Never Should Have Loved You

by Tierra Ashley

  We both grubbed down on our food. We didn’t talk about Jerome anymore, just current events and small talk.

  We were normal

  We were family

  We were happy…if only for the moment.

  Lisa

  Saturday Afternoon

  I was feeling guilty; so guilty about what I did with Marcus. What made it worse was that I couldn’t express that guilt to anyone, not even Marcus, because all he kept telling me was that I would get over it sooner or later. Yet, I didn’t know how I would ever get over it, especially with Naomi giving me the job and being so sweet to me. Marcus could talk all his big shot shit about him running the business, but he knew as well as I did that Naomi called the shots and he couldn’t have given me a job if he wanted to.

  I had missed her friendship anyway. I missed her sassiness. No matter how much her high and mighty attitude irked me, I still loved her for it because it was who she was and something she could not control. I couldn’t lie, though; I had a thing for Marcus as well. I have always liked him. His smooth, chocolate skin and sexy eyes and the way he had made love to me on the couch had my head gone. I wanted to be with him in more ways than I could imagine, but the fact that he was married to my best friend was a huge issue that I did not see an immediate solution for.

  I had called and told Marcus that I wanted to do a last minute surprise party for Naomi at their house, and he agreed to help me set it up and said that it would help make our fooling around look less obvious. That wasn’t the reason I was doing it; I was doing it to disguise my own guilt.

  It was the day of Naomi’s party and everything was ready to go. We had decorated the house with streamers and silly signs and put the number thirty four all over the house. Naomi hated for anyone to know her age, but it was only going to be a small number of family and friends so I didn’t see the big deal. It was the afternoon and I was at the spa with Naomi getting a massage and our nails done.

  “So you ready to get white girl wasted?” I asked Naomi as the Asian lady finished up my nails.

  “Hell yes. I need one of those wild drunken college nights we used to be known for,” Naomi said blowing on her semi-wet nails.

  “As long as you paying, I’m drinking,” I said, and we both started laughing.

  “Damn, I should have paid your ass early so you could pay,” Naomi said joking.

  “Any way you want to slice it you still the one paying,” I shot back at her.

  “It’s all good. I’m getting too old for birthdays anyway.”

  “Oh no, don’t start talking that too old crap. You’re only thirty-four. I’ll be thirty-five at the end of this year, so if you old that means I’m old, and I’m not old heffa,” I corrected her.

  “Oh bitch, you old,” Naomi said puckering her lips and rolling her eyes. “Stop lying to yourself,” she said grinning.

  “Stop reminding me. I’m starting to feel it too. I thought we would both have kids by now at least.”

  “Kids? You know I ain’t never wanted any kids,” Naomi said.

  “You and Marcus ever tried?” I asked curiously, thinking about the other night when he came inside of me without a care. He did buy me a morning after pill, but I still had it in my purse. Today was the last day I had to take it for it to be effective.

  “Girl, I can’t say we did or didn’t try.”

  “Naomi, what the hell does that mean?”

  “It means what it means. Now hurry up so we can go. We been in here all damn day.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I said waving Naomi off because she was getting all impatient like her usual self. But what I didn’t like was that she was being all vague about her relationship with Marcus and she wasn’t hinting about her seeing anyone else either, so I didn’t know what was up with her. I was used to her telling me everything.

  There was only one other time I could remember her being secretive with me and it was right around the time before she met Marcus. She was disappearing all the time and not answering her phone. I shook it off as Naomi just being Naomi, but I could feel something was up.

  We finished up with our nails and headed out into the sunlight to drive toward Naomi’s house.

  “So what are you wearing tonight?” I asked Naomi.

  “I have no clue. Maybe you can help me pick something out in my closet.”

  “Cool. I have my outfit with me already.”

  “Ummm, and what are you wearing?” Naomi said it like she disapproved of my outfit before she knew what it was.

  “Well damn, I’m scared to tell you now. You already judging.”

  “You can just raid my closet,” Naomi said smiling at me. She was trying her best not to be mean, but the bitch was being mean. I didn’t mind it though. I knew she had some fly shit in her closet so I was not tripping.

  We arrived at Naomi’s house and pulled into the garage. I was nervous about how she was going to react when everyone jumped out and surprised her, because her mood swings made her potential reaction a wild card. We walked inside the house and everyone jumped out from behind the living room furniture just as I had planned. “SURPRISE!” they all shouted in unison. I looked at Naomi, smiling, trying to see how she was responding. She did not look happy, but she did not look mad either. A slow smile crept over her face until she was smiling so big and wide it almost looked as if she was faking it to mask her discontent.

  Marcus stepped out of the small group of people and came over and gave Naomi a hug. I don’t know why, but I did not feel guilty while staring at their embrace. What I felt was a twinge of jealousy. They looked so happy together, which made me wonder if Marcus was just lying to me about their relationship being over so that he could have his cake and eat it too. I grabbed Naomi by the arm and started dragging her toward the back door to go outside to the backyard. Naomi was bitching the entire way about not liking surprises, but I wasn’t trying to hear it. She was going to enjoy the party I planned for her, damn it.

  We got outside to the back yard and more people jumped up shouting “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!” Naomi face filled with more shock at the array of food that was on picnic tables and the happy faces wishing her a happy birthday. Before she could say anything, I walked right over to the table and poured us a shot of vodka to ease her nerves because I was sure any moment that she was going to have another bitch fit if she didn’t have a drink. Within moments, Marcus was walking outside in a full stride headed towards Naomi and me, and wrapped Naomi up in his arms from behind. Naomi looked shocked by Marcus’ overly affection, and I felt like the biggest load of crap watching them.

  “Aww, look at you two love birds,” I said trying to hide my growing jealousy.

  Marcus kissed Naomi on the cheek as he cradled her in his arms, but his eyes were on me the entire time he kissed and hugged her, making me feel uncomfortable…making me hope that what we were doing together was more than just a fling.

  Naomi

  Saturday Afternoon

  “SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!” Everyone jumped out from behind the living room furniture when I walked into the house. I hate surprises! I had the biggest fake smile I could plaster on my face. I was so pissed. I was really looking forward to our girl’s night out with just me and Lisa.

  “Surprise baby.” Marcus came over and hugged me like he loved me, which I knew was a lie. “Happy Birthday,” he said giving me a kiss on the cheek. I scanned the room and saw Jerome, Whitney, a few of our employees and old college friends. I’mma kick Jerome ass for not telling me about this. And who the hell invited Whitney?

  “Oh my God! I’m so surprised!” I said putting my old college drama lessons to good use. They had a cake for me on the table and a few gifts. The room was decorated with streamers and Happy Birthday was written everywhere.

  “Wait ‘til you see outside,” Lisa said pulling me by the arm toward the backyard.

  “You knew about this?” I asked her as I followed.

  “Yeah, I planned it.” She was smiling ear to ear.

  “Lisa!
Girl, you of all people know I hate surprises…and you got my age all over the house for these people to see.”

  “Stop bitchin,” Lisa whispered as she dragged me outside to see the barbecue smoking, food sitting out on picnic tables and more people yelling “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!”

  Lisa continued to pull me over to the table that was packed full of all of my favorite foods; macaroni and cheese, barbecue chicken, potato salad, and green beans. I was happy that Lisa had put so much effort into throwing me a party that I was actually overwhelmed.

  “I know we said we were going out for drinks for your birthday, but take a shot anyway,” Lisa said smiling, handing me a shot glass with vodka in it and picking one up for herself as well.

  “I don’t know if this is a good idea,” I said before downing the entire shot and watched as Lisa topped hers off. Marcus came out to the backyard and hugged me from behind. To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

  “I just want you to have a good birthday,” he whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek. I was already getting a light buzz from the shot which allowed me to relax in his arms slightly.

  “Aww, look at you two love birds,” Lisa said looking at us with glossy eyes. Marcus was still holding onto me tightly when Whitney walked over to us.

  “Hey sis! Long time no see,” she said giving me a kiss on the other cheek that Marcus was not occupying.

  “Yes. Good to see you as well,” I said smiling at her as Marcus nestled his chin on top of my head, still wrapping his arms around me from behind. Whitney left us and walked over to the food all excited, like she needed another meal. Judging from the size of her hips, baby girl didn’t need another meal.

  “Lisa, I’m going to need another shot,” I told her.

  “Coming right up!” she said turning around and pouring another shot of vodka, this time handing Marcus one as well.

  “Bottoms up,” Lisa said taking a shot with us. The liquor burned all the way down my throat to my belly, but I was going to need it if I was going to attempt to be happy at my own birthday party.

  Marcus let me out his embrace and poured himself another shot of vodka. He was smiling and talking to Lisa and me telling old stories of the three of us, and acting very normal for the first time in a long time. I caught a glimpse of Jerome talking to Whitney and I felt a wave of agitation run through my body. Whitney was talking to him with a mouth full of Mac & Cheese and Jerome was standing there like he was so interested. I know he is not about to do this at my birthday party?

  The liquor was already starting to take over my body and my mind. I was not feeling their little reunion nor was I feeling the fact that Jerome was doing it so boldly in front of my face. I guess Lisa could feel my frustrated energy and snapped me back to reality when the music started playing.

  “AYE! Gurl, this was our jam!” Lisa shouted throwing her hands up as “This Is How We Do It” came through the speakers.

  “Yes!” I said as I joined in with Lisa as she did a little dance. Everyone was now out in the backyard and was pumping to the music as well. I felt a sense of peace wash over my body as I chanted the lyrics to the song, in unison with everybody else.

  This is how we do it

  It’s Friday night, and I feel alright

  The party is here on the Westside

  So I reach for my 40 and I turn it up

  The music was bumping, our bodies were pumping, the food was grubbin’, the drinks were flowing; I was with my people and having a good time. Finally Jerome made his way over to me to wish me a happy birthday; he was looking good, too. The way I was feeling I just wanted to jump in his arms and not care that anyone else was around. Don’t get me wrong, I was actually turned on by the fact that Marcus was being so nice, but I quickly let that feeling fade once I thought about all the missing money from the business accounts, which made me suspicious of why he was acting so nice to me.

  The hugs, the kisses, the party was all a lie. No matter how he tried to gift wrap me the bullshit, I knew it was fake. But what Marcus didn’t know was that two could play his game. If he could play nice and stab me in the back, so could I.

  I smiled at Jerome and thanked him for his birthday wishes, and then I grabbed Marcus by the arm and turned him around to face me as I planted the sexiest, most passionate kiss I had ever given to him in all our years of marriage. My body was close to his I could feel his manhood rising, which was something I hadn’t felt in months. I could feel the stares on my back from Jerome and the “aww they are so cute” filling the air, but nothing was cute about the kiss that I was laying on Marcus. I had loved Marcus…never wanted to hurt him; I just wanted to be done with our marriage. But after the revelation that he was stealing from me, I had no love for Marcus in my heart or in the kiss I was laying on him. I had just sucked Jerome dick earlier that morning and I was giving Marcus a big fat KILL YOURSELF kiss right on his lying, deceitful lips; and I hoped he could taste my venom.

  Jerome

  Saturday Afternoon

  WHAT THE FUCK? I thought as I stared at Naomi kissing Marcus like she was in love with the nigga. I was ready to yank her ass backwards by the hair and drag her out of her own house. I had to check my facial expression quick before the anger in my eyes became too obvious. I was extra mad because Naomi made it a point to come over to my house early in the morning to get some birthday sex. She claimed she had to start her birthday right, but now she was kissing him like she had made love to him too. I looked at the bottle of Goose that was sitting on the table and picked it up to pour some in my red plastic cup. I was going to need it if I was going to continue standing around watching the fuckery Naomi was performing.

  I sipped on my drink and Whitney walked over to me munching on a chicken leg.

  “Maaan Whitney, gone away from me right now,” I said real calm and smooth so nobody else could hear.

  “Jerome stop,” she said taking another bite of the chicken. “Just enjoy the party,” she said trying to remain cordial, but after watching Naomi kiss Marcus like she was trying to taste his tonsils I was all out of cordial. I was ready to punch a muthafucka in the face and I damn sure didn’t want it to be Whitney, but she was getting on my nerves following me all around the backyard like a lost puppy. I was still trying to figure out how she got an invite because I knew Naomi didn’t talk to her ass.

  I huffed and took a big gulp of the liquor in my cup. Naomi finished kissing and hugging on my brother and walked off into the house with her friend. I was standing, bobbing my head to the music as Marcus walked over to me and Whitney walked away.

  “What’s up bro? You enjoying yourself?” Marcus asked as he poured him some Sprite and spiked it with some vodka.

  “It’s cool.”

  “You gonna eat some food?”

  “Maybe later; I’m not really hungry like that,” I told him.

  “Yeah, me either.”

  We stood there for a few minutes having small talk and people watching, until Marcus said some shit I DID NOT LIKE.

  “Yeah, you should try and treat Whitney better.”

  “Bruh, we not even married anymore. What is you talking about?”

  “Ya’ll could always get back together.”

  “Not happening.”

  “Why? You found someone else?”

  “Nah…”

  “Then what is it? Cause Whitney is down for you.”

  “She just not the one for me.”

  Silence.

  “Yeah I been thinking I need to treat Naomi better,” my brother continued.

  “Oh yeah? Ya’ll still having problems?” I asked already knowing the answer to the question.

  “Yeah, but shit, I’m going to fuck the shit out of her tonight. Problems or no problems, feel me?”

  I felt my blood boil.

  The thought of Naomi giving him some pussy made me want to kill the both of them. Maybe it was the liquor that had me on ten…or maybe it was the whole situation of me leaving Whitney and Naomi taking her sweet as
s time to leave my brother. Whatever it was, I had been feeling the effects of everything for a long time and it was all starting to boil over and come to the surface.

  Nah nigga I don’t feel you. I’m not feeling this fake ass party…I ain’t feeling you, mom, Whitney, Naomi and her bullshit...I ain’t feeling none of it.

  I didn’t respond to him. I just took another sip of my drink, looking straight ahead at everyone talking and having a good time and as usual, Marcus got on his big brother bullshit and started trying to play fight me.

  “C’mon. Put the cup down,” he said smiling. “Let’s test how strong you are,” he said taking the cup out my hands.

  “Bro, quit playing,” I said trying to warn him, but he started taking playful jabs at me. I was already feeling the fire in my veins and Marcus did not want none of this. “Chill,” I told him.

  “Fuck that. Come on,” he said bouncing around like he was Muhammad Ali.

  He hit me wit a jab to the arm

  I backed up

  He came in again

  Hit me with two quick ones to the chest

  I snapped

  I rounded up one and planted it right on his chin

  WHAM!

  Marcus was dizzy and shocked

  The crowd of Naomi’s friends turned around and looked stunned

  Anger fueled his eyes and it was just what I had wanted anyway

  A fight…To crack him in his fucking head

  Marcus regained his composure and squared up

  I put my fists up…

  …but he didn’t swing

  He just took off and rushed me like a linebacker