout with the Pawtucket Red Sox that you had planned on reaching out to. Do anything to take your mind off of Kade’s surgery.

  I did need to keep my mind occupied somehow, or else I would end up in a hospital bed myself.

  Mr. Maxwell’s voice penetrated through my cloudy brain. “Lacey, let’s get some coffee.”

  “You mean a stiff drink.” I didn’t drink alcohol, but I wanted to at that moment.

  Laugh lines carved out the area around his mouth. “I could use one of those.” He draped an arm around me. “Mrs. Maxwell is waiting for us.”

  At that moment, the emptiness I’d felt several minutes earlier vanished. I had a family—a future father-in-law who was like a second dad to me. A future mother-in-law who I considered my mom now. Plus, I had Kelton, Kross, Kody, and their significant others. My dad lived in town, and he wasn’t going anywhere. Not to mention, I’d reunited with my best friend, Becca, and I had other friends I’d made during my college days.

  We passed nurses and doctors as we met Mrs. Maxwell near the elevators. She stood like a queen amid the hurried medical personnel around her.

  “So, have the Dodgers called yet?” Mr. Maxwell asked.

  “Not yet. But I’ve been thinking of talking to the Red Sox.”

  He lowered his arm to his side. “That’s great. You would be close to home.”

  Exactly my thought.

  Mr. Maxwell stabbed the down button for the elevator.

  When the elevator dinged, we piled in and took it down to the first floor. Once we got out along with several other hospital personnel, I said to my future in-laws, “I need to make a couple of phone calls.”

  Mrs. Maxwell touched my arm. “Are you going to buy that pregnancy test?”

  Mr. Maxwell’s eyebrows shot up.

  She gave her husband a warm smile. “I’ll tell you about it in a minute, dear.”

  For the first time in a long time, I let out a giggle. The tables were turned. Now Mrs. Maxwell and I were the ones confident and relaxed, while shock raced across Mr. Maxwell’s aging face.

  “I will,” I said.

  She entwined her arm in her husband’s. “Good.” Then they started in the direction of the cafeteria. “Lacey might be carrying our next grandchild.”

  “I have a feeling that the boys will be spitting out babies left and right,” Mr. Maxwell said as his voice faded.

  That was probably a true statement. Kross and Ruby were already on number two.

  I wound my way out of the hospital and into the morning sunshine. I inhaled the scent of summer as I strolled down a sidewalk along the front of the hospital.

  I tapped on Becca’s name in my contact list. The phone rang four times before the line went to voice mail. “Hey, Becca. Can you pick up a pregnancy test for me and meet me at the hospital. I would do it, but I don’t want to leave.” She was headed to the hospital today anyway to pick up her schedule for her new job.

  After I hung up, I sifted through my contacts for the number to the Pawtucket Red Sox’s scout, John Gleason.

  Red lights flashed as an ambulance pulled up to the emergency room.

  I tapped on his name then watched the EMTs scurry to get their patient into the hospital.

  The line rang twice before it connected.

  “This is
John,” he said in a deep voice.

  I cleared my throat. “Hi, John. I don’t know if you remember me, but this is Lacey Robinson.”

  He chuckled. “Of course I remember you. The team still talks about you.”

  A good sign for sure. The team had been extremely welcoming and open to a female when I’d spent almost a month with them.

  “So, I was wondering if the Red Sox would be interested in me. Maybe one of the minor-league teams.” I didn’t expect to walk on to their major league team. Most players started their careers in the minors.

  I held my breath.

  The line was deathly quiet.

  I checked my screen to see if the call had dropped. “John, are you still there?”

  “I’m sorry, I had to mute the phone when my assistant came in. So I hear you’ve been practicing with the Dodgers’ Triple-A team. Are they interested in signing you?”

  Sitting down on a cement bench, I watched the ambulance drive away. “News travels fast. Anyway, I’m waiting to hear back from them. I spent a week practicing with their Triple-A team.” Brice had said he would be in contact within the week, and it had been a week. So I didn’t think the Dodgers were interested. Frankly, I’d hardly thought much about them or baseball since Kade told me about his tumor.

  The sound of John tapping keys reverberated in the background. “We’re well over halfway through the season. The Sox’s roster is full. But I can test the waters maybe for next season. That is if you don’t get signed by the Dodgers.”

  My next call would be to Tony Greer now that I was thinking a little clearer. I would have called Brice, but I didn’t have his number. The only time he’d called me was from the Dodgers’ head office in LA.

  “Thank you,” I said. “I honestly don’t think that I’ll be signing with the Dodgers.”

  “Why not?”

  “If they were really interested in me, they would’ve signed me when I was in Oklahoma.” At least I believed that since they were in desperate need of a closing pitcher, and a team wouldn’t drag their feet with games left in the season. “I understand that rosters are full. I would really appreciate it if you could test the waters as you say.”

  “Can I give you some advice, Lacey?” John asked.

  If he said that I needed to rethink a career in baseball because I was a female, I might reach through the phone and punch him. “Sure.”

  I could hear him typing, or so it seemed. “I want you to talk to Tara Bannister. She’s a sports agent and one of the best in the industry. She knows how to broker deals, and I believe you will like her. More importantly, if you want to make a play for the majors, you’ll need an agent. I’ll send you her information in an email, and I’ll let her know you will be contacting her. Does that sound good?”

  That was great advice. The Dodgers had asked if I had an agent. But I hadn’t had time after graduation to do much other than talk to them. But I did need someone who had my back and best interests at heart, and if Tara Bannister believed in me, then I might have a shot at playing in the major leagues. “That sounds great.”

  “I’m glad to hear,” John said. “I do think you will have a shot with a good agent.”

  My stomach fluttered for the first time in a while, and it wasn’t a love flutter but a maybe-luck-was-on-my-side flutter. “Thank you.”

  “Look for that email,” he said. “Good talking with you, Lacey. I have a meeting I have to get to.”

  I thanked him once more before we hung up. I was about to hit redial to the Dodgers’ head office, when I realized it was around five thirty in the morning in LA.

  For the moment, I went in search of the hospital chapel.

  An hour after praying for Kade, I was feeling a little better—at least about my career and the possibility of an agent. I was in a one-stall bathroom, peeing on a stick, while Becca read the box that the test had come in.

  “I’m not sure I can pee with you in here,” I said.

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m not leaving. I have the same female parts as you.”

  It wasn’t that I was modest. Sometimes it was hard to relieve myself with someone watching me.

  Becca turned on the faucet. “This should help you.”

  My mom had always done the same when she wanted me to pee before getting into the car for a long road trip. As soon as the water started flowing, the sound triggered my bladder. When I was finished, I set the test on the sink then washed my hands.

  Becca threw the box into the trash. “With this test, you should get a yes or a no readout. So now we wait.” She dipped into her big purse and produced a wedding magazine. “Want to look at wedding dresses?”

  I raked my gaze over her. Her black hair was up in a ponytail. Her face was clear of makeup, and she didn’t look as though she had aged one bit since high school. More than anything, she knew how to take my mind off of things. “I’ve missed you.”

  She stuck out her bottom lip. “Same here. Now that I’m home, we can hang out like we did in high school.”

  God, I would love that. I had three close girlfriends in college, but Jennifer lived in North Carolina, Heather lived in Minnesota, and Peggy hailed from New Orleans.

  “How many people do you want in your wedding party?” she asked.

  I closed the lid on the toilet seat then sat down. “I haven’t thought that far. But I would say three plus you.” I wanted to ask Jennifer, Peggy, and Heather to be bridesmaids.

  Becca darted her gaze to the test. Then it was my turn as my pulse sped up. I pushed to my feet as my palms began to sweat. The sound of us breathing filled the small space. When I blinked, the word became clearer as did the beating of my heart.

  “Well, crap,” Becca said.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off the test. As much as Kade and I weren’t ready for a baby, part of me had warmed to the idea that I could be carrying his child. But as I suspected, the word on the test read no.

  Becca hugged me. “It will happen one day.”

  I was elated yet sad. Kade and I were just beginning our lives together. We had so much to do before we brought a child into the world. On the other hand, having a baby would’ve certainly made Kade a happier man, and I definitely wanted kids. I couldn’t wait to see if our kids had honey-colored hair like Kade or black like his mom. I mean, his niece, Raven, was the spitting image of his mom and her dad, with big blue eyes and the blackest hair.

  Becca snapped her fingers. “Earth to Lacey.”

  I zeroed in on her pink nails. “I’m good.” I was. I would be even better when Kade came out of surgery, alert and talking.

  “Glad to hear because for a minute, I thought I would have to call a doctor in.”

  I rolled my eyes then looked in the mirror. My brown hair was frizzy. Dark circles marred the areas below my eyes, and I did look pale.

  Becca wet her hands before she smoothed them over my hair. “Give me that band on your wrist.”

  I handed her the blue band. In a matter of seconds, my hair was in a bun on the top of my head.

  Then she pinched my cheeks. “There. Now let’s go see the Maxwell family.”

  I checked the time on my phone. Dr. Thompson had said he would send someone out to give us an update. I hoped I hadn’t missed that. Then again, it had only been about an hour and a half since Kade had gone into surgery.

  As we headed up to the second floor, I texted Mr. Maxwell to find out which waiting room he and Mrs. Maxwell were in. The last time I’d left them, they had been on their way to the cafeteria.

  Before Becca and I reached the elevator, Mr. Maxwell sent his location. Within two minutes, Becca and I entered the waiting room where the triplets were sitting around, appearing sullen and tired.

  Surprisingly, Kade’s parents looked better than their sons. Maybe the coffee had kicked in for them.

  Mrs. Maxwell came over to me. “Are you pregnant, Lacey?”

  Becca snorted.

  That one sentence erased any despair off the triplets’ faces as their
eyes widened.

  I shook my head.

  Mrs. Maxwell furrowed her eyebrows. “I’m sorry.”

  I hugged her. “Kade and I have a lot to do before we can have a baby.”

  Before any of the Maxwells had a chance to speak, Becca started talking a mile a minute. I giggled. I had missed her jabbering.

  She fired questions at the triplets, asking when Kelton was getting married and saying how she wanted to meet Kody’s girlfriend, Jessie. She kept them occupied as they filled her in on their lives until Jessie waltzed in.

  Anyone who was sitting jumped up as the room fell silent.

  Dressed in blue scrubs and a blue cap, she gave Kody the most loving smile before she spoke. “Normally, the crowd screams for me,” she teased.

  Becca’s face scrunched.

  “Jessie is a singer,” I said.

  Then the light bulb came on for Becca. I’d mentioned Jessie and her recording contract with my dad to Becca when she’d been at my house the other day.

  Jessie scanned the room until her brown gaze landed on me. Some emotion washed over her, and I couldn’t tell if it was sadness or fear. “Kade is doing well. It’ll be another hour before he’s out of surgery.”

  I clutched my chest as I closed my eyes for a beat, silently rejoicing that he was okay. But the tone of her voice said there was a “but” coming.

  “Thank God,” Mrs. Maxwell cried.

  Becca latched on to my arm.

  Kody sidled up to Jessie. “You’re leaving something out.”

  All eyes centered on Jessie.

  “Sweetie,” Jessie said to Kody, “I’m not in a position to say more than that.” Her tone slowly lowered as though she wanted to yell at Kody.

  Kody crossed his muscled arms over his chest. “Baby doll, I get your job and the confidentiality, but if Kade is fine, then whatever you’re holding back shouldn’t be bad news.”

  “Son,” Mr. Maxwell said. “Let’s wait for Dr. Thompson. Kade is doing well. So there’s no need to worry.”

  “Please, Jessie,” I chimed in. All I could think about was that Kade wouldn’t be able to speak anymore or see me.

  Her chest rose before it deflated. “As I said, Kade is doing fine. But…”