Dare to Breathe

by S. B. Alexander

  And there it was.

  “Please tell me the tumor isn’t cancerous.” I barely got that line out of my mouth.

  Jessie tucked her hands into the pockets of her scrubs. “It doesn’t appear so, but we’ll have the tumor tested just to be sure. Kade lost consciousness, and we had to sedate him. Again, he’s fine. We just don’t know if there’s any damage to the brain tissue. Dr. Thompson will explain in more detail when he’s finished.”

  I collapsed onto a chair, feeling as if I’d gotten the wind knocked out of me. Damage to Kade’s brain? If I made it through the next hour or however long the operation took, then I would classify that as a miracle.

  Chapter 14

  Kade

  My eyelids were heavy as I oriented my vision. Bright lights above me made me squint. Beeps and voices sounded muffled around me.

  “Welcome back,” a familiar voice said. “Can you tell me your name?”

  I knew the voice, but I couldn’t place the name. I studied the nurse with brown eyes and a small nose.

  I started an internal search, not only of who the nurse was, but where I was and what had happened. All I could remember was talking or counting, then I’d lost the ability to breathe before my body shook.

  A man came up on the other side of my bed with a plaid cap on his head. I squinted at the doctor, trying to get my brain to fire on all cylinders. Another man drew up alongside the doc, and immediately his face registered.

  “Dad?”

  He grinned as his eyes filled with tears. “Son.”

  As if someone had injected my memory bank, I slowly began to remember. I scanned the nurse’s face again. “Jessie?” I said her name more to myself.

  As though the sound of her name out of my mouth was soothing, she let out a breathy sigh.

  Then I eyed the man in the plaid cap. “Dr. Thompson?” Again, his name was more for me than for him.

  “You gave us a bit of a scare. What’s your name?” Dr. Thompson asked.

  My dad watched, and I swore he wasn’t breathing.

  “Kade Maxwell.”

  All three of them blinked in slow motion.

  Dr. Thompson’s head bobbed. “Good. Now count to ten for us.”

  So I did. Afterward, I added, “My head is sore.”

  Dr. Thompson checked the monitor above my bed. “That’s normal. You’ll experience some mild headaches and feel tired. I’ll prescribe some pain meds.”

  “What happened? One minute I was talking, and then next…”

  Dr. Thompson gripped the side of my bed. “You had a seizure right when we removed your tumor. Seizures are quite common during brain surgery. So we put you to sleep and then stitched you up.”

  Dad wore a relieved and happy expression. “They were able to remove all of the tumor.”

  I should have been rejoicing, but I was too tired and groggy. Still, it was great news. Now I wanted to see Lacey. My gaze darted past my dad. All I could see was part of a bed across from me.

  “Lacey,” I said.

  Jessie patted my arm. “You’ll see her soon enough. We could only let one person in recovery, and that person had to be a family member.” She gave me a sad smile.

  Lacey was family, but I understood that technically she wasn’t at the moment.

  “She’s fine, son,” Dad said.

  I shuddered a breath more out of relief than from remembering how frightened Lacey had been when the orderly had wheeled me out of the room. Luckily, my dad had been right outside, and I’d asked him to take care of Lacey. That was the only reason I hadn’t jumped out of that bed to console her.

  Dr. Thompson removed his cap. “You should rest.” He glanced at Jessie. “Get him down to his private room. He can have visitors but not for long.” He focused his attention back on me. “I’ll check on you later.” He gripped my dad’s shoulder for a brief second before he left.

  “How’s Mom?” I asked.

  Dad slid into Dr. Thompson’s spot. “Everyone is well and dying to see you. I think your brothers were more worried than the rest of us.”

  Jessie readied me for transport. As she did, I closed my eyes. I was dying to see my family, but I was tired. I wasn’t sure I could keep my eyes open.

  “Rest for now,” Jessie said. “It will be about thirty minutes before we get you situated.”

  The bed began moving. Dad was on one side and Jessie on the other. As they talked, their voices dulled while I fell in and out of sleep. Cold air washed over me as they wheeled the bed past nurses and other medical personnel then into an elevator before Jessie and Dad were pushing the bed into a cozy and somewhat dimly lit room.

  “I’ll need to hook Kade up to the monitor. You can get Lacey and Mrs. M.,” Jessie said to my dad.

  My eyes fluttered open as Jessie was fiddling with wires and pushing buttons on the monitor off to my right. Then she tucked me in. “Do you need more blankets?” She pressed a button somewhere until I was halfway up into a sitting position.

  “I’m good for now.” I had what felt like two heavy blankets on me.

  Jessie gently grasped my arm then hung the wired control device over my bedrail. “If you need anything, press this button.” She pointed to one of the controls. “I’ll be back later to check on you.”

  She faded from my view as I drifted off. I didn’t know how long I was out before a melodic voice called my name. Then cold but soft hands were on my face.

  I opened my eyes, and the most beautiful woman came into view. I wanted to reach out and hug her, actually devour her, but I was afraid if I moved, my head would burst.

  She must’ve sensed my struggle because she gripped my hand. As soon as my skin touched hers, an electrical charge zipped up my arm. I swore she had just infused me with her essence. The monitor that had been singing slowed.

  She beamed from ear to ear as her meadow-green eyes sucked me in. “Hi.”

  Man, that sugary voice gave me another jolt of healing.

  I hated to tear away my gaze from my fiancée, but my mom came up to the other side of my bed. Talk about a happy face. She was the epitome of joy. I didn’t think I’d ever seen my mom with such a wonderful and bright smile.

  My mom rubbed my jaw. “How are you feeling?”

  My head felt sore, and I wanted to sleep, but I was still ready to jump out of bed and throw myself at Lacey and my mom. I was so fucking thankful and grateful that I’d made it through the surgery. In that moment, as my mom, my dad, and Lacey crowded around my bed, I let the tears flow as I grinned at each of them.

  “I take it that those are joyous tears,” Mom said through her own.

  All I could do was nod.

  Lacey giggled as she swiped a hand over one eye then the other.

  Mom glanced at my dad. “We’re going to run home and freshen up. Jessie will bring in the triplets in a bit.”

  Exhausted and haggard would have been words I would have used to describe my dad, even though he was smiling.

  “Take your time,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Lacey squeezed my hand for dear life. “Neither am I.”

  Damn right she wasn’t. Or else I would have to hunt her down dressed in nothing but a hospital gown and a bandaged head. I was sure no one would want to see me chasing her with my ass showing.

  Once my mom and dad were gone, Lacey lowered the rail of my bed and climbed up on the edge, folding her leg underneath her while the other one dangled off the bed. “I’m going to be your nurse.” She waggled her eyebrows. “I think when you get home, bubble baths are in order.”

  Hot and quick, a warm feeling shot down to my groin. “As long as my nurse is in the bath with me.” Bubble baths with Lacey were epic. She would get in first, while I leaned over the tub and lathered her up, teasing and playing until she was at the point when she was about to climax. Then she would stop me from playing until I got in. Then she had her way with me, soaping me all over. I stopped right there. If I kept thinking of those times in the bathtub, I would be
tenting my sheet for sure.

  Settling her gaze on my groin, she arched an eyebrow. “We should talk about something else.”

  Fuck that. I wanted to close my eyes and replay bath time.

  “I want to hug you and kiss you,” she said. “But Dr. Thompson said you need your rest.”

  “He didn’t operate on my lips,” I teased.

  She checked on my groin, smiling. “Let’s wait on the kiss. A nurse might come in.”

  Considering I was getting hornier by the minute for some reason, I had to take it down a notch. Still, a kiss wouldn’t kill me. I was about to protest, when she lost her smile.

  “What’s wrong?”

  She lowered her gaze to her denim-clad knee. “I’m not pregnant. I think I was late because of all my stress over my grandfather, baseball, and then you.” She sounded disappointed.

  “You’re sad about that? I thought you didn’t want to get pregnant now.” A dull pain sat heavy in my chest. I’d been hoping she was carrying our child.

  She shrugged and sighed. “I warmed up to the idea. But we have so much to do before we have babies, Kade. I guess I’m feeling a little sad too because I know how much you want children.”

  “Baby, as much as the thought of you pregnant excited me, you’re right. We do have a lot ahead of us. And I want you to live your baseball dream.”

  She frowned. “The Dodgers haven’t called. The season is coming to a close and fast. But I did speak with John Gleason the scout for the Red Sox. I figured I would see if he could put in a good word for me with the Sox. He said he’d check on things more for next year, and he gave me the name of a good sports agent.” Her frown vanished as her phone buzzed.

  She removed it from the back pocket of her jeans. “It’s the Dodgers office in LA.” She gulped in air then answered. “Hello.”

  I couldn’t hear the caller, but her frown was back.

  “I understand. I appreciated the opportunity to work out with the team. Thanks again for your interest in me.” She set the phone down on the bed.

  Without thinking, I moved to wrap my arms around her and forgot about the IV. Not only that, the slightest movement made me extremely dizzy. Instead, I played with her fingers.

  “That was Tony Greer. Brice and the management team have decided to go with another closer for the remainder of the season. As much as I knew their answer would be no, I’m still hurt.”

  Her pain became my pain. In my mind were the words I want to hug you, but any movement kind of hurts. What came out, though, was all garbled. I licked my lips and tried again. “Gu ou.”

  Her eyes went wide. “Oh my God. You can’t speak clearly.” She flew off the bed. “I’ll get Jessie.”

  Her backside faded as my eyes closed. I repeated the sentence in my head. I want to hug you. Then I tried to say those words out loud. Again, gibberish.

  “Kade.” Dr. Thompson’s voice resonated.

  I opened my eyes and found Dr. Thompson standing over me. Next to him was Lacey, holding her finger hostage in her mouth.

  “I want you to say the alphabet,” Dr. Thompson said.

  “A, B, C,” I started. I finished with Z, not missing a letter.

  “What were you trying to say to Lacey?” Dr. Thompson asked as he waved a light pen in my eyes.

  “I”—I took a breath as I repeated the sentence again in my head—“I want to hug you.” My delivery was slowed and slurred. But at least I could say the sentence.

  Lacey cried. Behind her, I spotted my brothers waltzing in.

  “Kelton, Kross, and Kody,” I said more to myself.

  Lacey whipped around and threw herself at Kelton, who was the first one to come in.

  Kelton’s arms went around Lacey. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

  Kody and Kross rushed over to my bedside, opposite Dr. Thompson, who was now looking under the bandage on my head. “Any headaches at the moment?”

  “No,” I said. “Dizzy, though.”

  He secured my bandage. “You need to rest. Everyone has five minutes to visit. Then I’m ordering you out.” He pinned his gaze on Lacey.

  “I’m okay?” I asked.

  Dr. Thompson pocketed his light pen. “You are. Not uncommon to have some speech impairment right after surgery. But if you’re experiencing severe headaches, I want you to push this button.” He stabbed his finger at the wired control device Jessie had draped over my rail earlier. “Five minutes.” He waved his hand at my visitors.

  Lacey rushed over when Dr. Thompson left. “Tell me you love me. I want to hear it.”

  I had to say the words in my head first. Then I said it out loud. “I love the crap out of you.”

  She threw her head in her hands and cried.

  My heart broke into a million pieces. Again, I recited my words silently before spewing them out. “I’m okay, Lace. You heard the doc. Normal stuff.” I wished I could console her and pepper kisses all over her, but that would have to wait.

  Thankfully, Kelton came up to stand beside Lacey, then he tugged her to him. “Shh. It will take an army to fuck up Kade, not some brain operation.” His tone was light.

  I nodded at my brother. Dr. Thompson was right. I needed to rest. Maybe with some sleep, my brain could recuperate.

  Lacey shuddered a breath. “I was so afraid I would never hear your voice again or you say my name.”

  Silently, I repeated her name then gave it a shot out loud. “Lace.”

  When she beamed and her eyes lit up, I let out a huge sigh of relief.

  Everything was right in the world.

  Chapter 15

  Lacey

  The Maxwell family chatted around the enormous dining room table. Four months had passed since Kade’s operation. He was fully recovered. The speech problem he’d had right after the operation didn’t happen again. I’d been worried just about every day afterward if his speech or his eyesight would fail or if his brain would swell. But according to Dr. Thompson, those complications usually showed themselves right after surgery. Since Kade’s operation had been in July and we were now celebrating Thanksgiving, he was out of the woods, although he had an MRI scheduled after the holidays just to be sure there weren’t any signs of regrowth.

  While a recurrence of a tumor did sit in the back of my mind, Kade wasn’t or hadn’t had any symptoms, and his headaches had all but vanished. So we concentrated on spending time together with bubble baths, movies, family, and talking about our wedding plans.

  Mr. Maxwell sat at the head of the table, clinking his glass lightly with his fork. Everyone was ready to dive into the three plates of carved turkey. Thanksgiving was always a fun time around the Maxwells. The night before, we had gathered around a campfire down at the lake and said what we’d been thankful for during the year.

  I was grateful for Kade’s speedy recovery and grateful that his tumor had been tested with no signs of cancer.

  The newest grandbaby, Reaghan, cried, stopping Mr. Maxwell from speaking and halting all conversation. Ruby popped to her feet and crossed the room to the bassinet. Reaghan was two months old and had the lungs of a great cheerleader.

  Mr. Maxwell rolled his eyes. “Good to know that Reaghan can stop you guys cold and I can’t.”

  Laughter bounced around the room.

  “Papa,” Raven said. “My sister needs food.”

  Again, laughter erupted. Six-year-old Raven Maxwell would be a force to be reckoned with as she got older. She was outspoken and had a wit about her.

  Kade reached over and grabbed my hand. “I can’t wait until we have kids.”

  Back in July, I’d wagered war with myself over my pregnancy scare. Being pregnant should be an event to celebrate when two people loved each other as much as Kade and I did. Yet I’d been scared and selfish. I was still a little frightened at becoming pregnant, but not because of baseball. More because I didn’t know what to expect physically or if we could handle the financial side of having a baby.

  Kade and I had agreed that before we had our
first baby, I would give baseball one last push. So I’d contacted Tara Bannister, the agent John Gleason had recommended. We’d chatted several times by phone but planned on a face-to-face meeting after the holidays. She was very excited to represent me, and I was equally excited that I had someone who would do all the so-called dirty work in negotiations. That meeting with the Dodgers in LA had been more than nerve-racking, and I didn’t care to go through something like that again.

  For now, I was loving the time with Kade. Four years away from him had been way too long.

  “Lace,” Kade said in my ear. “Are you with us?”

  I leaned into him, wanting to hear more of his raspy voice that I’d feared I would never hear again. “I’m here.”

  Reaghan had stopped crying, but Ruby was nowhere to be found. I suspected she was breastfeeding her daughter, who looked exactly like Raven, with black hair and blue eyes.

  Mr. Maxwell glanced at his wife, who was sitting on his right. “Kids, your mom and I have an announcement.”

  As everyone around the table exchanged looks from surprise to interested, they settled in to hear the big announcement. I suspected they wanted to tell us about their upcoming trip to Belize, which Mrs. Maxwell had been talking about.

  Across from Kade and me, Kelton draped his arm on the back of Lizzie’s chair. The couple was still going strong. He hadn’t proposed yet, but we all suspected he would when he finished law school.

  Next to Lizzie, Kody regarded Jessie. The two had been hot and heavy for over a year now, and it was great to see Kody happy and in love.

  To my right and close to Mr. Maxwell, Kross was adjusting Raven’s booster seat. She still wasn’t tall enough to sit in an adult chair to reach the table and eat comfortably.

  “We should wait for Ruby,” Mrs. Maxwell said.

  “No, Mom,” Kross piped in. “Go ahead. She might be a while. Reaghan eats like a horse.”

  “Very well,” Mr. Maxwell started. “Your mom and I have purchased every piece of land within a five-mile radius of the house and around the lake.”