Never Should Have Loved You

by Tierra Ashley

  Jerome walked over and sat down on the sofa. I went and sat down on his lap and rested my head on his shoulder.

  “I’ve always been real straight forward about handling things in my life, but this divorce thing is gonna be hard for me,” I confessed.

  “If anyone understands it would be me. It hasn’t been the easiest for me either.”

  “Yeah, well at least you can trust Whitney. At least she wouldn’t steal from you.”

  “Shittin me! She's costing me money. You know how much it’s gonna cost me to repair the body damage for my car?”

  “How much?”

  “Thirty-five hundred.”

  “Damn, I’m sorry babe,” I said kissing his cheek and stroking it with my hand.”

  “And my job is pissed off at me for having domestic disputes in front of the office. I got in trouble for that shit.”

  “I don’t want to talk about our problems. I just want you to hold me,” I said snuggling up further on his chest. “We should take a vacation for a weekend and just get away from it all. I want to be able to wake up next to you and not have to rush home.” I told him.

  “Me too,” Jerome said nudging my head up and kissing me on the forehead and then on the lips.

  Our tongues danced for moments that felt like pure ecstasy. I didn’t want to think about Marcus or all of the years I had wasted being away from Jerome. I just wanted to live in the moment and hope for the future that we were planning to share together. Time would take care of the pain of our current troubles and I was sure that our love would see us through.

  Whitney

  Monday Night

  I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. I had come by Jerome house to surprise him with a plate of food I had made for him. After talking with Marcus at the restaurant, I had run home to grab the plate of barbecue chicken and macaroni. I was now witnessing the biggest fuckery I had ever seen. I was sitting in my car across the street from Jerome’s house, watching Naomi and Jerome kiss through the living room window. I had my headlights turned off so they could not see me, but it didn't stop the electric shock that was hitting my heart.

  So many thoughts and questions ran through my mind. Is she why he left me? Does Marcus know? Now it makes sense where he is getting some extra money from. I sat with both of my hands gripping the steering wheel so tight that it felt as if it would break into pieces. I wasn’t hurt, I wasn’t sad; I was fucking angry. The nerve of that bitch. I never liked Naomi anyway. I wanted to hop out of the car and kick the front door in and start whooping Naomi's and Jerome's asses at the same time, but I knew I had to play this smart.

  I waited for Naomi to leave. She creeped out the back door like the whore that she was. I was so angry because Jerome and I had just made love and already his trifling ass was up her skirt. It made everything and every moment we shared feel like a lie. I wonder how long they have been sleeping together.

  I hopped out of my car when I saw the coast was clear, and ran up to the back door. I figured I had a better chance at Jerome opening the door because he would think it was Naomi coming back. I knocked on the door and waited for him to open. The shock and disbelief that was on Jerome's face was priceless. I had the meanest scowl stretched across my face.

  BOOM!

  I punched Jerome as hard as I could in his chest

  “REALLY JEROME!! YOU’RE FUCKING NAOMI!!”

  I swung again with all my strength but he ducked it.

  “WHIT CHILL!”

  This time I wasn’t trying to hear it

  I was done with his ass

  He had gone beyond the point of no return with me

  How could I ever forgive him after this?

  I swung again

  Left…Right…Left…Right

  Letting the punches fly at every direction I could hit him

  I pushed myself into the kitchen as he backed up to dodge my blows

  “OF ALL PEOPLE!! NAOMI!! YOUR BROTHER’S WIFE!!”

  I was FURIOUS

  Jerome tried to grab me up, but I wasn’t letting it happen

  We were in the kitchen

  The kitchen chairs falling over crashing to the floor

  I grabbed the kitchen knife in the knife holder and pointed it at Jerome

  “I SHOULD KILL YOUR ASS!!”

  “WHITNEY PUT THE KNIFE DOWN…”

  I kept the knife pointed at him

  I wasn’t going to hurt him

  By no means was I going to hurt Jerome

  I was just so angry…so hurt…it felt good to scare him

  After all his lies and misleading me…

  …it felt good to be in control

  “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t cut your lying ass!!”

  Jerome had his hands up like he was ready to block my assault

  If I did choose to assault him he would have plenty of scars to remember it by

  “Let me explain…Naomi and me are just friends. We were—”

  “BULLSHIT! DON’T LIE TO ME!”

  I was tired of his lies

  I didn’t want to hear one more muthafuckin lie!

  "You divorced me for her...You broke my heart for that two timing bitch!”

  “It’s not even like that Whitney…”

  “What is it like then? Huh!? What is it like Jerome…”

  “If you just put the knife down and let me explain…”

  “I ain’t putting shit down! TALK NIGGA!!!”

  Jerome took a deep breath. He was damn near about to piss in his pants. I saw the hurt in his eyes; the betrayal exposed all over his face. His dirty deeds were spread out on the table, ready to be examined.

  “Naomi and Marcus are going through a break up and I was just giving her advice,” he lied.

  “YOU A GOT DAMN LIE…I SAW YOU KISS THE BITCH!”

  “What the fuck? Are you stalking me?” Jerome got defensive.

  “I’m asking the muthafuckin questions, nigga. Now I saw you kiss her. How long have you two been fucking?” I demanded to know the answer.

  “We just started…after you and I had already divorced.”

  “You and I just had sex last night!”

  “You came onto me!!”

  I snapped

  I was done with him being disrespectful to me

  Done with him lying

  Done with him talking to me like I was some random bitch

  WHAM!

  I kicked him so hard in his nuts they probably exploded

  Jerome fell to the floor in pure agony

  “AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

  He was squirming and squealing like a bitch

  He deserved every ounce of pain I had delivered to him.

  I dropped the knife on the floor next to him.

  “I’m telling your mother and Marcus. And you let that high and mighty bitch know to lawyer up. I’m going to sue her for everything she is worth. When I’m done with that bitch she ain’t gonna have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.” I was breathing so hard I looked like a raging bull. If Jerome even attempted to get his ass up off the floor I was going to kick him so hard my shoe print would be tattooed on his chest.

  I left him yelling and crying in pain in the middle of the floor, tears flooding my eyes so much I couldn’t even see. I walked back to my car, hips switching, arms swinging, and feet stomping, ready to tell Marcus and drag Naomi down the street by her hair screaming.

  Jerome

  Monday Night

  “She knows,” I said holding a bag of ice on my nuts.

  “Who knows?” Naomi asked over the phone.

  “Whitney knows…about us. She saw us,” I said, my voice cracking from the pain.

  “What? How?”

  “I told yo ass not to come by my house tonight. She was sitting outside watching,” I snapped at Naomi, but I couldn’t be angry with her. I was madder at myself for letting Whitney think that it was cool to show up at my house unannounced. I should’ve nipped that shit in the bud a
long time ago.

  “What did she say? Is she going to tell Marcus?” Naomi sounded like she was panicking.

  “Just calm down.”

  “CALM DOWN? I can’t calm down! This just ruins everything. If Marcus can prove that I’m having an affair it will make my divorce case even more complicated than it already is!”

  “I’ll handle Whitney.”

  “Handle her? I told you after she bashed your car up to handle her, but NO! You was sitting around thinking the shit was cute!”

  “Yo, stop yelling at me. I said I will take care of it.” I felt a wave of pain between my legs. I was sure I was going to have to see a doctor.

  “Jerome, do you know what state we live in? In the state of North Carolina, the bitch could sue me for sleeping with her husband.”

  “Yeah I know. She said something about that, too.”

  “SEE!! I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH LAWSUITS AGAINST ME! I DON’T NEED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!!” Naomi was yelling so loud I had to hold my cell phone away from my ear.

  “You’re right. I fucked up by letting Whitney come around. I got your back though. I’m not going to let her do anything. Just focus on your divorce and business.”

  “Jerome I can’t…I can’t do this.” Naomi sounded like she was about to have another break down.

  “Don’t start that 'I can’t' shit. Keep it together. We gonna get through this shit and go live on a fucking island somewhere, I promise.”

  “Your promises have been empty lately,” Naomi mumbled.

  “Nay, just relax. I got you. I got to go.”

  “Why are you getting off the phone when we have so much to talk about?”

  “Because I got to figure out what to do about Whitney and I can’t listen to you yelling and crying right now.”

  “Let me take care of Whitney.”

  “WHAT!!? Hell no.”

  “You're too soft on her. I will handle her.”

  “Naomi, don’t talk to her.”

  “Bye Jerome.”

  Naomi hung up on me. I called her back, but she didn’t answer. I called several more times but all I got was the voicemail. Shit! The last thing I needed was for Naomi and Whitney to come face to face because with Naomi spazzing out and Whitney on a full-blown rampage, there was only one thing that could come of them meeting up: jail time.

  I wobbled over in pain and grabbed my wallet and car keys to head to my mother’s house. Whitney had mentioned something about telling my mom and I needed to make sure that did not happen. I had an eerie feeling that shit was about to hit the fan and my only hope was that me and Naomi would come out on top. But by the way things were looking the odds were stacked against us.

  I arrived at my mom's crib and hopped out of her car. I used my key to go inside.

  “Mom,” I called out. I didn’t see Marcus' car in the driveway so that gave me a sense of relief. I could hear my mother talking in the other room and I quickly walked to the back where her bedroom was at.

  “I’ll call you back,” my mother said as she hung up the cordless house phone. She had a sour look on her face.

  “Yo mom, how you feeling?” I asked.

  “Boy, don’t ask me how I’m feeling like you give a damn!”

  “Damn! Why every time I come here you always snapping?”

  “Because every time I see you I find out you den fucked up even more.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just came to bring you your car back,” I lied. I hadn’t got my car out the shop yet and I still needed hers, but I was trying to cool her down. It ain’t work.

  “I know I didn’t raise you right. I don’t know where I went wrong and I take full responsibility. But sleeping with Marcus' wife…I can’t take responsibility for that. You are just a terrible son.”

  Fuck! She knows. Why couldn’t you keep your mouth closed Whitney!?

  “I don’t know what Whitney told you, but it ain’t true. She going crazy.”

  “No, the only person that’s crazy is you! After all your brother Marcus has done for you; all the times he bailed you out of jail...been there for you when nobody else was there for you and you disrespect him like this?”

  Was she just really sitting here telling me that Marcus was an angel and I was a devil? Was she really comparing my low-life, thieving ass brother to me? Marcus had everybody fooled that he was some good samaritan and I was tired of it.

  “Why don’t you just mind your own business, mom. We can all work this out without you.”

  “Ohh no, I’m telling your brother. He deserves to know what kind of foul shit you and that bitch are doing behind his back. You know, I never liked that Naomi. She always walked around like she was better than everyone else. I told Marcus not to marry that girl and he—”

  “SHUT-UP!!” I snapped. I yelled so loud the room shook. The scared expression on my mother's face was all I needed to tell her ass off. I was done with her always talking down to me. Done with her telling me I was a bad son. Done with her treating me like I was a piece of shit…plus I was panicking about her telling Marcus.

  “DO NOT TELL MARCUS NOTHING!...This is between us…You focus on NOT dying, how about that?”

  “Have you lost your mind boy? Don’t talk to me like that. Your brother would never talk to me like that.” She was starting to cry now. Tears were rolling down her scared, angry face. “Just get out! Just leave my house! I won’t be disrespected in my own house!”

  “Do you even know who pays for this house every month?”

  “Not you! Marcus pays all my bills. He is a good son, unlike you!”

  “Naomi pays the bills up in here, mama! Do you know that!? The very woman that you dislike and talk shit about is the one who has been financially taking care of you!”

  “You're such a liar I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

  “No, you’re so delusional that you think Marcus is a saint. Well I’m here to tell you that HE AIN’T NO SAINT!” I was steaming mad. I had it up to my ears with her Marcus bullshit.

  “Please leave my house,” she said coldly.

  I took a deep breath. I looked at the cordless phone that she was holding and decided that on my way out I would unplug it so she couldn’t call Marcus. I turned to leave her room when I heard her say, “I hate you…I hate you. You took the only man I loved away from me. Your father was a good man. I wish I never had you.”

  Her words sprouted the growing hate in my heart for her. I looked at her breathing machine that was next to her bed. I watched as the machine pumped air into her lungs. You wish you never had me…I wish you weren’t my mother. I walked over to the machine to find the plug in the wall.

  “What are you doing?” She sounded worried.

  I pulled the plug and the machine beeped a couple of times before it shut off. My mother started wheezing, coughing and choking. I stood over her bed as I watched her struggle to breathe. I leaned my face down close to hers and said, “I didn’t kill dad, Marcus did. He was the one that stole Pop's car that night. I just never told on him because it wouldn’t have changed the outcome of Pops being gone.

  So you see…you’ve spent all this time hating me and loving Marcus when he was the real reason for our fight that night. Marcus is the reason dad is gone. I had only defended myself.”

  My mother’s eyes were wide and big. I wasn’t sure if it was from my revelation or the fact that she couldn’t breathe, but it felt damn good to tell her the truth. It felt damn good to let her know that Marcus was not as good as she thought. I had held that secret for too long and the sad thing about it was that I had hoped that Marcus would one day come clean and tell the truth; that he would tell the world that I wasn’t a bad guy, but there was no loyalty in Marcus. We may come from the same bloodline, but we were nothing alike because I was all about loyalty.

  “I guess with me pulling the plug on you this makes us even. Marcus killed dad and I killed you.”

  I watched as she took her last breaths

  Watched
as her body stopped moving

  Her eyes were wide open

  So I shut them for her

  I felt no pain

  I felt no remorse

  I hated her just the same as she hated me

  I was simply relieved that she wouldn’t be telling Marcus about me and Naomi

  She would be silent forever

  Now all I had to do was find Whitney and shut her up.

  Naomi

  Monday Night

  I had to find Whitney. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do once I found her, but I had to do something. I was so pissed that Jerome had let her linger around long enough for her to catch us together. I had a feeling that he was still secretly in love with her and that’s why he let her get away with so much. But now he had backed himself into a corner where he was going to have to choose who he was going to let go: me or her, and it wasn’t going to be me.

  I drove around Whitney’s apartment complex trying to remember which apartment building she stayed in or at least see if I could see her car. I was panicking thinking that she had already contacted Marcus and that she was with him spilling the beans. I drove and I drove until finally I spotted her Ford Escape parked outside of a building. I had drove past there twice, but I had probably overlooked it with so many worried thoughts running through my head.

  I parked two cars down from her SUV and turned off my car engine. My leg was shaking because I was so nervous and paranoid about what I was going to do. I so wish I had a cigarette. I had quit smoking when Marcus' mother first got diagnosed with lung cancer, but with this situation hanging over my head, it sure would be a fine time to pick back up the habit again. I ran my hands through my pressed tresses and rubbed my temples trying to think, but my mind wasn’t working. It was completely blank.