Awake

by Riana Lucas

  I am pulled from my thoughts when the queen pulls out a chair, gracefully sitting at the head of the table. Her hand flutters in the air and, on her command, all of the servants leave the room. Willow—who had suddenly appeared at my side at some point during my conversation with the queen—turns to leave as well but I put my hand on her arm to stop her. Right now I need an ally.

  “Please stay?” I ask, my voice soft. Holly starts to object, but I speak over her, loudly enough for her and the queen to catch my words, even though I am addressing Willow. “If Holly is permitted to stay, then you are as well.”

  A quick nod from the queen signals her approval. Willow gives me a quick smile before both of us make our way over to the dining table, joining the queen and Holly.

  By the time I am seated, the room is empty except for the four of us. Now I turn, giving my full attention to the queen. She looks nervous, and this makes me nervous. Before I can question her, Willow moves her hand to grasp mine under the table, which does not help my nerves in the least. I always suspected she knew more than she said, but now I know she is well aware of what I am about to hear. The fact she thinks I will need comfort makes my stomach roll.

  Now with Willow’s hand gripping mine tight, I wait. The queen takes a deep breath, opens her mouth, and closes her lips once again. She glances at Holly, who has her arms crossed over her chest, insolently staring down at the table. Her normal scowl is gone though, replaced by a sad frown and her body has lost its usual rigidness and is now in what I can only describe as a defeated slouch. The concern in the queen’s eyes is apparent, but once again she moves her gaze to me and the expression changes. Her eyes now sparkle with pride and joy.

  After another deep breath, she straightens her shoulders and clears her throat. “I have a story to tell you, Poppy. I recognize you are in a hurry, but I assure you, once I’m finished with my story, everything will be clear to you. You will understand my actions and my concern. You’ll be able to make a final decision on what you wish to do, not only for today, but for your future. I ask that you listen to the entire story, saving your questions for the end.”

  The seriousness in her voice along with the fear in her eyes keeps me mute. I am only able to stare at her as I nod. Clenching Willow's hand even tighter, I try to relax my shaking limbs as I brace myself for what I am about to hear.

  “Thank you,” she whispers so softly I barely make out the fear in her voice before she clears her throat one final time. She lays her clasped hands on the table in front of her then begins. “This story started about nineteen years ago. I understand most fae don’t understand the concept of time, but the events were so tragic for me. I have counted the days since. At the time, the unending feud between the unseelie and seelie courts existed. When this began and for how long the dispute has been going on is completely lost to me, but the war has always been and will always be.” She lifts her hand as if to brush the thought aside and continues, “My court was secure. I had the best-trained warriors I could have asked for. My warriors were led by a very strong and wise fae. My second-in-command was a fae by the name of Damien.”

  My heart rate speeds up at the mention of Damien’s name. The name is common enough and it might be a coincidence that it was the name of the queen’s second, like the Damien I know is the second to the unseelie king. But my instincts are screaming at me once again. Something is going on here far beyond things in common and coincidences, something I am not going to like.

  “Damien had been with me for so many years, years I couldn’t even count. One of my servants rescued him long ago when they found him in the faery forest between the two courts, wandering aimlessly. He did not have much strength or any memory of where he came from. It seemed as if a spell had been cast upon him. My servant returned with him to court, and we took care of him. After a few years, he proved his loyalty along with unbelievable strength. Then he began to train as a warrior, working his way through the ranks. Eventually, I made him my second, as he had proven many times he would give his life for mine. He was the best second-in-command I ever had.”

  As she spoke, her voice had begun to quiver, and now her eyes close for a split second at the memory. The pain she feels is apparent, but it surprises me when tears begin to slip past her closed eyelids as she continues, “One night, I retired to my room early. I had felt faint all day and experienced minor dizzy spells. Damien suggested I go to bed, reassuring me he would put the rest of the evening’s work into order. Trusting him, I bid everyone goodnight before retiring to my room. I remember lying down…then nothing.”

  She shakes her head before opening her eyes once again and peering up at me. “When I awoke again, Damien was leaning over me checking my vitals. I tried to speak to him, but I was not able to open my mouth. I tried to move my arms, legs, anything, but to no avail. My body remained paralyzed. I could see, but even that stayed a bit fuzzy. My mind worked slowly, but I soon realized I was under a spell. I watched Damien helplessly, thankful he was present to help me. Once he finished checking me out, he made eye contact with me. It was then I understood that he was not around to help me at all. The air of hatred coming from him took my breath away. He looked like a completely different fae. Frantically, I tried to look around, hoping for some sort of help. Because of the spell I could not grasp much, but I was able to tell we were not alone. Not only was my chamber filled with unseelie fae, but behind Damien stood none other than the unseelie king himself. My eyes widened in horror as a scream built up inside of me but could not escape. Then the king stepped forward, smiling evilly down at me…” She shudders at the memory.

  As I listen to this horrible tale, I watch Holly reach over to squeeze the queen's hand, offering silent support. The queen squeezes back and offers a reassuring smile, but it does not reach her eyes. The actions leave me curious once again but the queen's voice pulls me from my thoughts as she continues her story.

  “The room went black once again. When I awoke, weeks had passed since the attack. The unseelie king attacked my court with Damien's aid, all while I slept. It was a well thought-out and executed plot. Apparently, for all those years, Damien had been under a spell cast by the king himself. Damien had been the king’s second-in-command and had volunteered to be put under the spell so he would be able to infiltrate our court, easily passing any questioning or lie detection spells used by my guards. When the time was right for the king, he would lift the spell and Damien would help him from the inside. Needless to say, they succeeded flawlessly. Many of my fae were killed and even more were injured and some were stolen, taken away to the unseelie court. Over the years, we have been able to rescue some, but not all.” True sadness and regret rings clear in her voice now over the loss of members of her court. Not only does she love her court and all of her subjects, but she hurts when they are hurt.

  After taking a moment to compose herself once again, she looks straight into my eyes. “I am afraid this is not the end of the story, however. The details of that night are still very unclear; we all have our suspicions and theories, but no actual evidence. However, one thing is for certain. At some point during that night of invasion, I was assaulted and became pregnant.” The last part comes out in a whisper, but I am clearly able to pick up her words. For reasons I cannot explain, my instincts to protect the queen kick in. My body stiffens, and I open my mouth to speak but she stops me. “Of all the horrors that evening, this is the one thing I was thankful for.”

  The shock of her statement has me sitting back in my chair in utter disbelief. How could anyone be thankful for something so horrible? I am so stunned I cannot think of the proper words to question her on this, but my thoughts must be clear on my face.

  “I am aware my outlook sounds ridiculous and perhaps difficult for most to understand, but the outcome turned out to be a true blessing. You see, I tried many times over the course of my extremely long life to become with child, but sadly it never happened. I was resigned to spend the rest of my life childless.” She gives a smal
l smile. “So you understand, I was so thankful for this miracle.”

  I glance at Holly once again, and she has retreated into herself. She is staring at the table with a miserable expression upon her face. I want to say something to her but instead turn back to the queen when she continues speaking.

  “When I first woke from my many weeks of sleep, my servants and guards were so relieved to find me awake. I had apparently been under a sleeping spell that lasted much longer than most. They were worried the enchantment might last forever. I began to get back to my everyday affairs, but soon became sick once again. The possibility of being with child was so far from my mind it took some time for the reality to set in.” A bright smile lights her face now, as if she is hearing the news for the first time again.

  I do not join in on her sudden delight. Instead, I feel my brow furrow in confusion. How could she be happy about this? My own stomach rolled and I had to fight nausea at just the idea of living through such a horrific event. My misunderstanding must be apparent because the queen's smile dims slightly and she gives a nod of her head before explaining.

  "I know you're thinking this all sounds crazy. How could I be happy over what happened to me? I was angry at first, furious actually. I demanded my guards to prepare for battle. I intended to storm the unseelie castle and kill every last one of them. Without a second in command, my guards were ready to do my bidding. But then one of my advisors stepped in and reminded me of the losses we had suffered and that we needed time to rebuild our army in order to stand a chance against King Foxglove. I agreed. Once my focus returned to my court, the reality of having a child set it. I became so excited. My court rejoiced and celebrated the miracle of a new life amongst all of the death and destruction that had befallen our court. And when the baby finally arrived…” She trails off, gazing into the distance. Staring off at nothing, she remembers aloud. “She was so beautiful. I loved her from the first moment I was aware of her, but when I laid my eyes upon her for the first time…” Shaking her head, she turns her attention back to me once again and says more harshly now, “I vowed to protect my child with everything I had until the day I drew my last breath.” Tears begin to flow down her cheeks now, surprising me by the sudden change of emotion and leading me to believe this story does not end well.

  “I failed her,” she whispers and begins to weep openly.

  Looking to Willow for support, I find she is silently crying as well. Unsure of what to do, I glance over at Holly. I do not know why I thought she could be of some help: instead of trying to console the queen, she is staring daggers at me once again, as if all of this was my fault. How could this be my fault?

  At an utter loss over what to do, I look to the queen once again. The stream of tears has slowed, and she is now wiping the tears from her face with a white linen napkin. Sniffing a few times as she composes herself, she again looks me in the eye. “One morning, when she was a few years old, I was called to the training room to provide some support for my new second-in-command as he trained the warriors. I never liked to leave my beautiful baby girl’s side, but I was still a queen and duty still called. We had been out in the east garden playing games. Sure I would be gone only for a moment, I left her with servants to tend to her until I returned. I was gone a bit longer than planned but returned as fast as I could. When I did, she and the servants were gone. The entire court searched for days but never found her. There were no traces of her or of what happened to her. It was as if she vanished.”

  She paused, wiped her eyes once more, and looked up at me. When she did, her eyes glowed with joy. “That is, until one year ago. I received word from some of my spies in the unseelie court. First, I heard rumors and tales, but these were followed by facts. There was an unseelie warrior fae, who was fierce and beautiful. She fought and served the unseelie king with such loyalty that she didn’t question anything. But she had the most beautiful, mesmerizing, soft green eyes. She had the eyes of her mother.”

  She looked at me with such delight and hope in her eyes then. I did not know what to say. My mind was telling me what she was trying to say, but I could not believe it. This was not possible. There was no way.

  I shook my head at my thoughts and at her. Then I looked over at Willow, who smiled so happily at me. She bowed her head, quietly saying, “My Princess.”

  “No,” I whispered at her, at everyone. It was not possible. I am of the unseelie court. I am an unseelie warrior fae. I serve the unseelie king. I am unseelie.

  I must have spoken all of this aloud, because the queen rises from her chair and slowly walks to my side. She kneels down beside me, taking my hands into hers before bringing them up to her face and laying them gently on her own cheeks, regarding me with such love in her eyes.

  “Yes, Poppy, you are all of those things. But my sweet, sweet child, you are seelie as well. You are a seelie princess, and you are my daughter.”

  Chapter Nine

  I find myself with no words to express how I feel and no voice to articulate all of the questions running through my mind. My breathing accelerates to the point of hyperventilation; my heart speeds so fast I think it might burst right out of my chest, and my vision begins to blur with black spots appearing out of nowhere. How could this be? I am unseelie, trained not only to fight, but also to hate the seelie court and all it stands for. Damien raised me with the story of my parents being killed by the seelie fae, and my only purpose in life should be to stop them from winning the fae war and gaining any power over the unseelie court. The one fae—my mentor, my instructor, and my guardian, Damien—is the one I trusted among all. I knew something was not right when he tried to kill me, but I never imagined it was this. Now I find out that it was probably much more than that and that I have been lied to my entire life…not what I expected.

  Not only am I a seelie fae, but I am the seelie princess? The queen of the seelie court is my mother. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is not lying to me, because I can see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice, and feel it down to the depths of my bones. I have felt an odd comfort since waking here, and now I know why.

  My head is shaking in denial as I try to slow my heart rate and my breathing. It would not do to pass out now. I have too many things to do, the first being to help my friends. Knowing the depths of Damien’s betrayal renews my worry for my friends. I know they are in danger, and I must get to them.

  An image of Reed’s face forces its way to the front of my mind. Upon seeing the fear in his eyes, I immediately steady myself. Reed and Rho are my first priority. I must focus on them. The matter of my heritage can and must wait. I sit up straight, only now realizing that Willow and the queen are both supporting me. Without them, I would have fallen to the ground. Holly actually appears concerned, although she has made no move to assist in any way.

  Trying to pull myself together, I stare up into the queen’s eyes, which are exactly like mine. I admit to myself I always felt some sort of connection to her that went further than gratitude. From the moment our eyes met, I recognized there was something, but I had no way of identifying it until now. She stares back for a moment, first in hope then in regret before schooling her features and gives a quick nod. Somehow she knows me as if having raised me herself. Therefore, she knows what I am about to tell her.

  “Will you at least promise to return to me once you have completed your mission?” she asks softly, a hint of vulnerability in her voice.

  I soften to the defenselessness immediately. “Yes, My Queen, I will return to you as soon as I am able.” I make the vow with a seriousness that surprises even me. I want…no, need answers to many questions, but I also would like to get to know the mother I always secretly yearned for. To know what it is like to be a part of a family and a seelie fae suddenly become very important to me.

  The queen—my mother—stands then pulls me to my feet, embracing me in a quick hug. Her soft, musical voice finds my ear with a whisper meant only for me, “I am so proud of you, my child, and so happy
to have you home. I have missed you so much and have never stopped loving you.”

  She holds me at arm's length so she may look into my face. I see tears glistening in her eyes and feel my own eyes growing moist. As the tears slip down her cheeks, I pull her to me one more time. The feel of a mother’s embrace is something I have never known before, and the thought of never feeling it again sends a trickle of fear through me. I once again have to force those thoughts away. I pull from her warm embrace and quickly wipe the tears from my own eyes. I must focus now.

  Facing Queen Lily, I give her the respect she deserves, as I am now a member of the seelie court. Although I am apparently a Princess, I know I must do this correctly by asking permission for my mission. “I request your permission to travel to the unseelie court in search of my friends, Reed and Rho. I also request your permission to bring them back to the seelie court, if they are in danger or if they wish to do so.”

  “Poppy, I grant…” the queen begins, only to be cut off by an outraged Holly. Although she had been mostly quiet and completely unhelpful over the last few minutes, she had been closely observing as she took everything in. Now she seems to have a problem and decides to speak up.

  “You aren’t seriously considering allowing her to leave here and return to the unseelie court, are you?” she practically spits at us. “She is a warrior fae of the unseelie court, for crying out loud. And on top of that, she wants to bring unseelie fae back to our court? She’s a traitor to our court. She doesn’t have loyalty to us! Just because she’s the princess and your daughter does not prove her loyalty to you!” She says in disgust. We all do nothing but stare at her for a moment. Her outrageous display of disrespect and blatant disregard for the queen has caught everyone off guard.