Even When I'm Gone (Stay With Me series Book 2)

by Nicole Fiorina

  Jake turned toward me. “He’s always around people. It’s like he’s making himself untouchable to me. But I see the way he looks at me.”

  “Liam?”

  “Yeah,” he sighed, “I never felt this way about anyone. We really had something. Then the whole school found out. Now he’s avoiding me, his feelings … shit, I know he feels the same way.”

  “I get that you miss him, mate. Truly, I understand one-hundred-fucking-percent what it’s like to miss someone, but the bloke is clearly confused and still trying to wrap his mind around it all.”

  “I’m afraid the more time that passes, the less of a chance we’ll ever get back together.”

  My fingers laced through Mia’s and I pulled our hands into my lap, my thumb drawing invisible circles over hers as I listened intently. “You love him?”

  Jake sucked in his lips and flicked his eyes to where Liam sat. Casually, I dropped my chin over my shoulder and took a look at the same bloke who not only kissed my girl but fucked her, too. A time when Mia had been confused herself and tried everything to push away the feelings she had toward me. I shifted my eyes back to my girl beside me. We’d come a long way. She’d come a long way. All she’d needed was someone to show her how to tear down the four walls, one by one. She’d grown accustomed to those fucking walls. Probably had hung pictures and painted them with her own bloodshed from the scared eight-year-old girl hiding inside.

  Liam’s eyes found Jake’s. For only half a second, but it was there. I saw it. I felt it. A helplessness. A plead. An “I miss you,” screaming back at him over the sound of a breaking heart. “I fancy a bloke who smashes into fanny to fuck the feelings away,” Jake finally stated with misty eyes. “No offense, Mia.”

  Mia held her free hand out in front of her. “None taken.”

  “Look at me,” I leaned forward, “Four months and we’re all out of here. Four months and Liam will go back home and have every reason and tool available to push you away altogether, conforming to society and fitting into a perfect box they created. Take my advice and go after him now. Don’t wait until the last minute.” I fell back into the chair. “No better time than right now. The only time that’s guaranteed. You want him alone? I’ll get you alone with him … but the rest is up to you, my friend.”

  If I hadn’t caught the small moment exchanged, I would have told him to give the bloke space to figure it out, making my life a hell-of-a-lot easier. However, my heart was too fucking big to dismiss the obvious. Liam and Jake needed saving.

  My heart squeezed in my chest.

  It was New Year’s Eve. This very day last year haunted me every night, eyes wide open depriving me of sleep. I had every intention of drowning that night with new memories. But before I could spend midnight watching fireworks, I had to talk to Liam.

  The ache in my chest didn’t hold a candle to the weight in my heart as Mia and Scott walked side by side down the stairs. Her golden-brown eyes glanced back up at me under the baseball cap as I leaned over the railing. The wink and smirk on her face lifted the weight, but the ache would remain. It always did whenever we were apart. Once the two disappeared, I set forth on my mission to find Liam while Jake waited in the group therapy room for him.

  My feet touched over every inch of Dolor, only to find Liam waltzing casually out of a closet zipping up his jeans. Gwen appeared behind him, wiping the aftermath from her lips with her shirt stretched and hanging from her shoulder. Jake didn’t deserve this. “Liam, we need to talk.”

  Liam and Gwen paused wide-eyed.

  “You can go,” I directed to Gwen, jerking my head down the hall. “This isn’t a conversation you want to be a part of.” Gwen fixed her bra strap before taking off down the hall.

  “What’s this about?” Liam pulled his blond hair back into a pony.

  “You’re fucking kidding me, yeah?” I pushed him in the chest. “Blow jobs in the closet? Have you stooped this low only to prove a point? And to who? No one else is here!” My plan wasn’t to confront him, only to take him to Jake. Knowing Jake was waiting this very moment—impatiently, I might add—to speak with him, only to find Liam busy getting his knob sucked off blew my fucking mind.

  Liam ran a palm down his face with an incredulous smile. “Mia not doing it for ya anymore, mate? Have at it,” he held up a palm toward a descending Gwen, “but I promise you won’t find a fanny as favorable as Mia’s. And I know … ” he straightened his back and puffed out his chest. “Be thankful for your first-class fanny while I’m sticking it in commercial.”

  I was stuck between pounding his face in and choosing to understand. I relaxed my balled-up fists and released an exhale. “Let’s go.”

  “Despite what you heard, Masters, I don’t play for the same team.”

  My next action was very unlike me, but I couldn’t not do something.

  I slapped the kid.

  Not punch. I fucking slapped him. No mark. No evidence. A bitch slap to the face for acting like a pussy. Liam and I faced off as he held his cheek.

  “That was for Mia. And despite what I heard, I’m not here for anything other than to take you to someone who you don’t deserve. Get your head out of your arse, your dick out of every female hole, and open your fucking eyes,” I gritted out through clenched teeth. “You’re in love with a fucking man, and the only two people you’re hurting in the process is Jake and yourself.”

  Time was measured by every slow blink of Liam’s eyes. He dropped his head and tilted his gaze down the hall. “Where is he?”

  After dropping off the lovebird, I ran downstairs to meet Jinx while Scott had Mia.

  Jinx posted in his usual spot with headphones in, bumping his head with his eyes closed. I swiped the buds from his ears, and his eyes bounced open. His toothless smile beamed as he unplugged the buds and handed over the phone. “The girl has taste,” he said through a belly laugh. “No idea what she’s doing with you.”

  “Ha! Nice one, mate.” I pocketed Mia’s phone. “Can I make a quick call?” I’d asked Jinx to get a hold of Mia’s phone so I could surprise her tonight with the music she’d been dying to listen to, but since I was here …

  “Yeah, man,” Jinx waved me away, “Make it quick.”

  I pat him on the back of the shoulder as I passed through the door.

  Mia’s mobile burned a hole in my pocket as I picked up the phone from the receiver to call Travis. He answered on the third ring, and I leaned back against the wall and withdrew her phone, twirling it in my hand. This was her life before me. Her music and photos, items worthy of capturing to either listen or see time and time again—an inside of what made Mia Rose tick.

  “House is all painted. It looks clean, mate. Bright. Just like you wanted it.”

  “Thanks, man. How’s Summer?”

  “Pregnant! Eight weeks, we just found out last week … so now we’re nine weeks. Can you believe it? I’m going to be a dad.”

  Smiling, I nodded though he couldn’t see. “Congrats, mate. You deserve it. You deserve it all.”

  “Four more months until you’re out, and with the income I’m getting in from you, we can start looking for our own place soon. I can’t do much, but it’s a start. I should be out just in time for when you get home.”

  “It will all fall into place. No rush. You’re going to be a dad, Summer a mum. You have family now. Save as much as you can in the next four months, and I’ll do whatever I can to help. But, Travis. Don’t fuck this up. Stay away from your old boys, the Links. You don’t need their money. You understand what I’m saying?” The last thing Travis needed was to fall back into his old ways, get mixed with the same crew who’d brought him down the last time.

  “Yeah, I understand. I’m not going to mess this up.”

  I let out an exhale. “You’re marrying her, yeah?”

  “I want to. But, damn, I don’t want Summer to think I’m only
proposing now that she’s pregnant.”

  “Ask her, Travis.”

  “Now?”

  “No, you lazy twit, get it all set up. Something special.”

  “Yeah, yeah … I’ll think of something.”

  “How’s the hoodie coming along?”

  “Can’t keep it in stock. You’re doing good, mate. Who knew a fucking word would sell out.”

  “It’s not the word—it’s the meaning.”

  Travis’s laugh came through the phone. “Listen, I’m not going to try and understand it. As long as it’s selling, yeah?”

  “Yeah, you’re doing good.” Jinx tapped over the glass with his knuckle. “Look, mate, I have to go. I’ll ring you Thursday.”

  “Sounds good! Happy new year, brother.”

  “Happy New Year.”

  I hung up and stuffed Mia’s mobile back in my pocket before pushing through the door. “Thanks again, mate, for everything.”

  Jinx closed his eyes with a single nod. “Anytime.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “When the sun dies and darkness bleeds

  she’s the black sheep I’m counting;

  A loose cannon; another’s regret,

  what-if, and repeated mistake.

  She dances for no one and howls with the wolves.

  A moon child with the spirit of a mood ring.

  She’s my all-time love.”

  —Oliver Masters

  mia.

  “YOU INTO THIS PHOTOGRAPHY thing now?” Ethan asked as we passed the same bench my father sat when he confessed the truth.

  Bruce, my father, had said I was welcomed home after my time here, but he could no longer live under the weight of a lie. But did he ever truly love me? Or had I turned into an obligation? Maybe I’d been my mother’s baggage all along. It was the reason he could no longer look at me, seeing as I looked just like her. Aside from her hazel eyes, I was the spitting image of my mother.

  “Shouldn’t you be with your family? You know, celebrating the holidays like everyone else?” I snapped another picture of him. I’d only seen Ethan in uniform or boxers. Never had I seen him dressed in a leather jacket, white tee, and destroyed jeans.

  Ethan’s head fell to the side, giving me that all-knowing look.

  “Hold it,” I demanded, and snapped another picture just as Ethan reached for the camera. Just in time, I hid it behind my back. “It’s not me, I swear, but the camera wants to fuck you.”

  “Yeah, and I’ll fuck up the camera if you take another photo.”

  “Don’t like your picture taken?”

  Ethan scratched the stubble. “Nope.”

  We paused when we reached our tree, and Ethan fell back over the grass and looked up at me. “And to answer your question, it was only my sister and me. My mum has Alzheimer’s and lives in a home. Dad died from a heart attack shortly after she was diagnosed. Olivia was the only family I had left.”

  I plopped down beside him and laid back. Since I’d known Ethan, he’d never opened up about his family. I’ve pried, and tried to wiggle my way in without anything in return, until now. And I took full advantage of right now, soaking up as much as he’d give me. “Isn’t your mom young to be in a home?”

  “Nah, she had me at forty-three. She’s pushing seventy.”

  “You visit her often?”

  Ethan folded his hands behind his head. “It’s hard. She looks at me and has no clue who I am. I guess the only good thing about Alzheimer’s is the fact the death of her daughter can’t touch her.” Damn. “I have you, Jett. You’re my family.” He turned on his side to face me and lifted his head into his palm. “The reason I’m telling you all this is because even though Masters is back, nothing changes between us. I can accept Masters. I’ll welcome the tosser with open arms if that’s the man you decide to spend the rest of your life with, but not a bloody thing changes between you and me. If I knew for one second the bloke couldn’t take care of you, if he didn’t … love you more than I love you, he’d already be gone.”

  A lump lodged in my throat. My gaze remained out in front of me, my eyes watching a cloud move across the sky as Ethan’s words repeated over and over in my head.

  “Yeah, I said it,” Ethan fell back against the grass, “and I know you love me, too, but never in the way you love him, and I’m alright with that. I’ve come to terms with it. One day, my time will come, and when I do find the one, this thing between us remains the same. You. Are. My. Family.”

  Ethan’s fingers found mine in the grass, and I closed my eyes. “Why are you telling me this now? Why do I feel like this is a goodbye or something bad is about to happen?”

  “After you graduate, I’m leaving the country. I have to disappear for a while. I’m tired of this place, the people, fucking everything. Being here only reminds me of my sister, and I thought I could do it. I really did.” He squeezed my hand and pulled me close, snaking his arm around my neck. It had been forever since we’d been this close, and it was comforting. When everything changed around me, Ethan and his loyalty to me stayed. “You’re the reason I’ve pulled through. For twenty years, people gave up or walked out on you, and just because I’m disappearing doesn’t mean a bloody thing. You’ll have a way to contact me.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “No idea.”

  “Don’t forget about me, Ethan.”

  “Never.”

  “Pinky swear?” Unfolding our linked hands, I held up my pinky in front of us into the cloudy blue sky.

  Ethan’s chest raised, filling his lungs completely before he finally said, “Yeah, Jett,” his hand came up and linked his pinky with mine. “I swear.”

  Sure, our relationship was unconventional. It never had and never would fit into a mold. One thing I knew for sure? We found each other while searching for ourselves.

  Time left us, and we decided it was time to go inside when the winter air grew angrier. The cold stung Ethan’s face, blotches matching his blood-red hair. He pulled me up to my feet before we walked back toward the prison. Ollie sat over a bench near the entrance with his back to us and head hung between his shoulders. The muscles in his shoulders strained against his hoodie.

  Side by side, Ethan dropped his mouth down to my ear. “Last chance, you sure he’s the one?”

  My eyes flicked over to Ethan, meeting his electric blue eyes and a smug grin. I smacked him in the stomach and returned my attention to Ollie, who was now standing with his hands shoved into his pockets, staring at us from afar. A familiar flame ignited within me, warming me in the bitter cold. Ollie’s gaze filled me up and called upon me, the kind of connection that branded into your bones. With the camera dangling from my wrist, I broke out into a jog, and a smile broke out on Ollie’s face. My feet ate away at the distance—space never belonged between us.

  Distance, demons, fate, time … eat your fucking heart out.

  Ollie caught me mid-air as I wrapped my legs around his waist. A laugh came up from his chest and fell into the crook of my neck. His arm secured me in place while his other hand rested under my thigh, and he pulled his head away to meet my eyes. “Ready for our date?”

  I nodded, my feet finding solid ground again. “Why were you waiting here? In the cold?”

  Ollie’s arm swung around my shoulder and pulled me to his side as Ethan walked up. “I was downstairs. Saw you two through the window but didn’t want to intrude.” Ollie offered his hand to Ethan. “Thanks, mate.”

  Ethan shook it, and my heart warmed at the sight of the most important people in my life falling in sync. The smile on my face was easy. An understanding took possession of all previous tension, and the realization hit me.

  I’d soon walk out of Dolor unchained, in love, with a safety net to break my every fall.

  After dinner and bathroom routine, Ollie and I reached his
door, and he paused with a hand over the doorknob. “The night is ours. You’re safe. No one’s coming in, no one’s leaving. Tonight is our New Year’s. We’ll pretend this is our first of many, alright?”

  No question, that single night still taunted me whenever I’d battle my nights alone, reminding me of my past. The defenseless little girl I’d pushed away for over ten years had been saved and put to rest, only to rise from the ashes because of that one damn night—New Years of last year. The ghost of New Year’s past. I never needed to hear Ollie’s reassurance, but he still gave it without a second thought. “Let’s do this,” I said through an exhale. His lips landed on my temple before opening the door.

  Somehow, Ollie snagged cheap red wine and music. Not just any music. My music. For hours we drank, danced, laughed, played Magic 8 phone, and claimed the night.

  We had fifteen minutes until midnight, and I swayed to Bloodstream by Stateless. The heat from the liquor persuaded my flow as Ollie soaked me in from the floor below. Hypnotized, eyes hungry and heavy, his dimples kissed his cheeks as he sat shirtless in his joggers against the mattress. The blankets and pillows had been transferred to the ground, and I twirled with the bottle of wine in my hand in my black bra and sweatpants falling low on my hips. My air-dried hair swung around me as the room spun in circles.

  Intoxicated and free, I closed my eyes to take in the way his eyes on me made me feel.

  Alive.

  “Come dance with me,” I insisted, slowly blinking. Ollie lazily rubbed his hand over his chest and down his inked stomach before wordlessly climbing to his feet. Within arm’s reach, he pulled the bottle from my hand and brought it to his lips. The lump moved as he swallowed, and he set the bottle over the desk. Wet lips glistened, and his eyes grew needy. He closed the unwelcomed distance and traced his fingertips up the length of my arm.

  “I don’t know which I like better,” he said slowly, fingers tracing over my collarbone. “Watching you lose yourself on your own or being a part of it,” he continued slowly, “Do you have any idea what you do to me, love?” I shook my head, and Ollie tilted his head. “All night, I struggle to remain still. The way your wild heart beats to your savage spirit, and it should be a sin to stain such beauty with my bare hands. But still … ” his fingers trickled down the center of my chest, “I can’t help it.” His eyes moved from what his hand was doing against my heaving chest to my lips. “You see my dilemma?”