Never Should Have Loved You

by Tierra Ashley

  Marcus

  Monday Evening

  I was on my way meet up with Whitney. She had been calling me to talk again. I didn’t really mind talking to Whitney because she was a nice girl. I liked her spirit and energy. I knew she meant well and I felt comfortable talking with her despite the fact that my knuckle head brother was the topic of conversation.

  I looked at my buzzing phone; it was Lisa. She had been calling me all day. I really wasn’t looking forward to talking to Lisa because the stress of what I was supposed to be doing was really getting to me. I was confident that Michelle’s plan would work, but I still didn’t want to be the one to suggest to Lisa to kill Naomi. I felt that plan of action would somehow backfire in the long run. I needed more time to figure things out and more time to spend with Lisa.

  I answered Lisa’s call.

  “Hey what’s up.”

  “Hey stranger,” Lisa said.

  “Been busy. How are you?”

  “I’m good. Been trying to talk to you and maybe have lunch. Seems like you’ve been distant lately.”

  “Just a lot of things on my plate. I’ve been meaning to talk to you anyway about me and you.”

  “Me and you? Are you and Naomi getting back together because you two were pretty lovie dovie at her party?”

  “Nah, it’s the exact opposite. I want a divorce and I was thinking maybe you and I could develop something. What do you think about that?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about that.”

  “I thought you said you had feelings for me.”

  “I do!” Lisa was sounding anxious and nervous. “It’s just that if you get a divorce from Naomi and you and I get together than that means our friendship is over.”

  “Your friendship was over the moment you started entertaining the thought of sleeping with me. All the lunch dates we had? C’mon Lisa. We went out dozens of times. You and Naomi been done.”

  Silence.

  “Just think about it alright?” I told Lisa.

  “Okay.” She sounded sad.

  “Did you take your medicine today?” I asked her.

  “No. I haven’t been taking it since Naomi and I started talking again. I guess I should.”

  “Yeah you should,” I told her. Lisa needed to make sure she took her Xanax anti-depressant pills. I had seen her one time when she was off that shit and she could go from zero to one hundred in a split second. “I got to go,” I told her.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’m meeting up with my sister-in-law at Cheddars to have dinner and to talk about somethings. I’ll call you later.”

  “Okay.”

  “Bye.”

  I hung up the phone.

  I was having second thoughts about the whole Lisa thing. I honestly was having second thoughts about the whole damn thing. I was thinking about just taking the money I already had and bouncing. I was tired of it all. The daily grind of construction, waking up to Naomi every morning, I was done. I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize my freedom, but Michelle was adamant that we needed the million dollar life insurance policy money to live the life we wanted. I was cool with just the four hundred thousand.

  I pulled up in Cheddars parking lot to meet Whitney. I was burnt out and exhausted, but I was oddly looking forward to Whitney’s company. I guess I just had a thing for being in a woman’s presence. I got out my car, entered the restaurant and went straight to the bar and ordered me a Hennessy on the rocks. I let the alcohol burn take over me so that I could start to relax my mind. Whitney came in after I had finished my drink and had ordered my second.

  “Hey bro-in-law,” she said smiling and giving me her signature side hug.

  “Hey sweetheart,” I greeted her giving her a kiss on the cheek. She was looking better than normal. She had a glow about herself that I didn’t see the last time.

  “How are you?” she asked smiling and upbeat.

  “Down in the dumps…but you look happy. Don’t let me kill your vibe.”

  “No, talk to me. What’s bugging you?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Problems with the wife?”

  “Yeah, we good though, just the normal shit,” I said taking a sip of my drink. “How are things with you and Jerome? Did you take my advice?”

  “Yeah I did! And it’s working I think.”

  “Good to hear,” I said taking a big gulp of my Henn. I was going to be on my third soon. My talk with Michelle was really weighing on me heavy.

  “Marcus, slow down. You got to pace yourself. We haven’t even eaten yet.”

  “Not hungry but you can order.” I handed her the menu.

  “Nah, I need to watch my weight.” Whitney rubbed her belly.

  I laughed. “Girl don’t nobody care about that. Men like a little extra to grab on.”

  “I know, but I can’t go overboard.”

  “Well have a drink,” I said signaling the bartender to take her drink order. She ordered an Apple Martini.

  We started talking about her job at the bank and her crazy coworkers. I told her about Ralph and firing him and how he was trying to get the union on me. We talked for what seemed like hours. Lisa called me several more times. What the hell does she want? We had only fucked one time and already she was acting like a crazy girlfriend. I had a nice, full buzz going and the more Whitney talked and laughed and giggled, I realized why my brother had married her.

  She knew how to make a man feel good, how to put his mind at ease. Naomi didn’t understand how much power a woman’s laugh had over a man. It was infectious and relaxing. If women laughed more, fewer men would cheat, period. Naomi was so caught up in money, fashion, bills and the business that she forgot the one thing that meant the most in life: being happy.

  I listened to Whitney ramble on and on, just staring at her smile through my glazed over eyes until she was ready to go.

  “Oh my God. I’ve just been talking your ear off,” she said giggling like a school girl. She was on her second martini and buzzed herself.

  “No, it’s perfectly fine,” I said paying the tab and signing my name on the receipt. I started to walk Whitney out to her car. It was dark out and the temperature was perfect. Not to hot not to cool.

  “Well, it is always a pleasure talking to you,” Whitney said giving me a front hug this time. She was so soft and cushiony. I hadn’t been with a woman her size since college. I had always been attracted to thin girls, but wasn’t nothing wrong with a thick woman. I pulled my face away from her drunken embrace and kissed her on her lips.

  “What are you—” she mumbled but I kissed her again. I tried to use my tongue, but she kept her mouth closed and pushed me away completely.

  “Marcus! No we can’t.”

  I instantly went into damage control. I was a dumb ass to try that shit on Whitney.

  “I’m sorry… the liquor. Please forgive me,” I said reaching for her hands. “It’s just that Naomi and I are going through some things. I didn’t mean to do that.” I begged for her forgiveness.

  “It’s okay,” she said giving me a half smile and squeezing my hand gently. “I won’t tell, just don’t let it happen again,” she said pointing at me giggling.

  “I promise,” I said blowing her a kiss and walking backwards away from her.

  “Get home safe,” she yelled to me as she got into her car.

  “I will,” I yelled back waving goodbye.

  I got in my car and started the ignition. I watched as Whitney drove away. Damn she is so cool. Why can’t I have a woman like that? Jerome is an idiot.

  Lisa

  Monday Evening

  It was all too much. I wanted to be with Marcus but I was torn. The revelation of him wanting to be with me was sending my emotions in overload. I walked to my kitchen to get my bottle of Xanax so I could take a pill and calm my nerves. Only six left and I didn’t have the money to refill my prescription. I wanted to save them for when I really needed them. Next
to my bottle of medicine was a stack of overdue bills that was stressing me out even more. My mind felt like a scrambled egg, my emotions felt like a roaring volcano, and I was so afraid of what would happen if the dream that Marcus was trying to sell me was a lie.

  I grabbed my car keys off the kitchen counter and hopped in my car. I didn’t know why, but a burning desire was telling me to go to the restaurant that Marcus said he was going to meet his sister-in-law at. I needed to put my curiosity to rest that what Marcus told me was true. After watching Naomi kiss Marcus the way she did at her birthday party, I didn’t one hundred percent believe him that their marriage was over. Whenever I asked Naomi about their relationship she would evade the question, but something didn’t add up.

  I was on the highway with my windows down headed to Cheddars. I didn’t have any music playing; I just wanted to enjoy the night breeze that was coming through my window and try to make sense of my rattled thoughts.

  I pulled up at the shopping center where Cheddars was located and parked in a parking spot at a nearby store where I could have a clear view of the restaurant. I turned off my car and just sat back in my seat, watching as people walked in and out of the restaurant. After a few minutes I noticed Marcus’s truck pull into the parking lot. He got out and walked into the restaurant alone. I’m going to be here awhile, I thought as I got on my smart phone and started surfing the internet. After a while, my phone started ringing with a call from Naomi.

  “Hey love.” Naomi seemed like she was attempting to sound upbeat, but it wasn’t working.

  “HEY! I missed you today,” I said referring to her absence at work.

  “Yes, I had some things I had to take care of outside of the office. How was everything today?”

  “A mess. I started on that back room with all those files and lost my damn shoe shuffling through all of those boxes!”

  Naomi crackled in laughter. “Did you find it!?” she asked.

  “A half an hour later!” I said laughing with her.

  “Oh my God, I wish I had been there to help you find it. It’s a war zone in that back room. Glad to hear you survived.”

  “I wasn’t readyyy,” I said in my Kevin Hart voice.

  Naomi fell out laughing some more. I was glad that she was laughing and that I could be the one to make her laugh. She needed me just as much as I needed her. I looked out my driver window and saw Marcus' sister in-law that I had seen at the birthday party, walk inside Cheddars. Seeing Whitney brought me back to the reality that I was semi stalking my best friend's husband and that I was a terrible friend.

  “You are so silly girl,” Naomi teased.

  “What are you doing now?” I asked curiously.

  “I’m headed to my house, why? You want to go out for drinks?”

  “Drinks sound so good right now. I could use a drink after my day, but I can’t.”

  “Why not? We still haven’t gone out like you promised. I don’t want to go in the house so early. The night is young Lisa.”

  “Another night…not feeling my best right now.” It wasn’t a complete lie. My brain was feeling frazzled.

  “You suck so bad.”

  “Where is the hubby?” I asked like I didn’t already know. I obviously knew better than Naomi did.

  “Girl doing what he does best.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Being Marcus.”

  “Naomi what does that mean?!”

  “Exactly what it means,” she said giggling.

  “Oh Lord, I can’t keep up with your strange sayings and ya’ll weird relationship,” I told her.

  “Some things aren’t meant to be understood, only to be experienced.”

  “Bitch, don’t go being all philosophical on me. You graduated summa cum laude; I just graduated,” I said.

  “You was just happy to be in the building.”

  “Exactly!”

  We shared another laugh.

  “Ewe…I guess I’ll go in the house since you acting like an old maid. We only in our thirties, damn it,” Naomi complained.

  “Don’t worry about nothing. I’m going to have your ass out all night one of these days and you going to be begging me to take you home. You know your ass can’t hang.”

  “Please do! I need a crazy night out so I can remember that I’m still alive.”

  “I got ya.”

  “Well keep doing a good job at the office. I’ll put a little bonus on your check because I know you need it.”

  Damn, why she got to do that. It warmed my heart to know she looked out for me without even asking her.

  “Thank you girl…I appreciate it more than you know.”

  “You're welcome. Love ya.”

  “Love you too.”

  We hung up the phone.

  I took a deep breath as I looked at my phone and then back up at my present situation. I put my hand on my key that was in the ignition. I was getting ready to turn the key when I seen Marcus and his sister-in-law come outside; and that’s when all of my fears flooded my heart. He kissed her. What the hell? Is he fucking her too?

  I watched for the couple of seconds as they kissed and then they started talking and laughing. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they were both all smiles. Then Marcus blew her a kiss as he walked away. That son of a bitch! Not only was he playing Naomi he was playing me too! I was angry and heartbroken.

  I watched as they both got into their separate cars and pulled away. I decided to follow Whitney’s car, but I stayed several cars back. I didn’t know what I was doing by following her, but I was curious to know what she was about.

  Naomi

  Monday Night

  I could feel something was not right with Marcus. Call it woman’s intuition, but I could feel with every fiber of my body that something was not right. Sure he and I hadn’t been on the greatest speaking terms lately, but something about him was cold and hostile. To be honest, he was starting to scare me because he appeared friendly to me while we were in front of people, but alone he gave me the cold shoulder and was stealing from me. Why would he try to keep a good image for others?

  I wanted to take my lawyer's advice and arrange a different living situation; maybe get an apartment across town or stay with Jerome. I wanted more than anything to be with Jerome every night, but with Whitney popping up on him that was out of the question. I was in my car driving home, but I didn’t want to go home. Home was the last place that I wanted to be. I picked up my phone to call Jerome.

  “Hey, what are you doing?” I asked.

  “Relaxing. What’s up?”

  “Thought I would stop by.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea because of Whitney.”

  “So tell her not to come by today.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “Well what am I supposed to do? I want to see you and talk about some things. I don’t want to go home,” I whined.

  “Go have a drink at a bar or something.”

  “Jerome….”

  “WHAT?”

  “I don’t want to do that. I need you to hold me,” I said as I did a U-turn away from my house to turn around and head toward his house.

  “Believe me, I want to hold you too, but we should lay low for right now.”

  “How about I head over there and drive around and see if I see Whitney.”

  “Nah, not smart.”

  “I’m coming over; I don’t care what you say.”

  I hung up on him.

  I figured if Whitney could pop up at his house unannounced and he not trip on her than I sure could too. Plus, I needed him more than I needed air in my lungs. I just wanted him to hold me until I wasn’t afraid anymore. I drove to his house trying to think of a good enough reason for me to spend the night, but I couldn’t come up with a good enough lie to tell Marcus. Besides, I didn’t want any cheating suspicions flying around on my side of the marriage, but I didn’t want to go home.

  I arrived in Jerome’s neighborhood. I c
ircled the block several times looking for any indication of Whitney; I didn’t see any. I parked my car around the corner like I always did and made my way to Jerome’s back door.

  Tap..Tap. I lightly knocked on the back door.

  Jerome answered the door in just a wife beater and basketball shorts.

  “I told yo ass not to come and you come anyway.”

  “Whatever Jerome,” I said pushing past him into the kitchen.

  “You don’t listen,” he said grabbing me up by my arm.

  “I need you to be a friend right now. I don’t need you to lecture me. You were supposed to handle her anyway. If she shows up you need to handle it.”

  “I don’t think you understand. She is not the type to just leave easily. If it was that easy I wouldn’t even talk to her every day.”

  “So don’t answer your phone or your door. You act like you’re still in love with the bitch.” I knew I had hit a nerve when I called his ex-wife a bitch because he squinted his eyes and bit his bottom lip like he had to stop himself from cursing me out; but I was right.

  “I’m done talking about Whitney. What your lawyer say?”

  “He didn’t say too much other than he was going to start looking into all of the lawsuits and cases against me. I have to wait until he knows more.”

  “So what are you going to do when your lawyer files the divorce papers for you? You still going to stay in the house with Marcus?”

  “I’ve been thinking about that. I don’t want to live under the same roof as him, but I don’t want him to have the house either. I had that house built, Marcus should have to leave.”