Even When I'm Gone (Stay With Me series Book 2)

by Nicole Fiorina

  At the corner of my eye, her expression froze as she contemplated her next words. “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not what it looks like.”

  I placed a hand over her arm to stop her mid-stride, and Tyler turned to face me with water in her eyes. “Explain it to me then,” I insisted. Tyler’s gaze bounced around as a herd of students walked passed us in the hallway. “Has he hurt you?”

  Tyler’s eyes returned to mine and the expression defrosted. “God no, Mia. It’s just that … Oh, fuck, I don’t know. I think—

  “Ty! What are you doing?” Bria interrupted, linking an arm in Tyler’s. “Jude’s waiting for us.” It took a moment for Bria to acknowledge my presence and Tyler shook the moment away, forcing a faux smile. “You healing up okay?” Bria asked me with a frown. “Heard you put up quite a struggle, yeah? Could’ve been a lot worse.”

  I threw my hand in the air. “You know me. I don’t go down without a fight.”

  “That’s right,” Ollie’s voice rang behind me in my ear. He pressed a kiss over the top of my head before pinning himself against my back, and I dropped my chin to my chest to conceal the effect he had over me. “You ready?”

  I nodded as Bria shifted in place before saying, “You both coming tomorrow?”

  “No,” Ollie said the same time I released, “Yes.”

  “Maybe,” Ollie caved.

  “We’ll be there,” I confirmed, not meaning to defy him. I needed this. I needed to make right with these people and show them that I wasn’t someone to distrust. Leaving Dolor with no bad blood was the least I could do—starting with this rather stupid get-together.

  Bria flashed a pleased smile and moved her eyes to Ollie who stood tall behind me. “Tomorrow after breakfast then.”

  The bitter December temperatures bit through my thin black jeans as Ollie and I walked down the hill and toward the woods. Leaves crunched beneath my combat boots while Ollie blew hot air into our linked hands. “It’s so frustrating,” Ollie continued and shook his head, “For what they did to you. Nothing good can come out of everyone being together. Nothing good ever comes out of it.”

  We reached the bottom of the hill, and before we walked into unknown territory, I turned to face him. Ollie shivered under his black hoodie, wearing matching black jeans, a beanie, and the hood pulled over his head. The tip of his nose red against his natural bronze skin and his cheeks flushed from the sting of chill in the air. “Have I changed your mind, love?” He asked with a hope-filled stare.

  I shook my head. “You taught me to see the good in everyone. That everyone deserves a second chance.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m a hypocrite among other things.”

  “What other things?”

  “A man in love, and someone who will go against everything he believes in to make sure his fiancé is safe.”

  “They can’t hurt me.”

  “Someone already did, Mia. Who says the very person who fucking stabbed you isn’t one of the people waiting for you in the woods this very moment? Gaining more ammunition to take you out?”

  “Then let’s call this detective work.”

  Ollie cracked a smile and threw his arm around my shoulder. “Then no drinking on the job.”

  “Deal.”

  Everyone had sprinkled around the broken tree limb. The group of outcasts passed around a faceless bottle, laughing, when we showed up. Bria and Jude stood secluded in deep conversation against the tall stone wall that kept us inside this hell. Tyler swung her legs off the broken tree with the bottle to her lips, chugging before passing it below to a giggling Maddie, and Jake and Gwen laid in a pile of leaves throwing twigs at one another.

  Maddie’s lazy and hungry eyes landed on Ollie, and she pushed the bottle out in front of her with a slow-rising smirk. “Oliver fucking Masters … or should I say, Oliver who-can’t-fuck Masters.” She threw her head back while laughing, and it bounced off the tree.

  “Someone clearly had too much to drink, yeah?” Ollie snatched the bottle from her hand and looked around the littered area. A graveyard of drunken bottles collected over many Friday’s I missed.

  “I’m sorry, Mia,” Maddie slurred, eyes sliding to me as she stumbled to her feet.

  Uneasiness washed through me, and my fidgeting hands hid inside the pocket of the hoodie. “For?”

  “I’m sorry you fell for a guy who can’t get it up.”

  Ollie’s head snapped in my direction to catch my reaction, but I stood undisturbed, having no earthly idea where this was coming from. My mouth went dry, and I dragged my nail against my wrist inside my pocket to fight the fact I was on the outside now looking in. I knew something had happened between the two of them, but never cared to know the details. Ollie had offered to tell me at one time, but I didn’t want to hear it before.

  And I especially didn’t want to hear it now.

  “Alright, we’re leaving,” Ollie interrupted my thoughts by placing a hand over my shoulder. Always the protector.

  Tyler kicked Maddie with her Vans. “Maddie’s just jealous you only have a hard-on for Mia,” she paused when Jake giggled, “Stay, please. She’ll eventually pass out.”

  “Yes, stay Ollie. It’s been forever,” Bria announced with Jude on her tail and a new bottle in her hand. “Relax. Like old times.” With her free hand, Bria grabbed Ollie and pulled him off to the side and sat him down as if he were a disobedient child.

  Ollie declined the bottle and kept his attention trained on me.

  “Just to make things clear,” I started to say, building the nerve to finish the sentence I’d started. “We’re all good, right?”

  Silence settled, and I held my breath.

  I should have never come. It was hard, the constant change within myself. For over ten years, it had only been me—never having to worry about other’s feelings, only depending on me and looking out for myself. It had been easier that way.

  Then Ollie had found me.

  And then he’d left me.

  After Ollie, I’d made friends; got on a routine.

  Now? I scanned the faceless bodies staring back at me. I no longer recognize these people I used to call my friends. My posture wavered, the uneasiness creeping up my legs, attacking all my limbs. It shouldn’t feel like this. Life was too short to be standing here next to them, feeling as if I was staring down the barrel of a gun.

  “Mia,” Ollie called out low, and all my senses immediately recognized his voice. His light eyes from below looked up at me, calling upon me. A single look managed to grasp my soul and simultaneously empty every worry I possessed. “Ready now?”

  Dropping my chin in a single nod, Ollie stood, and together we walked away.

  It hadn’t taken me long to realize it wasn’t worth it. Each step away from them felt lighter. What should have made me feel weak made me feel stronger.

  Walking away made me stronger.

  Ollie squeezed my hand. He didn’t have to say anything. Maybe I wasn’t cut out to be a social butterfly. You become the people you surround yourself with, and I decided losing a piece of my identity wasn’t worth it.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “Give me a love so intoxicating,

  I never suffer a hangover.”

  —Oliver Masters

  Ollie.

  EVER SINCE MIA HAD BEEN sleeping with me, she hadn’t experienced another night terror. If only I had known what she had been dealing with, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me so long to find my way back to her.

  The way her body fit perfectly against me brought a morning smile to my lips. I didn’t have to open my eyes to know she was awake, too. It still blew my mind how early she woke, but the girl loved her bloody naps later in the day.

  My stubborn eyes remained closed, making this small moment with her safe in my arms last for as long as possible. Mia’s faint breathing kisse
d my chest as my fingers wandered over her hips and her thighs.

  And what came next was what I looked forward to every blessed morning.

  Mia’s dainty finger fanned over my lashes, begging them to open, and I felt the essence of the smile I knew was wearing this very moment.

  “Merry Christmas,” Mia whispered, and that same dainty finger traced over my nose, across my lips, and over my chest.

  Crazy. A year from now we would be spending our Christmas in the home I’d prepared for us. She still didn’t know, and the restraint in telling her took every ounce of strength.

  It was still dark, most likely close to six in the morning.

  Her finger swirled over the pattern of ink in the middle of my chest, and I hummed in the power she had over me—a surge flowing from her fingertip igniting through my entire body.

  “Where are you now, Ollie?”

  My grin was an answer in its own, but in case she didn’t know … “With you.”

  “What are we doing?” Her velvet tone was playful.

  I wrapped my hands in her messy long hair and pressed my forehead to hers, inhaling her natural jasmine scent and etched the outline of her lips with mine. “Whatever the hell we want.”

  And what came next was the product of her and I.

  Every whisper, penetrating.

  Every kiss against my skin, electrifying.

  Every touch, ecstasy.

  And moments without, a tragedy.

  The effects of feeling too much, but with Mia, it wasn’t just too much. It was everything all at once. At times, I had to pause to reel back the emotion from spilling over, but Mia wanted to see, feel, taste, and be a part of me and every intimate moment we shared. Together, we were untouchable to anyone and anything—pain, misery, loneliness. Not even death could pierce through our barrier. The whole world could be crumbling beneath us, waves crashing into us, the sun falling toward us at an impossible rate, and it would all be okay because we had each other.

  Hearts hammering, blood roaring, and feelings aflame, we let go.

  And the lingering smile upon her lips afterward was the reminder of how terrified and relieved I was that we had made it this far. Terrified because we weren’t one hundred percent in the clear yet, but relieved we had right now.

  She held her hand over my cheek as I pinned myself inside her, still trembling from the never-ending emotion and the ecstasy we’d climbed. I laid my hand over hers and kissed the inside of her palm before moving her hand over my heart. “Calm me down, love.”

  Laying my head over her chest, Mia ran her fingers through my sweaty hair, and my eyes closed again as she pulled me back to solid ground.

  “You cannot throw this far, mate.”

  “Fuck you,” Jake squealed through a chuckle as I took another step forward. “No, back ten more steps.” He gestured with his hand.

  I walked backward five, Jake tossed the football, and it landed ten feet in front of me.

  “You have to go to the ball,” he threw his arms in the air, “It’s not going to come to you.” Jake had been looking forward to Mia’s Christmas football tradition since it had been disrupted last year.

  Shaking my head, I swiped the ball from the lawn and glanced back at Mia, who sat with legs crossed off to the side, dilly-dallying with the camera I had surprised her with. She wore ripped blue jeans, sex-hair pulled up messily over her head, and my oversized hoodie that read, “Poetic,” enveloping her tiny figure. The hoodie had been the first article I’d approved in my store Travis managed while I was gone.

  Mia had no idea.

  I picked up into a light jog toward her. “What are you doing, love?” I crouched down, and my eyes roamed over her scrunched up face as she toyed with some buttons on the camera. “That thing kicking your arse, yeah?”

  Her brown eyes shot up at me, and she pushed me over into the grass. The camera flashed, and her laugh knocked me down again. “Perfect,” she exhaled as the film emerged.

  I rolled to my side and kicked a knee up, admiring the collection of photos lying across the grass. “What are these?”

  “Nothing,” Mia fanned the picture in the cold air, “Just messing around.”

  I picked up one of the photos, seeing a side of myself I’d never noticed. I’d just caught the ball in mid-laugh. Only the side of my face was visible as I stood hunched over. Another photo of a partial Jake throwing the ball, and one of Zeke’s curls blowing over his smile from a different day. “What are you talking about? These are really good.”

  “You think so?” her tone lifted.

  Nodding, I scanned over each picture. “Wait, is this my arse?” I snatched it, taking a closer look. “You took a picture of my arse?” The room in the photo was dark, but sure enough, that was my white crack peeking from the top of the sheet lying in my bed facing the wall.

  I dropped my elbow into the grass and looked up at her, surely grinning like a fucking kid.

  Mia snatched the photo out of my hand. “It’s beautiful,” she admired her picture and tilted her head, “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

  My brows pinched together. “My arse?”

  Mia chuckled. “Well, yes, that too,” her laughter calmed but the smile remained as a permanent fixture on the photo, “I see this, and I feel everything I felt when I took it,” her cheeks turned pink and she dropped her head for a moment, “We didn’t even have sex. We only laid in bed naked all night playing This or That, remember? I asked you for either breakfast for the rest of your life or all meals except breakfast. You chose breakfast all day every day, saying, and I quote, ‘Our dates will consist of flipping pancakes at three a.m., sipping caffeine in our knickers and—

  “Dancing to The Beatles,” I finished with a matching smile.

  “In case we never make it out of here together, I wanted to always remember that vision you gave me. This picture does that for me.”

  Her hand fit perfectly in mine. “We’re almost there.” A cold wind blew wildly between us, sending Mia’s defying strands against her face as she continued to look over her work with stars in her eyes.

  “You feel it, don’t you?”

  She looked up from the photos. “Feel what?”

  No doubt in my mind, this right here was her calling. “I see it in your eyes. The way you talk about photography. You’re lighting up, Mia. You’re really into it?”

  “Yeah,” she blew out through her lips, and her smile reemerged. “You knew. How?”

  I lifted my shoulder.

  Mia blushed. I gripped her thigh. Then a shadow hovered over us.

  A whistle blew out of Jake’s lips as he crouched down behind Mia. “Fuck me,” he breathed. Mia dropped her head back, and I snatched the photo from her hand.

  “Get out of here, mate. You’ve seen my arse before. This isn’t new.” It was true. Before Mia, I’d walked around numerous times in the bathroom and during midnight parties in my dorm wearing absolutely nothing. Since Mia came along, I’d shown respect for her by remembering to put pants on.

  “Still gets me every time.” Jake waggled his brows.

  “You and me both,” Mia agreed. Her eyes fell back on mine. “Ollie, are you blushing?”

  “No.” I dropped my head to the side and covered my face.

  Mia was under the impression the prankster hadn’t made a move since she returned from the hospital, but they had. Scott and Lynch were the only two people who knew she’d moved into my room at night. Occasionally, I stopped in her dorm to check things out, and a few days ago, I’d found a vague letter slipped under her door. ‘It isn’t over’, it read in chicken scratch. The only reason I hadn’t told her about it was because her holiday shouldn’t be spent in fear.

  “I have a feeling they’re waiting around for the perfect opportunity,” I said low to Scott beside me against the wall of the mess hall. “No one can
touch her when I’m around. And I’m always fucking around.”

  We only talked when necessary, feeding him updates for him to pass along to Lynch. If there was a way I could go to Lynch myself without Scott, I would, but someone had to keep an eye out for Mia.

  My attention was locked on her across the room as she talked to Zeke in fluent sign language. Mia knew the kid could hear her, but she still refused to use her voice, saying it was the only way she was going to learn. Her hair framed her delicate face as her hands moved smoothly in front of her.

  “I’ll let Lynch know,” Scott murmured and crumbled the paper in his hand before stuffing it in his pocket. “Have you told her about Lynch yet?”

  I ran my hand through my hair and gripped the ends. How was I supposed to drop a bomb like that at a time like this? “I’ll tell her when I know her head is in the right space.”

  “Lynch should be the one, yeah?”

  Yeah, he should have. Then I found out, and deciding to hoard the secret from my fiancé was wrong on so many levels. “He had over a bloody year to tell her. What makes you think he’s going to speak up now?” I folded my arms over my chest, speaking directly to Scott but my eyes watching Mia. Always. “Now that I know, I’ll be the one to tell her. It has to come from me.” Honestly, I was fucking scared. Knowing Mia, if she only knew I’d known this entire time, it would give her every reason not to trust me.

  I’m doing this for you, love.

  Pushing off the wall, I said, “Get that over to Lynch, and I’ll keep you updated.”

  Jake had joined the table, teary-eyed and upset. He sat beside Mia, the two of them facing each other as Mia consoled him. “I can’t get him alone. I miss him, and I know he misses me too,” Jake said low as I pulled out a chair and took a seat.

  Conversation halted, and all eyes landed on me.

  “Don’t stop on my account,” I insisted.

  “Ollie is the best person to ask for advice.” Mia smiled. “He’ll know.”

  Encouraging the challenge, I motioned with both hands to give it to me.